Sunlight and Shadows

by Christine Cross

  He opens his mouth as though to speak but appears to think better of it. He closes it again, turns his back on me and stumbles down the hill.

  The tears that have threatened to fall from my eyes finally flow freely down my cheeks. I see Abel drop his gun and turn to me, wrapping me fully in his arms.

  I return his embrace still looking over his shoulder at the place where my father disappeared. I know in my heart that I will never see him again.

  Chapter 8

  “Will you be all right?” Abel asks me as we lock ourselves in the bedroom for the night.

  “I will be,” I answer him. “I needed to see him. I can’t explain why but, I do not think I would have been able to move on if I hadn’t.”

  “And do you feel as though you can move on now?” Abel asks. He sinks down beside me on the bed and takes my hand in his.

  I know what he’s asking. It’s more than what it was before. Much more than ‘will you be all right’. He wants to know if we will be Abel to have a life together. He wants to know if I can finally be free of the past if I can devote myself as fully to him as he has devoted himself to me.

  I know I can’t answer right away. Images of my old life are still playing in my mind. Images of my mother dying in her bed. My father losing himself more and more in drink. I thought these might disappear when I confronted father for the last time. But, still, they remain there, just behind my eyes.

  I look up at Abel unsure of what to tell him.

  I look into his green eyes and I see the question linger there. I think of his letters, the words which kept me alive while I endured my Father’s beatings and insults. I think of the way he welcomed me here, created a home for me. The way he accepted my past without hesitation. The way he sought to protect me. The way he is still concerned more for my comfort and well-being than his own.

  In this moment, I know that this man has given me his whole heart and now, I must give him mine. Not out of obligation, not because he insists upon it, but because I love him. Everything inside me is crying out for love of him.

  Slowly, I lean forward, and, still looking in his eyes which are widening with surprise, I kiss my husband fully on the lips.

  Not a moment passes before he has enveloped me in his arms, pressing his lips back against mine with a passion.

  That is the answer he needed. With this kiss, I have given this man whom I love the last piece of my heart.

  And, as I melt into him, I know that, tonight, we will begin to put the last ghosts of the past to rest. Tonight, we will take our first steps towards starting again. Together.

  THE END

  Bonus Story 2 of 20

  When Two Hearts Meet

  A Long Way from Home

  It was the second time that Brian had had to relocate to a different fort since the war started. This time, it wasn’t because they wanted to get more men closer to the front lines, but because Brian and his companions were ordered to man a fort in the back, close to a settlement in the west. Many privates, Brian being one of them, thought these orders to be an act of cowardice from their commanding officers, but since it was an order from the upper echelons of the army, there was nothing plain soldiers like them could do.

  Even so, no matter how long their way was until they arrived at the designated fort, or how many days they had to stay outside and sleep on the damp grass, Brian was somehow relieved that he didn’t constantly have to be afraid for his life. However, many of his companions did not understand this tactical decision. And so, the quarrels started.

  Every day, especially before dinner, when the soldiers were at their hungriest, men would start fighting, yelling at each other about things that were of no importance. The corporal would stop these fights and punish anyone who took part in one, but that didn’t seem to settle things.

  Brian couldn’t stop thinking about their journey so far, about how far away from home he was. Every morning he would raise his head up and stare at the horizon, watching the sun climb up to the sky.

  The dawn of another long day on the road arrived. I’d better get ready; better now than when the corporal makes his rounds. After standing up, he stretched his hands above his head and stared to the east. He located two small farms close to each other. We must be getting closer. Counting those two, it must have been at least ten farms since yesterday.

  He shrugged and turned his back to the bright sunlight. Still dizzy from the rough sleep on the ground, he faltered all the way to his things. Corporal Jones saw him limping and moved closer to him. “On your feet, soldier. Is there something wrong with your leg?”

  The first thing that Brian did was salute the commanding officer. “No, sir! Everything is fine, sir!” He shouted every word on the top of his lungs.

  “You don’t have to shout, Private Campbell. Everyone here is exhausted and we have half a day’s walk ahead of us before arriving at the fort. I wouldn’t like seeing you get injured, that’s all.”

  As soon as he completed his sentence, the corporal moved away and proceeded into waking up every soldier who wasn’t already up and ready. He’s right. I wouldn’t like someone barking at me so early in the morning too. But he probably would have punished me if I didn’t do it right.

  With another shrug, he started gathering his things. Since soldiers never carried many things with them, except their uniform, some underwear, a gun, and some supplies they needed to survive on the road, it was fairly easy for Brian to pack his things up and be ready in less than ten minutes. In the dizziness of the early morning sun, though, he didn’t quite catch what the corporal said to him.

  Half a day’s walk to the fort? Thank heavens, we’re finally there.

  The sun was hanging above their heads, burning their foreheads no matter where they were standing. For once, Brian was thankful that their uniform included a small hat. Not that it did make a difference, but at least it was enough to keep them going. Crossing a tight pass between two mountains, Brian had started to believe that he misheard the Corporal’s words this morning.

