“Ryan.” His eyes bored into mine. If I wasn’t mistaken, they had a look of pleading in them. It was strange the pull I felt toward him.
“Fine, text me your address.” As I backed out of the driveway, I wondered what the hell I was doing.
PHILIP
What the fuck did I just do? The words spewed from my mouth without my permission. I stood there staring after him berating myself for my stupidity. What the fuck was I thinking? Being alone in my house with Ryan had not been a part of the plan. It was bad enough his scent still permeated my car, now it was going to be in my house too. I promised I’d distance myself from him. It was the only responsible thing to do, yet there I was offering for him to come to my place to talk.
I’m an idiot. A horny idiot.
After he left I pulled my phone out and sent him my address. But, maybe a conversation was exactly what we needed. We could be adults and have a serious discussion without wanting to rip each other’s clothes off, right? I shook my head not even believing my own thoughts. This was a disaster waiting to happen.
I decided to make the most of the most awful decision I’d ever made in my life. What happened to the conversation I had with Daniel? Taking time to figure things out was best for everyone. So why couldn’t I do it? I grabbed takeout and a bottle of wine on the way back to my house and decided I had enough time to shower before Ryan got there.
Stepping out of the shower, there was an impatient knock at the door.
Okay, not enough time then.
I wrapped a towel and went to answer it. Big mistake. Ryan stood there looking wide eyed as he eyed me up and down. “Shit,” he cursed. “Did I come at a bad time?”
“No, I was just getting out of the shower,” I replied stupidly. He could see that plain as day. “Come in, I’ll go get dressed.”
“Don’t get dressed on my account.”
Choosing the path of the grown adult, I ignored him. “There’s wine in the kitchen. Help yourself.” I all but ran into the bedroom, clearly not hiding my embarrassment as Ryan chuckled at my escape. Shit, it was wrong to offer a nineteen-year-old wine, right? Ah, fuck it. It was like the Titanic, going down and no one could stop it, just needed to hang on for as long as possible.
When I made my way out of my bedroom, his back was to me, shoulders were hunched forward, and there were two glasses sitting empty on the counter. “Ryan?”
“Hey, you got dressed quickly. So, what’d you want to talk about?” His sudden change in demeanor was puzzling. Deciding to ignore it, I walked around the counter and grabbed the food from the warmer and laid it out on the bar. I grabbed a couple plates and handed him one before filling my plate with mushu pork and beef and broccoli, trying to keep my hands busy. Ryan stood and walked around the counter to fill his plate. It was totally unnecessary since he could have easily gotten his fill from the side he was on. His arm brushed mine and an electric current zapped through me. His tongue came out to wet his lips. This was the absolute worst idea I had ever had. Period.
Fuck it. Again.
Setting my plate down on the counter, I turned and pulled him to me. The kiss was carnal. Both of us fighting for dominance. I pushed him back up against the counter and reached for the hem of his shirt before I could even think about what I was doing. A minute later we were both standing in the kitchen shirtless, breathless, and horny as hell. “We have to stop.”
“Why?” Ryan was just as breathless as I was. “It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just sex.”
“Yeah well, it could mean something to me and I don’t know what to think about that.” I pushed him back, and ran my hand through my hair. Grabbing my plate and glass of wine, I walked over to the kitchen table and set my meal down. Ryan stared at me in confusion before finally following my lead and sitting down beside me.
My head was a jumbled mess. I couldn’t possibly be considering doing anything else that was inappropriate with Ryan. I already crossed a major line... twice. “We can’t continue like this, Ryan.”
“Continue like what?” His leg bumped into mine under the table. It occurred to me that we were both still shirtless and I groaned. I had been so worried about getting away from him that I hadn’t even remembered to put my shirt back on.
“We have to keep our relationship purely student teacher. I can’t see you outside of class like this, it’s unethical.”
