Having My Baby

by Theresa Ragan

  “I know it looks bad, Maggie. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I had seen what everyone else saw a long time ago. I love you like a sister, but the truth is, I love Jill. I didn’t know what love was until I met her.”

  Maggie clicked the Off button. “For the record,” she told Jill, “I didn’t want to run off and marry Derrick, but I knew Derrick was falling for you way before he knew it himself. I also knew that the only way to make him see the truth was to offer him what he thought he wanted. It was a low blow, but I taped the conversation.” She held up the recorder. “I did it because I wanted proof for Aaron. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to convince Aaron that Derrick didn’t love me the same way Aaron loves me. I love Aaron. I always have.” She dropped the recorder into her purse. “You must think I’m nuts for stooping so low.” Maggie sighed. “I just needed everyone to know that truth once and for all.”

  “I don’t think you’re nuts,” Jill said. “I appreciate everything you’ve done.” She shook her head. “I will say that I’m at a loss for words.”

  “That’s understandable,” Maggie said, “but there’s one more thing.”

  Jill waited.

  “Derrick wasn’t ready to tell everyone in the courtroom, but he talked to his coach yesterday. He won’t be playing football any longer. I guess his knee is worse than we all realized. He’s retiring from the NFL.”

  “What’s he going to do?”

  “I’m not sure. I just thought you might want to know.”

  Jill wasn’t sure exactly what Maggie expected from her, but she had a feeling she was trying to play matchmaker. “Thanks for telling me…and for allowing me to listen to the tape.”

  “No problem.” Maggie reached into her purse again and this time she handed Jill a business card. “If you ever need a good lawyer, or just a friend, give me a call.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Derrick had landed at LAX forty-five minutes ago, and he was glad to be home. It was Friday. He set the flowers he’d bought in the terminal on the passenger seat, put the key in the ignition, and headed for Burbank. Four days had passed since he’d left Jill and her lawyers in the courtroom. All four of those days were spent in New York City interviewing for a job.

  After the mediation fiasco, he’d driven straight to his Malibu home. He’d allowed himself twenty-four hours to release his frustrations by swimming and shooting hoops. He’d been angry at the tactics Jill’s lawyers had used and frustrated by Jill’s refusal to see that it was best if he was in his son’s life. He was also aggravated with himself for causing his family so much pain, first by coming between Aaron and Maggie and then by having their private lives thrown to the wolves. His parents had been through enough. And yet he’d continuously caused them trouble, and what did they do to punish him? Within hours of returning to his Malibu home from mediation, they smothered him with cards and phone calls and more love than any one man deserved.

  It hadn’t helped matters that his football career was over. But it didn’t take him long to focus on the good, remember how lucky he was, and to once again feel grateful for all he had. By the time Gary Chamberlain called, asking him to fly back East to interview for a television commentator job, he was done with his pity-party and ready to tackle life head on.

  Although the sharp pain pulsing through his knee was nothing compared to the pain he felt in his chest, a bottomless ache he knew wouldn’t go away until he saw Jill again, he needed to take care of business first. He’d wanted to have something more than his heart to offer Jill when he returned home. He wanted to offer her a future.

