Collected Kill: Volume 1

by Patrick Kill

  COLLECTED KILL:

  Volume 1

  Patrick Kill

  First Digital Edition

  November 2009

  Published by:

  Darkside Digital

  A Horror Mall Company

  P.O. Box 338

  North Webster, IN 46555

  www.horror-mall.com/darksidedigital

  Collected Kill, Volume 1 © 2009 by Patrick Kill

  All Rights Reserved.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  TEQUILA SON

  James shuffled his way through the crowd and situated himself at the bar. Smoke lingered like a faint wave of fog rolling past the pinball machines, over the television where WWF wrestling was displayed. He looked around the crowd, searching for a familiar face, but, instead, met eyes with a woman with long blonde-hair, in her early twenties, who smiled back. He had never seen her at the bar before and figured she was an out-of-towner or a first time visitor from the local college.

  “What do you got, Mick? Anything new?” he asked the bartender.

  Mick nodded. “Got a new import from Mexico. You up for it?”

  “You know me,” James said, “I’m the ultimate taste-tester!”

  Mick uncapped a clear longneck bottle and slid it across the bar on a napkin.

  James read the label: TEQUILA SON it stated in bold followed by the word “Light” outlined in white.

  “Tequila in a beer bottle, huh?”

  “Weird, eh?”

  James read the ingredients, then swished around the bottle. Something pale in the bottle floated in the liquid along with debris.

  “Wow, it’s even got a big fucking worm in it.”

  “Look closer,” Mick said.

  James squinted, holding the bottle up to the dim lights. He swished the bottle around again and the pale grub-thing spun, drifted to the edge of the bottle, then sunk. As it turned again, James figured it was about an inch or two long, but then he saw the arms and legs.

  “What the f—”

  He tilted the bottle at a different angle and the thing floated up to the glass. He could see it was a tiny, pale man. It even had features such as a beard and indentations in its pale body replicating a robe.

  “Jesus!”

  “You got it,” Mick said, laughing. “It’s supposed to be Jesus all right!”

  “Why?”

  “Who knows. These imports always have some kind of gimmick to them. Anything to get people to drink their product.”

  Confused, James kept shaking the bottle, half-afraid to taste it.

  “Maybe they took it from the old saying that you can’t find Jesus at the bottom of a bottle. Hell, I don’t know. Maybe they were trying to get religious people to drink it and collect the figurine.”

  “Has anyone else tried it?”

  “You’re the first. Go for it!”

  James tipped the bottle and took a big gulp. The alcohol washed over his tongue, to the back of his throat. He swished what remained around in his mouth like a real connoisseur of alcohol. His taste buds exploded with remarkable flavor. The liquor was tangy, but not bitter and had no aftertaste whatsoever. He quickly took another swig and savored the exotic flavor.

  “Damn, this is fucking divine!”

  “Well, maybe you just uncovered the mystery then. That must be why the little wormy Jesus is in there!”

  James smiled and chugged the rest until the Jesus figure stuck to the inside of the neck. He plucked it out with his finger and inspected it. It felt like a worm or a soggy noodle, but looked exactly like the Lord and Savior.

  “You’re not going to keep that, are you?”

  “Hell no, that’s where all the alcohol settles,” he remarked, then popped the figure in his mouth and swallowed.

  He felt lightheaded immediately. He felt the smile spreading across his face. His body felt calm and heavy as he looked around the room and suddenly caught a glimpse of the blonde approaching him.

  “Hello,” she said, “My name’s Vicki.”

  “James,” he said, trying to anchor down his smile before he looked like a jackass. “Have a seat.”

  Vicki looked at the seat and smiled, then bent close to his ear and whispered, “I thought more on the lines of going back to my place and fucking like mad.”

  James continued to stare down the low V-cut of her yellow blouse. Her well-tanned tits almost popped right out.

  But for some reason, he didn’t feel aroused. And before he could think about a clever reply, he blurted out, “No. I’m sorry, but that would be wrong. To lust is to sin. And I’m not married yet, so no sex for me.”

  Out of the corner of his eye he saw Mick’s jaw drop.

  The blonde looked disappointed, then embarrassed, then disgusted and departed without saying another word.

  “What the hell are you doing? Are you fucking insane? She was hot!”

  James glanced at Vicki returning to her table. Her tight blue jeans outlined her well-toned legs and ass. “Purity, my friend, it is your greatest possession.”

  Mick shook his head and ignored him the rest of the night.

  The buzz wore off on the way home and James cursed out loud, “Am I fucking insane?”

  He arrived at his apartment and paced the floor. Okay, he thought, I could be fucking some hot blonde right now with big tits and a nice ass. Why the hell didn’t I take her up on it?

  He suddenly remembered the tequila and Jesus in it. It had to be the alcohol talking. Any other time, he would’ve jumped in the sack with any half-decent woman, just to get his rocks off.

  He lurched toward the restroom, slid across the linoleum on his knees and threw up in the toilet. Portions of his lunch splattered the bowl, then the tiny worm-Jesus trickled out, plopping into the toilet.

