Brush of Wings

by Karen Kingsbury

  Mary Catherine thought about Lexy, watching from one of the front rows.

  She pressed on. “I want to live a long life with you, Marcus. And so I promise to do everything in my power to guard my heart—physically and emotionally. Because my heart belongs to you.”

  Joy shone brighter than his tears. He nodded, encouraging her even here.

  She felt her entire face light up. “Till death do us part.”

  Coach Wayne wiped at a tear on his cheek, the same way many of their guests did. Then Coach walked them through the exchanging of rings, and again they’d written their own words.

  Mary Catherine’s left hand didn’t waver as Marcus slipped the ring on her finger. The feeling was something she had longed for since the day she said yes. She was Marcus’s wife now. She always would be.

  It was her turn. She took his hand and slid the wedding band into place.

  Coach Wayne raised his voice. “With the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” He smiled at the two of them. “Marcus, you may kiss your bride.”

  He framed her face with his hands. “I love you, Mary Catherine Dillinger.”

  “I love you.” Her eyes were dry now. The joy of the moment left no room for anything but happiness.

  Marcus kissed her and in all the world there was only him and her.

  Yes, the baby would come in April, and along the way there would be doctors and hospitals and maybe even a heart transplant. Marcus would travel with the Dodgers and ride the ups and downs of being a professional ballplayer. But all of that seemed a world away as Marcus held her right here, right now. And in those seconds, Mary Catherine knew that together she and Marcus would pray for God’s strength and courage and help. They would be brave and intentional. And they would truly live in the moment.

  Moments like this.

  Because in the end that was all anyone ever really had.

  28

  LEXY CRADLED THE BABY close to her chest. The memory of the pain and pushing and agony of delivery all faded the minute they placed him in her arms. The baby was a boy. Her son. Whether he ever knew her or not.

  He was beautiful. His light brown skin and wide, beautiful eyes. Like hers. The nurse had taught her how to wrap him in a blanket so he felt safe and secure. Swaddling, she called it. Lexy pulled her knees up in the hospital bed and held the baby out in front of her. “Hello, beautiful boy. Your mommy loves you.” Tears made her voice shaky. “Always know how much your mommy loves you.”

  This day would be too difficult, too painful if it weren’t for one thing: Mary Catherine and Marcus. They would be the perfect parents for her perfect little boy. Lexy had no doubt. Besides, God had worked out the details.

  Every one of them.

  A month ago her mother had gotten a call from her brother. The one in Texas. He told her he should’ve called sooner, but he’d been busy. Busy with things that in the scope of life didn’t really matter. At least that’s what he told Lexy’s mother.

  Her mom gave the man Lexy’s cell number, and the next day her phone rang. She had relived the phone call every day since. The man, her uncle, was on the other end.

  “Lexy, my family and I have discussed this. We’d like you to come live with us.” He sounded confident and kind. “You’ll get your high school diploma and then we’ll help you get accepted to Texas Christian University—which is very close to our house.” He paused. “If you’re interested, that is.”

  If she was interested? Even now Lexy smiled at the possibility that she might be anything but interested. Mary Catherine and Sami had moved out of the apartment after their weddings, and Lexy had lived with the Waynes ever since. But that wasn’t a long-term solution. Especially now that the baby had been born.

  She brought him to her face and kissed his cheek. If she lived with him even one more day, she couldn’t give him up. She could barely imagine letting him go now. You’ll help me, won’t You, God? You’ll get me through this? Her baby’s cheek was soft against hers. You’ll give me another little boy one day, right? Please?

  The thought of God brought more tears to her eyes. She’d been talking to God a lot, getting closer to Him. Rhonda and Ollie Wayne had been reading the Bible with her. Picking up where Sami and Mary Catherine had left off—in the book of Acts. God had become like the daddy she didn’t have, and she’d learned how to talk to Him about even the tough things. Like memories of her time in the gang.

