What the Heart Wants: A Pride Story

by D. C. Williams

  “Are they taking care of you?”

  Jase nodded, and then pointed to Kev. “And him. Take him home. Get some rest.”

  “I can stay with you another night,” said Kev.

  “No.”

  “You slept here?” asked Will.

  “In the waiting room,” said Kev.

  “Take him home. Hospital will call.”

  Will looked at him. Kev sighed. “You’re right. I just don’t like leaving you.”

  A nurse came in, and had obviously heard some of the exchange. “He’s right. Go home and get a decent night’s sleep. Food. You’re no use to him if you make yourself sick.”

  “Yeah,” said Kev, sounding reluctant. “Will?”

  “I’ll be in the waiting room until you’re ready.”

  Kev appeared fifteen minutes later, looking even more exhausted if that was possible. “They said worrying about me wasn’t good for Jase.”

  “No.”

  “ How’d you manage to get down here?”

  “Got a ride to the bridge and took the subway down.”

  Kev nodded. “I’m grabbing a cab downtown, assuming we can actually get one.”

  Will thought not trying to take a bus or the subway was a good idea. The temperatures were frigid and there was a lot of ice. It had been okay underground, if cold, but the few blocks from the train had been awful, and he’d had to switch to a local at 125th. A bus might have been more direct, according to the MTA’s online transit map, but not faster.

  “We can get a little dinner. Jase is probably right about me eating real food. Are your parents expecting you home?”

  “No, I figured I was probably going to Jersey, but I haven’t called them.”

  “Want to crash on the couch?”

  “Sure. You can probably think of something I can do to help you out this weekend.”

  “Maybe. Honestly, it’s good just to see you. Jase’s boss called, and a couple of people stopped by, but he couldn’t have any visitors at all yesterday. They let me in for a few minutes when he came out of anesthesia. He’s still a little out of it.”

  “I know. That’s gotta be rough on you, too.”

  “I’m tough.”

  “I know, but you need to take care of yourself.”

  “Yes, mother.”

  “Jase’ll give you a harder time than I do once he can actually talk again.”

  “Yeah, he will. It’ll be a day or two, but he’s actually doing pretty well. This was really kind of out of left field. His blood pressure was a little high, but he was good about taking the meds, and no other risk factors. Apparently it just happens like that occasionally. At least his boss made him go with the EMT’s even though he kept insisting it was heartburn from pastrami.”

  “Pastrami?”

  “Yeah, none of that for him now. Won’t make him happy, but I’m really, really glad we didn’t lose him.”

  “Me too.”

  They went to a Thai restaurant a couple of blocks from Kev’s apartment. Will ordered carefully, trying to remember what he had liked when they had lunch back in June. Kev looked like he was having trouble staying awake, but he ate heartily, drinking soda because he claimed to be too tired for beer.

  They navigated the icy sidewalks to Kev’s building, and actually waited for the elevator.

  Will thought Kev stumbled a little, probably out of sheer exhaustion, as they walked in the entry, but he somehow wound up in Will’s arms, and didn’t move to pull out of them.

  Will just held him for a few moments, rubbing his nose in that gray brush cut, inhaling the scent of Kev and hot chili oil and hospital, and then they were kissing. No peck this time. It was hard and hot and hungry and Kev had Will up against the wall, not only fully dressed, but still wearing his coat. Kev’s hands were on his belt, pulling up his shirt, as Will fumbled to help him and Kev’s mouth was on his neck. And then on his nipple, nursing and biting and licking and sucking.

  Will arched his back against the wall. Neither Aiden nor Preston had done that to him, and it was sending an electric current straight to his cock. His belt was loose, finally, because four hands on it were probably two too many, and he pushed his pants and underwear down, letting his erection spring free. Then Kev’s hand was on him, just on the tip, drawing delicate, maddening rhythms on the head, mirroring what that busy mouth was working on his chest.

  Delicious was the best word Will had for what Kev was doing to him. Relatively little sexual experience or not, he knew he was a big fan of having his dick touched, and this? He had no idea anything could feel this good. And then it was over, just coming and coming and coming for what felt like forever, spilling over Kev’s pants and his own thighs and probably his pants and underwear.