  And now that he was home again, he was ready.

  ~~~

  Jill reviewed the list of articles they had planned for next month’s issue and then moved on to the advertising and marketing they had planned. Sandy had done a superb job of getting advertisers excited about this month’s issue.

  Chelsey had already discussed her plans for the layout. Now she stood in the kitchen and looked out the window over Jill’s sink. “So, Derrick moved out of the building?”

  “I don’t think he moved,” Sandy said. “I peeked through his window and everything looks the same.”

  “You should call him,” Chelsey told Jill.

  “I tried, but he never returned my call. What does it matter anyhow? I’m beginning to think there’s not a man in the world who truly knows what he wants out of life.”

  Chelsey sat on the chair across from Jill. Her brow puckered. “I thought you said you heard a tape recording of Derrick’s voice telling his lawyer he loved you.”

  “That’s right, I did.”

  “Maybe you should go after him.”

  “Why? He knows where to find me.”

  “Well, you did show up at mediation with three lawyers and then proceed to destroy his family, one member at a time. I mean, come on. We all know his family means everything to him. And if you really loved him, then you would go to him.”

  Jill frowned. “I told him right then and there that I had no idea Thomas was going to pull such a stunt.” Jill didn’t like the painful tug she felt inside, so she did her best to ignore it. “Derrick knows I was only trying to protect Ryan. Besides, I’m sure his family has told him I tore up the contract and kicked Thomas and his lawyer friends out of there. What else could I have done?”

  Sandy exhaled. “Nothing. You did everything you could.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Jill said. “I have a date with Nate tonight and I don’t want to feel depressed when he picks me up.”

  Chelsey raised a brow. “You have a date with the doctor?”

  “It’s no big deal,” Jill assured her. “Nate knows I have a lot to deal with right now. We’re just friends.”

  ~~~

  For what seemed like the hundredth time, Derrick stood in front of Jill’s door.

  He was dressed in a suit and tie of all things and he was holding two dozen red roses. Tucked inside his jacket pocket was a diamond ring, a two-carat flawless emerald cut antique that he’d splurged on after he’d turned down the job in New York and taken the broadcasting job in Los Angeles instead.

  When he knocked, he noticed that his hands were trembling. He tried to laugh off the nerves. Believing it couldn’t get any worse, Sandy opened the door.

  Lexi screamed with joy when she saw him, latching onto his leg with such a loving fierceness, he thought his heart would melt. The kid was growing on him…literally.

  He looked over Sandy’s shoulder, trying to see into the apartment. “Is Jill home?”

  “No, she’s not.” She leaned forward, close to his ear, so Lexi wouldn’t overhear. “What the hell took you so long?”

  “I just got off a plane from New York a few hours ago. I came as fast as I could.”

  “You were in New York? Connor didn’t tell me you went to New York.”

  “Nobody knew.”

  Sandy crossed her arms. “She called you the day after the whole mediation mess.”

  He raked his fingers through his hair. “That must have been the restricted call I didn’t pick up.”

  “What were you thinking not picking up the phone?”

  “At the time, I’d had a couple of crappy days.”

  “Well, you snooze, you lose. She’s on a date with Nate.”

  “I thought she told him to take a hike?”

  “Apparently they’re just friends.”

  “Great. Just great.”

  “Howiewood,” Lexi said, tugging on his pants, determined to get his attention.

  He patted the top of her head. “What is it, Lexi?”

  “Wanna pway Barbies?”

  He looked at Sandy and she moved to the side so he could come inside.

  “Sure,” he told Lexi. “Is Ryan in his room?”

  Sandy nodded. “He should be waking up any time now.”

  “Why don’t you let me watch Ryan until she gets home?” Derrick asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know.
” Sandy angled her head. “Unless—”

  “Unless what?”

  “I was supposed to go out with your brother tonight and you were supposed to be my babysitter.”

  “It’s Friday. You’re right. I’m sorry. It completely slipped my mind.”

  “Here, let me take those.” Sandy took the flowers from him and headed for the kitchen.

  While Lexi ran off to collect dolls, Sandy searched for a vase for the flowers. “If you watch Lexi,” Sandy said, “I’ll still have time to run home, get dressed, and surprise Connor.”

  “I don’t know—”

  “I’m not leaving Ryan and risking my friendship for nothing. As far as I’m concerned, you owe me.”

  He wanted, make that needed, to spend time with Jill alone. He wanted to make her an offer he prayed she wouldn’t refuse. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

  Lexi came running into the room with a backpack filled with dolls. Legs and arms stuck out of every crevice, making him realize he’d truly just struck a deal with the devil.