“You know what? That’s fine with me. You’re the one that keeps appearing. All weekend you have continuously showed up where I was. You know what I think? I think you’re scared, Philip.” The use of my first name nearly had me coming, and I was the one who was supposed to be the dominant one. “This sexual tension between us is stifling and you’re afraid that once we start we won’t be able to stop.”
Pushing back from the table, needing a moment before responding, I put my plate in the sink, and grabbed my glass of wine, taking a fortifying gulp. “No, Ryan, I’m battling with myself. I shouldn’t want to bend you over the table and fuck you senseless.” Then I made the mistake of adding, “You’re just a kid.”
He laughed bitterly. “I’m just a kid? Wow, yeah. You don’t know much about me, then. Did you not listen to me the other day? I practically raised myself and took care of my mother. The two jobs I have while going to school? All that money went to taking care of her and making sure she wasn’t out on the streets. I went to a party on Greek row last night, and as I stood there watching my classmates get drunk and stupid, I realized how lame it all was. You’ve got it so wrong, Professor, I’m not just some dumb kid.”
He was seething. I couldn’t blame him. But none of what he said mattered.
“It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my student and nearly fifteen years younger than me. Not only that, but some people would see this as my abusing you, or at the very least taking advantage of our positions, I could lose my job and possibly my license.”
He stared at me for long minutes and shrugged his shoulders. “You’re thinking too much into this. Look, I don’t do long-term, but if that’s what you think is best, then whatever. I’ll leave you alone, but you leave me alone.” He did that damn shrugging his shoulders again. While Daniel was right that Ryan was no typical teenager, he still had some of the same behaviors as them. “It’s too bad, we could have had some fun.”
He stalked out of the house, still shirtless. I walked woodenly to the kitchen, picked it up off the floor, then headed to the door. When I flung the door open, Ryan was standing there poised to knock.
“Big dramatic exits don’t really work when you forget your shirt,” he said, face red in embarrassment and God if that wasn’t a huge turn on.
“Here.” I handed him the shirt and our hands brushed briefly. His eyes lifted to mine and I willed myself to look away but I couldn’t.
“Thanks.” He walked away with his shoulders hunched forward. I wondered if he even realized he was walking that way or if it was just instinctual to him. Staring after him and watching him get in his car, I felt bad. I wasn’t rejecting him, just trying to save both of us.
RYAN
Being in class three days a week watching Philip as he lectured was torture. I was seriously considering changing my major so I wouldn’t have to deal with the humiliation of his rejection over and over again. I needed an appointment with my therapist because there was something seriously fucked up in my head. The fact that he tossed me aside only made me want him more. It pissed me off. So, when the head of the department recommended me for Philip’s latest case study, I balked. It was an amazing opportunity to have my name on a published piece in a medical journal before I even graduated and even more, it was on a subject that was close to my heart. The psychology of kids in the foster care system. The only problem, I’d be working closely with Philip.
I recently switched my schedule around at the local diner where I bussed tables to the early morning shifts so I could hang out with Abby after my classes. Martha was allowing me to pick her up from school three days
that week, and I took her to her first therapy session. Since partying and hanging out wasn’t my gig, there was enough time in the evening to get my course work completed. Juggling two jobs and school had never been an issue for me.
I took the following week to debate whether or not to work the case study. It was an opportunity that would be fantastic on my resume, and even better, help me get to know some of the other professors and maybe secure a scholarship for grad school. Realizing I needed to be the grown up I declared to everyone I was, I took the job, intent on being equally professional.
“Ryan can I speak to you for a moment?” Philip asked after dismissing the rest of the class.
“Sure.” Sissy looked like she wanted to wait for me but I waved her off. The conversation could be difficult enough and I didn’t need Sissy hovering around waiting to find out the details.
“You agreed to work on the case study?” He looked up at me from his desk. “Why?”
