Andrew’s arms wrapped fully around her and pulled her into his chest. Against her better judgment, she leaned against him for a moment. For one moment, she let the warmth of his body fill her, comforting her as she longed to be comforted.
A moment later, she pushed back from him and moved away towards the bed.
She looked into his eyes filled, once again with hurt and confusion. She knew she would have to tell him what she had planned. That she couldn't be with him.
She opened her mouth trying to tell him all her reasoning and logic. All the arguments for their separation she had accrued over the last few months.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered finally. It was the only thing among the myriad things whirling around her mind that she was able to voice. And, she was barely aware that the word had come from her lips.
“What are you sorry for?” he asked urgently. He moved towards her, his hand reaching out to touch her. She backed away from him and sank onto the bed.
"Because I can't be with you," she said. "I can't be married to you anymore."
She heard his intake of breath. She felt him move slowly, hesitantly towards her. She swore she felt the last hope drain out of him, even though she didn't dare lift her eyes to meet his.
"Why can't you be with me?" he asked.
"Because there’s something wrong with me!" she said. "There's something wrong with my body and that’s why I can’t-”
“There is nothing wrong with you,” Andrew said firmly. She felt him drop heavily onto the bed and move his hands up to rest on her shoulders. She looked at him warily. Tears still filling her eyes.
“We knew at the start that, if we were meant to have a family it would happen in God’s time. Not ours.”
“But, if I can't have children," she insisted. "Then God can't have meant you to stay with me forever. Not when having kids would make you so happy."
“You make me happy,” Andrew insisted arms pressing hard against her shoulders as though he wanted to insist upon the truth of that statement. "If you're with me then I'm happy. God didn't put us together so that we could have kids. He put us together because we help eachother...we...we compliment each other. And, If God wants us to have a baby, he’ll give us one. If we don’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.”
“But, you’ve always wanted a family,” Angela said. “You said-”
“Angela!” He turned her to face him and she looked into his green eyes, this time, they seemed set with resolve as firm as hers had been just one minute before.
"As long as I have you, I don't need anything else. I didn't marry you because I thought you would be able to give me a mountain of kids. I married you because I loved you! I still do!"
“But, what if I never-”
“Then, we’ll adopt,” he said. “We’ll do whatever God wants us to do. No matter how many plans we have, in the end, his are the only ones that matter.”
Angela felt her husband’s arm move slowly over her shoulders and finally down to settle on her waist. Her heart flipped over in her chest at the long forgotten touch. She looked into his eyes and felt her anxious heart slow inside. Finally, for what felt like the first time in one year, she gave him a genuine smile.
“What is that old saying?” she asked finally. “If you want to hear God laugh, make a plan?”
Andrew chuckled at her and moved his free hand up to tangle in her hair. Finally, hesitantly, she moved towards him and laid her head on his chest.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
“For what?” he asked. His chin was, once again, resting on her head and she felt his words move through her as though warming her from the inside out.
She pulled away once more and looked into his eyes.
“For being you,” she said with a smile. He returned the smile tenfold.
"Does this mean you'll take me back?" he asked.
"I guess it does," she said with a smile. "If you're willing to live with me with all my...issues. Then, I guess I'm willing to live with you."
He moved his hand from her hair and gently cupped her cheek. He moved her forward and pressed his lips gently to hers.
As the kiss deepened, Angela could not help but think that maybe, just maybe, Andrew was right. Maybe, for now, he was all the family she needed.
Chapter Five
Angela stood in the bathroom looking down at the small stick lying flat on the marble surface of her sink. Her eyes kept darting back and forth between the stick and the timer she had just set as though that would somehow make the time pass more quickly.
It had been six weeks since she’d returned from her less than productive trip to Sacramento. And three weeks since she'd moved back into the small house with Andrew. Now, she was repeating a ritual which had let her down more than once.
She looked at the clock again, almost not daring to believe that less than thirty seconds had passed on the timer she’d set for the test. The instructions said to wait two minutes. They always said to wait two minutes and every time she did, she felt as though that two minutes lasted two hours, sometimes even two days.
Anxiously, Angela tapped her fingers on the sink as she looked up at the mirror. Her heart leaped strangely when she saw her own reflection staring back at her.
She knew something was different this time, she could feel it. She remembered feeling this way only once before. And, that was a year ago. That was the last time this had happened.
Her heart, so light and joyfully anxious faltered when that horrible memory came to light once more. She’d felt every bit as light and happy then as she did now. Then, three weeks later, it had all ended in heartbreak.
Slowly, she closed her eyes and tried her best to remember what Andrew had told her that night. The night in the hotel. The night something miraculous just might have happened to them.
“God’s plans are not our plans. It has to be his timing.”
Her eyes were still pressed closed when she heard the ringing beep go off on the timer. Her first instinct was to allow her eyes to fly open. To look down and see what that small stick had to say to her.