  We’re walking for some time now, but no sign of the big fort, or the thriving town. Where in the world did they build that thing? Brian kept swearing in his head, thirsty and hungry; but it didn’t seem to matter. Their corporal seemed determined to make them perish from exhaustion, if not from hunger or thirst.

  Located in the middle of their company, Brian first heard his companions cheer and then saw the sight himself—a thriving city in the middle of nowhere, with a reigning fort in front of it. A burst of air came howling from his lungs, making him shout along the rest of the soldiers. At last, they had arrived at their destination.

  His steps became lighter, and hunger and thirst both vanished from his head. With the city on his sight, nothing else really mattered now. Brian was almost running, his feet spreading to catch up with the rest of the company.

  “Quick. I can see a saloon.”

  “At last, soft beds!”

  “Oh my God, can you smell the food?”

  You could feel their impatience, their nervous eyes looking at each other, afraid that the town was just a mirage in middle of a desert; they wanted to see each other’s reactions to make it feel even more real.

  There were also some men that even teared up after seeing the town for the first time. Different reactions, from different people. It figures. Brian later found out that he was among those men with the watered eyes.

  The last couple miles flew by them. The exhaustion of the last two weeks was just a bad dream to them now. The closer they got to the town, the better they felt. The noises of town life were traveling to their ears from everywhere around; merchants calling for people to buy their merchandise, bursts of laughter outside of the saloon, and even people fighting with each other.

  It was refreshingly familiar, a small town like that thriving in the middle of war. At the same time, it was more than enough to remind Brian of his home. The vast meadows under the midsummer sun, gold-coated like a dream coming true. This memory
was enough for him to slow down and walk the enthusiasm off. Remember Brian, the war is not over yet. This is only another home away from home.

  By the time they arrived outside the fort gates, the soldiers had returned to their previous state. Misery, exhaustion, hunger; you could almost taste it in the air around them. Even so, the corporal made them stand in lines—four perfectly aligned lines. It was a rather unusual request from Corporal Jones to make them do something like that, but at the same time it seemed like the appropriate thing to do. It’s not like we want people to see that the Union army is a bunch of uncivilized brutes, I suppose.

  The heavy wooden doors started slowly to open, only to reveal an old, well-preserved building behind them. Masonry walls circled the perimeter, and in the middle of it all, a small group of men in uniforms awaited them. These must be our caretakers.

  The group of men moved closer to the company and quickly checked for injuries. Furthermore, they even offered to take the heavy bags they carried off their hands. None of Brian’s companions agreed. They had grown so accustomed to carrying these bags that carelessly giving them to someone else seemed wrong.

  “If it isn’t Corporal Jones. It’s a great honor to meet you,” an officer addressed Jones in a very friendly manner.

  “Sergeant Daniels.” Corporal saluted the higher-ranking officer, causing a sudden wave of movement throughout the company. When a higher-ranking officer appeared, every private had to salute him too.

  The officer, an older man, grinned. The lines on his face made him look more like a grandfather watching his grandchild play than a strict sergeant ready to lead a company to battle.

  “At ease, soldiers. It’s my honor that you managed to come all this way so fast just because I asked.”

  Brian dropped his hand and walked inside the fort, side-by-side with the sergeant. Soon after, the company started following them close behind. Everyone was secretly wishing for the sergeant to give them the day off, but the man seemed lost in his own thoughts too much to give the order. It was only after they were deep into the fort that the sergeant turned around and saw them following closely behind.

  “For mercy’s sake, what is wrong with you? Is something the matter? Why are you still here?” He waited for someone to reply to him, but no one seemed to dare.

  Suddenly, the corporal spoke. “I believe they await your orders, sir.”

  The white-haired man threw his head back and laughed. “Now I see. You await orders. You have the day off soldiers,” he announced, his words fading under the loud cheering. “However, tomorrow morning I want everyone ready by dawn. You’re not here to slack off.” Right then, he turned his back and went on.

  The company was cheering way after the two officers left. By the time the cheering was over, all of them were hungry and Brian had come up with an idea to raise their spirits.

  “Let’s go to the saloon,” he said.

  It was a long time since Brian, and probably the rest of his companions, had wandered among civilians. Something in their calmness, in the way they didn’t seem to care if their town was in danger, unsettled him. Among other things, the side-looks that some gave to them was proof enough that things were different now than before the war. Fortunately, someone was clever enough to build the saloon close to the fort.

  Only a five minute walk from the fort, it seemed only natural for the people inside to welcome them. It was a spacious, two story building, with a wooden stage in the back of the room, and a black piano on top. It was still too early for the dancers to entertain the tenants, but Brian didn’t care for that. All that he needed was a bottle of beer and some time to shake off the exhaustion.

  He knew that their excursion would be a short one since every last one of them was still tired from the half-day march. However, as soon as everyone found a seat, their good spirits returned. The bartender, a woman in a black, fairly-revealing dress, had given specific orders for the dancers to start getting ready. Her gleaming eyes, and the very specific curves of her body, seemed to excite most of the men in the room.

