Sunlight and Shadows

by Christine Cross

  The night was closing in, throwing ghostly shadows over the camp site. Dan laid out the picnic blanket for the children to sleep on as midnight approached, but all that the children wanted to do was whisper and wait. Victoria needed another shot of brandy to calm her nerves which were in danger of completely breaking.

  “It’s alright,” Julie said, comforting her. “I know my brother, Nick. And he won’t come back until he finds her.”

  Victoria sobbed for the first time as she lay cradled in Julie’s arms. Natasha managed to heat some water up on the barbeques and make everyone a hot cup of strong, black tea. The night seemed hopelessly endless.

  *****

  “Cooee, cooee,” came the sound of the searchers as their voices echoed through the wilderness.

  “Surely, Nick and Katie can hear them,” sobbed Victoria as the morning sun began to climb up out of the east and high up into the lightening sky. “It’s morning already, and there’s still no sign of either of them.”

  “Let’s begin this day with a prayer, and then some breakfast. We have plenty of French sticks and salami left over from yesterday, and Natasha just found a tin of coffee and condensed milk in our old camping bag,” said Dan trying to bring about some sense of routine and normality. “We really do need to keep our strength up, so please everyone, try to eat something.”

  The children were delighted to have something as substantial as salami for breakfast, but an overwhelming sense of sadness and anxiety still hung over the campsite like a thick, suffocating blanket. However, the sound of the searchers gave everyone hope that soon Katie would be found and that Nick hadn’t got lost in the process of looking for her.

  Victoria had almost finished her second cup of strong coffee when she saw Nick suddenly emerge from the beginning of the bush track. And in his arms with a huge smile of relief on her face, was Katie! For a minute Victoria thought that the early morning mist was playing tricks on her mind, until she heard Katie’s voice scream out, “Mom!”

  “Oh, God, thank you!” she screamed, running towards Nick and Katie with outstretched arms. “Thank God, you’re safe and alive!”

  Trailing behind Nick the searchers slowly began to trickle back into the picnic area.

  “Looks like you didn’t really need us, Ma’am,” the Police Sergeant in charge of the operation informed Victoria. “This man here had it all figured out. He’s a real hero. Not only did he find her last night, but he had the sense to stay put with her until daylight. He knew we’d come and help if he needed us, but he would have made it back without us anyway. He really is a true hero!”

  Victoria couldn’t thank the searchers enough. Even though it was Nick that had found and rescued Katie, knowing that there were others out there searching had helped ease her mind a little. As the searchers headed off home, Victoria bundled up her daughter in her arms wanting to feel the reality of her whole being, and that she was back safe and sound, and not just a dream.

  “Oh, Katie, I was so worried!” was all she could manage to say.

  “It’s okay, Mom. I knew I was lost so I just stayed where I was until someone came along. I knew Nick or someone would come back looking for me. I just took a wrong turn at the suspension bridge. But I got a good shot of that lizard!”

  “Weren’t you frightened?” Victoria asked, surprised at her daughter’s tenacity.

  “Yeah, sometimes, but I just looked out at the moon and I felt God out there saying it would be alright. So I just waited and then Nick found me.”

  Victoria looked at Nick with gratitude in her eyes. “Thank you so much Nick. I will forever be indebted to you for saving Katie. I think you taught her a lot more about life than just surfing at that club of yours.”

  “Well, we do try to teach kids about having faith in the most difficult situations, so I guess Katie was just a good student. I think she saved herself. If she had lost faith and panicked she could have walked her way further into that bushland, and who knows where she would have ended up.”

  Nick put an embracing arm around both Victoria and Katie as they sat huddled together in complete silence. Time stood still as Victoria felt Nick’s strong arm around her providing her with comfort and a kind of caring and love that she hadn’t felt since Tom died.

  “Well, I think we should pack it up and head home,” said Dan, as Natasha finished putting away the last of the breakfast plates into the boot of the car. “We all need some sleep, and a good rest today.”

  Julie offered to drive Nick’s car back so that Victoria, Nick and Kate could ride together and get some much needed rest on the way down. It was almost mid-day when they pulled up at Nick’s house. It was a large restored old Queenslander home with verandahs all round and a day bed downstairs overlooking the ocean from the back of the house. There was nothing more that Victoria needed than to be with Nick and Katie for the rest of the day and arriving at his house seemed as natural as coming home.

  “Remember when you asked me just the other day about what more I wanted than us surfing together, Vicky?” Nick asked as they lay on the day bed overlooking the surf, both of them feeling glad and relieved that Katie was alive. “All I want is for us to be together. I want a future with you, and I want to adopt Katie as my daughter, but more than that I want you as my wife.”

  Victoria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And as she whispered, yes, yes, yes, Nick almost drowned out the sound of her voice as he placed his lips on hers and delivered to her the most passionate kiss she had ever known.

  THE END

  Bonus Story 8 of 20

  The Long Wait

  She did not want to go home. That was a new and very strange thought, but, as soon as it came to her, she knew it was true.

