Can't Buy Me Love

by Abigail Drake

  I caught Lara alone in the downstairs game room when I went in to use the bathroom. “Hey,” I joined her as she looked at the family photos displayed on the wall.

  “Hi.” She seemed so withdrawn and had been so for most of the evening.

  “Haven’t really gotten a chance to talk with you. What’s up? Whatcha think of this whole deal?” I bumped her in the shoulder in a friendly way and rolled my eyes at the fiasco called a wedding.

  I expected her to go along with what had been our regular banter about Sam and Olivia, but she didn’t . . . at all. “It’s fine.”

  “Lara . . .” I called out as she started to walk away. “What are you . . . where are—”

  She swiveled back around. “They’re getting married. Let it be.” Again, it was said in such a mellow way but also with determination.

  “I was just—” I was going to say ‘teasing,’ but she cut me off.

  “Finn, everyone makes decisions and commitments, and you have to respect that. That’s what I have to do.”

  “I know. Geez.”

  She exhaled in a staggered, attempt-at-calming kind of way. “I’ll see you outside.”

  While I used the bathroom, I kept replaying her words. What was with the switch in attitude towards the ‘happy couple’s’ impending nuptials? And why so serious? It made me wonder if more was going on. But what? Was it even about Sam and Olivia? Lara Faulkner was still so confusing to me.

  When I returned to the bonfire, there were only a few of us remaining. After switching the tunes, Sam’s brother, Parker, sat down next to Lara on one of the built-in benches. I, simultaneously, sat across from them and next to Audrey. When Parker started talking about the song as if he was an authority on the music business, I was instantly annoyed. But, in contrast, Lara seemed to be taken in by the know-it-all. She certainly was listening quite intently to his opinion on not only the subject of music but virtually everything else.

  “Why if you sit any closer to her, you’ll need to get some protection.” Sam’s voice surged into my thoughts, and I realized he was talking to me and how my legs were intertwined with Audrey’s and my hands were holding her snug.

  She, in turn, had her hands on mine right where her breasts met her waist. “You are quite affectionate,” Audrey cooed echoing Sam’s thoughts.

  “Just like to be close to you,” I responded. “We’re planning a wedding, too.” Admittedly, it came out a little defensive. I seemed to have critics suddenly surrounding me.

  Lara’s yawn was long and a bit dramatic. It, and the fact that she started to get up, caught me by surprise. “I’m going to get going,” she announced.

  “First yawn,” I noted. “It doesn’t count.”

  The look she gave me was coated with curiosity, and I couldn’t figure out why. Yes, I noticed. I paid attention to things.

  I didn’t have time to debate or question any more, though, because Audrey chimed in. “I’m getting tired, too.”

  “I’m screwed,” I let out a sigh and placed my half-empty beer bottle down. So much for fun times around the bonfire.

  “You hope,” Audrey giggled and leaned a little further into me.

  I realized then what I had said and how she had interpreted it. I shook my head and tugged on her hand, standing both of us up. “I guess we’re outta here.” I suggestively lifted my eyebrows twice and pushed everything about that night away. The motel and my fiancé were calling.

  Poor Sam. He had tears in his eyes as the two of us stood in the groom’s room before the big event. I guess I would have, too, if I was facing a life with Olivia.

  I was kind, though, when I offered my support. “What’s going on, Man?” I asked. “What’s going on in that crazy Sam head of yours?”

  “Nothing,” he said. “Just happy and excited.” He went macho then and subtly wiped his eyes before turning the question on me. “What was going on with you last night?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I don’t know. You were acting weird, and Lara was too.”

  “No, I wasn’t,” I denied. “But, yeah, Lara was for sure, huh?”

  “Women . . .”

  Sam shook his head mockingly as Parker and their dad entered the room. Things were ready to become real for my friend. Life, in fact, was definitely starting to be real for all of us.

