Professor Hot Pants

by Ember-Raine Winters

  “But you won’t leave me?”

  Ryan shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere, princess. Please let the nice man have a look, okay? Philip and I are right here.”

  The EMT started taking her vitals and listened to her breathing. He nodded, smiling with kindness as he looked down at the terrified nine-year-old. “Everything looks good, young lady. You are very lucky.”

  “Th-thank you,” she stuttered.

  “We will wrap your feet and then let the doctors in the ER look for any glass.” He eyed Ryan and I warily. “Are you her family?”

  “We’re all she has left,” Ryan said sadly.

  “We can only let one of you ride in the ambulance with her.” I looked to Ryan and indicated he should go. He breathed out a puff of air in relief. While Abby had an attachment to me as well, it was clear there was a special bond between them.

  “I’ll meet you at the hospital. I’m going to stick around here and see what they uncover, as well as give whatever report they need.”

  “Thank you.” Ryan jumped in the back of the ambulance waiting for them to strap Abby down and wrap her feet. I watched as what was becoming the two most important people in my life drove away in the back of an ambulance. Shit. I was so screwed.

  The firefighters were taking their time going through the house looking for Martha and making sure the fire was completely out. Burning hot embers could flare up at any time and start a whole new problem if they weren’t thorough.

  Daniel pulled up in his Ford and I cursed myself for forgetting to call him. He jumped from the car and ran toward the house before pulling out his phone. My phone rang in my pocket and I felt even guiltier. I was the first one he called after seeing it for himself. “Daniel,” I yelled out to him loudly. He spun around looking at me in shock.

  “What happened?” I relayed the events of the night anyway, even though it seemed he already knew. “Shit. This was Harold, wasn’t it?”

  Before I could confirm my suspicions, a fireman called out, “We’ve got a body.” My heart stopped as I ran to the corded-off portion of the yard. Daniel was hot on my heels.

  “I have a feeling it’s Martha. Abby said she’d gone downstairs.”

  The other firemen rushed to the yard, along with the other EMTs. They laid a white sheet over Martha’s broken body. My heart constricted as I thought about the kind old woman I had weekly dinners with the past few weeks. “Where did you find her?” I asked a passing fireman.

  “She was in the kitchen. It looks like that was the source of the fire.”

  “Is there anyone else in the house? She called us about a disturbance. A man trying to break into her home.”

  “We haven’t found anyone, but based on the burn patterns it looks like an accelerant was used. We’ll know more after a full investigation.” I nodded my head walking away from the scene. I didn’t want to see Martha like that. From the sounds of it, she was gone before we ever arrived. Thank fuck we were able to get to Abby in time.

  “God, poor Abby. The kid just can’t catch a break,” Daniel said sadly.

  “I’m gonna head to the hospital and see how she’s doing.” I made my way to the car. Daniel followed close behind me.

  “I’ll meet you there. Then I need to figure out where to place her. Fuck,” I heard him mutter. No truer words were said that day.

  RYAN

  Abby was a little champ. She never made a sound as they cleaned her bloody feet and removed the glass. They had her on oxygen and a mask over her face and an IV in her arm to treat her for possible smoke inhalation and dehydration. She was so strong and brave, but I could see the tears in her eyes either from the pain or from the loss of the first woman to let her be a kid. The first real mother she ever had and she only got to spend a few short weeks with her.

  I knew she was gone. Martha never would have left the house with Abby inside. She cared for others even at her own expense. Daniel had told me that Martha never took the monthly government stipend when she had a foster child. She and her husband had been wealthy; they just wanted to help kids. Even after he passed, she carried on the tradition they’d started.

  It was an hour or two later when Philip and Daniel walked through the hospital room door. Their faces were stricken. Abby whimpered. Guessing the meaning of the looks on their faces.

  “How are you doing, Abby?” Daniel stepped forward and patted her hand.

  “Martha?” she asked pulling the oxygen mask down off her face.

