Diva Diaries

by Janine A. Morris

  26

  On the Scene

  Dakota was sitting in the dentist’s office, impatiently waiting to be called in to get her teeth cleaned. She had been there twenty-five minutes already, and she was on time for her appointment, so she wasn’t feeling how they were keeping her waiting. What was the point of the appointment, she thought to herself; she could have just walked in if she wanted to wait and waste time.

  She was supposed to be meeting Tony later for lunch, and she wanted to take care of some errands before she had to leave to meet him. So, just sitting there wasting time was making her irritable. To pass the time, she picked up an issue of People from the magazine rack. Surprisingly, it was an issue she hadn’t seen that came out a few weeks ago. In her field it was her job to be on top of all media and press reporting—she was slipping.

  She flipped through the pages, seeing makeup tips and stories about today’s stars. She skimmed through, with no intention of having enough time to read a whole article by any of the writers. As she made it to the On the Scene section, she started to look at the pictures from different parties and red-carpet events. There were pictures of 50 Cent with his new love interest, Toni Braxton and her husband at an album-release party for Jadakiss, Lamar Odom with his daughter at a charity football game, and a few people that she didn’t know. She turned to page two of the section, and standing there in a picture with some girl at an album-release party was Tony. He was wearing a chocolate-brown suit, with brown-and-tan gators with a brown baseball cap. She almost choked. She grabbed the magazine tighter and brought it close to her eyes to carefully examine every inch of the picture. She was about five-eight, a lot thicker than she was, with wide eyes, and a round nose. She wore a tan slip dress with matching tan Dolce and Gabana shoes and bag. Her hair was hanging, with some curls in her face.

  She is pretty, but she doesn’t have shit on me, Dakota thought to herself.

  Dakota was tempted to call him and ask him who the hell she was, or how could he embarrass her like this by taking pictures and things for the press with some other woman. She had brought Tony to too many of her celebrity affairs—how stupid did she look that he is taking some other woman? He obviously didn’t care about that, because there he was with his arm around another woman, right smack in the middle of the magazine. She tried her damnedest to see how expensive her jewelry was, or anything else she may have had on to let her know just how well he was keeping her. She knew it was her, the her that he claimed was nothing more than his child’s mother. It was clear from the picture that it was much more than that. The caption below it read, Ex-Oakland Raider/CEO of Touchdown Records Tony Taylor with his date at the Ludacris album-release party.

  She wanted to talk to him about it face-to-face, but she couldn’t stand it anymore. She had forgotten all about her extended wait in the dentist’s waiting room—she was actually happy he kept her waiting. She picked up her phone and dialed his number.

  He answered on the third ring. “What’s up, ’Kota?”

  “What’s up, Mr. Taylor?” she said with a very sarcastic and sinister tone.

  “Chilling—I’m at Rick’s house. What’s good?”

  “I’m at the dentist’s office, and I’m looking through one of last month’s issues of People, and guess who made a guest appearance?”

  Tony didn’t reply right away. Then he said, “What? You see that picture of me and my daughter’s mother in there?” He never liked to say her name—it was like he didn’t want to make her count or something. It was too late for that, though; now Dakota had a face, and to her that made her more real than ever.

  “Yes, I do see it. You didn’t tell me anything about this party, and how could you go with her?”

  “That night, me and her had some business to discuss, so to kill two birds with one stone, we went there and talked at dinner after.”

  “Tony, the girl is dressed up—that wasn’t last-minute planning. Not to mention that her outfit complements yours. Please don’t tell me that was coincidence, too.”

  “Me and you never ended up wearing the same color somewhere, Dakota?” he asked, really trying to sell his story.

  “Whatever, Tony—just perfect press opportunity, right? She just happened to have that outfit laying out when you came over, right?”

  “ ’Kota, why are you tripping? That’s my baby’s mother—she is not just some chick.”

  “What, and I am?”

  “No, Dakota. But you are acting like one right now.”

  “Fuck you, Tony. It’s enough that I have to put up with our terms and conditions, but you can at least keep it real with me. Don’t tell me some bull that you had to discuss business with her that night and ended up at some big party and in People magazine. Give me more credit than that.”

  The guests in the waiting area were starting to stare, and one lady was trying to see who was on the page in the magazine so she could see who Dakota was talking to. She tried to calm down before she embarrassed herself even more.

  “Dakota, me and her go places from time to time—we aren’t enemies or anything. We have a relationship and that entails a lot of things, not things that I have to tell you about, either.”

  “Fine, Tony—you can keep everything you do to yourself, because I’m tired of this.”

  “You are really overreacting about some picture,” Tony continued.

  Dakota remembered her thought from earlier. “I bring you to several parties with me—most of the music business and movie industry has seen me with you. How do I explain you in the magazines with other chicks?”

  “You explain that is his daughter’s mother,” he said.

  “So what? She needs to be home mothering your daughter, then ...”