  When Lara walked up the aisle after the little flower girl, the bow tie on my tux strained as my neck extended forward and my mouth dropped open. It wasn’t the two-piece, red dress she was wearing. She looked stunning, of course. But, geez, it was her hair. What had she done to those long locks? I had seen her less than twenty-four hours before and . . . and . . . sheez. What did she do?

  Now, standing across from me, I couldn’t help but stare at her. I couldn’t say anything, though, of course. It was the middle of a wedding ceremony, and we were all supposed to be looking at the next person coming up the aisle—the bride herself.

  All during the short service, I was formulating what I was going to say to her. I knew I had to be careful. Girls didn’t fare well with even the slightest, tiniest comment about their clothes, makeup, hair, whatever. Audrey was like that, and I knew Lara would be, too. But, I also knew I couldn’t let it go. I scripted my words in my head like I was writing a song.

  After the ‘I dos,’ I extended my arm out for her as we made our way back down the aisle. I waited until we got to the last pew before I whispered, “Rapunzel, what happened? Did the witch find you out?”

  She kind of snorted her laugh. That’s good, I thought to myself. She was going to take it in the lighthearted way I had intended it to be.

  “Someday my prince will come,” she replied, and we continued to walk toward the connecting banquet hall where the reception would take place.

  “Why, Lar?” I asked as we entered the room. “I mean, it’s nice,” I tried. “But, wow, it’s so short.”

  Her hair wasn’t past her shoulders any more. In fact, it wasn’t even near her shoulders. It barely grazed her chin. She haphazardly tucked a piece behind one ear and said, “I needed a change. You guys are all changing, and since I still have to be in school, I wanted a change, too.”

  “Hmmm,” I mumbled as Parker and Olivia’s cousin, the other bridesmaid, joined us at the elongated, white table meant just for the bridal party.

  In a few minutes, the room was filled with guests, family, and the newly married couple. Almost immediately, Olivia and Sam started their first dance as man and wife and then they announced for the wedding party to join them. I grasped Lara’s hand and we strolled onto the dance floor.

  She was fine for a moment or two until I drew her a little more closely toward me. “This whole lady in red thing reminds me of your lamp, Roxanne.”

  She pulled slightly away and signaled for Audrey to join us. When my fiancé did, Lara said, “Here, dance with him. I hate it. You two should.”

  “You sure?” Audrey asked Lara and then looked inquisitively at me.

  “Lar?”

  “Enjoy.” Her lips twitched up quickly. “I’m on a mission, anyway.”

  “What? What mission?” I wanted to understand her out-of-the-blue motion to extract herself from the dance floor.

  But, I wouldn’t get an answer. The switch had been made. Audrey was now snug and comfortable in my arms. She loved to dance—slow, fast, it didn’t matter. And, I loved dancing with her. But, I couldn’t help being concerned about Lara’s abrupt exit.

  Olivia got all pissy when Lara wasn’t around for the garter and flower-throwing thing. Reigning in my instant desire to tell her off, I instead told the bride I would find Lara. I wanted to, anyway. I needed to see what was going on with her—the mood, the hair, the leaving during the dance. It bothered me. I took a hard swallow of my bourbon mix and set out to search for Lara who was still, I guess, on her self-proclaimed mission.

  When I found her, she was outside. She was straightening the spaghetti strap on her red dress and looking at Sam’s white car.
After the accident, he had gotten a new vehicle, but this one was still a junker.

  “Lara, why are you—”

  “Ahhh!” she screeched and nearly jumped a mile, turning around to face me. “Finn! You scared me.”

  “Sorry.” I shrugged my shoulders. “What are you doing out here?” I asked but then saw her handiwork—a ‘Just Married’ sign was draped on the car. “That’s cool.” I commended. “I didn’t know people still did that. Let’s hope Olivia appreciates it. She’s kind of pissed right now you’re not inside.”

  “What are you doing out here? You should be inside.” Her clipped tone made me bend slightly and focus more on her eyes. They weren’t filled with tears, but it was something close. There was definitely sadness and pain in them.

  And, it just about killed me. “Lara…”

  “You should be with Audrey.” She looked down.