“It’s an amazing opportunity and a cause that is close to my heart.” My shoulders almost lifted up into a shrug before I stopped myself. I would be professional if it killed me. He didn’t look convinced at my reasoning. “Look, the last thing I want right now is to work closely with you, but all feelings aside, Professor Marks, I weighed the pros and cons. The pros being I’ll get an opportunity to be part of a project that you know I’m interested in, as well as it will look good on my resume. The only con I could think of is the huge one sitting in front of me right now.”
He leaned back in his chair, pencil balanced between his hands. “Fair enough. If you think you can handle it along with all your other responsibilities, then I have no reason to object.”
I leaned down on the desk, placing my hands right over his various notes. “Can you handle it? That’s what this is really about, right? This isn’t about me at all, it’s whether or not you can handle working so close to me.” He looked away. That was exactly the problem. It was he who was afraid he wouldn’t be able to control himself around me. I smiled triumphantly. “Don’t worry, Professor Marks. I will be the perfect professional.” I turned on my heel to walk out of the lecture hall.
“Fine,” he called out. “We start this evening after your afternoon with Abby.” I stopped abruptly. He’d been keeping tabs on me? I spun around to face him.
“How exactly do you know I spend my afternoons with Abby?”
“I went to dinner with them last night, and it was all Abby could talk about. That little girl loves you.” His eyes shined with pride. What the hell was going on with us? It was all hot one second, cold the next, mixed in with awkward feelings I didn’t know what to do with.
“I love her too,” I admitted, giving a piece of my honest self, and not the petulant teen act I was becoming adept at around him. “She’s a great kid.”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Meet me back here at six, please. We will have to spend some time on the weekends interviewing foster kids who have had... incidents with their foster parents. If you can let me know what your weekend work schedule is like, we can work around it.”
The alarm on my phone went off. “I’ve gotta go. I don’t want to be late picking Abby up. I’ll text you my next week’s work schedule.”
“Go, I’ll see you back here at six. Chinese okay?”
“What?”
“For dinner? Chinese?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I rushed from the room.
I had an interesting afternoon with Abby.
“Is it a girl?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“You’re distracted, Ryan. It must be a girl.” This kid was too smart for her own good.
“It’s not a girl. It’s... complicated.”
“Is it a boy?” She scrunched up her nose a little.
“What do you know about stuff like this? You’re nine, you’re not supposed to talk about grown up stuff.”
“I grew up the same way you did. Now, answer the question. I bet it’s Mr. Philip isn’t it?” She bounced in her seat excitedly. My jaw dropped. How the hell?
“What about Professor Marks?” I tried to shrug it off and not let her know that she hit the nail on the head.
“You guys look at each other funny when you think no one notices. When I mentioned that I see you most days, he started asking all kinds of questions about what we did and stuff. It’s obvious he likes you,” she said with the “duh” look on her face that at my ripe old age of almost twenty, I’d lost the ability to perform.
“It’s not that easy, princess. Someday you’ll understand.”
“But, if you like each other than what’s the problem?” From the mouth of a child, and I couldn’t think of a response.
“It’s just not that easy, okay.” I sighed, reluctant to talk about anything involving relationships with a nine-year-old.
“Adults are weird.”
“Yup, we totally are.”
I dropped Abby off at home before heading back to campus. The conversation Abby and I had on the way back to Martha’s ran through my head the entire time. The funny thing was Abby was barking up the wrong tree if she thought that I needed convincing wanting to be with Philip. I was totally down for it, and once wouldn’t be enough. Whatever rules I made for myself regarding sex and my need to satiate that itch, I’d break them for Philip, which scared the fucking hell out of me.
The psychology building was quiet and a soft knock on his office door was all it took before I heard a gruff noise on the other side. Assuming that was my greeting, I opened the door and was shocked at the sight before me. He was sitting behind his desk with his hand wrapped around his sizeable cock—definitely a thick nine inches. I licked my lips before closing the door quietly and locking it behind me. He was so caught up in whatever fantasy was going on in his head, he didn’t even hear me.