  Kev straightened up, his hand falling from Will’s cock. He bestowed a gentle kiss on Will’s neck and moved to pull away.

  “No,” said Will, not letting Kev go, so they could pretend it hadn’t happened. Not letting him seek his own hand in the bathroom, while Will lay alone on the pull-out. “I’m an adult. I want this. I want you.” Will held Kev’s arm and looked into his face, seeing desire war with something indefinable. “I need you this way. Let me make you feel good.”

  Kev swallowed and his eyes fluttered closed. “I want you too, kid,” he said. “Been a long time since I felt this way about someone, but I don’t want to be a dirty old man.”

  Will shook his head hard, even though he didn’t think Kev was actually looking. “If you were a dirty old man you’d have had me in bed when we met. You’ve done everything you can not to pressure me into being with you.”

  Kev leaned forward then, and kissed Will again. Gently, softly, and Will reached up and cupped the back of his head, running his hand through Kev’s hair. Then Kev walked backward, holding Will, Will shuffling in his unfastened pants, and they were down on the couch, Will on top of Kev, pulling up his shirt, greedily unfastening his pants to find his prize, thick and firm and proud. Preston had waxed, Aiden hadn’t. Kev didn’t but, the grey thatch was so neat Will knew he must do some grooming there. Will hadn’t gotten a lot of practice in on blow jobs, but he figured there was no such thing as a bad one. He started slowly, savoring, as Kev groaned, “Will, oh, that’s good. So fucking good.” Will sucked and licked and tentatively deep - throated Kev until he was rewarded with a long groan of “Coming.” He pulled off and used his hand, sharp smelling seed pouring over it after only a stroke or two.

  The rest of their clothes became a tangled trail into the bedroom, where Kev got him flat and proceeded to give him what had to be the best blowjob ever, sucking through Will’s orgasm even after he yelled, “Fuck, Kev, I’m about to come.”

  Still, the very best part was afterwards, head pillowed on Kev’s chest, curled in his arms, naked in bed as he fell asleep.

  Chapter Eight

  Will awoke to grey light and Kev stirring. He half expected him to pull away, but Kev’s arm tightened around him and he murmured, “I feel like I should be sorry we did this, but I’m not.”

  “I’m definitely not.”

  “I figured that.” Kev stroked Will’s hair. “I’m not going to tell you again that I think you deserve better than an old man, because you know I think that way, and you want me anyway.” He sighed. “For this to work for me, you don’t have any strings. I could just give you a good weekend in bed, but I think you want more than that.”

  “Yeah,” said Will. He’d take the weekend in bed if that was all he was getting. He’d have settled for the hand job in the entry hall if necessary, but he was pretty sure he wanted everything Kev could give him.

  Kev nodded. “I don’t need to run around. It’s been a while anyway, and I don’t really find pick-ups all that appealing any more. You, on the other hand, have explicit instructions to go have fun at school. You are an adult, and if you want me, it’s kind of stupid for me to keep denying both of us, but I need to think I’m not keeping you from meeting someone your own age.”

  “I
like older men,” Will said, rolling on top of Kev.

  He laughed and said, “I know that, but honestly, you’re just figuring out what you want.”

  “Pecs like this,” said Will, tracing them with his fingers. “Abs, too.”

  “Flattery will get you far,” said Kev, kissing him, “but seriously, you are free to do what you want, with who you want, and end this part of our friendship any time you like. Keep it to yourself, or tell me hot bedtime stories. It’s up to you.”

  What Kev had actually just said registered with Will. “Wait, are you telling me to have sex with other people?”

  “No, I’m telling you that you can.”

  Will stopped what he was doing, which was experimenting with Kev’s nipples. They were getting nicely stiff as he rubbed them. “What if I don’t want to, and why the fuck would you give me away?”

  Kev’s arm tightened around him, and he said, “I’m not giving you away. I’m willing to share you, because I don’t want you to miss out on anything you deserve.”