  “Audrey can take of herself.” I took a mini-step closer. Audrey could take care of herself, and I knew Lara normally could, too. But, at that moment, she seemed so lost.

  “But she’s who—”

  “Audrey is dancing with Sam’s great uncle.” I interjected.

  The immediate crinkle between Lara’s eyebrows displayed her obvious curiosity regarding the odd dance duo. I smiled the best I could considering my concern for the girl in front of me. Besides, I truly had nothing to be jealous of with Sam’s geriatric family member.

  “She caught the bouquet and he got the garter,” I explained.

  It was good to hear Lara’s instant breath come out and see her hand go up to her lips to stop herself from laughing. But, just as quickly, her reaction changed. She, oh my God, was crying.

  “Lar,” I stuck out my hand a little dumbfounded. “Lara, what’s … Gosh, what’s wrong?”

  “Go.” She turned from me, actually putting her hand up to her face as a barrier between the two of us.

  I didn’t want to make things worse or embarrass her, but I was not going to leave. I couldn’t. “No.” I said softly but confidently and stepped into her line of vision again.

  “Finn!” She was more adamant and still refusing to look at me.

  “Lara, what? What did I do?”

  “You made me—” And she halted her own words.

  “What?” What?

  “You made me …” This time it was more of a pause, and I let the empty air hang until she came up with a concluding word. “Think.” She finally looked up to meet my eyes.

  “Sorry?” I offered not exactly sure what I made her ‘think’ about. But, whatever it was, it must have been bad. “Think about what?”

  “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You need to just leave.”

  I shook my head. “No. Not happening.”

  She took a staggered but, seemingly, calming breath. “I’m gonna miss all of this.” Her voice cracked. She sounded and looked so damn vulnerable—more than I had ever seen her. “I’m gonna miss all of you guys. I didn’t realize how much. I guess I should have at your graduation. But maybe it was because, in the back of my mind, I knew this—the wedding—was still coming.”

  Her words went straight to my heart. They were so true. They were so dead on. She nailed what I hadn’t let myself truly acknowledge.

  “Well, that’s all the more reason for you to actually be inside with us,” I shook my head in a joking way hoping to lighten the mood.

  “You think?” She followed my lead and jested back while pressing her index fingers under her eyes and subtly wiping.

  “Uh…yeah.” I lightly pushed her bare shoulder, as if we were innocent children playing a game of tag.

  “I still don’t like dancing, though,” she restated and gave me a similar shove back.

  I rolled my eyes but let the topic of dancing drop. Just knowing that she wasn’t as upset or mad anymore and that she was going to rejoin us was enough. It was more than.

  “Lara,” I took her hand. “I’m gonna miss you, too. And, we’ll keep in touch.” Not wanting to let the tidal wave of sentimentality, which had suddenly pushed through me, show, I teased, “Who else is going to help me with my webpage design once I’m all Mr. Rockstar?”

  “All your richy peeps.” She smiled, and I pulled her into my side before we made our way back into the celebration.

  Those next couple of months flew. I never knew busy like the time when Audrey and I first moved to our studio apartment in Burbank. She got a job as a page at one of the networks and worked practically non-stop. And I was loving my internship at the record label. I was learning so much in addition to networking and speaking with people who spoke my music language. Besides the minimal money we made, life was almost too good to be true.

  I didn’t forget about Lara, though. I just didn’t have a lot of time to keep in touch besides an occasional funny text here or there. But I did call her when I was in a McDonalds using her gift card. While munching on a burger, I informed her that the only cookies the restaurant had were circular and not shaped like any characters. She told me I should simply boycott the chain all together then. My laugh was hearty as I admitted that I couldn’t. I would miss the shakes too damn much.

  I called her again when I was visiting my family in Louisville during the Christmas holiday. I finally had a chance to breathe and wanted to make sure to acknowledge her December graduation, especially since she hadn’t received any of the fanfare the ‘regular’ graduates who got their degrees in the springtime did. There were no stages and marching unless you wanted to return in May. I knew Lara hadn’t wanted that. She had just wanted to be done.