  “Great.” Sandy dropped the flowers to the counter, forgetting all about looking for a vase. She kneeled down so she was at eye level with her daughter. “Derrick is going to watch you until Jill returns home. How does that sound?”

  “Yay!”

  “But no more ice cream, okay?”

  “Boo!”

  It took Sandy under two minutes to gather her coat and purse and get to the door. She gave Derrick the once over. “You look nice by the way.”

  “Thanks.”

  She didn’t open the door to leave. Instead, she stood there with her hand on the knob.

  “What is it?”

  “A part of me really wants to stay and see what happens between you and Jill.”

  He frowned. “Why? What do you think will happen?”

  “I have no idea. That’s why I’m so curious.”

  For the first time since he’d told Sandy he would watch Lexi, she stopped smiling and that worried him. “How angry is she?”

  “I don’t think Jill was ever angry, maybe just a little sad because she’s never been loved the way she wants to be loved. She certainly doesn’t believe you would ever come for her.”

  “She’s not exactly waiting by the phone.”

  “No, she couldn’t do that again. She didn’t want to go tonight, but she had to go. Self-preservation and all that jazz.”

  His heart dropped to his stomach. He felt warm. He took his jacket off and hung it over his arm. “I had to go for the interview otherwise I would have had nothing to offer her and Ryan when I returned.”

  “She only wants you.”

  “I don’t think she’d mind a little help putting Ryan through college later.” He exhaled. “What time is Jill supposed to be home?”

  “She didn’t say.”

  “What time are you going to be home?”

  “It depends on how things go.”

  Derrick couldn’t remember the last time Connor went out with a woman. It was going to be a long night. “Why am I getting the sinking feeling this might not go as well as I thought?”

  She laughed at his expense, said goodbye to Lexi one more time, and then headed out the door. Before he could close it, she whispered, “Did you bring a ring?”

  He nodded.

  Her eyes brightened. “Well, good luck then. You’re going to need it.”

  “Thanks.”

  ~~~

  Not long after Sandy left, Derrick moved Ryan, Lexi, and all of her toys over to his apartment so he could get out of his suit and into something more comfortable. For over an hour he’d been watching Lexi hang onto the back of his couch as she jumped up and down. The girl refused to run out of energy. He’d never seen anything like it. Just watching Lexi from his seat on the couch made him tired.

  It was nine o’clock.

  Where was Jill?

  If she and Nate were only friends, she would have been home by now.

  “Howiewood?”

  “Yes, Lexi?”

  “Can I have more ice cream yet?”

  “No way. You already had some and your mom said no ice cream.”

  She stopped jumping long enough to turn toward him. She pointed an accusing finger at him and her eyes narrowed. “You are in wots of trouble, mister.”

  “Story of my life.”

  She turned back toward the window and started jumping again.

  “Is Jill home yet?” he asked her.

  “Nope,” Lexi said. “Wanna pway more Barbies?”

  “No. Ken’s tired. He went on vacation, remember?”

  She stopped moving again and looked toward the ceiling. “I think I hear him coming back.”

  Derrick followed suit and looked toward the ceiling too. “I don’t think so. He’s in Hawaii right now. I’m pretty sure he rented once of those underwater cages so he could watch the sharks swim by.”

  She grinned, a Cheshire cat grin. Then she jumped off the couch and ran down the hall. Fifteen seconds later, she was back with Barbie and Ken. This time she handed him Barbie and kept Ken for herself. She pressed Ken’s face against Barbie’s plastic face and said, “Pweaze marry me.”

  He did his best imitation of a high girly voice. “No way, Jose.”

  “Why not? I wuv you.”

  “For starters, you’re too skinny. I think you eat too many vegetables.”

  “I wike brocowi,” she said in Ken’s voice.

  “I can tell.”

  “I’m Ken,” Lexi reminded Barbie next. “I’m perfect.”

  “Nobody’s perfect.”

  “If you don’t marry me I’m going to eat more ice cream.”

  “If I give you more ice cream, Ken,” he squeaked as he moved Barbie’s arms, “then will you go back on vacation and stop asking me to marry you?”

  “Yes,” Lexi said.

  “It’s a deal.” They both threw down their dolls and ran to the kitchen laughing.