  “I deserve this,” Will’s hand slid down.

  Kev chuckled, and there wasn’t a lot more talking for a while after that.

  * * * *

  Jase looked better when they got uptown, and the nurses let Will sit with him while Kev spoke to one of the doctors. Jase still couldn’t talk much, since there had been tubes in his throat for the surgery and it had left him very sore, but when Kev walked back into the room and Will looked up at him, Jase said, “Aha!”

  “Aha?”

  Jase smiled. “You did the deed.”

  Will knew he was blushing.

  “That’s news?” said Kev.

  Jase smirked. “With him. Took you long enough.”

  Kev rolled his eyes. “There’s never getting anything past you, is there?”

  “Nope.”

  “We’re taking it a little slow,” said Will, grabbing Kev’s hand.

  “We are,” said Kev.

  They were in and out for a few hours, Will mostly staying in the waiting room, trying to write a paper on his laptop until visiting hours were over. Then they took a cab downtown, got some burgers, and went back to Kev’s apartment.

  “Bed or TV out here?”

  “What do you think?” Will gave his best attempt at a seductive smile.

  Kev burst out laughing. “Why did I even ask? You’re nineteen. Enjoy all that energy while it lasts.”

  “I think you can keep up with me.”

  “No, I think I can try.”

  After their coats were hung and their boots on the kitchen floor. Kev led him into the bedroom by the hand.

  “You ever play around with edging?”

  Will shook his head. He wasn’t sure what that was. He was assuming it wasn’t some exotically painful thing, and he trusted Kev anyway, but he wasn’t sure how to confess his ignorance without sounding like the world’s most boring lay.

  Kev smiled at him. “Do you know what it is?”

  “Not really.”

  “Bringing you close to the edge of orgasm without getting off. It’s not necessarily something I want to do all the time, but when you do come you’ll think your head is exploding.”

  Will was in the middle of unbuttoning his shirt, and he looked down, trying not to blush. “We could do that if you want.”

  “No, we can do it if you want.” Kev leaned over and gently took Will’s chin in his hand, stroking the line of his jaw. “What I want is to make you feel good. Give you what you want. Help show you what you like. And for fuck’s sake don’t ever be afraid to ask me about it. I barely knew I was gay when I was your age. I didn’t know what a top or bottom was. My first boyfriend and I had almost no words for the stuff we did together.”

  “The internet makes it simpler,” said Will, leaning into the touch.

  “It does, and it’s a different world now. Do you want to try that?”

  “Yes, but not tonight.” Will hesitated. “I want you to make love to me. You know…”

  “Yeah, I know. You’re sure? I’ll be careful, but…”

  “You’re hung like a horse?”

  Kev burst into laughter. “I knew there was a reason why I liked you so much.”

  “You’re not small.”

  “Well, no, but you’re probably pretty tight.” Will had gotten his shirt off, but he was still wearing his pants. Kev was wearing an open button down and his briefs. Kev pulled Will close and kissed him. “You and Preston, I’m not being nosy, but it was a few times?”

  “Five or six. We had more sex than that, but we didn’t have intercourse all the time. Condoms, lube, privacy…”

  “Well, we’ve got all of that. You only bottomed?”

  “Yeah,” Will flushed, “he said he wasn’t into it. I was a little curious.”

  “I can help you satisfy that curiosity, if you want.”

  “Really?” Will had assumed Kev would want to top. Will didn’t think of himself as effeminate, particularly compared to Braden and Cody or a couple of guys in his college group, but he wasn’t hyper-masculine either. It wasn’t in your face obnoxious, but Kev oozed testosterone from every pore. And he had all the experience.

  “Yeah, really. I mostly top, but I’ve bottomed. It’s been a while, but that’s okay. Like I said, I want what you want, and I can top from the bottom, too.” Kev winked.

  Will laughed. “How does that work?”

  “Let me show you.”

  * * * *

  Will rode uptown again on Sunday morning, taking his bag and laptop with him. He’d texted Toby, to find out when he needed to be out in Jersey and got back. “Where in city r u?”