  Angela Pierce sat in the driver’s seat of her car, staring hard at the bright red front door to the home she'd shared with her husband, Andrew not one year ago.

  She had been back only twice since they separated six months ago. Once to get her things and move them into her parent's home and once because her phycologist had suggested it. She said it would be good for her to come to terms with the bad memories in the house. It hadn't helped like her psychologist had said it would. And, she promised herself that she wouldn't return again.

  Now, she could hardly believe that she was willingly coming back to this place.

  It was a nice house. One story, red brick with a thatched roof and tulips growing in the front garden. They guided a bright stone path that led to that red front door.

  She used to love the house. One year ago, just the thought of it would have been enough to make her smile. But now, she could hardly stand the sight of it.

  Andrew would be inside, she knew that. It was six o'clock. He was always home at six. From what she could tell, his unflappable schedule had remained unchanged with their separation.

  Andrew was another thing that used to make her smile. When they were together, she used to treasure the thought of coming home from work to find him there. Now, the idea of facing him was worse than contemplating a root canal or jumping off a bridge

  She had never been good at confrontation. And, when she told him what she had to tell him, when he learned what she was going to do, there was bound to be one.

  Her eyes darted of their own accord to the envelope lying beside her in the passenger seat of the car. The longer Angela stared at it, the more it looked like a ticking time bomb about to explode any second.

  She glanced from the envelope up back up to the red door.

  She didn’t want to go inside. But, she knew she had to.

  Her mother had told her she should talk to Andrew about this, that he deserved to know. She knew her mom was right. That didn't make the task any less difficult.

  Leaning over the seat, she grasped the little white envelope and stuffed it into her purse. She felt as though she was hiding a shameful secret. Then she realized, with a chuckle, that was exactly what she’d been doing.

  Well, it wouldn’t remain a secret much longer.r />
  Silently she closed her eyes and sent up a quick prayer.

  "God," she thought. "Please give me the courage I need. Please allow me to tell my husband what I need to do."

  She opened her eyes and looked into the small, rearview mirror. She didn't feel much better. To be honest, she hardly ever did after she prayed. She never felt the sense of calm that her dad reported feeling. She never felt the sense of assurance her mother experienced. To tell the truth, after what had happened one year ago, it was difficult for her to believe God heard her anymore. She kept praying all the same. She supposed it was a force of habit.

  She took long deep breaths as she walked up the path towards the door. The light from the spring sun was still hitting against it making it seem even cheerier than it had when she and Andrew had first bought the place.

  She dug the key she still had out of her purse. She'd tried to give it back to Andrew when she'd first moved out. But, he had insisted on her keeping it.

  "This is still your home," he'd told her. "Even if you don't realize it."

  Shaking her head slightly as though to remove the memory, she opened the door and moved inside. She closed the door and set everything she carried, except the envelope down beside the coat rack. She stared at it a long moment marveling at the ordinariness of the action. She had set her things down as though she did so every day. The way she used to one year ago.

  It took another moment and several more deep breaths to convince her to walk into the study. That was where she knew Andrew would be.

  Sure enough, when she opened the door, he was there. Bent over the laptop at his desk, papers neatly stacked beside him, typing furiously with his brow furrowed.

  Even though she knew it would disappear soon, even though she knew the dreaded confrontation was coming, she couldn’t help but feel a bittersweet pang in her heart when she looked at him.

  His tall frame sat still in the leather office chair when she moved closer, she could see his reddish brown hair falling slightly into his green eyes as he narrowed them at the computer screen. His brow, prematurely wrinkled, furrowed in concentration.

  She knew whatever topic his graduate work in US history had him researching, he was utterly fascinated by it. Then again, he seemed to be utterly fascinated with all the work he did. Angela couldn’t help but envy him for that.

  She coughed lightly, trying to take Andrew's attention away from the history research paper in front of him. She knew it wouldn't be an easy feat. It never was when he was working on a research paper. It was, oddly, what he loved best about being a history professor. Teaching was secondary.

  Sure enough, he did not turn around or acknowledge the presence of another person in the room. Angela would have to try harder to get his attention.

  "Andrew?" she asked gently.

  She almost laughed when he gasped and jumped nearly a foot in the air. He put a hand to his head before turning around. His deep green eyes widened when he saw her and he stood up hastily from his computer

  “Angela!” he said. “I didn’t hear you come in! Wha-what are you doing here?"

  "Mom thought I should come by," she said. "I need to talk to you about something if you've got a minute."

  "Of course," he said. The surprise on his face gave way to a sort of hopeful smile. "I've always got time for you. Would you like to come into the living room."

  "Sure, thanks," she said.

  As he led her into the living room, hopeful jaunt to his step and a small smile still lighting up the blue in his eyes, a guilty knot formed in the pit of Angela's stomach.

  She knew why he thought she was here. He thought this was the next step in their reconciliation. She didn't know how he would take it when she told him that wasn't the case. At least not really.