  “I’m sorry,” Philip choked out. “She’s gone, honey.”

  I don’t think I had ever heard a more sorrowful, mournful wail in all my life and I prayed to God I never heard it again. This little girl had seen too much tragedy. I wanted to lock her away somewhere beautiful where she would never be hurt again. I sat down on the bed with her, pulling her into my lap and wrapped her up in my arms, holding tightly as she cried herself to sleep.

  “Daniel, if I get a two-bedroom apartment can I take Abby?” Both men looked stunned. Daniel scratched the back of his neck, uncomfortable with my question.

  “I don’t think so, Ryan. I know you love her and she obviously loves you, but that’s not enough in the eyes of the state. You’re a nineteen-year-old college student.”

  “Can you guarantee that she won’t end up in another fucked up home?” I whispered it, but my angry tone was clear. I was not just some kid. Abby needed me now more than ever.

  “Ryan, calm down,” Philip cautioned quietly after I’d stood up from the bed. He turned his gaze on Daniel. “What about me? My house is big enough for the both of us. I can take her in. There are ways to apply for an immediate foster situation, correct?”

  Holy shit. I stood there slack-jawed. He would do that for her? For me? I wanted Abby close and Philip knew that.

  Daniel sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.” He looked between us with shrewd eyes. “How did you know that something was wrong? How’d you get there so fast?”

  “Martha. She called me and told me that Harold was outside. She knew it was him, at least that’s what she implied. We thought she’d be in the room with Abby. I can only assume, when she heard him break in, she must have gone downstairs to investigate.”

  I felt tears welling up, one actually falling over before I could stop it, as the finality of what had happened to Martha settled on my chest like a ten-ton brick.

  “Does she have any family?” Philip asked, his voice was a garbled whisper.

  “No, no one but the kids she’s fostered over the years. They didn’t really keep in touch after they aged out of the system. Martha got the difficult ones.”

  “I will make funeral arrangements,” Philip choked out. I could see the tears shining in his eyes and I desperately wanted to comfort him, but thought better of it. Daniel was looking between us and I had a feeling he knew more than he should.

  “If you’re serious about taking Abby, Philip, I’ll get the paperwork started. They may not approve you because of your marital status, but times are changing and the state is desperate. I’ll put in an emergency guardianship, but the actual process of you becoming her full-time foster parent is going to be grueling and take months.” He raised a critical brow at both of us. “Any kind of scandal could get her ripped from your care.” I shook my head, now knowing that Philip had told Daniel about us.

  I would do anything for that little girl. Drop out of school and get a full-time job to take care of her. Though it would probably hurt beyond comprehension, I would even stop seeing Philip if it meant I knew it would keep her safe. He must have seen the resolve in my eyes because his shoulders slumped in defeat. I didn’t want to stop seeing him, just the opposite in fact. I cared about him, probably more than I should and definitely more than anyone else I had ever been with, but it was about Abby. If there was anything I could do, anything I could sacrifice to have a child live a better life than I had mine, I’d do it. Maybe not happily, but looking down at the little girl in the o
versized hospital bed, my needs, Philip’s needs, didn’t matter.

  Daniel left a few minutes later to get the paperwork situated and Philip looked at me with pain clear in his eyes. I had to look away. I couldn’t stand to see him hurting. “It’s over isn’t it?” he asked me.

  I nodded, then said, “Can you think of a way for us to be together and keep Abby out of another horrible foster home? Because if you can, I’d love to hear it.”

  “No, I can’t. But, how is this different than before? No one will find out about us, and we’ll be able to care for Abby.” It was like Philip had a turning point. While we’d been together, I always knew he was scared of his job, his license, fearing that word would get out about us, but not being able to stop himself from continuing whatever this was we had.

