It felt like Gary was in Daphne’s room with both girls for hours before he finally came out. When Shauntae heard the door shut, she walked out of the guest room and into the hall to meet him. “Are they . . . is everything okay?”
Gary gave her a look. Shauntae couldn’t tell if he was mad or sad or what. He marched past her down the stairs. She followed him into the family room. He stopped real fast and she bumped into his back.
He turned around. “What were you thinking, Shauntae? How could you have told them about the baby and about us getting married?” She could tell he was trying real hard not to yell.
“I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to tell them.”
Gary gave her a look that made her feel stupider than stupid. “How could you not know? How could you have thought it would be okay to tell them with everything that’s going on?”
“I thought it would be good news.”
“Good news?” Gary stared at her like she was crazy. “A perfect stranger is pregnant by their father and has moved into his house and is planning on marrying him while their mother is lying in a hospital bed in a coma. What’s good about that?” His voice was so loud that Shauntae got scared.
She sank down into the couch and put her face in her hands. She tried to make tears come, but they wouldn’t. Her fake tears had never failed her before. She finally looked up at Gary. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She didn’t feel like faking sick or faking like her hormones were making her act crazy. She didn’t feel like faking anything. “I’m really, really, sorry.”
He sat down on the couch next to her. He didn’t touch her like he usually did.
“Are they okay?”
Gary shook his head. Him not saying anything was making her nervous.
“Gary?” Shauntae said it all soft. “I said I was sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t fix it, Shauntae. Those are my . . . children. You know how important they are to me. They’re very upset and very hurt right now. I can’t understand why you would do that. I had planned to tell them myself. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain it to them the way that I thought was best. I don’t . . .” Gary’s voice got loud again. “What were you thinking?”
Maybe Gary was realizing she wasn’t mother material.
“Did you stop to think about what they’re feeling right now? Did you stop to think about the fact that they haven’t even recovered from the divorce yet? That they’re still hoping me and their mother will get back together? Did you stop to think about the fact that their mother was in an accident last night and they’re worried that she might die?”
Shauntae shook her head and put her face back in her hands.
Gary pulled her upright so she would have to look at him—not forceful, but firm. “Did you think about the fact that they might want to hear the news that their father is getting married to someone else from their father? Instead of a woman who’s not their mother? Did you think about how any of what you told them would affect them? Did you think at all?”
Now he was calling her stupid. Too stupid to be a mother to his children. Too stupid to be his wife. Mama was right. She was too stupid for a man like Gary. What made her think she could do this? She was even too stupid to know when she was in over her head.
“How do I know that you won’t make an error in judgment that hurts the girls again?”
“You can’t.” Shauntae got up and walked toward the stairs. Good thing her suitcases were still packed. Sherice would probably say “I told you so” all the way to the bus station.
“Where are you going? We’re in the middle of a conversation.”
Shauntae turned around and came back to the doorway of the family room. “Like I said, I’m sorry about telling the girls. I’m sorry I messed up and didn’t know what’s best for them.” She turned toward the stairs again.
“Where are you going?” Gary sounded upset and confused. He got up to follow her. Shauntae started up the steps, but Gary grabbed her arm and stopped her. “Shauntae?” The confused look on his face confused her.
“I’m going back to my mama’s.”
“California?” he almost yelled. “What? Why?” He looked up the steps like he was worried about the girls hearing.
Shauntae allowed him to lead her back into the family room before she answered. “I’m not . . . I don’t know how to be a mother. I messed up. Like you’ve been saying, your girls have gone through some bad stuff the past year and they don’t need me around making it worse. I think it’s best if I go.”
“Are you leaving because you’re upset that I yelled at you?” He sat her back down on the couch, all gentle and sweet, like he was afraid she was gonna break or something. “You can’t leave because you’re upset,” Gary said, his voice much softer now. “I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I was upset that the girls were upset, but you’re right. There was no cause for me to yell at you.”
Shauntae’s eyes had widened. He was apologizing to her? “I’m not leaving because I’m upset. I’m leaving because . . .”
Gary took her hands in his. “Just because we have an argument doesn’t mean you leave. That’s not how a relationship works. I’ve been there before with Darla—me leaving, her leaving, us being unable to talk about anything. That’s not the way to make this thing work.” Gary looked worried. “I have to be able to tell you when something upsets me without worrying that you’re going to leave.”
This was too confusing for Shauntae. “I’m not . . . I wasn’t . . .”
“Love says we stay, Shauntae. When we make a decision to love each other, we decide to stay, no matter what. If I didn’t learn anything else from my first marriage, it’s that. We choose to love, and we choose to stay.”
Shauntae nodded, even though he wasn’t making much sense to her. First he was mad and now he was begging her not to leave?
“What?” Gary looked like he was trying to figure out why she was so confused.
“I thought you were mad at me with messing up with the girls. I thought . . .”
“You thought what?”
What was she thinking? “I know you love your girls. And . . . I’m not sure I can be a good mother to them. Especially not the kind of mother you want me to be.”
“So you thought that because you made a mistake that our relationship is over?”
Shauntae nodded. “Yeah.”