  She sat down on the wooden rocking chair next to the loveseat beside the coffee table.

  "Can I get you anything to drink?" he asked. "Water or-"

  "No, I'm fine, thanks," Angela said. Andrew nodded, the hopeful smile disappeared slightly from his face. All the same, he sat down at the edge of the love seat next to her.

  "This thing you've got to tell me," he said. "It's nothing too bad I hope."

  She felt her face flush as she struggled to answer.

  “N-no,” she stammered. “Not bad, really.”

  “But important?” he asked his green eyes narrowing and looking deeply into her blue ones.

  “Yes,” she answered finally. “It is important.”

  “Ok,” he said. “Now, what’s this important thing you’ve got to tell me.”

  She took another breath and picked up the envelope.

  “Well,” she said slowly. “It’s sort of about...my mom.”

  “What’s wrong?” Andrew said, moving closer to her and looking concerned. “Is she sick or-”

  “No,” Angela said shaking her head. “Mom’s ok. Anyway, I don’t mean her. I mean my...birth mom.”

  Andrew moved back a bit on the couch, his eyes widening.

  “You mean the one who abandoned you?” he asked.

  “She gave me up for adoption,” Angela replied defensively. “But, yes. I was thinking about meeting her.”

  “Angela, I thought you’d already talked to your parents about this,” he said. “You decided when you were eighteen that you didn’t want to see her.”

  “I know,” Angela said. She turned away from him and looked down at the white envelope in her hands. “But that was before...I mean that was, before.”

  Her hands gripped more tightly onto the envelope and she felt heat race up her face as her eyes filled with tears. She thought of wiping them away as they fell on her cheeks but decided against it. If she did that, it would prove that they were there. It would prove that she still wasn’t over it.

  “Angela,” Andrew said gently, his voice forcing her eyes to move up to him. “I know how hard this year’s been for you. Believe me. It’s been tough for me too. But...I don’t see how meeting your birth mother is going to help.”

  She looked down at the envelope once more and tried to remember all the arguments she had rehearsed on her way home. Slowly, the words began to come back to her.

  “I can ask her about our family medical history,” she said quickly. “I can ask her if she’s ever had problems like...like the one I’m having. Right now, I can’t answer questions about fertility in my family, how many brothers and sisters and cousins I have. If there’s a history of…”

  She hesitated to say the word ‘miscarriage’. It was as if saying it might bring it back, might verify that she had had one, or two or three. Like a curse that, if spoken out loud will never leave.

  “...of problems having children,” she finished lamely. Though she did not say it, she could tell from the way Andrew shifted told her that the cursed word hung between them all the same.

  They were silent for a moment.

  “Do you know where she is?” he asked finally. “Your birth mom?”

  “She’s in California. Sacramento.”

  “How are you supposed to meet her if she’s all the way in California?” he asked.

  It was a fair question. After all, Sacramento was three hours from their little house in the Texas Hill Country by plane and more than three days by car.

  Angela felt the heat race up her face once more. This, she knew was where the little white envelope came in.

  She looked down at it and slowly opened the flap.

  “Dad bought a ticket for me to fly out there,” she said. "He actually bought an extra one too. Just in case."

  “When?” Andrew asked surprised.

  “This weekend,” Angela answered quietly. "Mom said I should let you know. Just in case you wanted to come or...or anything."

  He let out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a laugh as he lifted himself from the couch. He began pacing as he always did when he was upset about something.

  “Jesus, Angie!” he said. “How long have you been planning this?”

  “I
talked to dad about it two weeks ago,” she admitted. “He and mom got in touch with Faith. That’s my birth mom. They asked if she would be willing to meet me and she said yes. We made plans for me to meet her this weekend.”

  “So, you’re just going to drop everything? Your work?

  “I’ll only miss one day of work,” she said. “And, like I said, I talked to dad about it. He knows I’ll be gone.”

  That was one advantage of working as the receptionist at her father's church. Her dad always knew when she would be away.

  “So, you talked to your parents about this, but you didn’t talk to me?”

  "Andrew, we're separated," she said once again defensively. "Separated means that there are things I can do on my own now. With...without your approval."

  It sounded selfish even as the words exited her mouth. Even so, she knew that she meant them. She and Andrew no longer shared a home. Depending on how this meeting with her birth mother went, Angela didn't know if they ever would again.

  Andrew had always wanted children. When they were first married, they'd talked about having a big family. Five or six kids. It was his dream, almost more than hers. If she couldn't give that to him...it was better for both of them if he found someone else who could.

  "If you wanted to do this on your own," Andrew said quietly, sitting back down on the couch. "Why did you come here to tell me."

  "Like I said," she told him. "Mom thought it would be a good idea. Dad even bought an extra ticket in case you...wanted to come with me."

  Andrew looked up at her when she said that. His green eyes narrowed and Angela became half hopeful and half terrified that he might take up the offer right there.

  Even she didn't really know if she wanted him to come with her or not. Most of her mind said that his was her trip. Her birth mother. Something she needed to do alone.