Screaming in the Silence

by Lydia Kelly

  “It wouldn’t be against your will,” Kaden said, taking a few steps toward me.

  “You think I would go willingly?”

  “Wouldn’t you?”

  I shook my head and brought my hands to my heart. “Kaden, you need to understand something. Our time here together has saved my life. You have literally brought me back from the dead, given me a reason to hold on, given me hope. I needed you and the allusion of strength you gave me. But look at the circumstances. I had no other choice.”

  “You don’t think you have a choice?” His arms crossed in front of his chest.

  “I could have tried to fight you off. But I knew that was a hopeless effort.”

  “You could have kept your emotions out of it.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I tried.” Hadn’t I tried? I hadn’t wanted to fall for Kaden, I knew it was wrong, but that hadn’t stopped me.

  “Look, I don’t want to manipulate this situation. You think you don’t have a choice but I say you do. I say you want me just as much as you need me.”

  “Prove it.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to do,” he said, closing the space between us. “Come away with me. I’ll show you how great we can be together.”

  “No, Kaden. How could it work? What would happen when the day came you didn’t want me anymore? When I didn’t want you? We would be living with this terrible secret. I can’t just pretend the past six weeks never happened.”

  “The day when I don’t want you anymore will never come.”

  “Don’t say that! You don’t know that!” I screamed at him, pushing his hands away.

  “Yes I do.” He glared at me, clearly upset that I was challenging him. His naked chest heaved with every breath he took and his muscles looked tense. His square jaw was tight, his high cheekbones cast shadows in the hollows of his face under the lights of the living room.

  “Kaden,” I said, trying to speak softly. “It would never work.”

  “You’re just scared to give us a chance.”

  “I’m scared. Period.”

  “Raleigh,” his face softened and he put his hand on my shoulders. I didn’t stop him. “Please don’t be scared of me. Don’t be scared of us.”

  At that moment, I couldn’t think of a valid reason, other than the voice screaming inside my head that I was insane to even consider his offer, not to agree with him. But then I remembered what brought me into this house. “You’re forgetting one thing. If I leave with you, Ray gets away with murder. You and Marshal get away with murder. Julie deserves more than that.”

  His hands ran up and down my arms. “I knew you weren’t going to let that go. You can stay here with me, against your will and with a false sense of happiness, hoping that someone finds you and your feelings for me were merely an illusion. Or we can leave and you can learn to live with the small bit of guilt that comes with it.”

  “It wouldn’t be small. It would consume me.”

  “You don’t know that. I will make you so happy, you won’t have time to think about her.”

  “I’ve accepted the fact that she is dead, Kaden. What I wouldn’t be able to live with is the knowledge that Ray is still out there.”

  “It’s a package deal, Blondie. If he is caught, we all go down. If you walk out of here with me, he walks out too.”

  “Why do you protect him?” I asked. He released my arms and put one hand behind his neck.

  “Why does it matter?”

  “I want to know. If I understood why, then I might be able to give you an answer.”

  Kaden’s green eyes saw right through my lie. “Bullshit.”

  “Fine. Tell me because you want to make me happy. Tell me because you trust me and want me to trust you.”

  Kaden took a deep breath and started pacing in front of the couch. “Fine,” he said, sitting down and motioning for me to join him. “I’ll tell you but then you need to promise me something.”

  “Okay,” I said, joining him on the couch.

  He took my hands and kissed each of them. “Promise me that you’ll think about us. Promise me that you’ll give the idea of us a chance.”

  I had already done that. I didn’t need to promise it because it was already happening. But I smiled and nodded.

  “Ray and I grew up together. I told you we spent summers with his family, but he would also come visit us in Paris. His parents couldn’t control him so he was sent to live with us for months at a time. He wasn’t really a bad kid, he just had too much energy. But when his mom found out she had cancer, he changed. He repressed everything he was feeling and stayed by her side for an entire year. He dropped out of school so he could take care of her and he wouldn’t speak to anyone but me and Marshal. He blamed his dad because he insisted on smoking inside the house.