“I wouldn’t end our relationship over one mistake, Shauntae.” Gary pulled her into his arms. “We’re having a child together. That means you can’t decide to leave for California because we have an argument. I told you before, I can’t leave Atlanta because my girls are here. And I can’t have my other child growing up across the country from me. You would leave and take my child?”
Shauntae shook her head.
“So what do you mean you’re going back to California? How can you say that when you know that my children and family mean the whole world to me? Over one argument?”
Shauntae remembered that whenever she wanted to get to Devon, she threatened to take Brianna and move to California. No matter how calm he tried to be during the whole argument, whenever she said that, he hit the roof. Not that Shauntae ever planned to leave with Brianna; it was just the best way to get what she wanted from Devon.
“Shauntae, you’re carrying my child. That’s not something I take lightly. I wouldn’t throw you away because you made a mistake. Love doesn’t do that. If I love you, I forgive you. We talk through it and we keep going. We keep loving each other. No matter what, okay?”
Shauntae nodded.
“Isn’t that how God is? Isn’t that the kind of marriage we want to have? Where love is forgiveness and love is commitment?”
Shauntae nodded again.
Gary looked at the picture of Darla and the girls on the wall. “Marriage is hard work. If both people aren’t committed to it, it falls apart. What kind of marriage would we have if you’re ready to leave me after one argument? I can’t . . .” Gary let out a deep b
reath and shook his head. “I can’t have children all over the country by a bunch of different women. In our divorce decree, I made Darla agree that neither of us can move to a different city without the other’s consent. I have to be in my children’s lives. You have to promise never to take my child away from me.”
Shauntae nodded.
“Say it.”
“I promise never to take your child away from you.”
“And you have to promise that if we’re going to get married, that we’re both committed to doing whatever it takes. I’m not trying to have a first, second, and third wife. We have to make this work.” It was like he was begging her.
“I promise.”
“Good.” Gary looked down at his watch. “I have to get ready to go. I’m going to take the girls to the hospital and then I’ll take them and their grandmother back to Darla’s house. I think it would be good for them to spend some time with her. And it would be good for them to be at their other house. I should be back in a few hours.”
Gary gave her a quick hug and a kiss, and then went upstairs to get the girls. She went up to her room and shut the door so she wouldn’t have to see them when they left.
Shauntae’s head was spinning from her conversation with Gary. Now she really didn’t know what to do. She thought about calling Sherice, but didn’t feel like getting cussed out. She could call Candy, but what could Candy tell her? Her mother, either. None of them knew nothing about being in a real relationship with a real man. All they knew was hustlin’ and playing games to get paid. Shauntae was in way over her head and there was nobody who could help her.
For a split second, she thought about praying, but then she remembered she didn’t do that. And God wasn’t gonna help her seeing how she got herself into this situation trying to play Gary. And since she was faking being a Christian, God was probably getting ready to strike her any day now. Praying was the last thing she needed to do. Maybe if she kept quiet enough, God wouldn’t notice her and would forget to punish her.
Shauntae didn’t realize she had drifted off to sleep until the phone rang. It was Sherice.
“Hello?”
“You ready to go to the bus station yet?”
Shauntae didn’t want to try to explain nothing to Sherice. “No,” was all she said.
Sherice was quiet for a minute and then finally said, “You love this guy, huh?”
“No,” Shauntae said. Then she thought for a second.
“Well, maybe. Girl, I don’t know. All this stuff got my head messed up.” She lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
“Why else would your crazy tail not be on the bus right now? You ain’t makin’ no sense and the only thing that can make a woman not make sense like this is . . . love.” Sherice said the word kinda funny. Shauntae couldn’t tell if she was mad or surprised or confused.
“I don’t know, Sherice. I ain’t never . . . I don’t know. Maybe I do love him.”
“The ex-witch still in a coma?”
“For now.”
“You probably right. When she do wake up, you ain’t gon’ be the first thing she think about. You got time to run while she still in the hospital. And who knows, you might get lucky and she might die.”
“I don’t want her to die. That ain’t right.”
“Yeah, I guess you don’t want them kids full time, huh?”
Shauntae had to laugh. “Yeah. Plus, it ain’t right to want somebody to die.”
“Well, maybe she’ll wake up and have that thing, what is it when somebody ain’t got no memory? Amnesia. Maybe she’ll wake up and not remember nothing and nobody.”
“Sherice!” Shauntae was laughing out loud now. “Girl, you so crazy. Why you trying to kill people and give ’em amnesia?”
Sherice sucked her teeth. “Girl, I ain’t trying to kill nobody. For real though, I think you crazy but . . .”
“But what?”
“I don’t know. This messy life gotta end. I gotta go to family court next week to see about Li’l Ray Ray. They wanna check me out to see if he can come home. Talkin’ ’bout how I need to get a job and stuff. And Raheem fussing about needing me to put more money on his books at the prison. Girl, I’m tired of all this drama. Tired of going to the club. Tired of faking this and faking that. Tired of all these different men.”
Shauntae listened.
“It would be nice if you could make this work. Life gotta get better for at least one of us.”
