The Trauma Cleaner
Page 26
Seeing this piece in a shop, Sandra tried, using the bulldozer of her charm over a period of two years, to bargain the owner down on the price. The owner would not budge but Sandra bought it anyway because she ‘had to have it’.
The figure is plaster, but looks like she was carved from stone. Under her arms, which are crossed protectively over her head, her eyes are lowered and her chin is tucked into her chest. Naked from the waist up, her long hair flows over her breasts. She was actually assembled from two pieces, though I cannot tell where one piece ends and the other begins—which is probably, yes, an act of wilful seeing: a choice about perspective.
She reminds me of you, my friend—as if I needed it, I think of you so often. She reminds me of all the times everything told you to stop fighting and just sink, and how, with your eyes locked on the horizon, you simply refused. She reminds me of the sheer distance you have covered, inch by inch. Of the staggering weight of everything you have carried with you and everything you have lost. She reminds me, this magnificent warrior who is infinitely more than her pieces, that life may break others like a wave on a prow.
But that is not how Sandra Pankhurst is going out.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would not have been able to understand the many worlds in which Sandra Pankhurst lived without the insights provided by the following people and the access to materials provided by the following institutions. I am gratefully indebted to each of them: the woman called ‘Linda Collins’ in this book, Pat Balfour, Margaret and John, the STC Services staff, Simon Ceber, Doug Lucas, Terri Tinsel, Sandra’s friends and sister-in-law, Lois Greig, Sally Goldner at Transgender Victoria, Nick Henderson at the Australian Lesbian and Gay Archives, the research archivists at the Manuscripts, Archives, and Rare Books Division of the New York Public Library who guided me through the vast LGBT periodicals collection, the librarians at the State Library of Victoria and at the Victorian Supreme Court Library, the many contributors to the Facebook group ‘Lost Gay Melbourne’ and Elaine McKewon for her significant and captivating study, The Scarlet Mile: A Social History of Prostitution in Kalgoorlie, 1984–2004 (University of Western Australia Press, 2005), which gave me an intricate web of historical detail in which to situate Sandra’s personal experience. In addition, I am thankful for the time taken to identify and retrieve records by Victoria Police, the County Court of Victoria, the Supreme Court of Victoria and the Victorian Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages.
My deepest thanks to the following people:
The editors at Narratively for publishing an early incarnation of this story. Hannah Ozer for getting the ball rolling.
Josie Freeman, Daniel Kirschen and Heather Karpas at ICM Partners and Karolina Sutton at Curtis Brown for believing in this book from the very beginning, for their good guidance and for their efforts on my behalf.
Michael Heyward, the talented crew at Text Publishing and Mandy Brett, editor and human extraordinaire, who sees the beauty in the ‘dark velvet’—thank you seems very small in return for all that you have done, but here it is: thank you.
My early readers, for their valuable time and wise counsel: Paul Chadwick, Declan Fay, David Krasnostein, Patricia Stragalinos, Charlie Pickering, Alexandra Bowie and Nina Collins.
Norma and Jack Krasnostein, Ruth and John Krasnostein, the Stragalinos family, the Pickering family, the Berger family, Tony Jackson, Nina Bilewicz, Laura Chasen, Lee Kim, David Philips, Caren Silver, Fran Brooke, Kris Smith, Emily Fishman, Gaby Wolkenberg, Sarit Musat, Emily Mars, Nina Collins, Lisa Kentish, Roslyn Borg and Joanna Kahn for their wisdom and their warmth and for making it possible, each in their own vital way, for me to write this book.
For the type of unbounded love and support without which books do not get written: my father, David Krasnostein, who is my hero and guide; my stepmother, Patricia Stragalinos, whose positivity and beautiful sense of perspective always inspire me; my brother, Josh Krasnostein, who is wise and hilarious.
My husband, my person, Charlie Pickering, for everything, forever. And to our great joy, our beautiful child, for opening doors in my house that I never knew were there and for filling them only with light.
This book is dedicated to the indomitable Mrs Sandra Pankhurst for her bravery and her sheer strength. ‘My life is a book,’ she said to me on our first day together. Sandra, you were right. I will be forever honoured that you let me write it.
NOTES
1 Vivian Sherman quoted in ‘Transsexuality: An Interview with Vivian Sherman’ (1975) Gay Liberation Press 2, 49.
2 For this idea of ‘great preparation’, I am indebted to Alfred Kazin. See Alfred Kazin, New York Jew (Knopf, 1978).
3 This image is Susanna Valenti’s: see ‘Susanna Says’ (1961) 12 Transvestia 1.
4 Michael Hurley, ‘Aspects of Gay and Lesbian Life in Seventies Melbourne’ (2011) 87 LaTrobe Journal 44, 58.
5 Elaine McKewon, The Scarlet Mile: A Social History of Prostitution in Kalgoorlie, 1894–2004 (University of Western Australia Press, 2005) 1.
6 Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection (Hazelden Publishing, 2010).
7 Victorian Parliamentary Debates, Legislative Assembly, Second Reading Speech, 22 April 2004, 790 (Robert Clark, Attorney-General).
8 Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, Standards of Care for Gender Identity Disorders, 6th version (2005).
9 Brené Brown, Shame & Empathy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQiFfA7KfF0).
10 Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability).
11 Brené Brown, Shame & Empathy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQiFfA7KfF0); Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability).
12 Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection (Hazelden Publishing, 2010); Brené Brown, Brené Brown on Empathy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw); Brené Brown, Boundaries, Empathy and Compassion (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utjWYO0w1OM).
13 Brené Brown, Shame & Empathy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQiFfA7KfF0).
Sarah Krasnostein was born in America, studied in Melbourne and has lived and worked in both countries. Earning her doctorate in criminal law, she is a law lecturer and researcher. Her essay ‘The Secret Life of a Crime Scene Cleaner’ was published on Longreads and listed in Narratively’s Top 10 Stories for 2014. She lives in Melbourne and spends part of the year working in New York City. The Trauma Cleaner is her first book.
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Copyright © 2017 by Sarah Krasnostein
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First published in 2017 by The Text Publishing Company
Cover design by W. H. Chong
Page design by Text
Typeset in Bembo 12/17 by J&M Typesetting
National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Creator: Krasnostein, Sarah, author.
Title: The trauma cleaner: one woman’s extraordinary life in death, decay & disaster.
ISBN: 9781925498523 (paperback)
ISBN: 9781925410761 (ebook)
Subjects: Pankhurst, Sandra.
Cleaning personnel—Biography.
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