  “The day of the funeral, I found him in his room. He was sitting on his bed, a bottle of rat poison in one hand, a bottle of prescription pain pills in the other. He told me, with a completely straight face, he intended to kill his father and then himself. It took me hours to talk him out of it. Marshal was so young then that he didn’t understand what was going on.

  “Since then, Ray has been dependant on me. He came with me to Charleston and worked while I went to school. I could tell that he was still suppressing so much. He started drinking heavily and getting into fights. Marshal and I were the only ones who could calm him down so when Marshal finished high school, we talked and decided it was best if we took Ray away from a big city and moved him up here. He was like a brother to me. I couldn’t just leave him to fend for himself. He’d either get killed or thrown in prison.”

  I stared at Kaden. His green eyes looked strained and saddened. His story, while clarifying the bizarre relationship between the three men, didn’t make me feel any sympathy for Ray.

  “I know that you hate him and I don’t blame you. You should hate me, too,” Kaden gave me a weak smile. “But I would be done with him if you agreed to leave with me. We could start over again, leave everything behind.”

  Leave everything behind. That is exactly what I had been doing when Ray hit me with his car. The thought of returning to my life didn’t excite me. But the thought of starting a new life with Kaden didn’t seem ideal either. Could Kaden and I live a normal life together? It seemed nearly impossible.

  “Kaden? Why do you trust me? Wouldn’t you worry that if we ran away together, I would leave you the first chance I got? Wouldn’t you be worried that I had agreed to leave just so I could escape you?”

  “Our first day together, I would be a nervous wreck. But the second day would be slightly better. By the end of the first week, I might be able to sleep at night.” He smiled at me and took my hands.

  “You wouldn’t always be watching over me, making sure I didn’t run?”

  “No. I’d make that promise to you. If you gave us a chance, I would never force you to stay.”

  “How do I know you’re telling the truth?” I asked, looking at his face to see if he was bluffing.

  “You don’t. But just think about it,” Kaden said, kissing me on the forehead.

  “I will,” I promised, a little exhausted from all the information I had learned.

  He stood up. “I’ll make you breakfast. What do you want?”

  “Anything is fine,” I tried to force a smile.

  Kaden nodded and walked into the kitchen. I looked around and took a deep breath. There was too much to think about, too much to take in. I needed a distraction so my head could focus on something else while my heart figured out what to do. I knew if I listened to my head, my heart would be broken, so I picked up the remote and turned on the television. Flipping through the channels, my body froze as a familiar face appeared on the screen. I stood up, staggered to the small television and fell to my knees. My hand went to the screen as my father’s face stared back at me.

  “Sen Christopher Campbell,” the caption at the bottom of the screen read.

  Was he looking for me? Making
a public plea for help? No. It couldn’t be. His face was soft and he was smiling. His grey hair was neatly smoothed and parted. He was wearing his favorite suit, the one I told him made him look more Republican than necessary.

  There were no other captions. He appeared to be listening to something and eventually smiled.

  “As I am sure my daughter could tell you, supplemental education for those students with special needs is of greater importance now than it ever was. My daughter was lucky I could afford to send her to private schools, but there are so many kids in need who don’t have that luxury. The bill the President is trying to push through the Senate would all but eliminate those federal funds that are allocated for disability research. A large percent of the American population would be burdened if it passes.”

  The screen changed and the news commentator’s face appeared. “And your daughter certainly has accomplished quite a lot, hasn’t she?”

  “She has,” my dad smiled and beamed. He looked proud of me. “She’s living proof that a physical disability doesn’t get in the way of a successful future.”

  A picture flashed on the screen of my father and me at my graduation. I had a phony smile on my face but my father was clearly thrilled for me.

  “Will she be joining your team anytime soon?”

  My father sighed and smiled. “She’s been offered a job. I just want her to be happy and if that’s with me, then I would consider myself lucky. She’s a brilliant young woman.”