  Before he or she could say anything else, the dental assistant had walked up and said, “Dakota Watkins?”

  She stood up. “Tony, I will call you later—the dentist called me in.”

  “Later, “ he said, relieved to get off the phone.

  She made her way into the back room and sat in the dentist’s chair waiting to get her teeth cleaned. As she sat there, she knew there wasn’t much she could say—it was his daughter’s mother. Tony never did promise more than he was giving Dakota—her desires from him just slowly expanded from when they first started. She could admit he tried not to hurt her feelings, because she knew what she had gotten into. She knew he wanted to tell her to remember her place at times, but as long as he didn’t she knew he was more caught up in their relationship than they planned, just like she was. She couldn’t be too upset with him for being in public with his baby’s mother. Besides, Dakota was sure she was upset when she saw us in a few other magazines over the past year or so. Her mission was to make her obsolete so that Dakota would be in all the pictures, and in all the houses, and in all the jewelry and clothes. She just had to figure out what she wasn’t doing right and get on the job.

  27

  Small World

  Trevor and Chrasey had just finished their second game and it was tied—he won the first one and she won the second one. Of course, they couldn’t leave without someone having bragging rights, so they decided to get a third game and play one more time. He gave her the money and she went up to the counter to tell the man they wanted a new game on their lane.

  While she was standing there waiting for the clerk to wait on her among all the people returning and getting their bowling shoes, she looked off and watched Trevor. He was just so cute, and so sweet, and so much fun. Whenever they hung out, it was like a day off from her stressful life. She was able to forget about her dysfunctional marriage, and be happy for the time being. Her kids were the only thing that brought her joy, and unless she was able to get out with her girls they were all she had. So when she was able to spend time with Trevor, it was like she was able to get her mind off everything wrong in her life.

  Chrasey was feeling a lot better about herself this past month—she had lost sixteen pounds and was feeling more confident. Trevor would tel
l her she didn’t need to lose weight and that she looked good at her original size, but he was also very supportive of her goal to lose twenty more pounds. He had become her motivation for looking better; she knew he was out there seeing all these young, sexy ladies and she wanted to be a little more competition for them. She used to wonder what Trevor saw in her, being that she was older than him and he could get younger, skinnier girls, but he always said he never met anyone like her. He said the younger girls were immature and had their priorities all screwed up, and he didn’t like skinny girls, so Chrasey was perfect for him. He also knew that since she was married, what they shared was just for the moments in time that they shared it; it could never be much more than that. They were both content with that.

  The man finally came over and took her money and set their game up. It was only 9:00, and she was sure Keith wasn’t home yet. It was a Friday night—he usually didn’t get home until about 1:00 in the morning. She went to walk back toward their lane. Trevor was patiently sitting down, observing other bowlers’ games. She approached him while he was still focused on the game next to their lane.

  “You ready for your butt beating?” she said.

  He looked her way as he snapped out of his trance, and started to laugh. “Yeah, I am ready. I just hope you are,” he replied.

  Just as he started to enter the information on the screen for their new game, she heard someone say “Chrasey?”

  She and Trevor both turned and looked in the direction of the voice.

  Oh, man, it was Denise, Keith’s niece. Why, of all people, did it have to be her? She thought she was trying to act normal, but she knew it was clear all over her face that she wasn’t happy to see her.

  As she approached their lane, she asked, “What are you doing here?” without any hesitation.

  Everybody who knew Chrasey knew she didn’t go out much, barely at all. Whenever she went out, it was usually with the kids, maybe Keith, and from time to time Jordan and Dakota. So, if people saw her out under different circumstances, they usually would react that way, but she was asking even more so because she was curious as to who this man was here with her.

  “I’m bowling—what are you doing here?” Chrasey couldn’t think quickly enough. She guessed her answer made her look even more suspicious, but it was all she could spit out. She was completely caught off guard, and she had no experience at getting caught and lying.

  She figured she was afraid to ask too many more questions, because she could tell by the look on her face she was in an awkward position.

  “I’m hanging out with my friends—we just finished our game and we are about to go get something to eat.”

  “That’s good. Well, you be careful and I will see you this weekend, probably,” she said, trying to wrap up the small talk as quickly as possible. Besides, it was obvious that since Chrasey wasn’t introducing Trevor, who was sitting right beside her, that there was probably a reason for that. A reason she or Chrasey didn’t want to acknowledge.

  “OK, I will catch you later,” she said as she gave Chrasey a kiss and ran off.

  Chrasey was thankful she didn’t do what she could have done, which was either flat-out ask her who he was or mention her uncle just to see her reaction. She almost silently gave her a pass. She was a twenty-year-old college student; Chrasey was hoping she was too distracted to care or would get wasted tonight and forget what she saw.

  When she finally walked away, she looked at Trevor, who looked back at her and she said, “I’m sorry for that.”