Instead, she kept her eyes closed as she pressed the button to clear the timer on the sink.
God, she prayed silently. No matter what. Even if I don’t see what I want when I open my eyes, please let me be satisfied. Help me to understand that you know best. You know a thousand times more than I ever can. Your will be done.
A shiver of something like relief flooded through her and she opened her eyes once more. Before looking down, she looked at her face in the mirror.
Calm. She looked calm now. Certainly calmer than she had only moments before.
She listened for the sound of Andrew’s footsteps outside. She noticed that his feet had stopped pacing the carpet. She would bet that he was standing just outside the door.
“Sweetheart?” sure enough, his voice called through. “Is everything ok?”
She had to smile at the anxiety in his voice. She knew this meant just as much to him as it did to her. Maybe even more.
“Just a minute,” she called back to him. Her heart began to beat a tad bit quicker in her chest when she looked down at the test in front of her.
When she did, she blinked twice to be sure of what she was seeing. Once positive that it wasn’t a mistake or a trick of the light, she took a deep breath and, trying to keep her face as neutral as possible, walked out of the bathroom.
She stood in the doorway and saw Andrew leaned up against the bed they shared. He was bent over and one hand was covering his face. It looked as though he was about to faint.
Despite herself, she couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. When she did, he looked up. His eyes were wide and his face was red. He moved to her quickly as though waiting to hear news about a loved one’s surgery from a doctor.
“Well?” he asked. “What did it say?”
Angela looked at him and took another deep breath hoping to settle her nerves. Then, she took the test in hand and lifted it u
p for him to read himself.
His eyes grew even wider in his head as he looked down at the pregnancy test in Angela’s hands. She recognized the blink of incomprehension as he stared at it. Finally, he looked back up to her as though waiting for her to call out “April Fools!”
“Are you...I mean...is this right?” he asked
“I’ll have to go to the doctor to be sure,” she said. All the same, she could not help the smile that spread across her face. Finally, a beaming smile moved over Andrew’s features as well.
With a sound halfway between a shout and a laugh, he gathered Angela in his arms and picked her fully off the ground. Angela let out a small yell of surprise and joy as he spun her around the room.
“I told you,” he said, laughter still lacing his voice when he finally put her down. “I told you it would happen when God wanted it to happen. I guess this is what he wanted.”
“And, I guess you were right,” Angela said. She’d pulled away from him slightly though their faces were still inches apart. A flirtatious spark flew into Andrew’s eyes.
“What was that?” he asked.
“Don’t make me say it again,” Angela said with a giggle.
“I guess admitting I was right once is enough for me,” he said.
“It should be.”
With that, she leaned forward and kissed her husband on the lips. As he put his arms around her, Angela felt another silent prayer of thanks float up to God in heaven.
She thanked him not only for giving her another child but for giving her a loving man who she was desperate to share her child with.
THE END
Bonus Story 9 of 20
An Unusual Arrangement
Prologue
Eliza
He was coming for her.
That was the only thought running through Eliza Howlstead’s mind as she slumped down against a large oak tree growing along the side of the road.
Her father would come for her. If not her father, then the other man. The one she didn’t dare to think about. The one who had helped her father beat her bloody when they’d discovered her...condition.
She rubbed one hand over her swollen stomach and felt the tiny foot, growing inside it, kick in discomfort.
“I know, little one,” she whispered to the child in her belly. “I’m tired too. But, we have to keep going.”
Eliza took in a deep breath and looked towards the dimming light along the brown dirt road. With a resigned nod, she forced her aching, swollen feet to march, once again, along the path.
She had been walking since first light that morning. Since she slipped out through the back door of her father’s house and began to run down this western road.
She’d given up running a little after dawn. But, she didn’t dare diverge from this path.
There was a town at the end of this road. There, Eliza hoped, prayed, she might find shelter. Possibly at a local church. Maybe a good Samaritan would take her in.
Anything would be better than the fate that would await her at her father’s home. The home where her father had promised to tear her child from her arms as soon as he was born.
“Just a little further,” she whispered half to herself and half to the child in her belly.
But, as she reached a small signpost that marked the way towards town, she realized that was a lie. She still had three more miles to walk before she reached even the edge of town.
The sun was shrinking fast behind the horizon. Eliza knew that she could not continue walking in the dark. She had no lantern, nothing to light her way. And, in her condition, she was likely to fall and harm either herself or the baby. Possibly both.
Though she feared any attempt to slow her gait or stop, her swollen ankles and aching feet told her as surely as the light disappearing in the sky that she could not go on any further.
She looked to either side of the road. There was nothing but corn fields and cow pastures as far as she could see. No houses where she might ask for shelter. Not even a barn she might sneak into to spend the night.
That was when she heard it.
