Becoming Mrs. Right
Page 24
Shauntae nodded.
Dr. Murray took both Shauntae’s hands in hers. “Father, we thank you for everything you’ve done in Shauntae’s life. Thanks for your love transforming her very nature and character. Thank you that no matter what, she is your daughter who you love very much. Help her to rest in your love for her. God, we ask that you give Gary grace to forgive and that you let there be healing between the two of them. Bless Shauntae’s meeting with Brianna and help them to rebuild their relationship. And we entrust this new baby to you, God. Keep him safe and healthy and let him be a great blessing. We pray in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Dr. Murray took a business card from her drawer and wrote on the back of it. “This is my cell number. Call me if you need anything, any time.”
“Thanks so much for everything.” Shauntae tucked the card into her wallet.
When Shauntae got home, Gary’s car was sitting in the driveway. Shauntae’s heart started racing. Had God answered Dr. Murray’s prayers already?
Her hands were shaking as she walked from the garage into the kitchen. She didn’t see Gary anywhere. She walked up the back steps to their bedroom. She found him there sitting on the bed. He must have heard her come in, but he didn’t look up and didn’t say anything.
Shauntae wasn’t sure what to do. From his face, it didn’t look like he came back to make up. She stood there in the doorway waiting for him to say something.
When he finally said, “How’s the baby?” Shauntae barely recognized his voice. He sounded hard and cold, like he sounded when he talked to Darla that first day she came over.
Shauntae’s heart dropped to her knees. He hated her. She had committed the unforgivable sin. “Dr. Murray says the baby looks fine. He’s growing and his heartbeat sounds good. I put on a little more weight than she expected. Probably from all the cooking.” Shauntae hoped that would make him at least smile. Last week, he had stood in the mirror looking at the small bike-sized tire growing around his middle and had complained that Shauntae was fattening him up. Shauntae had offered to stop cooking, but he had refused. He said she’d have to love him with a little extra around the waist.
“Good. When is your next appointment?”
“Two weeks. On Friday at eleven-thirty. Do you want to come?”
Gary didn’t say anything. It was then that Shauntae saw his two bags sitting in the doorway of the bathroom. Her breath caught in her chest. “You’re leaving again?”
“What did you think I would do?”
“I thought you would forgive me, like you said. I thought nothing I could do was unforgivable. I thought you would love me like God loves me and do what you said.”
“Do you realize that our entire relationship is built on a lie? No, on a bunch of lies. In fact, the whole relationship itself is a lie. What did you expect? For me to say, ‘I forgive you, honey,’ and then pretend the whole thing never happened?”
It almost made Shauntae laugh when he said that. But it wasn’t funny. It was stupid for her to believe that he could forgive her.
“We’ve been living a lie. You played me for a fool. I’m supposed to get over that?”
Shauntae shrugged and shook her head.
“Not only did you play me for a fool and use me, you put my daughters at risk. What if Darla had never had the accident and had done the background check? She could have gotten the girls and made it to where I could never see them again. You put me at risk of losing my daughters. Did you even think about that?”
“I did think about it. I thought about it a lot.”
“And?”
“And none of that happened. God was taking care of—”
“Don’t even bring God into this. Do you even know God?”
Gary’s words cut Shauntae to her heart. “Of course I know God. I’m saved, Gary. I told you that all of this is Him. It’s been Him. Changing me and transforming me. I’m not the person I was when I met you. Everything about me is different. Because you loved me. And you showed me that God loved me.”
Gary sat there for a second not saying anything. Shauntae prayed silently that her words would get through to him.
“How can you have a daughter you haven’t seen or so much as mentioned the whole time we’ve been together? What kind of mother does that?”
“I’m not that kind of mother anymore. I realize how horrible I was and I’ve done everything I can to change. I’m going to see her tomorrow. And me and her father are going to make arrangements for me to be in her life.”
“If I were him, I wouldn’t let you anywhere near her.” The look in Gary’s eyes and the anger in his voice made Shauntae want to cry.
“They’re letting me see her because they see how much I’ve changed. They know the person I was before and they see the person I am now and they think it’s okay. They forgave me, like you said you would.”
“Don’t try to throw my words up in my face. When I said that, I was talking to somebody else.” Gary was yelling now. He stood up. “I was talking to my wife, the good little Christian girl who loves family and loves Jesus. Not some gold-digging, baby-aborting, child-abusing, lying, scheming whore!”
It felt like Gary had knocked all the air out of her chest. He picked up his bags and walked down the back stairs to the family room. Shauntae knew he was headed toward the garage door.
Something rose up in her and she ran after him. She caught up to him in the kitchen and yelled, “You don’t get to call me that. Jesus forgave me and it’s gone forever. Even if you don’t forgive me, He has. So you don’t get to call me what I used to be. I’m not that woman anymore!”
He stared at her with an evil look in his eye, but he didn’t say anything.
Shauntae said more softly this time. “I’m not all those things you said. I’m a good person. And I’m going to be a good mother—a very good mother. And I’m saved now. I’m God’s daughter. So you don’t get to call me any of that.”