  “What’s the difference? A little girl’s life is at stake here, Philip” I growled out angrily. “That doesn’t compare to your career. She’s nine and has been mistreated or left by everyone who was supposed to protect her. If anyone found out anything, you would lose her, she’d go back in the system. I won’t do that to her too. Even if it does rip my fucking heart out.” I stormed over to the window in the hospital room, yanking back the curtains to see the sun was already beginning to rise. What a way to start this new day. The anger radiated through me, frustrated with the whole fucked-up situation and the selfishness from Philip. How could he be so selfish? Keeping me with him only put Abby at risk. She needed him. I’d gladly move the sun and moon if it meant they would let me keep her, but Daniel was right, which pissed me off. But age was only a number to me, and Abby and I shared a similar past. If given the opportunity, I could care for us both. It was a hard pill to swallow, looking over my shoulder at Philip, knowing deep inside that he would be the perfect person to take care of all of us. The strong man, who’d helped me in countless ways he probably didn’t even know, looked destroyed. It wasn’t him I was really mad at, if I were honest. The situation just sucked. Needing to punch something, I pushed past him, then stopped, whispering before I stormed from the room. “Please, put her first.”

  PHILIP

  Having Abby around was an adjustment. A huge adjustment. I was a single gay man, living on my own, teaching and working. She’d been beyond upset when we told her that she couldn’t go live with Ryan. She begged and pleaded with Daniel but he couldn’t budge on the matter, but no child wanted to hear the state’s laws. After storming out of the room, he’d come back in an hour and a half later. He managed to pacify her somewhat, but I could tell he was still just as angry about the situation as she was.

  After Abby’s meltdown, she went quiet. I’d taken her home from the hospital later that day, and it had taken three days, and only when Ryan came by to see her that she uttered a word. It killed me to see him and not be able to touch him, but he made himself clear. We couldn’t see each other anymore. Abby’s happiness and safety was all that mattered to him. It was the worst pain, worse than anything from my past. I knew this one was going to be unrecoverable. All three of us were becoming unrecognizable in our pain, and I needed to fucking fix it.

  “Abby?” I called knocking on her bedroom door. I’d tried desperately to recreate the room she’d had living with Martha, but nothing seemed to work. I was desperate. She opened the door looking up at me with sad eyes. “Let’s go get pizza.”

  She shrugged, walking over to put on her shoes. “Abby, honey, I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted, but Ryan still comes over as much as he can, and I’m trying really hard to learn how to adjust to this new life too. You think you can you help an old guy out?”

  “Okay,” Abby said softly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Philip. I miss Martha a lot.”

  “Sweetheart, remember, you can just call me Philip now. I miss Martha too, but she’d would want you to be happy, right?” She nodded her head, clutching the stuffed dog Ryan had given her. The thing was butt ugly, pink and purple with some type of crown on its little Dachshund head. After storming out of the hospital room, when he’d returned he was holding the little stuffed toy. Abby lit up like it was Christmas.

  “Can we invite Ryan to dinner?”

  “Sure thing, jelly bean.” She ran to the closet to pick out the new sneakers I bought her. “Okay, get your shoes on and I’ll call Ryan and see if he can meet us at the Fun House.”

  She looked happier than she’d been since the fire and I sighed with relief. Maybe, this whole thing could work out after all.

  “Hey,” Ryan said answering my call. I hadn’t talked or texted with him other than arranging to see Abby. The case study we now worked on separately, me giving him research and data work, while I did the visitations and analysis. Every time he came to my house Abby had his full attention, which was what we agreed upon. It just hurt more than I cared to admit.

  “Hey, um, Abby wanted to know if you could come to dinner with us at the Fun House.”

  “She’s finally talking?” He blew out a relieved breath.

  “Yeah, we had a little chat. We decided to help each other adjust to this new life we’re living.”

  “That’s um, good.” There was a pregnant pause. “The Fun House? Did you bribe her into talking to you?”

  “Maybe,” I chuckled, desperately hoping his willingness to chat with me was a good sign. “So, can you make it? She really wants to see you.”