The clomping of hooves pounding against the ground.
She froze and listened. The horse was large. In her mind, she could see the fierce black creature ridden by Charlie Sanders, the bounty hunter her father knew well. The one he had promised Eliza to in marriage.
“Whoa!” a loud voice cried around the bend.
At the sound of the voice, she began to run. She could not see the horse or be sure of its true rider, but neither could she take the chance.
Finally, as she rushed along the road, she spied a small brown, barn-like structure not far off.
She made her way towards it, running as fast as her swollen stomach, feet, and ankles would allow her. She reached the building just as the clomping of hooves sounded behind her again on the road.
Again, without checking behind her to see the identity of the follower, she threw herself behind the building so that she was hidden from the road. She remained pressed against the building, not daring to breathe until she heard the horse pass.
When it did, she let out a breath and dared to peek at the back of the horse and rider from behind the barn.
A sigh of relief washed over her when she realized, even in the dim light, the rider was not Charlie.
He was a good two inches shorter than Charlie. And she could tell that this rider had a slender build. The man who would be in pursuit of her had large shoulders and a stout, intimidating presence.
Her relief was tempered by caution. Her father would send Charlie after her. It might take days or weeks for him to seek her out but, there was no doubt that he would.
And, in the meantime, she needed somewhere to spend the night. She looked again at the barn and to her surprise and delight, found a window with an outer latch just next to the place where she stood.
With a quick glance about her to make sure that no one would see the crime she was about to commit, she lifted the latch on the window and, carefully as she could, crawled inside.
She meant to turn around and close the window once more. But, as soon as she found the soft hay inside the barn, her body pleaded with her to sit and rest her feet. She did.
Leaning gently over her stomach, she removed the shoes from her feet and rubbed at her aching callused heels.
She let out another sigh, this one of exhaustion as she leaned back against a protruding haystack. As she did, she felt the child shift inside her. As though the baby was getting comfortable as well.
“We won’t be here long, little one,” she whispered. “We’ll leave at first light. Before anyone can find us.”
With this promise, she leaned against the haystack, closed her tired eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
*****
Joshua
“Joshua, are you listening?”
Joshua nearly jumped at the sound of his brother’s hard voice and turned from the window to see Ben staring at him from across the kitchen table. Joshua shook his head to clear his thoughts.
“I’m sorry, Ben,” he said. “I must’ve let my mind wander.”
Ben let out a barely disguised huff of frustration as he took a spoonful of porridge as though to calm his nerves. Joshua was certain to keep his eyes trained on his brother this time. He knew if he didn’t, his mind would flit willfully back to his work out in the horse barn.
“I said,” Ben continued irritably setting down his spoon with a loud clank on the side of his bowl. “We’ll need to get the gate to the pig pen fixed today. You’ve let it go far too long.”
Joshua wanted to point out to his brother that he was not the only one working on the farm and that he was certainly not the only one in charge of the pigs, but he knew that wouldn’t do him any good. It would only make Ben more frustrated.
So Joshua nodded and allowed himself to look back out the window towards purple haze created by the sun’s rising over the horse barn.
On mornings like this, Joshua couldn’t he
lp but feel more than a little anxious to get out to that barn. To see his horses, set them out to pasture and watch them run and gallop along the fence line. And finally, to work on his saddles.
He’d been creating his own saddles out of any leather he could find since he was a boy. His father had taught him how to do it when he was eight years old. Since then, he’d perfected it, turned it into a sort of art, always trying to improve on his last work.
Ben knew that Joshua made his own saddles for the horses. The older brother even encouraged Joshua in this work. Saddles were expensive and if they could be made at home, all the better for saving money.
What Ben didn’t know, and what Joshua would never tell him, was that he had been taking extra saddles with him to sell when he went to town once a month. He hadn’t told his brother that he’d sold at least ten of these extra saddles for a hefty profit. And he certainly did not tell him what he planned to do with his new found money.
“It’s getting light,” Joshua noted. “The horses will get restless if I don’t get out there soon.”
“You’ve hardly touched your breakfast,” a new voice said across the table. This belonged to Isabell, Ben’s wife of nearly two years.
Joshua looked across at the woman who always had a kind smile for him. She was pretty enough with blonde hair tied back and away from her face and green eyes. She seemed to take a bit of the edge off Ben.
Joshua supposed that was why he’d never found the courage to tell his sister-in-law that her cooking tasted nearly as bad as horse meal.
Instead, he felt a guilty knot form in his stomach when he smiled back at her and looked back down at his plate. The porridge was dull, watery, and gray in color.
He took a deep breath and swallowed one bite down then one more. Finally, he put his spoon down.
“I’m too full for anymore, Isabell,” he said. “If it’s all right, I’ll excuse myself and get started on the horses.”
Sunlight and Shadows Page 28
