“I cain’t today. Still dealing with some family court mess. They might make me take some parenting classes or some junk like that.”
“That might not be a bad thing, girl. Them classes might help.”
“You been watching too much Clair Huxtable if you think I wanna be sitting up in some durned class on how to be a good parent. Ain’t nobody got no time for no corny mess like that.”
“I’m just sayin’—”
“You just sayin’ what?” Sherice’s voice was rising to that point that Shauntae knew the cuss words would be coming soon.
“I’m just sayin’, maybe it wouldn’t hurt . . . you know.”
“Don’t be trying to judge me ’cause you sitting up in that fancy house pregnant with that rich man’s baby. In case you forgot, you lost your child too.”
“I’m not judging you. I’m thinking . . . it’s like you said the other day. Something gotta get better for us. I know I lost Brianna. Maybe I need to be taking them classes with you. You could pick me up and we could go together.”
Sherice didn’t say nothing.
“Maybe that’ll help me get Devon to lift the warrant off me. If he sees that I’m married with a new baby and I got a certificate for some parenting classes, maybe I can convince him that I’m not dangerous to Brianna anymore.”
Sherice was still silent.
“What you think, girl?”
“I ain’t taking no corny, stupid parenting classes. Ain’t nobody gon’ make me prove I can take care of my children by making me take no class. They can keep ’em.”
“But, Sherice—”
“But nothing. I don’t feel like talking about my kids no more, Shauntae. They probably better off where they at.”
“In a foster home?”
“All foster homes ain’t bad. My oldest two is with these real nice, white church people. I’ve met them before and they take real good care of my children. Lonesha is with a black couple and Li’l Ray Ray is with an ol’ grandma. She real sweet and takes real good care of him. So they all doing fine.”
“So you don’t ever want none of ’em back?”
“Do you want Brianna back?”
“I . . .” Shauntae had never even thought about it. She didn’t think there was a chance of her getting Brianna back, so she put it out her mind.
“That’s what I thought. I hope you ain’t gonna get all high and mighty like Keosha did, because you with Gary. You need to remember who you are.”
“I ain’t like Keosha. I ain’t gon’ do that.”
“Uh huh . . . we’ll see.”
“Me and you been girls forever. We always got each other back. I ain’t neva gonna change up on you like that.”
“A’ight, den. Let me get this court stuff took care of. If I finish soon enough, I’ll come get you. We’ll swing by and get Candy and go get us some wings, fries, and 40’s. You down?”
“Yeah, girl. I’ll be waiting on you. Can’t wait to get out of this house and get some good food.” Shauntae didn’t mention the 40’s. She wasn’t gon’ drink but she didn’t feel like hearing Sherice’s mouth about not being down.
After they hung up, Shauntae lay real still on the bed. She rubbed her belly and waited for a few minutes. She felt it again. This time, it felt like little bubbles moving around.
“Hey, li’l baby. Wassup?”
The bubbles flipped and then fluttered like butterflies.
“I’m your mama, Shauntae. Your daddy’s name is Gary and you got two sisters, Daphne and Morgan.” Shauntae patted her belly. “I hope you a boy. I think your daddy would like that. We got enough girls in the family.”
Shauntae thought for a second and then added, “You actually got three sisters. You got another sister named Brianna. I hope you’ll get to meet her one day.”
Shauntae thought about Sherice asking her if she ever was gonna get Brianna back. She knew Devon would probably never let Brianna stay with her, but would he keep her from meeting her little brother or sister? When she had talked to him, she told him she was pregnant, but he didn’t seem to care. It didn’t seem right, the baby having a big sister and never getting to meet her.
Shauntae lay on the bed with mixed-up feelings inside. The bubbles and butterflies were a happy feeling, low in her belly. But up high in her stomach, she felt a sicky type of pain. It was kinda like the feeling she got when she ate too many wings, fries, and beer, but worse. She hadn’t thrown up in over a month. Hopefully it wasn’t morning sickness coming back.
