Diva Diaries

by Janine A. Morris

  “Now, finish these math problems.” She didn’t have time to sit there all night with these two. Homework was always the worst time—they always wanted to start playing or talking with each other. Getting them to concentrate was the hardest part. She tried separating them, but it made it harder for her to help both of them with their work.

  “Is it four, Mommy?” Quinton asked after he did some scribbling on the paper.

  She looked over at what he had done. “Yes, baby. You see, it’s not hard. You just have to try.”

  A few moments later, the door opened and closed. She could hear Keith coming in the house. He came in to the dining room, and of course the kids took advantage of the opportunity to break their concentration. At first she wanted to tell them to sit back down and do their work, but she didn’t want to prevent Keith from getting a loving greeting after his long drive home to Queens.

  “Hey, Daddy” they both yelled.

  “Hey,” he replied as he walked toward them. He patted Quinton on the head, gave Kelsey a kiss on the forehead, and then leaned over to Chrasey and gave her a kiss.

  She almost didn’t know what to think. Keith never greeted her anymore—maybe with words, but hugs and kisses? Not for quite some time.

  As the kids finished their work, he sat down and began to talk to them. He seemed to be in such a good mood. He was telling them that after they finished their homework he wanted them to draw three cool places they wanted to go or things they wanted to do, because he had a surprise for them. His exact words were, Me and Mommy have a surprise for you.

  Where was this coming from? He had been home for over five minutes and he wasn’t in the living room with his beer—something was wrong. While he finished answering all of their questions about the surprise, Chrasey decided to get up and make his plate. She poured him a glass of juice and walked into the dining room with it.

  “Where do you want your plate? In here or in the living room?”

  “I’ll take it right here,” he said.

  She walked around the table and put the plate down in front of him.

  “Thank you, baby,” he said as she placed the glass down.

  “You’re welcome, “ she replied. She was completely confused. She tried to act normal but her mind was racing. Baby? Thank you? A kiss? Was it her birthday or an anniversary she forgot about? It felt like some sort of prank. She wanted to ask what was going on but she didn’t want to start any problems, and the kids were there. Still, she wasn’t sure what to do.

  “So how are things at work?” he asked once she sat back in her chair.

  “They are going well. I may be getting a new title and more money real soon,” she replied.

  “Really? That is great. What’s that about?”

  “Well, they were going to hire someone else to work with me to handle this new program we started, but my manager asked me if I wanted a promotion instead and I would just pick up the extra work, and I said yes. I know it’s just because it saves them money, but it also earns me more so, hey.”

  “That is really good, baby. I’m proud of you.”

  She couldn’t believe that Keith was having this conversation with her. Not just because he was showing concern about her job, but he was being so sweet.

  “What about you? How is work?” she asked.

  “Work is fine. Just doing some major projects and there are a lot of changes going on. It’s been a little stressful but nothing I can’t handle.”

  “That’s good. At least you have new challenges that keep you from becoming bored at work.”

  She was amazed that Keith was showing an interest in what she was up to. He continued asking her questions about what she was doing and what she wanted to do; she actually began to enjoy the conversation. He told her what was going on at his job, and what he wanted to do next in his career. He even asked her about Dakota and Jordan, and what they were up to. She was amazed, but after a while she wasn’t thinking about it. She was enjoying the rare moment that they were sharing.

  When they finished dinner, he went up to the bedroom to get comfortable. When she walked into the bedroom to get a scrunchy to pull her hair back with, Keith walked up close to her. She tensed up some, and she could tell that Keith noticed it.

  He looked in her eyes, and said in a sexy tone, “You look very nice.”

  “Thank you,” she replied. It was weird that she felt so strange standing so close to her own husband.

  “After you put the kids to bed, can you meet me back here in the bedroom?”

  She tried to laugh it off. “OK—I’ll see you then.”