Shauntae knew by the look in his eyes that things were over with Gary. She said, “Sorry for everything. Sorry for lying and misleading you. Sorry that I couldn’t be the woman you wanted me to be. Sorry for hurting you. You don’t have to leave. This is your house. I’ll pack my stuff and go.”
Gary answered, “You can stay here until you have the baby. I have somewhere to go. I’m pretty sure you don’t. I want to know that my child is in a safe place until he’s born.”
“And after that?”
“After that, we’ll go to court.”
Shauntae burst into tears. “You can’t take my baby away from me. I won’t let you. Dr. Murray will testify for me. My parenting class mentors will testify for me. All the women in all my classes at church will testify for me. They’ll say that I’m a good person and a good mother. You can’t take my baby away from me.”
“And you’d better not leave, either. There’s nowhere that you can take my child and hide from me, Shauntae. I will find you.”
“Do you know how many times I could have left? I didn’t leave. I won’t leave. I don’t care if you believe me. I’m not that person anymore. I’m a good person. I’m a good mother.” Shauntae sank to the floor, crying.
Gary threw a debit card onto her lap. “You no longer have access to our joint account or any of the credit cards. This account will have enough money for you to take care of yourself and the baby unless you spend foolishly. You need to eat and take care of yourself so the baby will be okay. If you have another ultrasound, I’d like to be there; otherwise, text me after your doctor visits to let me know everything’s okay with the baby. Call me when you go into labor. I’d like to be there for the birth of my child.”
Shauntae couldn’t stop crying. A few seconds later she heard the door slam and Gary was gone for good.
Forty
Shauntae was up crying most of the night. She finally fell asleep at about two in the morning. She called Dr. Murray at around one and explained to her what had happened. Dr. Murray talked to her until she felt a little bit better, prayed wi
th her, and told her to take some Benadryl so she could sleep. She told her to focus on Brianna and nothing else.
Shauntae tried to follow her advice, but there were too many thoughts in her head. Like how she was going to afford a lawyer to be able to keep her baby? How was she going to live after Gary threw her out of the house? Would Devon let her still be in Brianna’s life when he found out that she was broke and desperate again? She kept telling herself that God was going to work everything out for her good. If He loved her and forgave her, surely He was gonna take care of her, right?
She finally drifted off to sleep. It seemed like only a few minutes later when she woke up, but it was actually nine in the morning. She made herself eat some breakfast since she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch the day before.
And then she waited for time to pass. She was supposed to see Brianna when she finished Cassandra’s art class that afternoon. Maybe she could do something nice for Brianna. She wasn’t sure what. She needed to be real tight with money. She didn’t know how much Gary had put in the account he had opened for her and she didn’t want to buy an expensive present.
She wanted to cook something, but then remembered Brianna’s diabetes. She went to get online to look for a diabetic recipe but Gary had taken his computer. She called Candy to ask her to look up something for her. While Candy was looking, Shauntae told her everything Gary had said.
Candy was real quiet.
Shauntae asked, “You ain’t got nothing to say?”
“I wish I knew what to say, but you probably want some good, Christian advice and you know I ain’t got none of that to give.”
Shauntae smiled a little. “What would be your nonChristian advice?”
Candy laughed. “Girl, I don’t even know. The whole situation was messed up from the beginning. We all thought you would ride it as long as you could. We didn’t think you was gon’ fall in love and get married and want to live happily ever after.”
A tear slid down Shauntae’s cheek. “Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I’m crazy and stupid.”
“Don’t say that, Shauntae. Ain’t nothing crazy and stupid about love. Next time, you just need to do it right.”
“Next time? I ain’t never doing nothing like this again. It hurts too much.”
“It ain’t got to hurt next time. You’ll do it right if you ever do it again.”
Shauntae didn’t want to think about ever doing it again. “Whatever. You find me a recipe?”
“Yeah, you got a pen?”
Candy gave her a recipe for diabetic peanut butter cookies. Shauntae remembered how much Brianna liked peanut butter.
When they were about to hang up, Candy said, “I know this is bad timing with everything you got going on, but I need a big favor.”
“What you need? Anything.” Shauntae remembered their motto that no matter what happened with a man, they always had each other’s backs. Even though it looked like they had lost Sherice, Shauntae knew she and Candy would stick together.
“Well, Bobby got me a catering gig for next weekend. One of his clients is getting married and asked if he knew anybody that could do a good wedding cake. Bobby got to running his mouth and got me a job doing the cake and the whole wedding dinner. I know it’s a whole lot to ask with you all pregnant and heartbroken and stuff, but can you use your van to help me get groceries and then to take the stuff to the wedding?”
“Only if you let me help you cook everything.”
“Are you serious?”
“What else I’m gon’ do? Lie around the house and cry and be depressed? I got you. Let me know when and I’ll be there.”
“A’ight. I’ll call you next week. Thanks, girl.”
“You my girl foreva.” Shauntae hung up the phone. At least she had something to look forward to next weekend. For now, she was ready to bake some cookies and go see Brianna.
When Shauntae rang Devon’s doorbell, there was a scary feeling in her stomach. Would Brianna even want to see her? What if she acted like Daphne and said she wasn’t her mother no more and told her to go away and never come back?