Shauntae patted her belly. “Li’l baby, what you doing in there? You trying to make your mama sick?” She wondered if there was any ginger ale or Sprite downstairs to make her stomach settle down.
The more she lay there, the more she realized it wasn’t a throw-up feeling. It was more a feeling like when she did something low or when she knew something was wrong. The worst time she had felt it was on the bus all the way to California when she had left Brianna with the ambulance people. Was that it? She wasn’t sick from the pregnancy, but was feeling bad about Brianna?
What could she do to make Devon realize she was trying to change and do things right? Would marriage, a new baby, and some parenting classes help? Devon was all about family like Gary was. If he knew Brianna had a little brother, maybe he would let her meet him and spend time with him.
Shauntae thought back to the pastor’s words from church that Sunday. If God could forgive her for anything and everything she had ever done, and if Devon was a Christian, wasn’t he supposed to forgive her too?
Shauntae felt the butterflies in her stomach and rubbed her belly. “Li’l baby, I’m gonna make sure you get to meet your big sister Brianna, okay? I don’t know how, but I’m gonna make sure.”
Sixteen
Shauntae was excited when Gary got home late that evening. He was barely through the door when she pounced on him. “I felt the baby move today!”
She felt like a little girl herself, standing there with a big, goofy smile on her face. She wanted so bad to see him smile and be happy—happy about her and the baby moving inside her.
His face broke out into a huge grin. “You felt the baby?”
Shauntae nodded. “I hadn’t ever felt nothing like that before. It was like little butterflies in my belly. At first I thought it was something wrong, but then I called my girlfriend, Sherice, and she explained it was the baby moving and that it didn’t have feet big enough to kick so it felt like butterflies instead.” Shauntae shut her mouth. In all her excitement, she had forgotten to talk proper.
Gary laughed and put his arms around her. “That’s wonderful, baby. I know it has to be exciting to feel that for the first time.” He pulled back and kissed her on the nose. “I love that you’re so down-to-earth. Whenever you get excited, you talk like . . . I don’t know . . . like a homegirl or something. You’re so cute.” Gary kissed her cheek. He bent down and kissed her belly. “Hey in there. How’s my baby doing?”
When he stood back up, he asked her, “When was the last time you went to the doctor? You haven’t been at all since you’ve been here, have you?”
Shauntae shook her head. “I haven’t been since I left California.” She remembered the sick, yucky feeling in her stomach. If lying and doing stuff wrong was gonna make her feel sick, she needed to start telling the truth. “Actually, I haven’t been at all. When I was in California, I was . . . dealing with Mama.” It wasn’t really a lie.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I’ve been neglecting you because of Darla and the girls. You can’t be this far along and not have seen the doctor. We have to get you an appointment as soon as possible.” Gary opened the refrigerator door, looking for something to eat. “Can one of your friends recommend a doctor? What did you say your friend’s name was, Sherice?”
Shauntae shook her head. “She lives southeast. I’d rather find someone closer up here.” She didn’t mention that Sherice didn’t have no prenatal care with her last three children. She just showed up at the hospital when it was ti
me to deliver them.
“I’ll see if I can get a recommendation from some of the women in my office.” Gary closed the refrigerator and went to the pantry. “My goodness, it’s empty in here. Have you eaten anything today?”
“I had some Chinese food delivered earlier.” Shauntae had gotten so hungry that she had gone to the phonebook to find a place that delivered and then had to spend some of her precious cash. Gary hadn’t given her one dime since she’d been there.
Gary closed the pantry and came over and put his arms around her. “Baby, I’m sorry. What am I thinking? I haven’t gotten any groceries and you have no way of getting out to get anything. We need to go get you some food and a car. And I’m sure you want to get out and see some of your friends. I’ve had you cooped up in the house while I’m running around everywhere, taking care of everything and everybody but my future wife and child.” He kissed her on the lips. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, honey. I’ve been fine. It’s been good to rest.” Okay, that was a lie. Shauntae wondered how many lies she actually told in a day. “But yeah, it would be nice to get out of the house.”