  As she was putting the kids to bed, she heard Keith taking his shower and getting ready for bed, or for her to meet him in the bed. When she was finally done, she came into the bedroom and Keith was already in the bed. It appeared as if he came home with this on his mind. They hadn’t done it in a while, and she wasn’t looking forward to the awkward situation awaiting them. For her it was even more uncomfortable, because her last few sexual encounters were with Trevor and she wasn’t emotionally prepared for the change. The sad part was she was sexually more comfortable with Trevor than she was with her own husband.

  When she first felt his tongue in her mouth, she tried to just pretend that it was years ago when they were still a happy couple. It worked for a while—she just let herself go and tried to enjoy it for what it was. She tried to keep all the random thoughts from going through her head as he leaned over her, making love to her. She was feeling guilty that she no longer belonged to just him. She wondered if he noticed, she wondered if he cared to notice. Was he just horny, or was he trying to fix things between them?

  She couldn’t stop thinking. The more excited she saw him get, the more emotional she became. Before she knew it, tears began to roll down her face. Keith stopped for a quick moment, and asked was she all right. She told him she was just fine and to continue. He hesitated, but then he did go on until he was done. When he finished he held her in his arms and cuddled with her. It felt good to Chrasey for Keith to hold her. He probably thought she was crying because she was emotional about sleeping with him after so long. That did play a role, but even more so, it was guilt. Guilt from letting herself go so far with another man that her husband had become a stranger to her.

  35

  Support Group

  Jordan had spent the week dealing with Omar’s guilt trip and could barely take any more. She had beat Omar home every night that week, just to lessen the issue of the late nights working with Jay. Still it served no purpose, because once he got home he had this attitude, as if he didn’t notice or care about her efforts. So, on this particular day she didn’t even bother. Instead she asked Chrasey and Dakota to accompany her to an after-work dinner in an attempt to cheer herself up.

  When she spoke to them on the phone, though, they both seemed to be in a bad mood themselves, possibly even worse off than her. It seemed ironic that they were all in the midst of some drama, but this wasn’t the first time that all three of them were dealing with something serious simultaneously. After all these years of being friends, they had experienced a lot of their ups and downs at the same time. The worst part about when this happened was that it was hard for them to split the time up fairly to listen to and advise each other.

  “It’s been a while since Jordan had any drama for us, so let her go first,” Chrasey said.

  The usual unspoken rule was they would take turns, starting with the person who had the least drama before, and so forth. So according to the rule, it was Jordan’s turn to go first.

  “No, you go first, Chrasey—you have a lot more serious things going on with Keith. Besides, just getting out of my routine is healing enough for me,” Jordan said.

  They sat around the plush cushioned booth in Justin’s restaurant, in deep thought. Chrasey updated the ladies on her current state of depression, and how Keith had been back and forth with his behavior. One night he was the extra-sweet husband, and the next back to normal. She was confu
sed and didn’t know if this was their gradual road back to happiness or something worse.

  “I can’t tell if his actions are because he is feeling guilty over something or if he is just actually ready to do right.”

  “You can’t figure these men out, girl—they work on their own clock,” Jordan replied.

  As Chrasey talked, Jordan listened and commented and Dakota was quieter than they had seen her in all the years they’d known her. Well, other than the time she slept with that basketball player twenty minutes after meeting him and waited two days to tell anyone because she was too embarrassed, but that was in college.

  “It’s just ... I never thought I would be at this point in my life,” Chrasey said. “I thought I’d be making more money by now, I thought I would be happy in my marriage. I’m just disappointed in myself, that’s all.”

  “You’re being too hard on yourself, Chrasey,” Jordan said.

  “Yeah, you say that now. But if you knew how I’ve practically fallen in love with a boy, you would be just as disappointed.”

  “I’m not condoning that Trevor thing, but you’re still being too hard on yourself.”

  “Jordan, I have snuck out to meet him almost once every week for the past two months. I have bought him things I had no business buying, and I think about him all the time. I’m pathetic.”

