Her Rebel Heart
Page 2
He has always been such a hard worker.
She had known Samuel Ward since she was a child. Their families had attended the same church. When his parents had died of typhoid fever when he was but sixteen, he'd practically become a member of their family. Mother doted on him. Father took pride in his accomplishments. Edward treated him like a brother. And she'¦she fell in love with him. The time he'd spent away from Baltimore, continuing his studies at the teachers' college in Philadelphia, had been almost unbearable. She'd felt that she couldn't wait for him to come back to her, so they could begin their life together.
He was the quiet, steady type, far different from her outspoken, impulsive nature. As different as he was though, he completed her. And, up until last night, she could not imagine life without him.
The knot in the pit of her stomach tightened. She turned from the window and moved to the stove. She had responsibilities, none of which included watching him.
I am right to break the engagement. I thought I knew him but clearly I did not.
A pot of chicken soup was waiting to be heated. Julia planned to take a bowl up to her mother. She knew it would make her feel better.
She stirred the cold mixture then moved to the counter. She punched down a mound of rising dough then kneaded it carefully. She could hear the chop, chop, chop of Samuel's ax. She tried to ignore it. She slipped the dough into a waiting pan.
A few minutes later, the back door opened with a creak. Julia resisted the urge to turn around. She busied herself by wiping the flour from the table. She then washed her hands. From the corner of her eye she watched him.
Samuel carried in the wood for the kindling box. He quietly loaded the crate then moved to the stove. Julia started to object, ready to say she could light the fire herself. She turned to face him fully. Just one glimpse of his brown eyes brought a lump to her throat.
I promised to love him, she thought. I promised him forever.
She backed away and Samuel's attention returned to the stove. He stuffed it with kindling and day-old copies of the local newspaper, The Baltimore Sun. He struck a match. The fire ignited and he then turned back to face her.
The lump in her throat grew bigger. Thank you, she knew she should say, instead out came, "Why are you here?"
Her words were sharp and accusatory but Samuel did not flinch. He simply looked at her, his eyes melting her hard stance.
"I think you know why," was all he said.
She swallowed hard and watched as he closed the burner lid then went to the pump to wash his hands. Julia held her breath, her emotions drifting through anger and remorse, respect and disdain.
Samuel dried his hands and rolled down his shirtsleeves. When he turned toward her she quickly busied herself at the table with another pile of dough.
"Julia, we need to talk."
She punched down the soft, sticky mound. "What is there to discuss? Did I not make it clear that I wish to sever our engagement?"
"You made that perfectly clear last night."
Last night. Pain gripped her heart. Just thinking of Edward's departure, of the arguing that had taken place, brought tears to her eyes.
"Then you understand," she said.
"I understand that you are upset," he said, "and rightfully so. You are worried about your brother." He paused. "For some reason you are taking it out on me."
Her spine stiffened. She turned and glared at him. "Some reason?"
"Julia, I have nothing to do with the soldiers occupying the city or with Edward's enlistment."
"That's right. You don't. You haven't done a thing to stop it. You abandoned Edward and the rest of the volunteers when they needed your help."
"What is it that you wish me to do?" he asked. "Shall I ride to Virginia tonight and join Edward? Would a saber and an officer's commission truly make you happy?"
Emotions tore through her. If he joined Edward, then yes, she believed she would have a measure of peace. Samuel could look after him. But experience told her otherwise.
He cannot be trusted. He is not a man of his word.
"It is far too late for that, Samuel," she said. She was doing her best to keep her voice steady, in control. It would do no good to argue with him. She had already said everything that needed to be said. He had made his decision. She had made hers.
"
Sam watched her in silence for a few moments. Her face showed fatigue. More than likely she had slept just as little as he. He imagined that after his departure she had spent the long night pleading with Edward not to go south.
Even still, she was beautiful. Her dark curls had escaped her bun. Much of her hair now hung long and loose about her shoulders. Sam had rarely seen it that way. He liked it.
His eyes drifted to her unadorned left hand. He wondered what she had done with his engagement ring. Last night she had ripped it from her hand and held it out to him.
He had refused to take it back.
Look at me, Julia.
Seconds passed. He knew she could feel the weight of his gaze. Finally, she spoke.
"If you will excuse me, Samuel. I have work to tend to."
He drew in a shallow breath, knowing he had a decision to make. He could argue. He could refuse to leave. He could force her to turn around.
But when a lady makes a request, a gentleman will oblige her.
Walking out of the kitchen was one of the hardest things he had ever done. He wanted to take her in his arms, to set things right. He wanted to convince her that her anger toward him was pointless. He loved her. She loved him. He could see it in her eyes.
But Julia Marie Stanton was a stubborn woman. No amount of convincing could change her mind. She would have to do that for herself.
He was determined to wait until she did.