“Let me change out of this suit and we’ll go pick up some carryout and then stock up on a few things for the refrigerator.”
Shauntae followed him up the back stairs in the family room to his bedroom. She sat in the middle of his bed while he went to his closet.
“How’s Darla?” she asked.
“The doctors think she’s better. She looks the same to me. They said something about the pressure in her head decreasing and that it’s a good sign that she might wake up soon. They’re not sure what her brain function will be like when she wakes up. All we can do is pray.” Gary emerged from the closet in some khaki pants and a polo shirt.
“And how are the girls?”
“They’re fine.” Gary sat down on the edge of the bed. “I know I haven’t brought them back over here since . . . that day. I don’t want you to feel bad about it and it’s not because I think you’re not a good mother.” Gary reached out a hand to her and Shauntae scooted from the middle of the bed and sat next to him. “I’m giving them a chance to get used to everything. It’s good for them to be in their own house spending time with their grandmother. Since she lives so far, she hardly gets to see them.”
“I understand, honey.” Shauntae wasn’t upset that the girls hadn’t been around. That one incident with them was enough for her.
“I don’t want you to feel bad.” Gary leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
“I don’t. I . . .” Shauntae stopped midsentence. The butterflies were back.
“What’s wrong?” Gary looked concerned.
Shauntae sat real still. “The baby’s moving again,” she said, barely above a whisper, like talking too loud might make the baby stop.
A big smile broke out on Gary’s face and he put his hand on her belly.
“You feel it?” she asked him.
Gary chuckled. “It’s too early for me to feel it. For the next month or so, you’re the only one who gets to feel it.”
Shauntae smiled and put her hand on top of Gary’s. “I wish you could feel it. It’s so . . . I don’t know . . . amazing.”
Gary chuckled and kissed her. He was in a real affectionate mood tonight. Shauntae kissed him back.
He said, “It’s not fair. Mothers get to carry the baby and feel it grow inside. You get to feel it move first, you get to breastfeed. The mother gets to be closer to the child and the dad gets left out.”
Shauntae laughed. “Please, if men had to do all that, people woulda gone extinct a long time ago. The earth would be filled with animals.”
Gary laughed and kissed her again. He rubbed his hand over her belly. “You’re so beautiful, Shauntae.” He had that look on his face. The look that made Shauntae know she might not have to sleep in the guest bed tonight. She kissed him, longer and deeper. He got lost in the kiss for a second, but then pulled away from her and stood up.
“Baby, we can’t.” The look on his face was different from the words coming out of his mouth. “I want to, but you know we can’t.”
Shauntae stood and walked over to him slowly. She tried to work her body back into his embrace. “I know. It’s just . . . I’ve missed you. I know there’s a lot going on, but we haven’t had any time together. I’m not trying to be selfish with Darla being in the hospital, but . . .”
Gary pulled her close. “I know. I’m sorry. I promise. Soon. We’ll spend time together.” He kissed her again, but then pulled away from her. “But not like this.”
Shauntae folded her arms together and pouted.
Gary laughed at her. “Come on, woman of God. You’ll thank me later.” He flicked her bottom lip with his finger and bent to kiss it, but made sure to keep his body away from hers. He rubbed her belly and looked at her with that love-struck look on his face. “You’re so beautiful, Shauntae. I love you.”
The look in his eyes, Shauntae couldn’t describe it. How could this man love her like he did? She wished she deserved it. Maybe she hadn’t in the past, but from now on, she was gonna try to be the person he thought she was. The person he wanted her to be and the person she was starting to want to be. “Thanks, baby. I love you too.”
He kept staring at her with that look in his eyes and finally bent to kiss her again. They kissed and kissed and next thing she knew, the clothes were coming off. And neither one of them tried to stop it.