  “For what?” he said, acting as if he had no idea what she was referring to.

  “It was rude not to introduce you or acknowledge that you were with me.”

  “Don’t worry—it comes with the territory.”

  “What does that mean—are you a professional at being the other man?” she asked.

  “No, but I do know that when you’re married, it’s really hard to go around introducing me to people as a friend that you’re out on a date with. That’s not always accepted in marriages.”

  “Yeah, and that was his niece, so that really was uncomfortable.”

  “What if she tells him?” he asked, seeming really concerned.

  “She probably won’t, and if she does I will tell him what he has told me when I have heard of him out with females. . . it was some of my co-workers hanging out.”

  Trevor had already finished putting in their information and was picking his ball for the game when he looked back at her and said, “You get a kick out of this, don’t you? Is all of this just to show your husband you can do it, too?”

  She was shocked that he asked such a question; she and Trevor tried not to discuss what they did outside of each other too often. Especially not the moral issue behind what they were doing.

  “No,” she said clearly, unhappy with his question.

  “So, then what is it?”

  “This was about me being in the company of someone I enjoy and who enjoys me. The fact that Keith has been a terrible husband is not justification or cause for revenge. It just means to me that what I do is acceptable because it’s nothing he hasn’t done to me.”

  “You’re not even sure if he is cheating on you—you’re just assuming from his actions, and you know what they say about assumptions,” he said.

  That fast, Chrasey’s whole happy night had just turned left. First Denise popping up, and then Trevor wanting to become righteous on her as if he wasn’t a participant in her wrongdoings. He wasn’t talking all this shit the night he asked her to come to his house so he could make her feel better.

  Chrasey just got up, picked up her pink-and-purple bowling ball, stepped up to the red line, and threw it at the little white-and-red pins, imagining that they were Keith, her extra weight, her boss who pissed her off, the skinny girl at Lane Bryant, and one was even Trevor. She threw that pin with all her might, and it was clearly heartfelt because she bowled a strike.

  28

  Decisions

  “I am going through the most confusing time of my life. I wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I could remember, but then I also always wanted to be a mother and wife,” Jordan complained to Dakota.

  “Girl, I love you, but I’m getting tired of you with this same issue, and you aren’t doing anything about it,” Dakota said.

  “Forget you,” Jordan said with a slight giggle, knowing she was right. “It’s just that every day I live through it and I still don’t know what to do,” she continued anyway.

  “Aww, poor baby. Go ahead, what’s wrong now?” Dakota asked.

  “It’s just that even the career path I chose is becoming questionable,” Jordan complained to Dakota.

  “Why do you say that? Your career is fine,” Dakota replied.

  “I worked in law and in entertainment, and I never explored any other options. Now, all of a sudden, I am finding myself unsure of my life choices. I just wonder if I should have chosen a career more conducive to home life. I feel like maybe I was being an overachiever, and was really hurting myself overall,” Jordan said, sounding completely depressed.

  “Girl, there is no such thing as an overachiever. There is nothing wrong with shooting for the stars. You should be proud of yourself, not unhappy,” Dakota told her.

  “I know, but it’s just that at some point I feel like as a woman we have to choose career or family. You can’t overachieve at both.”

  “You can be successful at both, though, and I think you do a damn good job at both. I know for me, I don’t know if I can handle my job, a man, and some snotty-nose kids. There is not enough time in a day,” Dakota said with a slight giggle.

  “I never had the mentality of a woman being kept by my man—I liked the feeling of being independent. I liked knowing that I didn’t need anybody to sustain my lifestyle, and no man could feel me needing him was the reason I stayed. So, it’s like, even when I consider lowering my standards of success, my gut never lets me settle. Yet, here I am, now that I have obtained most of all that
I desired, and I am realizing that I may not have had my priorities straight,” Jordan said.

  “I think you’re just PMSing, because there isn’t anything wrong with you. I never wanted to need no man, either, but we all want one deep down inside. I think it’s true you have to sacrifice certain things to save your marriage, but I don’t think your career has to be one of them. You saw Waiting to Exhale—if your man walks out the door, you need to have taken care of you.”

  “Yeah, but what if he walks out because you’re taking better care of you than him and your family?”

  Dakota laughed. “You asking me? I’m a single bitch. I don’t know.” They both started laughing.

  “I am really considering either giving up law or maybe becoming a teacher or something.”

  “After all you went through with law school?”

  “I know. Law always seemed to be the most rewarding career I thought I could have. I would be proud of myself, have a lucrative income, and I could work for myself, which were all of my requirements. But it has become so stressful trying to balance my business and personal life, I am starting to lose some of my passion,” Jordan said. After Dakota didn’t reply right away, she continued, “Now my mornings are dreadful, and I hate getting up every day, dragging myself in to the office. My colleagues and staff are getting on my nerves—I am not being the fierce attorney I was known to be with some of my clients.”