  “Did I miss your graduation, Lar?”

  “It wasn’t anything.”

  “Sure it was.”

  Typical Lara, she switched the topic from her to me. “It’s good to hear from you. Where are you? How are you?” The way she said those words, with a light bounce in her voice, made me know, without actually seeing her, that she was smiling.

  After filling her in on my temporary Louisville locale, I told her how the label’s powers-that-be were promoting me to a minimum wage position. It was a spectacular opportunity to continue to learn, grow, and actually make some money. Plus, I added at the end, I was getting a chance to cut a professional single.

  She didn’t let my modesty slide . . . at all. “Congratulations! Wow. See, I knew it. It’s gonna happen.”

  “We’ll see,” I said not wanting to get my hopes up. After all, there were thousands of people just like me searching for that same spotlight which could only focus on one person.

  “How’s Audrey?”

  “Good. She actually had to stay in California for the holiday because she’s low-man on the job totem pole. But, she’s good. Give her a wedding project and she forgets about everything else. No date yet, but she pretty much has everything else set. What about you? What are you up to, Miss Graduate?”

  “Job hunting, what else?” she answered. “It’s hard. I’m sending out blind resumes and going to do as much temp work as I can in the tech field. I actually just got done with a gig at a retirement home teaching the residents computers 1-0-1.”

  “Oh God, that had to be an experience,” I chuckled.

  “Yeah, talk about starting from scratch. They had to extend it an additional day just so the senior citizens could understand the basics.”

  Fiddling with the personalized ornaments on our huge family Christmas tree, I told her what had immediately popped into my mind. “Those old guys were probably just playing dumb because they all had crushes on you.”

  “Right, Finn.” The exasperation in her voice said she didn’t believe me at all.

  “I know I’m right,” I declared and wondered if she had started to grow her hair back out again.

  No matter what, she was beautiful. She just didn’t see it. While I teetered on asking about her hair, the baby started wailing in the next room.

  “You don’t need to cry,” Lara teased across the line. “I’ll talk to you for a while longer.”

  “O
h, you’re a funny one. That’s my nephew.”

  “Nephew? I didn’t know you had a nephew. Your sister had a baby?”

  See, I thought, there are so many things you miss telling someone when you aren’t around them all the time. “Yep. He’s just a couple months old. That kid is a non-stop noise maker!”

  “I bet you love him to pieces though, huh?” She suddenly sounded kind of serene.

  “Yeah. He’s a keeper.”

  Wyatt was. He was a damn cutie. And, as the first grandchild, he had everyone’s hearts immediately.

  “That’s important,” she replied in the same soft tone. “Your sister’s happy?”

  “Yeah. Yeah. The three of them are doing great.”

  “She’s very lucky.”

  “I tell her that all the time. She really won the lottery when it came to getting me as a brother,” I teased.

  “Finn!” Lara admonished. “You know what I mean.”

  “I do. But it’s fun to get that ‘Lara’ reaction from you.”

  “Whatever.” I couldn’t see her, but I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she was rolling her eyes. “I don’t miss your teasing by the way.”

  “Yes, you do,” I countered confidently.

  “Okay,” she admitted. “Maybe a little.”

  “Ditto.” I acknowledged missing her and our easy-going banter. And then we talked about regular, everyday stuff for a little while before hanging up.

  ***

  I had no idea that would be the last time I’d hear her actual voice. It was the last time I had spoken with her. The . . . last . . . time. And, it was my doing. My choice. It had to be that way. Because, shortly after that phone conversation, my world toppled, and turned, and twisted until I was so traumatized I couldn’t even think straight. And I couldn’t bring her into my crazy world. I just couldn’t … for both my sake and for hers. It wouldn’t have been fair.

  But now … now it was different. It was years later, and I was different. What would happen if I would actually see her again? After talking with my sister, I was pretty sure I was going to find out. Fate was definitely leading me down that road.