  “No, girl, you’re just sprung,” Jordan said as she burst out laughing. Chrasey joined in and when they both looked at Dakota, they noticed she was giving one of her phony laughs. Now, that was something Dakota would say and she didn’t even find it funny.

  “And what is wrong with you?” Jordan asked.

  “Nothing, just so much on my plate,” ’Kota replied.

  “Look, I called you girls so you could hear my issues, but you two are depressing me even more. Got damn, you two are useless.”

  “Tell us—what’s wrong?” Dakota said, trying to perk up.

  “Nothing, just Jayon. He opened his big mouth on New Year’s Eve, apologizing for trying to come on to me, and Omar never knew.”

  “Oh, my goodness,” Chrasey said.

  “I know—he claims he is more upset that I didn’t tell him all this time, that I claim to be so honest and yet I kept such a big secret. Of course, the fact that I work with him every day, and I see Jayon more than I do him, entered the conversation.”

  “See, the first time you don’t tell him something, look what happens. I guess I see why you try to follow that honesty-best-policy rule,” Chrasey replied.

  “It just takes too much effort for me to try to keep a lie up—besides, once you’re caught in a lie, nothing you say is believable. But with this I was going to tell him. I was just waiting for a good time. I tried to explain that to him, but he is not really trying to hear me ...” Jordan said. After a quick pause, she continued, “I guess I understand why that sounds so naive, but it’s still frustrating because he knows how I am but still he is treating me like I’ve been lying to him all through our relationship.”

  “Well, girl, he should know you wouldn’t intentionally keep anything from him, as much as you tell him,” Chrasey said.

  “You would think. I guess because it’s Jayon, he thinks I am protecting him”

  Once again, Dakota hadn’t commented at all.

  “ ’Kota, what is wrong?” Chrasey suddenly shouted.

  Brought out of a state of trance, she responded, “Just tired.”

  “Don’t even try it,” Jordan said. “Is it Lexia? She driving you crazy?”

  The mention of her name made Dakota uncomfortable, and she quickly said, “No, nothing to do with her.”

  That’s what she said, but her tone and instant attitude read just the opposite and Chrasey and Jordan picked right up on it.

  “Mm-hmm, you’re probably stressed out thinking that she is about to steal your man,” Jordan laughed.

  Dakota really didn’t find a damn thing funny about that. She knew they were just trying to break the ice for her, but she’d spent the past couple of weeks trying to face reality and tell herself what happened; she definitely wasn’t trying to tell them. She had barely had a full conversation with Tony or Lexia, and she went straight to bed almost every night and made sure her bedroom door was locked. The part that was making it so hard for Dakota was how nonchalant Lexia was about the whole thing. Once or twice she asked Dakota if Tony was coming over, she gave Dakota compliments every chance she got, and she was watching a porno one day when ’Kota came home, and suggested she watch it with her. ’Kota was starting to feel like a prisoner in her own house—she made her bed and now she was lying in it. Tony was quite nonchalant, too. He would walk around the house freely when he was there, wearing no shirt. He also made comments and asked about Lexia. The funny thing was, none of them had ever directly spoken about it.

  Dakota’s reluctance to talk about what was really going on gave the girls the hint. She would spill when she was ready—they had been friends long enough to know when one of them just needed to hear someone else’s drama for a change, sometimes just to feel like they weren’t alone in their mess. So, as they finished their dinner, Dakota remained somewhat quiet and Chrasey and Jordan vented. Chrasey explained how she found a matchbook from a hotel in Keith’s pockets, and that she was ready to just run away with Trevor. Jordan recommended that Chrasey and Keith take a trip where they leave their kids at home and get away together. Perhaps all they needed was a change of environment, and maybe he would open up and talk to her.