  * * * * * *

  The next night James sat at the bar and told Mick the whole story of why he had turned the woman down.

  “Good thing. I thought you were turning gay on me or something.”

  “No, it had to be that drink. And that’s the last time I’ll try that stuff. It tasted so damn good, but it cost me a night of hot sex, so fuck that!”

  “So try this,” Mick said, uncapping another clear bottle. He sat it on the table in front of James.

  James looked at the bottle and smiled. TEQUILA SON, the label read.

  “Ha ha! Very funny.”

  “No, it’s not the same. Look.” Mick said, pointing again to the label.

  James noticed the bottle was slightly different. It had black writing that read: DARK.

  “Tequila Son Dark? Is there a Jesus in this one?”

  “No.”

  “Good!”

  James turned the bottle around, curious. He almost jumped back when he saw the snake coiled on the inside of the bottle. “Holy shit! How’d they get that fucker in there?”

  Mick shrugged his shoulders. “Beats me. Must be about ten inches long, but skinny as a worm. That must be why they only make these in longnecks! Anyway, it gives a new meaning to the concept of doing Snake Bites, huh?”

  James couldn’t help but smile. “Do you think this will do the opposite? Maybe I’ll turn into a real party animal!”

  “I think you’re too late,” Mick said, pointing across the bar.

  James glanced across the heads of people, seeing Vicki at the same table, but with a man this time.

  “It figures.”

  This time James slammed the whole drink in one gulp, the liquid stopping momentarily as the snake started squeezing its way out the top. Ja
mes cringed, but started slurping at the snake like he would spaghetti, taking the whole thing in his mouth. He had to chew it up into three or four pieces before he could swallow and the scales grated the skin on the roof of his mouth. He felt his teeth sever muscle and vertebrae. The taste of ice-cold blood flooded his mouth, but he managed to engulf the whole thing without gagging. The last trickle of alcohol chased the snake and he sat back.

  Everything around him seemed fast, suddenly alive with energy. Lights seemed brighter, the music louder. The women looked hotter and he felt suddenly very horny.

  He looked back at the table where Vicki sat and cursed softly.

  His face went numb minutes later and he felt blood racing through his body. His foot started tapping by its own freewill and he felt restrained to the seat.

  He peeled himself off the barstool and approached Vicki. She gave him a dirty glare, which made him feel even more pissed than he already was. He looked at the man beside her, and said, “Excuse me, but I think I’ll take your girlfriend for an hour or two.”

  It even surprised James, who was usually spineless when it came to confrontation.

  The man stood, giving him a pathetic look. “Yeah right!”

  James punched him the nose. The man stumbled back and James wasted no time in dishing out an uppercut and kicking him in the balls. After the guy had hit the floor, James grabbed Vicki’s arm and pulled her across the table, then forced her out of the bar and into his car.

  “You could’ve just asked, you know,” she said, adjusting her shirt. “I wasn’t good enough for you last night!”

  “Well tonight’s another night and we’re going to my place.”

  * * * * * *

  Before they even unmade the bed, James had already ripped off her clothes and tied her to the bedposts. Her luscious tits were well-rounded, her pink nipples hard and ready.

  “Wow, you’re kinky,” she said, giggling.

  James’ cock was so much bigger than he ever remembered it being.

  He lowered his face to her clit and began lapping. She pulled at the restraints and yelled, “Oh, oh yes, oh yes, eat me, eat me, James!”

  His tongue was still numb like his face, but he parted her lips with every forceful stroke of his tongue. Then he felt his stomach churn. He gripped her legs and felt sweat beading on his forehead. He turned to gauge the distance to the toilet, but knew he would never make it. He refocused on her vagina, a hole like a toilet, and he vomited.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  The slender snake somehow managed to come out in one piece. It flopped onto her pubic region then crawled inside her.

  Again she pulled at the restraints, bucking her hips toward James. “Oh God, oh yes, lick me, oh, oh.”

  James just sat there, his dick shriveling.

  She arched her hips wildly, for an hour, her eyes clenched tight, her wrists pulling at the handcuffs. James managed to get erect again just by watching her enjoyment. He even took his dick in his hand and started masturbating. Before long, he came all over her.

  At least I got something out of it, James thought.

  Vicki had already passed out. James checked to see if she was breathing and she was. Blood dripped from the handcuffs where they had cut into her wrists. He quickly unlocked them and wrapped her wrists with gauze.

  He waited for the snake to come back out, but it never did.

  * * * * * *

  The next weekend, James returned to the bar, hoping to avoid Vicki.

  “Dude, that’s a wild story,” Mick said. “So how much did you drink after you left here?”

  “I’m dead serious! It never came out. I only had that one drink. I was sober, believe me!”

  “I think a snake got in her all right. Your snake!”

  Out of the corner of James’ eye, he saw Vicki approaching.

  She smiled, sat down next to him.

  “Can I get you anything?” Mick asked her.

  “No, I can’t have anything,” she replied.

  Alarm bells went off in James’ head.