And in that time spent waiting, he'd pray that she would one day see things from his perspective.
He walked back to the lean-to. He placed the ax on the shelf then gathered up his outer clothing. Rather than return to the house by way of the kitchen, he entered through the garden door.
Dr. Stanton was still in the study. His spectacles were perched upon his nose, medical book still in his hands. He looked up.
"Thank you, son. Will you stay for supper?"
The offer was tempting. Goodness knows he wanted to. Even apart from his longing to stay with Julia, there was also the comfort to be found in time spent with Dr. and Mrs. Stanton. The prospect of returning to his lonely, cheerless home held little appeal in comparison.
But he had caused enough tension in the house already.
"Thank you, sir," he said. "But I have some errands to run this evening."
"Ah, I see. Be careful. I was out this morning and I noticed several boys in blue."
Sam nodded. "What do you think the next few weeks will bring?"
Julia's father shrugged. "Hard to say but I hope it is little more than an intimidating presence."
It reminded Sam of the answer he had given his students.
"After all," Dr. Stanton added, "the state legislature voted on their own accord to remain loyal to the Union. Let us hope and pray that that is the end of it."
Sam shook his hand and headed out to the street, praying silently but most fervently that Dr. Stanton's words would prove true. But the sinking feeling in his heart warned him that there was far more trouble awaiting them still.
"
From a crack in the kitchen door Julia had seen Samuel's broad back as he talked to her father. She had not been able to hear what they said. She wondered if he had told her father of their broken engagement. She wondered if Samuel had taken that moment to seek his advice on how to win her back.
Well, he won't win me back. He has proven his intentions. I will stand on my convict
ions whether he comes to chop wood or not.
From her vantage point she watched him shake hands with her father. Then as Samuel turned, Julia let the door close. She returned quickly to the stove. As she stood stirring the chicken soup, she heard the front door shut.
She peeked out the window. Samuel was walking down the street in the direction of the harbor. His hands were thrust deep in his pockets. His topper was set low on his forehead but she could tell he was deep in thought. Was he thinking of Edward? Was he thinking of her?
Her father came into the kitchen. Julia immediately left the window.
"He has gone to have a look about the city," he said, knowing exactly whom she was staring after. "Now, do you want to tell me what is going on?"
Julia turned from the stove to look at her father. She could tell that he had also endured a long, sleepless night. Tired lines were prevalent on his face. His left leg, which had been injured in a carriage accident years before, must have been bothering him. He was favoring it.
"I am making soup for Mother," she explained.
"I'm not talking about soup, Julia."
Her father's tone was firm, almost scolding.
Samuel has talked to him, she thought. I knew he would. "He told you, didn't he?"
"He?" Her father repeated, eyebrows arched. "I assume you mean Sam. And no, he didn't tell me anything. It was your indifference toward him when you came asking about the wood that caught my attention. Now what is going on?"
Julia could feel her cheeks reddening. She knew her father liked Samuel. He always had. Would he understand her position? Would he support her decision?
She stirred the soup once more, stalling, searching for words.
Her father was drumming his fingers on the kitchen table. She knew he would not leave until she had given him an answer.
I will have to make it known sooner or later. It might as well be now, she thought. "I have decided not to marry him."
The drumming stopped. "Does he know this?" her father asked.
Julia kept her eyes on the soup. Little bits of carrots and chicken were floating in the broth. "Yes. He knows."
He grunted. Then there were several seconds of silence. "When did you decide this?" he asked.
Julia put down her spoon. It was obvious that her business in the kitchen was not going to deter her father's questioning. "Last night."
"Last night?"
"I told him so when Edward'" Fresh grief over her brother's enlistment choked her voice. She looked at her father, hoping her eyes could convey the rest. Surely you must feel the same.
Her father drew in a deep breath. "I see. Is this about you and Sam or is it about Edward?"
"It is both," she admitted. "You have seen what has happened here. That day at the train station'¦ Father, the soldiers fired upon us! Our fellow citizens were killed!"
"I know, Julia. I treated the wounded."
"Yes, and Edward has decided to do something! He's gone to Virginia to fight. But Samuel, he won't go! He won't defend what he says he cares about!"
"Because he won't go to Virginia?" Her father sighed. "Perhaps I set a poor example. Perhaps I remained neutral on this issue for too long. The issue of States' Rights, slavery included, never affected us."
"They affect you now," she said, "or they soon will. Northern soldiers have guns turned on this very neighborhood. If we don't stand against them, how can we ever be safe again?"
"And you think Samuel joining the Confederacy will change all of that?"
She blinked, not knowing how to answer.
Her father continued. "Sam has traveled. He has experienced life and drawn from others' life experiences. As a result, he carries a wider perspective of the world. He has spoken to me a few times about a man named Frederick Douglass."