  For a minute she thought about Ramon, her baby’s father. His dead body lying in a pool of blood outside her grandmother’s house. How could she have thought for a minute that he maybe cared about her?

  When the whole time he’d been trying to kill her?

  Lexy ran her hand over her baby’s soft head. They both would’ve died. That’s the crazy thing. Somehow God had protected them both.

  Her baby closed his eyes and fell asleep. He would never know what it was to be in a gang, never get caught up in drugs and stealing and killing. From the moment his parents came to pick him up in an hour, he would be loved.

  And he would be good.

  Lexy had already asked God about that. That He would use her son to help people. That He would be an example to others. She smiled at the infant, even as her eyes welled up again. He was so perfect. She had no idea how she would let him go, only that she would. It was her decision.

  Mary Catherine had been really nice about the whole thing.

  Last week she and Marcus had sat down with Lexy and talked to her. “We want you to know something.” Mary Catherine took her hand. Her voice was kind and understanding. “You can change your mind about this. Giving up your baby has to be your decision, Lexy. Yours and God’s alone.”

  Lexy thought for half a minute, trying to imagine raising the baby and finishing school. She didn’t have a job or a driver’s license or any money. Still . . . the idea was tempting. For those few seconds she wondered what it would be like to keep him, to watch him learn to sit and stand and walk. To hear his laugh and his first words.

  Then she thought of something else. “Are you not sure about the adoption?” Lexy had to ask. Just in case.

  Marcus put his arm around Mary Catherine. “We already love your baby like our own.” His voice was gentle. Marcus was nothing like the guys Lexy had known. “We want this adoption to work. But we want you to know it’s your choice.”

  Reality had settled over her then, the way it always did whenever she even thought about keeping her baby. She wasn’t ready. Her baby deserved a good life with good people. So he could be everything God wanted him to be.

  Lexy had smiled at Mary Catherine and Marcus then. “I’m not going to change my mind. He’s your baby.” She had put her hand on her baby bump. “God wants you to have him.”

  The memory of that time would always stay with Lexy. Whenever she thought about the warm feel of her sweet-smelling baby boy in her arms, if she ever wondered whether she’d done the right thing, Lexy would remember that it had been her decision. And that this was what God wanted her to do.

  Her uncle’s phone call had been the proof.

  That day he had explained to her that they would take her in as their own and help her finish college. “This is something only God could’ve set up,” her uncle told her.

  Then he shared the most amazing story with her. How her mother had written him a letter when she was still in prison, asking him to take Lexy in and help her find a future. “But I put the letter in a drawer somewhere and forgot about it.” Her uncle had sounded upset with himself. “It was nothing personal, Lexy. Please know that. I was just so busy I couldn’t even imagine the idea.”

  But something had happened, something her uncle still couldn’t explain. “Every week or so the letter would turn up. All of a sudden it would be sitting next to my computer, or lying on the kitchen counter. Next to my bathroom sink.” The man had sounded surprised by this. “I’d put it away and it would turn up again.”

  Finally her uncle ha
d read the letter once more. Then he sat down—just him and God. “I asked the Lord what He wanted me to do about the situation.” A smile had filled her uncle’s voice. “And God told me to talk to my family and take you in. To love you like one of my own.”

  Lexy had talked to both her aunt and uncle a number of times since. They’d Skyped with the whole family and gone over some of the house rules. Already she felt close to them. Once this day was over, and her baby was home with Marcus and Mary Catherine, Lexy would live with the Waynes for a few more days and then get on a plane and head for Texas.

  Her uncle had arranged more counseling for her there. To help her heal and process everything that had happened. Everything she’d lost.

  She pressed her cheek lightly against her little boy’s face again. “Including you, little guy.”

  The baby opened his eyes and for a long while he looked at Lexy. Like somehow he knew what was happening. As if he wanted Lexy to know it was okay, that he would be happy with his new parents. But he would never forget her, like he knew she loved him enough to let him go. He might only be a few hours old, but Lexy could read all of it.