  Oh my...maybe getting them so close to women, so soon, was not a good idea after all. However, most of the men looked reserved enough to just sit down and enjoy their cold drinks. That’s my boys for you. He grinned and swept the room with his eyes whilst waiting for the bartender to take his order.

  A woman in her early thirties approached him from behind, probably wanting to help him with his order. She said, “What will you have, honey?”

  “Don’t worry. I’m fine waiting here. Go take the order from the guys over there. They seem to need it more than I do.”

  The woman grinned at him and approached the other guys.

  Honey...it has been a long time since someone called me honey. He shook his head grinning, and returned his eyes to the bar. There, he saw her. While turning his head, he caught a glimpse of her beauty and couldn’t resist. Even his mind fell silent before her sight. What in the world…? His mouth was slightly open; the only thing he could do now was to follow her moves with his eyes.

  She was walking down the stairs slightly clumsily, her brown hair tangled from her hasty preparation. However, it didn’t matter to him. A home away from home? I don’t think so. But, how I should approach her?

  *****

  Dancing Through the Night

  Brian couldn’t fall asleep last night. At first, he blamed the mattress. It seemed like ages had passed since the last time he slept on a soft bed, his head resting on a feather pillow. He felt very comfortable but in an awkward kind of way. He didn’t know quite why.

  After a while, he started blaming the dry weather; he had got so used of the dampness and the wide open plains nowadays, that the room seemed small, and out of air. He had to take a walk outside, in the middle of the night, just to be able to regain some of his composure. But that wasn’t it either.

  It must be her. Her body, her eyes, her whole appearance. I can’t get her out of my head! Every time Brian changed side on the bed, his chest felt heavy, and his heart was skipping fast. He hadn’t felt like that in a long time, but at the same time he wasn’t able to truly identify his feelings towards her. What if it’s just my body reacting to the presence of a good-looking woman? But, would that keep me awake the whole night?

  His thoughts started getting tangled, his consciousness messing with his sleepless mind. Soon, her image got distorted in his mind, turning her figure into a peculiar dance of light and darkness, dream and reality.

  The dancer’s body, in his dreams, resembled a candle flame dancing in the rhythm of the howling wind. Brian couldn’t help but get lured to that flame, like a moth, not caring if he would get burned after embracing her. The only thing that mattered to him now was to dance with her, dance like there was nothing else in the world keeping them apart.

  “Wake up Private Campbell!” Corporal Jones was standing tall next to Brian’s bed, his voice tense and really loud.

  Brian got on his feet as fast as he could, saluting him on the way. “Sir, yes sir!” It took him some moments to understand why the corporal had woken him up so suddenly. It seemed that it was already morning, and he was still asleep.

  “Why aren’t you ready yet, private? Didn’t Sergeant Daniels ordered you to be ready at dawn? Well, it’s morning outside and you’re still asleep!” He made sure to shout out that last word.

  “I’m sorry, sir! You’re right, sir! It won’t happen again, sir!”

  Corporal Jones couldn’t help but grin at the struggling man. Jones was a man softened by war. It had turned him from a strict and unforgiving man to a compassionate and thoughtful one. The first impression that most people usually got from him was of a tense man, one that could easily intimidate someone just by looking at him. His thick mustache and his brown, short hair had started to turn gray, even though the Corporal was probably younger than Brian. However, once a man got to know him, he found out that Jones was kinder that most of his commanding officers.

  “Relax, Private Campbell. I j
ust had to make sure you got a good scolding. I can’t have the rest of the company questioning my authority. Get out of here now and make sure you don’t make me regret putting up a good word for you with the Sergeant.”

  Since Brian was still in his underwear, Corporal Jones was the one that got out of the room first. As soon as the officer closed the door behind him, Brian sighed, hunching his back. Phew. That was close. Better get ready.

  Brian kept looking at himself in the mirror. It was the end of a long day, and Corporal Jones had worked them hard.

  After taking a hot bath, and shaving his stubble, he was just standing there, looking at himself. He wasn’t sure he could recognize the man on the other side. I certainly look older, and rougher around the edges. But, even so, who is this man?

  He started touching his face, running his finger through all the lines of his edgy chin to the thick black hair on his head. How could a girl love me, or even like me? She must be in her early twenties, and I’m thirty years old and counting.

  Even so, Brian couldn’t give up—not yet that is. He knew Sergeant Daniels hadn’t still issued any orders for his company. That meant that it was very possible that some of them would have to return to the battlefield very soon. In his mind, thought, Brian was struggling throughout the day. He was trying to let go of her image, her magical figure. But, no matter how hard he tried, it was like her face was a beacon of light inside a long, and deep darkness.

  No matter where he was, or what he was doing, Brian was always thinking of her. Even while cleaning the toilets, or sweeping the floor, or when helping move things in the storage room. Everywhere and anytime, her picture in his mind kept him from doing his job.

  Some of his companions had started to notice, but fortunately they blamed the booze. They were all feeling a bit dizzy from last night, so Brian’s behavior was nothing out of the ordinary. However, throughout the day, he secretly planned how to meet her.