  “I need to talk to you, James. Privately.”

  Oh shit, James thought. That’s never a good thing.

  James walked with her outside the bar and she grabbed his hand.

  “That was sooo wonderful last week. I can’t even begin to explain it. You were so wonderful. You made me feel like I was on fire.”

  “Well, what can I say.”

  I was having orgasms all week, even after you were gone. It was incredible.”

  James just smiled, felt his face reddening.

  “But I’m pregnant, James. I took a test and it was positive.”

  The rest of the conversation James could only think about the snake, living somewhere deep inside her crotch.

  * * * * * *

  “What the hell am I going to do, Mick?”

  “Look,” Mick cut in, “I think I know the answer.”

  James watched as Mick opened another bottle of Tequila Son Light, poured it in a glass, making sure the little Jesus fell in. He gave it to James.

  “I’m not going to drink that shit. It’s a little too late anyway, don’t you think?”

  “It’s not for you, it’s for Vicki.”

  “She won’t drink it now that she’s pregnant.”

  “She’ll never know. You said it tastes like Kool-Aide.”

  James took a deep breath. “What do you think it will do to her?”

  “I’m not sure, but it might just straighten her out.”

  James went over to Vicki and offered her the drink, claiming it was non-alcoholic. She sipped the drink and James waited patiently for her to drink down the little Jesus in the glass.

  Finally she finished the drink off. And immediately demanded James to take her home.

  During the drive, she said nothing. She just stared straight ahead.

  James felt somewhat guilty for tricking her, especially when she exited the car without even saying goodbye. Did she know it was alcohol?

  James headed back to the bar and couldn’t help thinking about his misdeed. He pounded his fist on the dash and stopped the car. He could just keep driving and hope the whole incident would just blow over. If she was, in fact, pregnant, it couldn’t be his. He didn’t even have sex with her. She thought they had intercourse because James had jizzed all over her leg, and obviously, the way she walked later that next morning, the snake had done a number on her. But James never even put his dick near her after he had vomited the snake into her crotch.

  But for some reason, James felt sorry for her. So he turned the car around and headed back to her apartment.

  He knocked and no one answered. He tested the door and it opened. Two steps into the living room, James saw blood on the floor. A vase was broken against the wall. In the far corner, Vicki held a shard of the vase in her hand and was gouging her stomach.

  “No!” James yelled, rushing at her.

  “I must free myself from evil,” she explained, then cut deeper. Blood gushed from the slit in her abdomen. James wrestled away the knife and put pressure on her stomach. Vicki broke down in tears, still struggling toward the jagged piece of porcelain.

  Blood still squirted through James’ fingers. He took his shirt off, applied more pressure.

  Something suddenly bulged from the wound. James dropped his shirt and stepped back in shock.

  The snake’s pale head was sticking straight out of her abdomen, its head roaming back and forth in mid-air. It opened its mouth to hiss, but, instead, spit the little Jesus figure across the room, into the shag carpet.

  It ducked back into the wound as Vicki fainted.

  “Oh man,” James said, “This can’t be happening.”

  He knew he was in a predicament. She was obviously bleeding to death right before his eyes, but if he rushed her to the hospital, they would either discover the snake and think he implanted it there, or save the baby and reserve James the right to be a father, which he didn’t want either. Or maybe the baby w
as already dead, and he could just take her to the hospital, then leave her for good. The possibilities were endless.

  James finally acted, driving her to the hospital.

  * * * * * *

  Three months passed. Vicki had been saved, though she had lost the baby, for which James was secretly glad. The snake had been extracted and the doctor’s only explanation was that it was some kind of unknown parasite.

  He still saw her from time to time at the bar, but they both managed to ignore each other.

  Until one night, she was waiting by his car at closing time.

  “Come back to my place. Just for old time’s sake. Please.”

  James didn’t mind the idea so much now that Tequila Son couldn’t fuck things up. It would just be him and her, without that damn import Tequila to fuck everything up.

  They were naked less than an hour later, rolling around on the bed. James could see the scars on her belly. That night three months prior kept slipping in and out of his mind.

  “Come on, James. Give me the oral treatment. You were so good,” she pleaded.

  James knew she would be disappointed to learn that he wasn’t responsible for the vaginal tongue-lashing previously, but he knelt just the same and started lapping away.

  “Oh yeah, baby, give it to me good!”

  James lapped harder.

  “And say hello to the kids while you’re down there.”

  Before it registered, a tiny head poked out of her vaginal lips. James almost licked it, before he pulled away and screamed.

  As he stared, several more tiny heads poked through the darkness, their tongues flitting toward James.

  “They’re almost ready to come out now. They hatched last week. Isn’t it wonderful?”

  James stared in disbelief. The only thought that went through his head other than fleeing was that he needed a drink. A light drink.

  BETHLEHEM: 9 MONTHS B.C.

  Little Solomon looked across the field full of tiny lights glowing in the twilight. Lightning bugs drifted in the wind, signaling in flight. In the distance, he saw Jonas smiling and waving.