  “Friend lives in 20s. Hosp Mt. Sinai.”

  “Uptown?”

  “East 100?” As he texted Will realized he had gained a much better sense of Manhattan geography in the last few months.

  “I can pick u up if u give me tolls. Take xbronx instead of tap.”

  “Def, bro. No prob. Save me grief.”

  “Text u when over bridge if I can pull over. Around one.”

  Toby texted him from a red light on the upper west side at one-fifteen and Will went downstairs. Kev walked him down, and gave him a half-hug when they got down to Fifth. Will gave him a real one and a kiss, fiercely returned by a slightly surprised Kev, who murmured in his ear, “Don’t care if your buddy knows, huh?”

  “No, he’s cool. I’ll be in touch. Give my love to Jase and keep me in the loop.”

  “Have fun at school. Talk to you.”

  Will picked his way over a giant pile of snow and climbed into the truck and greeted Toby.

  “Good weekend, I see. How’s your friend doing?”

  “Better. They should spring him next week. It was pretty good, actually.”

  “Any weekend you hook up, bro.”

  Will could feel himself reddening a little and said, “Yeah, but you know, I like the guy. It’s not just fooling around.”

  “That’s cool. And you got laid and I didn’t. Your dude is hot, bro, but…”

  “I know he’s older.”

  “Nah, not that. He’s totally a DILF, if I was into that, but if I were into that, I wouldn’t go for that whole alpha male silverback thing.”

  “Silverback?” Will was confused.

  “Gorilla in charge, dude. Older male, has a harem, runs the show. If,” Toby’s voice grew suddenly wistful, “I wanted a guy, it’d be someone, you know, pretty.”

  “Pretty?”

  “Yeah, not like a girl pretty, because then you might as well be with a girl, and then what’s the point, but dude-pretty.”

  “Eyeliner and lipgloss , but with a dick?”

  “Exactly. Nail-polish. I like nail-polish. That whole nine yards but still looks like a guy.”

  “I know what you mean. I went to high school with a couple of guys like that.”

  Toby perked up a little. “You ever tap that? What was it like?”

  “Nah. I wasn’t into them. I like older guys.”

>   “Yeah, I get it, you want that whole broody Lion in Winter thing. Chicks go for it, so why not? I don’t, but there was this one guy I used to know that I was kind of…” Toby took one hand off the wheel and kind of hunched, his free hand waving in the air. “A dude, but hot. I never went for it. Just the whole idea, another dick, it’s a little strange.”

  “For me not having another dick would be strange.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “You’ll meet a guy, or not.”

  “Exactly.”

  Chapter Nine

  Will caught a ride again the next weekend, taking a bus into the city from the Jersey side where Toby dropped him, and helped Kev get Jase into a cab to take him downtown to his apartment on Saturday morning when he was discharged. It was a slow process. They’d had him up and moving in the hospital, but he was weak, and his building was a walk-up. Thankfully he was on the second floor. Will and Kev slept on his pull-out Saturday night because the hospital had recommend that Jase not be alone for a couple of days, and on Sunday morning Will took the train up to 175th so Toby could pick him up. Will felt a little guilty about making the guy drive into Manhattan, but they had to be on that side of the river eventually anyway and Toby swore he didn’t mind as long as Will picked up the toll since traffic wasn’t that horrific on Sundays that far uptown.

  There was no way Will could go down to see Kev every weekend, but he managed once in March, and they were in chat fairly frequently. There were advantages to having a boyfriend who held on kind of loosely. Will might not be all that interested in having sex with anyone else, but it was nice to feel free to just have fun. This might be Will’s first real relationship, since Preston had never been all that serious , and the thing with Aiden never really went anywhere, but he’d had plenty of experience of drama with other people’s. His stoner roommate’s girlfriend seemed to give the guy a hard time if he even sat next to another girl in class. Emily’s Dean wasn’t really the jealous type, but Will knew even he’d been a pain about her going out without him a few times.

  Kev wanted Will to go out to parties and do stuff on campus. Will might not be looking, but flirting was fun and so was dancing.