Shauntae had never felt nothing like that before. She liked sex a whole lot, but this felt different. It felt . . . real somehow. Like some of her favorite romance movies and stuff. She thought about Sherice telling her that she must be in love with Gary and she was starting to believe she was.
Gary rolled over and groaned. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for us—”
“Please, don’t apologize. Not tonight.” Shauntae turned her body and snuggled into Gary’s side. “I know it’s not right and we’ll ask God to forgive us, but can’t we pretend for one night that everything is okay? That we’re married and the girls are happy about it and Darla doesn’t hate me and . . .” There were so many other things that Shauntae couldn’t mention.
Gary kissed her forehead. “Yeah.” He was quiet for a second. “We could pretend that I met you first and that all my children are by you and that I’ve never been divorced and that we were married before you got pregnant.” He let out a deep breath. “We gotta get married soon.”
Hope rose up in Shauntae’s chest. Gary had been acting so funny since Darla’s accident and the incident with her and the girls that she had started to worry that he didn’t want to marry her anymore. “We do?”
Gary turned and looked her in the eyes. “Of course we do. Why do you ask that?”
Shauntae looked away. “Well, ever since that day with the girls and all . . . and you’ve hardly been here . . . and we hardly even talk anymore . . .” Shauntae couldn’t say that it was exactly how things had been with her and Devon before he kicked her out.
Gary wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. “You thought I didn’t want to marry you anymore?”
Shauntae nodded and buried her head in his chest.
“Of course I still want to marry you.” Gary pulled back and placed a finger under Shauntae’s chin to lift her head. “Just because I got upset that day and because I’ve been busy with everything doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry you anymore. How do I convince you of how much I love you?”
“Like this.” Shauntae pulled his head down for a deep kiss.
He pulled back and laughed. “Not again. What’s gotten into you?”
Shauntae laughed with him. “I don’t know. I think maybe feeling the baby move did something to me.”
“Yeah, I imagine it’s pretty exciting when it happens for the first time. You’ll get to experience so many beautiful things having your first baby. I’m glad I get to enjoy it with you.”
Shauntae felt guilty when Gary said “first b
aby.” Even though she had made a commitment to start telling the truth, she wasn’t sure what to do about the lies she had already told.
“The first pregnancy is always the most exciting. The second one, you kinda know what to expect, but it’s still beautiful.” Gary had this smile on his face and Shauntae knew he was thinking about his girls. “I tell you one thing, though. That first time labor is no joke. Darla was in labor for twenty-three hours with Daphne. With Morgan, it wasn’t even four hours before she was born. It’s much easier the second time.”
Shauntae didn’t want to say anything. What could she say without lying?
Gary said, “Don’t worry. I’ll be there with you the whole time, no matter how many hours it takes. And when you have our second one, it’ll be easier.”
Shauntae had only been in labor with Brianna for six hours. Sherice said it was because Shauntae had wide hips meant for having babies. “Not everybody is in labor long with their first baby,” she said. What if she had this baby real quick, since it was her second? Would he get suspicious? “One of my friends was only in labor for a few hours with her first baby. Some women have birthing hips, like my mama used to say.”
Gary’s hands moved from Shauntae’s belly down to her hips. “Well, these are birthing hips if I ever saw some.” He squeezed her thick hips.
Shauntae laughed. She rolled up on top of Gary, but he rolled her back onto the bed.
“Shauntae!” He said it sternly, but then busted out laughing. “You keep acting like this and I’m gonna have to get you an apartment until the baby is born.”
Shauntae froze. “I’m sorry. I won’t mess with you anymore. I promise. Don’t put me out.”
“Don’t get upset.” Gary rubbed her arm. “I’m joking. Are you always this sensitive, or is it because you’re pregnant?”
“Sensitive?”
“Yeah, thinking I didn’t want to marry you. Getting scared that I’m gonna put you out? I love you. Stop being so afraid about us. We’re going to get married and live happily ever after. I love you and nothing’s gonna change that. Stop worrying so much.”
Becoming Mrs. Right Page 11