  I smiled. He was finally getting something right. The screen went black. Kaden stood over me, staring at the door with a defensive look in his eyes. Slowly, my head turned to follow his gaze. Ray was standing in the doorway, his eyes were on me and his fists were clenched.

  Chapter 16

  I stared back at Ray. A thick, reddish brown stubble had grown across his jaw and cheeks, his hair stood on end, and with the addition of his oversized rain jacket, he looked like a crazed mountain man. His brown eyes looked furious and his entire body was tense. How much had he seen? Just the sight of Kaden and I together in the living room, half drenched from the rain, half dressed was enough to incriminate us both.

  Ray took two lunging steps towards me and Kaden’s hand gripped my arm and pulled me to my feet. He shielded me from Ray’s punch. My view from his back was limited, but Kaden kept his hands up to ward off Ray’s blows. His lips moved a mile a minute.

  Marshal stood by the door, his eyes darting between Ray and Kaden, occasionally to me. He looked confused and I wished he would speak, draw some of Ray’s anger away from Kaden. Ray’s hands flew in every direction, pointing at the television, pointing at the basement, pointing at me still cowering behind Kaden’s back. He wouldn’t stop and his screams were so erratic, I could barely tell what he was saying.

  “A fucking senator’s daughter? You’ve been hiding this from me the entire time?”

  Kaden reached behind his back to touch me and then moved quickly to prevent Ray from grabbing me. Kaden lunged forward and pushed hard against Ray’s chest, causing him to stumble backwards and nearly lose his footing.

  Ray laughed and stared straight into my eyes. “You’ve been fucking her too, haven’t you?”

  I blushed, my entire face was on fire. I looked up at Kaden who stood with his hands down at his sides, ready to be used if necessary.

  “To answer your first question, it matters because once they realize she is gone, we’ll be in a shit load of trouble if they find out we’ve taken her.”

  Ray’s hands were thrown up in frustration.

  “Don’t fuck with me, Kaden. You clearly aren’t in this for the money anymore or you would have written a ransom note a long time ago.”

  Kaden shook his head and I couldn’t tell if he was agreeing with or denying Ray’s allegations.

  “There are three of us involved!” Ray screamed. “I’m not going to prison just because you felt the need to sleep with her! She needs to leave!”

  Kaden shook his head again, his arm reaching behind his back for me.

  “You are just as guilty as I am! Murder, kidnapping���what the fuck does it matter anymore?”

  Suddenly their heads turned to Marshal. He had been standing there so statuesque and still that I had nearly forgotten he was in the room.

  “She should just call her father, have money wired to her account. We can leave her somewhere outside of town, somewhere she can walk to safety, and we can drive to Mexico.”

  Ray’s head whipped around to face me. “How much do you think you can get?”

  It will depend on why I’m asking, I signed to him.

  “You can speak,” Kaden said, “They’ve figured it out.”

  I took a deep breath and turned away from him. His hand tightened on my arm. “How much he sends will depend on why I’m asking.”

  Ray’s face distorted into a disgusted smirk. “She sounds like a fucking retard,” he laughed and looked at Kaden.

  I swallowed the anger in my throat and turned to Marshal. He was staring at me like he barely knew me at all, concern and confusion equally apparent in his eyes.

  “He wouldn’t send any if he thought I was in trouble. He’d only send people to come find me.”

  “What would you need a large sum of money for?” Marshal’s eyes locked with mine. I could tell he was trying to think of a way to get me out of this house. To get us both out.

  “I could be helping a friend? If I caught him on a good day, I imagine I could get ten, maybe fifteen thousand.”

  Marshal nodded and smiled. “That should work. That’ll be enough to get us out of the country.”

  He looked at his brother and my eyes followed his gaze. Ray was saying something to him which I couldn’t see. The smile faded from Marshal’s face and his hands clenched. At the same time, Kaden’s arm wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me to his side.