Making my way over to his chair, he was leaning all the way back, eyes closed, neck muscles straining, and there was nothing in the world that I wanted to do more than kneel—which is exactly what I did.
“Want some help with that?” My soft tone sounded pleading to my ears. His eyes snapped open, his hand faltered, as the tip of his cock slowly leaked. My own was so fucking hard it was physically painful. “This isn’t very professional, Philip. You forgot to lock the door,” I murmured. My tongue came out and licked off the pre-cum from the head of his gorgeous purple tip. His hand dropped away and his whole body shuddered. Jesus, I had no idea what I was doing. I hadn’t sucked someone’s cock in… well I didn’t really want to think about that. Deciding to put my thoughts to better use, as well as my mouth, I licked his dick from base to tip. His breathing grew shallow and ragged. I smiled before I swallowed him as far back to my throat as I could. His hands flew to my hair and tugged. Moaning around his dick, one hand was stroking him while my other was fumbling with the button on my jeans. I needed some relief. When my hand finally grabbed my aching erection, I pulled. His hands tightened in my hair as I fucked him with my mouth. Holy fuck that felt good.
“Now, Ryan. More. You’ll take what I give you.” I practically whimpered from the command in his voice. Every thought, every worry, everything, was gone from my mind. It was so damn freeing, I sucked harder and faster until I felt the hot jets of his cum stream down my throat. I drank it up. Still sucking him off even as he stopped coming.
His breathing finally slowed his eyes went wide in horror, seeing me between his knees, his cock now softening, with my hand down my pants. He pushed away, jumped from his chair going around the other side of the desk as far away from me as the office allowed. “Shit, fuck, shit. That never should have happened, damn it.”
“You should have locked the fucking door then.” I was angry, and still goddamn hard. The man was giving me whiplash. In the heat of the moment he wanted whatever was going on between us, but once he let his head get in the way, I was just a dumb kid that he shouldn’t be fucking around with. I stood up, shoving my painfu
lly hard cock back in my pants, but I caught the desire in his eyes.
“You need to uh, deal with that?” he asked, still staring at my crotch. It would have been funny if I hadn’t been so pissed.
“Don’t worry, I have options. I’ll figure someone out.” I was taunting him and he knew it. I hadn’t fucked anyone since before my mom died. It was the longest I had gone without scratching that itch. But, much to my dismay, the idea of fucking anyone else just didn’t appeal to me at the moment.
“Sit down, Ryan,” Philip commanded.
“Why?”
“Just do it. Any kind of professionalism has left the fucking building at this point. Maybe if we just get it out of our systems, we can get to work.” The shock must have been clear on my face. He was the one who had said back at his place that there could be more. Where was the callous attitude about sex coming from? He must have reached the limit of this strained situation as I had, but his words bothered me. Even though casual sex was my ideal, being with Philip once wouldn’t be enough, especially after willingly putting myself on my knees for him. I licked my lips thinking about his huge cock. Philips eyes trained on my mouth probably thinking about the same thing. We were so screwed.
Philip took a step forward and grabbed a fistful of my shirt before placing a punishing kiss on my lips. His hand reached down into my still open jeans and pulled my dick out. His eyes strayed downward and the masculine groan made me smirk.
“You like what you see?” I couldn’t help taunting him. I needed to get back some control. He squeezed pumping it up and down with his fist. He licked his lips, released me, then pushed my pants down along with my boxers.
“I want to bend you over my desk and fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before, but that will wait. Right now, I have a favor to return.” His tongue slid up my neck to my earlobe and he sucked it into his mouth. There was no stopping the shudder through every part of my body. He jerked me off agonizingly slowly, keeping his mouth by my ears, all the while whispering. “I have been dying to get your fat cock in my mouth, did you know I have been fantasizing about this all semester? How big it’d be, how amazing it would feel in my hands, how I’m going to swallow you whole and drink you up.”
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