  Right here in her little boy’s eyes.

  “We’re each going to find a new life, little man,” she whispered to him, and he blinked a few times. “God has a plan. That’s what Mary Catherine always says.”

  Lexy had just one request for Mary Catherine and Marcus. A special name that she hoped they might give her baby boy. A way for him to know the story of his birth. How God had somehow made a letter to her uncle appear over and over again. All so Lexy would know for sure she was doing the right thing in giving him up.

  Lexy studied her tiny son. She would remember the look on his face for the rest of her life. The gentle curves of his cheeks and forehead, his beautiful eyes. And maybe . . . maybe one day they would meet again. Mary Catherine and Marcus were open to the idea. But Lexy had asked that the paperwork be closed. She trusted God and her friends with this baby. Better not to have visits and a string of goodbyes to mess up his childhood.

  At least that’s the way she saw it.

  Maybe one day she would change her mind. By then her boy would be older. He would know how God had given Lexy a family and a future in Texas. And that Lexy had done the same for her little boy. The child would know that Lexy had absolutely made the right choice.

  All because of his name.

  Now all she had to do was convince Mary Catherine and Marcus.

  MARCUS WAS A FATHER.

  He could hardly contain his joy, hardly wait to hold his son. But here, halfway to the hospital, that wasn’t all Marcus was thinking about. He and Mary Catherine were both quiet, aware of the weight of the next few hours.

  And the gravity of Lexy’s decision.

  “I’ll remember this day forever.” Marcus took Mary Catherine’s hand.

  “Yes.” On and off all morning she’d been wiping tears. “Every minute of it.”

  Marcus tried to picture how after tonight there would be three of them. Their son’s crib was waiting for him, along with blankets and teddy bears and a nursery filled with things their friends and family had bought for them.

  Back in January they’d contacted an adoption agency and a home study had been done. Marcus understood the only problem, of course. Mary Catherine’s heart. But that wasn’t a deal-breaker. As long as Marcus and Mary Catherine were both willing to raise the child if one of them died, then there wasn’t an issue.

  Especially because Lexy had chosen them, despite Mary Catherine’s heart issues.

  A representative from the adoption agency was meeting them at the hospital—assuming Lexy still wanted to go ahead with the plan. Mary Catherine leaned her head on Marcus’s shoulder. The two of them were quiet for a few minutes.

  Mary Catherine was the first to speak. “I wonder how Lexy’s doing.”

  “I’ve been thinking about her. It has to be hard.” Marcus thought for a moment. “She’s felt the baby growing under her heart all these months. Then holding him for the last hour.” He raised his brow. “Only God could give her the strength to let go.”

  Marcus replayed the past twenty-four hours. He and Mary Catherine had been at the hospital last night and earlier today for the delivery. Several times they came in to pray with Lexy and comfort her. Those times with the three of them had been very sweet.

  They were even in the room for the birth, there to celebrate his arrival and to make sure Lexy and the child were healthy. But neither Marcus nor Mary Catherine held the baby. Instead, the two of them went home—just like they had all agreed before the birth. Lexy had requested an hour alone with the infant, before Marcus and Mary Catherine officially met him.

  Her last hour with her baby.

  Marcus and Mary Catherine had used the time to drive home, change clothes, grab the diaper bag, and fasten the car seat into their SUV. They had prayed before they climbed into Marcus’s truck. Neither of them had felt very chatty.

  “I’m glad we haven’t named him yet.” Mary Catherine shifted, facing him. “You know . . . just in case.”

  Marcus nodded. He didn’t say anything, didn’t want to put words to the idea that even now Lexy could change her mind. But the truth was, she could. Marcus and Mary Catherine had given her that option. Legally she had time to change her mind. Lexy had assured them that wouldn’t happen. The plan was for the three of them to sign adoption papers when they were all together.

  They would name their son in the next few days.

  Lexy had told them many times that she wasn’t going to change her mind. She was certain about her decision. But what if she was supposed to keep the child? It was a thought Marcus couldn’t voice.