  “I won’t let you do that,” Marshal told his brother. “I’ll do whatever it takes to stop you.”

  Ray turned to face Kaden, his eyes roaming over my body. “And you agree with him?”

  I looked up at Kaden who nodded slowly.

  “Then we’re fucked. If she lives, she’ll turn us in. We’ll be running for the rest of our lives!”

  No one spoke for a minute. I looked frantically between the three men, waiting for someone to speak. Kaden’s looked like he was thinking. Ray glared at me and Marshal rung his hands awkwardly around his jacket.

  “You wouldn’t keep silent, would you?” Ray finally asked me.

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I said yes.”

  Ray rolled his eyes in agreement and looked at Kaden. “You wouldn’t have to do a thing. I could take care of it and you could just go on living your life as if this never happened.”

  Kaden’s arm around me stiffened and his hand came up to my head, forcing my face into his chest. I could feel that he was saying something that he obviously didn’t want me to see. The vibrations in his chest were smooth and slow, comforting but their mystery kept me from relaxing. His hand released my head and I turned to see Ray’s face redden with anger.

  “Fuck you, Kaden. Don’t you ever speak of her again!” Ray screamed as he backed towards the door. He turned and was gone in a flash, the rain outside only visible for a second as he slipped through the door.

  I looked at Marshal who hadn’t moved. He was staring at Kaden as if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. “You shouldn’t have brought her up. You know how���”

  But Kaden must have interrupted him because he stopped talking and looked away. He was trying to suppress his anger, that much I could tell. I wanted to run across the room to him, thank him and apologize for not telling him the entire truth. I knew that standing up to Ray hadn’t been easy for him. I knew that choosing a life of a fugitive wasn’t what Marshal wanted. That life wouldn’t be any easier than his life as a prisoner here.

  Kaden pulled me toward the stairs before I could say anything to Marshal. I couldn’t see any
expression on his face.

  I glanced back at Marshal when we reached the stairs. “Thank you,” I said and instantly felt Kaden’s arm pull me up the stairs. I stumbled up the first few, still watching Marshal to see if he would respond. His face grew more and more concerned, the further the distance between us grew.

  You’re welcome, he signed just before Kaden pulled me up the last stair and out of sight.

  Chapter 17

  Kaden pushed me into his room and slammed the door. I felt the floor shake. I turned around just in time to see his hands reaching for my face, his lips attacking mine. I was gasping for air as he picked me up and walked me to the bed, his body crushing mine into the mattress. He kissed me again and again as he worked the jeans off my hips. But it was the wrong time for this. Certainly he knew that.

  “We should talk���” But his hand on my face interrupted me. He grabbed my chin with forceful fingers, holding my head still and forcing me to look at him. I expected him to say something but he didn’t. Instead, his hand covered my mouth as he lowered his head to kiss my neck and my chest. Why was he doing this? What did he want? I hadn’t done anything to upset him this time and for all I knew, he was taking his anger with Ray out on me. I struggled against him, trying to take his attention away from what he seemed so determined to pursue. I pushed on his chest, kicked my legs against his, but nothing helped. I couldn’t speak, his hand covered my face and he kissed my neck with such anger that it felt like I might choke. My chest started heaving and he looked up, releasing my face only to kiss me again. I couldn’t keep up, I couldn’t slow him down.

  In a panic, I brought my hands to his face and pushed his head away with all my strength. “Kaden, stop!” I screamed as soon as my lips were free. I hadn’t been able to push him very far. His body was still pinning me to the bed but his head was raised enough so that I could focus on his face.

  His eyes opened and he glared at me but he didn’t say a word. There was no soul behind his green eyes, no hint of a person. He looked possessed. With one swift movement, he grabbed both my wrists with his hands and brought them above my head. Five long fingers secured my arms to the headboard, his mouth once again taking possession of mine. I screamed against his lips, flailing my legs as he started to unbutton his pants. My head thrashed back and forth until I was able to break free of his kiss.