  “I don’t know. That’s a pretty public place.” I had to give the man credit, he was sticking to his guns. It was as though we’d flip-flopped. I was willing to sneak around, do whatever I could to keep him in my life, while his sole focus was making sure nothing could upset Abby’s living situation. Knowing where I stood was understandable but still painful

  “Abby is there and Daniel knows how close the two of you are. It’s perfectly innocent. No one can misinterpret.”

  After a few moments he finally agreed. “Yeah, okay, I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes.”

  “Thanks, Ryan. I’ll see you then.” I hung up the phone and called for Abby, who came bouncing into the room.

  “Is he coming?”

  “He sure is, Abby bean.” Her eyes lit up at the new nickname and the fact that Ryan would be there.

  “I like that,” she said almost too softly. “No one ever gave me a nickname but Ryan.”

  “I like it too. How ’bout we keep it?” I took her hand and led her out the door.

  We made it to the restaurant slash arcade in about twenty minutes, and Ryan was already sitting at a booth. He waved us over. Abby squealed when she saw him and ran over, flying into his arms like she hadn’t seen him in a month.

  “Hey, princess. I hear you’re feeling better.” He smiled down at her. “You ready to have some fun?”

  “Yes!” Her excitement was contagious. Even the pain at seeing Ryan and not being able to touch him wasn’t enough to quell the happiness at seeing that little girl so animated.

  “Let’s go pick out a prize that you want to work toward and order some pizza.” Abby nodded vigorously and hopped out of Ryan’s lap trying to pull him up from the booth.

  He chuckled. “Easy there, princess. I’m coming.” We walked over to the prize wall and waited as she studiously weighed her options. We’d done this once or twice when I had brought her and Martha to dinner. It was our ritual when we went for pizza.

  “That one.” She pointed to a doll that we had actually gotten a few weeks before. I was saddened realizing she had lost everything in that fire.

  “Okay, let’s do this.” I put a twenty in the token machine and waited until it finished spitting out the coins.

  “What’s your poison, princess Abby?” Ryan held his arms out.

  “The best place to get the most tickets is that one over there,” she said pointing at the game I showed her a few weeks before. We walked over to the brightly lit dome. A light swirled from one spot to another in a circle. Each spot had a number that told you how many tickets you got. It was all about timing. Ryan looked at her wit
h a raised eyebrow.

  “The kid is awesome at this game,” I said as I handed her a couple tokens. Abby hit the thousand tickets on the first try and we all cheered.

  “Heck yeah, Abby you’re gonna get that doll in no time.” Ryan high-fived her and grabbed a couple tokens. When his fingertips innocently brushed my palm, his eyes jumped up to meet mine and I could see the heat in them. Well that’s good to know. But he shook his head as if to clear it and went to work at trying to win as many tickets as Abby just did. We sat there playing the game for at least forty-five minutes, and I couldn’t help but feel like a family as we cheered each other on and tried to win the doll for Abby.

  It was fucked up feeling that way. I knew that. We couldn’t be together when everything kept pushing us apart. It killed me. I wanted him with a desperation I’d never felt before, but now more than ever, it was necessary to stay away from him. It would be fine. I would find someone else and so would he. Maybe if I told myself that enough, I might actually believe it.

  RYAN

  It had only been a couple days and I was already regretting my decision. Well, not regretting it per say because I would do anything for that little girl, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t missed him like crazy. I saw him every day but it wasn’t the same. There was a wall between us. One, I’d put there, but it still sucked.

  I looked at him over the dome on the game we were playing and our eyes locked. Heat sparked between us briefly before I broke eye contact. Luckily they called our order giving me the excuse to walk away, needing a minute to breathe. Between the brushing of our fingers and the silent stare down, I was losing all conviction to stay away from him. I dragged in a deep cleansing breath and walked to the counter to pick up our pizza, paper plates, and napkins.