  ~~~

  It was after midnight when Derrick finally heard Jill’s voice outside her apartment. He moved closer to the window, disappointed to see that Nate had decided to walk her to the door.

  His window was partially open and he heard Nate say something.

  He cringed when Jill laughed and laid a hand on his arm. Nate leaned forward.

  Derrick jumped to his feet and ran to the door. The man was going in for the kill.

  He opened the door in time to see Nate pick something up from the ground.

  “Look at that,” Nate said. “Find a penny, pick it up, and all that day you’ll have good luck.” He looked toward Derrick’s open door. “He’s back.” He tossed the penny back on the ground.

  Derrick ignored him. “It’s cold out there,” he said to Jill. “Where’s your coat?”

  Jill peered into the dark toward his apartment. “Is that you, Derrick?”

  “Of course it’s me. It’s after midnight,” he told her in case she didn’t know.

  Jill stood on tiptoes and whispered something into Nate’s ear.

  Nate kissed her cheek, sighed, and headed back the way he came, walking quietly down the stairs before disappearing into the night.

  Jill turned toward him. Even in the dark he could see her eyes glowing like a wild beast in the night. “You just ruined my date,” she said.

  “According to Sandy, the two of you are just friends.”

  “God, she has a big mouth.” She shuffled around inside her purse for her keys.

  “Ryan and Lexi are asleep in my apartment. They’re in Ryan’s room.”

  “Where’s Sandy?”

  “I bribed her to leave Ryan with me. If you’re going to get angry with anyone, it should be at me.”

  “Okay, I’m mad at you then. You have no right to just pop in whenever you feel like it and take my son. I don’t like that.”

  “It won’t happen again.”

  She crossed the hall and walked toward him.

  He was inside. She was outside. They stood there
for a moment, face to face, nobody saying a word.

  “What do you want, Derrick?”

  He raised a hand to the doorframe. “I’ll tell you what I don’t want.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “Life has a way of passing you by if you don’t take charge and make every moment count. I don’t want my son to knock on my door eighteen years from now and ask me why the hell I didn’t care enough to be a part of his life. I don’t want my son to think his father didn’t love him enough to fight for him. I don’t want to fight you, Jill. I love you. I’m glad you’re Ryan’s mother. He’s lucky to have you. Mostly, I don’t want to go to court—I won’t go to court—not because I don’t want Ryan just as much as you do or because of the money or the time it would take, but because I love my family, you and Ryan included, and I don’t want to see anybody get hurt.”

  “Haven’t you talked to your family since you left the courtroom?”

  “I haven’t had time. I’ve been in New York interviewing for a job.”

  Her chin came up a notch. She ducked under his arm and made her way into his apartment. Without another word she began to gather Ryan’s things.

  He shut the door, locked it, and then watched her pack up to go. “Where have you been?” he asked.

  She grabbed the diaper bag and shoved empty baby bottles, towelettes, and a pacifier inside. Leaving the diaper bag on the floor, she walked toward the coffee table. “What do you mean?”

  “Your date. Where did you go?”

  She picked up the bronzed figurine sitting in the middle of the table. It had a red bow on it. “What’s this?”

  “I knew you liked it when you spotted it at the art festival in town so I looked the woman up when I was in New York.”

  “You bought this for me?”

  He nodded.

  “You remembered the artist’s name and then you went out of your way to find her?”

  Judging by the serious expression on her face, he wasn’t sure what the correct answer was, but he decided to just go with his instincts. “Yes.”

  She moved around the coffee table and marched toward him like a tiger newly escaped from the zoo. For every step he took backward, she took one forward until his back was against the wall. “Did you just say you loved me somewhere in that speech of yours?”