"Yes, I know. The man from Boston. He mentioned him once."
The subject of slavery may have been a contentious topic in the nation for years but not so in the Stanton household. Julia's family did not own any slaves and none of their closest friends did either. Julia had never truly formed an opinion on the subject'and saw no need to now. The plight of a man living in Boston mattered very little to her compared to the safety of her family and friends right here in Maryland.
"Did he tell you he is a former slave?" her father asked. "A former Maryland slave?"
"No."
"Well, perhaps he wished to spare you the indelicate details. The things he spoke of have given me cause to think." He paused. "Rights are all fine and good until they infringe on the rights of others."
Julia shook her head. She still didn't see what that had to do with anything here in Mount Vernon. "But what about the soldiers?"
"I don't like their presence any more than you. Sam doesn't either, for that matter. But, given the scope, the turmoil that this nation is now facing, I understand why they thought it necessary to occupy Baltimore."
Julia let out a disgusted sigh. Her father had always encouraged her and Edward to express their own opinions. She did so now. "How can you even say that? What if their occupation leads to more trouble on the streets? It won't be safe for Mother or me to venture outside."
"Soldiers follow the orders of their commanding officers, of the president. The Bible tells us to pray for those in authority over us. If the military leaders remain honorable then we have nothing to fear." Then he added, "As for your honor, should the worst come, I have no doubt that Samuel Ward would give his life to protect you."
She felt her chin begin to quiver. Samuel had promised her such but she didn't believe him. He had professed loyalty to her family as well; yet he had abandoned her brother when he needed him most.
"Edward and Sam are two very different men," Dr. Stanton said. "They always have been. You know that better than anyone. Their friendship worked because they complemented each other's strengths, each other's weaknesses. They accepted one another's differences."
Scenes of years past flashed through her mind. Edward and Samuel had been schoolmates and best friends for as long as she could remember. Tears filled her eyes when she thought about what their relationship had become.
"And now?" she asked.
"Disagreements come to every relationship, some large, some small. It is how those disagreements are navigated that determines the future course of the relationship."
Silence hung heavily. Like the steam from the stove pot, it permeated the kitchen. Finally, her father asked, "Is that soup ready?"
Julia had nearly forgotten it. She removed it from the heat. "It's ready."
"Then I will take a bowl up to your mother."
She filled a dish and placed it on a tray. Then she sliced up a loaf of bread, buttered it and laid it with the soup. She handed it to her father.
"Thank you, child." Then he turned for the door.
Julia was left alone to think about what he had said.
Chapter Two
Sam kept walking until he ended up at the wharf. Sunset was approaching and the local fishermen were making their way back to port. Their vessels were loaded with rockfish and blue crabs, a bountiful harvest from the Chesapeake Bay. He had often come to watch the ships roll in. It was a satisfying sight, a long hard day of work ended, the harbor tranquil and deep.
Tonight the local vessels had to steer and maneuver more than usual for the Baltimore harbor was also full of military ships. Their masts stood stall and black against the orange and purple sky. Sam tried to focus on the crabbing vessels. If he stared at them alone, life appeared to be peaceful.
But life isn't peaceful nor will it be for quite some
time.
Sighing, he turned toward Federal Hill. An American flag flapped in the evening breeze while men in blue stood as sentinels over the city. Sam sadly thought how appropriate the hill's identity now was. Named nearly one hundred years before, it was on that very spot that Marylanders had celebrated the ratification of the Federal Constitution. No one then ever dreamed the site would be prime high ground for an occupying army with guns turned on its own citizens.
When I stepped off that train I walked onto a battlefield, he thought.
His fists clenched and his blood raced just thinking of that April day. Sam had returned home having completed his studies and graduation exercises in Philadelphia. As they had planned through their letters, Julia and Edward had met his train.
The President Street station was filled with citizens and Massachusetts soldiers. Sam had assumed the regiment was on their way to Washington, but had paid little attention to them. Though the business in South Carolina and Virginia was tantamount to insurrection, it had not concerned him. His only thoughts were of Julia, their long-awaited reunion and the July wedding they had planned.
She had been waiting for him beneath the clock, a red and black bonnet on her head and the smile on her face that he found so irresistible. Samuel had barely spared a glance in Edward's direction as he'd drawn her in, at least as close as her hoop and ruffled skirts would allow.
"I have missed you," he'd said.
Her eyes had been full of love. "I have missed you as well."
As they'd exchanged words of devotion and promise, neither one noticed that the Massachusetts soldiers had formed a column, that they had begun to march toward the southbound train lines on Bolton Street. None of them had realized how angry the citizens around them had become until someone bumped Julia from behind. She'd crashed into Sam's chest. The crowd was fast becoming a mob.
"We should leave," he'd said to Edward.