Devon let her in and told her to have a seat. “She’s in the back with Cassandra. I’ll get her.”
A few minutes later, Shauntae heard those dancing, running feet and then that singsong voice. “Mama, you’re here. Daddy told me you were coming but I didn’t believe him.” Brianna ran right up to Shauntae and then stopped.
“Brianna, look at you. You’re so big and pretty.” Shauntae held out her arms. Brianna slowly walked into them. Shauntae knew Brianna’s hesitation was her fault. She was hardly ever affectionate with Brianna before. “You grew up so big. What in the world have you been eating?”
Brianna said, “Spaghetti and pizza and pancakes and waffles and Grandma’s cooking and Miss Cassandra’s cooking.” She pulled up her shirt and pointed to her belly. “Daddy says if I keep eating so much, my belly is gonna explode.”
Shauntae laughed and poked Brianna’s little fat belly.
Brianna’s eyes fell on Shauntae’s belly and got real big. “Oh boy, Mama. Looks like you been eating too much too.”
Everybody laughed except Brianna, who looked confused.
“Mama hasn’t been eating too much. Mama’s gonna have a baby.” She moved over on the couch and patted for Brianna to sit down next to her. “In about two months, I’m gonna have you a baby brother.”
Brianna’s eyes got big and round. “A baby brother?” She clapped her hands and asked, “What’s his name?”
“I don’t know, yet. You want to help me name him?”
“I get to name him?”
“You can help. I’m sure you can come up with some really good names.”
Brianna scrunched her face up. “I can’t think of anything right now.”
Shauntae laughed. “You don’t have to think of anything right now. In the next few days, if you think of any names, write them down and then we can look at them the next time you see me.”
Brianna’s eyes got big again. “The next time? I get to see you again?”
Shauntae nodded. Brianna turned to look at Cassandra and Devon and they nodded too. She turned back around and threw her arms around Shauntae. “Yaaaaay!”
Shauntae wrapped her arms around Brianna and held on tight. She kissed Brianna on the cheek. A tear slipped down her face.
Brianna reached up to wipe it away. “Mama, why are you crying?”
Shauntae wiped her face. “I’m happy to see you, Bree. I wasn’t sure I’d get to see you again.”
“Me too. You said you weren’t going to see me again until I was big, like grownup big, but I’m only seven and you’re here.”
“I know, Bree. Mama is so sorry about that.” Shauntae put an arm around Brianna’s shoulder and pulled her close. “Mama is so sorry about so many things. Bad things I did to you before. I’m so sorry that—”
“It’s okay. I forgive you. I’m glad you’re back.”
Fresh tears rolled down Shauntae’s cheeks. Those words were music to her ears. “Thank you, sweetie. Thank you so much.”
“Mama, you look different and you talk different. You look fancy and you talk fancy. Did you turn into a different person when you went to California?”
Shauntae laughed a little through her tears. “No, I turned into a different person when I came back to Atlanta.”
“What happened?”
Shauntae thought for a moment before she said anything. “A lot happened, Bree. I guess I should say, Jesus came into my heart and showed me how much He loved me and it changed me into a different person.”
Brianna’s mouth fell open. “You know Jesus?”
Shauntae laughed and nodded. “Yep. He lives right here.” Shauntae pointed to her heart.
Brianna pointed to hers. “He lives right here too. Wow, Mama. Maybe you can go to church with me sometimes. You can’t come to children’s church, though. You have to go to big people’s church with Daddy.”
All the adul
ts laughed.
Shauntae felt the baby move. She reached for Brianna’s hand. “Let me show you something.” She put Brianna’s hand on her stomach. A few seconds later, he kicked again and then rolled his butt up against Brianna’s hand.
Brianna pulled her hand back and squealed. “Oh my goodness.”
“That’s your baby brother.”
Brianna put both hands on her belly and leaned down to talk to it. “Hi, baby brother. I’m your big sister, Brianna. I don’t know how you’re gonna get out of there, but when you do, we can play.”
Brianna’s words made Shauntae cry again. She was happy that it was Brianna saying almost the same exact thing Morgan had said. She had wished at that moment that it was Brianna and now it was. But now she was thinking about Morgan and realized Morgan would probably never put her hands on her pregnant belly again. Gary would probably never even let her near her.
“Mama, why do you keep crying?”
“I’m happy to see you, Bree. You’ve made me very happy today.”
“You made me happy too.” Brianna put her arms around Shauntae again and held on tight.
Shauntae couldn’t believe her evil tail had given birth to such a sweet child. She couldn’t believe there was a time that she looked forward to her shutting up and going to sleep. She couldn’t believe how much she used to look forward to Devon picking her up to get her off her hands. She couldn’t believe that she had ever left her and planned to never see her again. She gave Brianna a squeeze.
“Brianna, I brought you something.” Shauntae had almost forgotten. “I learned how to cook. I made you some peanut butter cookies.”
Brianna frowned. “Did you forget about my diabetes? I can’t eat cookies.” She leaned in closer to Shauntae and said in a whisper loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, “Remember what happened last time? If you make me sick by giving me cookies, I might not get to see you anymore.”