“Yeah, girl. It does.”
“Anyway, I wanted to let you know me and Candy talked. Turns out that heffa got a little money in the bank. If anything go down, we got your back. You know I’m broke, but at least I got a car. You get locked up and we’ll come get you out. A’ight?”
Shauntae felt like she was about to cry. “A’ight.”
“Until we see what’s gon’ happen with the ex-witch, you keep doing what you gotta do. Watch your movies, watch some cooking shows, learn to eat some of that ol’ fancy food. Whatever it takes. Do what you gotta do to become his Mrs. Right.”
Fifteen
For the next few days, Shauntae barely saw Gary at all. They skipped church on Sunday because Gary was at the hospital with Darla’s mother and the girls. Shauntae was happy that she didn’t have to make up an excuse not to go.
Gary rented Darla’s mother a car and they worked out a system for someone to be at the hospital and take care of the girls. After work, he picked up the girls from their afterschool program and took them to the hospital to check on Darla and her mother. Then he took them home to do homework and spent time with them until Darla’s mother came home from the hospital to spend the night with them. Darla’s mother dropped them off at school in the morning then spent the whole day at the hospital again.
Shauntae couldn’t help but notice that their system didn’t include her. She knew she had messed up bad, telling the girls about the baby and the marriage. It seemed like Gary didn’t trust her around them anymore. That made her nervous.
He came home late at night, tired, stressed, and worried. He would tell her a little about his day at work, the girls, and Darla’s progress, but then would be ready to go to bed. That made her even more nervous. All she could think about was when she had moved in with Devon and he started avoiding her when he realized she was stupid. Would Gary end up throwing her out of the house with a baby too?
Since she wasn’t helping to take of the girls, Gary had forgotten all about his promise to buy her a car. She was stuck in the house all day with nothing to do but watch movies and television shows, trying to become Mrs. Perfect.
One morning, after Gary came in and kissed her good-bye and rushed off to work, Shauntae got up and wandered down the hall to his bedroom. She climbed into his huge bed and lay down on his pillow. When she took a deep breath and smelled his cologne, she felt that funny feeling in her stomach. She thought about Sherice’s question. Did she love him? Was this feeling in her stomach love?
She lay there breathing in his smell and pretending he was there holding her and the feeling in her stomach got stronger. Was that what Michael Jackson meant when he sang about somebody giving him butterflies?
The more she stayed in the bed, the more she felt that butterfly feeling. What if it wasn’t love? What if something was wrong with the baby? That thought made Shauntae jump out of the bed. She ran down the hall, grabbed her cell phone, and dialed Sherice.
“Heffa, you and these early morning phone calls. Ain’t I told you—”
“Sherice, I think it’s something wrong with the baby. I think I’m having a miscarriage.”
“Oh no, girl. You can’t lose that baby. You bleeding?”
“No.” Shauntae sat herself down on the bed and rubbed her belly.
“You cramping? Low belly pain?”
“No.” She lay down and put her feet up in the air but the fluttery feeling kept going.
“Well, if you ain’t cramping and you ain’t bleeding, why you thank you having a miscarriage?”
>
Shauntae took a deep breath and the butterflies went away for a second. “I got a jumpy feeling in my belly. Like it’s some butterflies flying around in there.”
Sherice laughed. “Girl, you so durned stupid. I don’t know why I fool with yo’ stupid tail. That’s yo’ baby moving, fool! Ain’t nothing wrong with you.”
“But it doesn’t feel like kicking. It’s a jumpy feeling. I can’t explain it.”
“I know what you talking about. I done had four babies. You can’t tell me nothin’ I don’t know. That’s what it feel like when the baby is moving before it’s actually big enough to kick you.”
“Oh,” was all Shauntae could say. “Oh. Okay.” She let out a deep breath and rubbed her belly again.
“You didn’t feel that with Brianna?”
“No. I don’t remember feeling nothing with her until she kicked me the first time. And that felt like a real foot. This here . . . it feels different.”
“Yeah, I remember with my first baby, I thought it was gas. But it’s the baby. As long as you don’t feel no pain and see no blood, you should be all right.”
“A’ight, girl. Thanks. I was scared.”
Sherice laughed. “I know yo’ tail was scared. You lose that baby and you lose everything. Your mama might not even take you in without no baby.”
Shauntae was about to open her mouth and say, “No, Gary really loves me,” but she stopped. Did he? Would he even be fooling with her if she wasn’t pregnant with his baby?
Instead Shauntae said, “So I can walk around and do normal stuff? Or do I need to stay in bed?”
“I should hang up this phone on yo’ stupid tail. Ain’t nothing wrong with you.”
“Good, then can you come get me? I’m about to go crazy up in the house. I feel like I’m in jail or something.”
“See, you can only say some stupid junk like that ’cause you ain’t never been in jail. That house ain’t nothing like jail. I thought he was gon’ get you a car.”
Shauntae hadn’t told her about messing up with the girls. She didn’t need to give Sherice another reason to call her stupid. “Things have been too busy with Darla and the girls. I’m sure he will soon.”
Becoming Mrs. Right Page 10