  After Lexy asked them to adopt her baby, Marcus and Mary Catherine had talked often about the chance of the plan falling through. Recently, though, they rarely brought up the topic. The heartbreak if Lexy decided to keep the baby now would be more than Marcus could imagine. But even still he and Mary Catherine wanted God’s will.

  Whatever that was.

  And so Marcus spent the remainder of the drive to the hospital praying. Asking God to guide them and to speak to them in the next hour or so. We need Your will, God. Please help Lexy make the right decision, the one that lines up with Your plans. Not just for each of them.

  But for the tiny baby whose future would depend on it.

  29

  A PART OF MARY CATHERINE refused to fully accept the possibility that she was going home today with a son. She didn’t dare let herself believe it. Not when there was still a chance Lexy could keep the child. As she and Marcus walked through Cedars-Sinai Hospital and rode the elevator up to the maternity wing, Mary Catherine could barely breathe.

  “I only want what’s best for him,” she whispered as they stepped off on the seventh floor.

  “Me, too.” Marcus put his arm around her as they headed to the nurse’s station. “Pray for that.”

  “I am.” They were directed to Lexy’s room, and along the way Mary Catherine could hardly focus. Was it really just six months ago that she’d nearly died in this very hospital? Back then she couldn’t imagine having another week of life, let alone a husband and a child. Already her life was a miracle. That would be true whether she left here today with a baby or not.

  Lexy’s door was partially closed. Marcus was about to knock when they both heard something from inside the room. The soft sound of Lexy crying. Mary Catherine looked at Marcus and then hung her head. What was happening? Was Lexy having doubts? Should they have someone check on her? In case she wasn’t ready for them?

  But before she could say anything, Marcus leaned toward the opening. “Lexy?”

  “Come in!” The girl was definitely crying. But she sounded almost relieved. “Please.”

  They stepped inside and the scene took Mary Catherine’s breath. Lexy looked so small, so young. But she also looked very much like a mother. She held the bundled baby in her arms, cradled close to her. The swelling around her red e
yes told how difficult the past hour had been.

  Lexy spoke first. “He’s your baby.” She looked down at the infant. “This has been one of the best hours of my life.” She lifted her eyes to Marcus and then to Mary Catherine. “But I’m not ready to be a mother. I’m just not. I want what’s best for him.”

  “You’re sure.” Mary Catherine held her breath.

  “Yes.” Lexy wiped her eyes with her free hand. “God’s opening up one plan for me. And a different one for my little boy.” She smiled at Mary Catherine. “Jeremiah 29:11. Just like you always said.”

  For the first time since they left the hospital more than an hour ago, Mary Catherine felt herself draw a complete breath. Lexy had been working with a counselor from the adoption agency, keeping her options open and making sure of her decision.

  Lexy ran her hand over the baby’s head. “My counselor said it’s not like I’m giving my baby away.” She gave Mary Catherine a sad smile. “I’m placing him in a better life. Giving him a better future. Which is the best way I can love him.”

  Just then the woman from the adoption agency knocked on the door. “Lexy.” She peered into the room. “Is this a good time?”

  “It is.” Lexy introduced the woman to Mary Catherine and Marcus. “I’m ready to sign the papers.”

  The woman nodded. “Very well. They’re right here.” She moved slowly, respectfully. It took her a minute to pull a folder and a pen from her bag. “Would you like to hold the baby while you sign?”

  “Yes, please.” Lexy’s tears returned. Quiet tears, as if they came from a place deep in her soul.

  Mary Catherine felt strangely awkward and peaceful all at the same time. She and Marcus stayed toward the back of the room, waiting, watching. She didn’t dare look at the baby. Not yet.

  The woman handed Lexy the papers positioned on the folder. “We’ve gone over this . . . where you need to sign.”

  For a brief moment Lexy closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. The woman handed her a tissue. “Would you like more time, Lexy?”