  They all came to the restaurant feeling a little down, but they all left feeling a little better than when they came. Jordan was feeling better because she was reminded that she wasn’t the only one with problems. That helped, but what really elevated her mood was good old Chrasey reminding her “this too shall pass.” That cliché always did the trick; whenever Jordan was getting depressed, that phrase would change her whole attitude toward life. Chrasey was feeling better because she really liked Jordan’s idea and was looking forward to going home and trying to spark Keith up. She knew that Trevor wasn’t her real answer, and she wanted to try to save her marriage before it got any worse. There wasn’t a better time to work on it than when she had someone on the side, so any hurtful or discouraging thing wouldn’t feel so magnified. So, Chrasey left feeling like she had work to do. Dakota didn’t really get much off her chest, or really get to enjoy the therapeutic evening like Chrasey and Jordan, but she felt better because she knew in her heart when she was ready to tell her friends the drama she had gotten herself into, they would be there for her. They would listen to and attempt to mend her life just like they did for each other tonight.

  36

  Boiling Point

  Dakota walked in her house and as usual, quietly walked directly toward her bedroom, hoping to avoid Lexia. As she got closer, she heard that her television was on, and she slowed down some. It could have been Tony but she thought he told her he had something to do, and in her mind she was hoping it wasn’t Lexia. As she approached her bedroom door, she could see Tony’s Timberlands kicked off at the foot of the bed. As she got closer, she saw him lying on the bed in a white t-shirt and sweatsuit. Confused but relieved, she took a few more steps. That’s when she noticed Lexia lying there beside him.

  It wasn’t like she even took a second to let the situation register. Her emotions just took over and before she knew it, she was reacting. All those nights of frustration and feeling like a prisoner came to a boil. The first word out of her mouth was “bitch.” The rest kind of got mixed up but the gist of what she was saying, “Get the hell out, you nasty whore!”

  “You don’t understand, ’ Kota. We were just talking,” Tony said, jumping to their defense.

  “Don’t even say anything to me, Tony. I can’t believe you would disrespect me in my own bed like this,” Dakota replied, not even looking him in the face, keeping her eyes on Lexia.

  “Dakota, we weren’t doing anything, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “No, wh
at I’m thinking doesn’t matter. It’s what I know—and I know you were lying in my bed with her. It doesn’t matter to me what you were doing—you shouldn’t even be in here with her.”

  At this point, Tony was looking out for himself. “ ’Kota, I was in here watching TV and she just came in. I’m not even sure how she ended up lying down, but I was just talking to her and I didn’t touch her yet.”

  Now, Dakota’s attention was directed to Tony. It all came flying out like one elongated sentence. “Yet? What the hell you mean, yet? ... So you didn’t touch her yet, but if I had gotten here two minutes later, you would have had sex with her, right? Not to mention what the hell are you doing here, anyway? I took my key from you, and this was why. I didn’t want you around this trifling ho.”

  Before Tony could reply, Lexia interrupted. “Why are you acting like this, Dakota? Ever since that night, you have been bugging out. I thought we were all cool with everything.”

  “We are not cool, Lexia. I don’t rock like that, OK?”

  “What was that, your new year’s resolution? Because you rocked like that on New Year’s Eve,” Lexia replied.

  Why did she say that? As if Dakota hadn’t been struggling with that terrible decision “to just let it happen,” she had to go and throw it in her face. Before Dakota even thought twice, she lunged at Lexia. She was swinging, punching, pulling weave tracks out, and kicking. Lexia didn’t have a chance; she had no idea the attack was even coming. Lexia had managed to pull the ghettoness out of petite, high-maintenance Dakota. Tony was finally able to pull Dakota off of Lexia, who staggered to her feet and was standing there in a ripped shirt, and a piece of weave track on her shoulder.

  Gaining her composure, Lexia quickly walked out of the room into the guest room. Right before she entered, she heard Dakota yell at her, “Pack your stuff and get out of my house.”

  Scared to death, Tony sat silently as Dakota fixed her clothes and stood catching her breath. She tried to remain as calm as possible as she gathered her thoughts, but she couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Tony was too afraid to reach out and try to console her. She picked up the phone and dialed Chrasey’s number. This was the time when she needed her girls. As she sat on the bed, she realized Tony was looking bewildered.