by Zack Zombie
“He said he needed to grab some equipment,” Skelee said. “He’s coming over in a little bit.”
“Well, guys, we need to attack Woodland Mansion and rescue Pixelchu and all of the rest of the Pixelmon. Now who’s with me?!!!”
All the guys just looked down at their feet like they were being asked to go out and sell Girl Scout cookies or something.
“What’s the matter, guys? Where’s your fighting spirit?”
“Zombie, it’s just that. . .my uncle has told me scary things about Woodland Mansion,” Ichabod said. “Where I am from, they even used to tell scary stories about Woodland Mansion to scare young children into eating their vegetables. And I’ve eaten a lot of vegetables.”
“How about you, Creepy?”
“Zombie, Pixelmon are really cute and all, but I don’t want to be used as somebody’s experiment,” Creepy said. “My uncle told me that in the old days, the government used to do experiment on Creepers. He even said that they found one of the Creeper Experiment Black Sites and they found Creeper entrails all over the walls. . .all over the walls, man!”
You know, that would explain a lot about Creepers. I don’t think exploding farts is something they picked up by accident.
“Yeah, Zombie,” Skelee said. “And even if we find the Pixelmon, what are we supposed to do against that giant robot? You saw that thing. It was at least one hundred feet tall.”
So, we were all just sitting there with a look of defeat on our faces when my mom and dad walked in.
“Boys, we heard what you were thinking of doing,” Mom said. “And though everything inside of me is telling me it’s too dangerous and wants me to keep you home, we need to tell you a story. . .”
Then my mom and dad started telling us how when they were young they worked as lab assistants, along with an Illager named Guy and a young professor named Seymour Spruce. . .and a janitor named Old Man Jenkins.
“One day, we were all asked to help with a special government project at a lab secretly located at a place called. . .Woodland Mansion.”
“Wha. . .!”
“In those days, there were Pixelmon everywhere in Minecraft World. Every boy and girl had a Pixelmon to call their own. And it was beautiful.
Then, suddenly, Pixelmon started disappearing and nobody knew why. Until, finally, they weren’t any Pixelmon left.
Your father, Seymour and I worked with Pixelmon, you see, and so we tried to find out why they were disappearing.
Then one day, Old Man Jenkins told us that Guy was spending a lot of time on the third-floor of the Mansion at all hours of the night. So, we all decided to go to the third-floor to find out why Guy was spending so much time there.
Later, we discovered the real reason the Pixelmon were disappearing. Guy was stealing all the Pixelmon and doing illegal experiments on them. He was trying to take all the Pixelmon’s powers and absorb them for himself so that he could take over the Minecraft World.
Your father, Seymour, me and Old Man Jenkins tried to stop him, but it was too late. Guy had lost his mind, drunk with the desire for power. From then on, he called himself. . .The Evoker!”
“Whoa!”
“He had three minions under his hypnotic power that used their Pixelmon to capture us and put us in prison cells. There was nothing we could do to stop him.
Except, by chance, a mouse snuck into the Evoker’s machine and turned it on by accident.
Then, the mouse absorbed so much power from the Pixelmon that it mutated into a hideous creature and broke loose. The mutated specimen started to tear up the lab, and before the Evoker could get control of it there was a massive explosion that blew up the entire third floor of the mansion where the lab was.
By then, the Zombie military had stormed the Mansion and released us. They spent days trying to capture the hideous beast because it continued absorbing power. They even said it mutated into a different species. They finally captured the hideous beast and shut down the lab for good.”
“What happened to the Evoker?” we asked.
“No one knows. But rumor has it that he secretly rebuilt the third-floor lab at Woodland Mansion. The rumors also say that he is desperately searching for the mouse that took the powers that should have belonged to him. He wants his powers back so he can take over Minecraft World as we know it.”
“The Boss!” me and the guys yelled.
“So, guys, what’s it going to be? Are we going to let the Evoker win and take over the Minecraft World? Or are we going to fight for what is ours? WHO’S WITH ME?!!!!”
Then Ichabod pulled out his Pixelmon cube and zapped himself inside it again.
Oh, brother.
Sunday Later that Day
I finally convinced the guys to come with me.
But it took a lot of long speeches, a few Minecraft trading cards and a promise that my mom would make a cake for us, to finally get them going.
Then Steve made it just in time as my mom pulled the cake out of the crafting table.
It’s like Steve has a sixth sense whenever there’s cake around.
The good thing is that we’re not alone on our quest.
Mom and Dad decided to come.
Yeah, I know. It’s lame to have your parents come on a quest.
But they did represent with some serious battle equipment.
Actually, I think they just put on my dad’s old Punk Rock Band stuff.
Either that or there was a sale on 1980’s Post-apocalyptic cosplay.
Anyway, Mom and Dad knew the layout of the Woodland Mansion really well.
So, if we wanted to survive, we needed them to come with us.
When we got to the Woodland Mansion, it didn’t look like it was closed anymore.
There were lights in some of the rooms and strange buzzing and flashing lights coming from the top floor.
But, I’ve got to admit, the Woodland Mansion was huge. . .and scary.
There were so many rooms, I knew we were going to get lost in there. . . or worse.
“Be careful where you step,” my dad said. “Every step you take can be your last. There are lethal traps everywhere.”
What the what!
“Just kidding. . .unless the Evoker knows were coming.”
“Dad!”
When we all walked into the Mansion there was a huge passageway going to the right and another to the left.
“Where should we start looking?” Steve asked.
“The West Wing,” my mom said with a serious tone. “Well, at least that’s where the bathroom is and I’ve got to go. Zombies weren’t meant to wear leather pants.”
As soon as we started walking, the floors started creaking and suddenly we started hearing moaning and grunting noises.
I was starting to get really scared.
And it didn’t help that Creepy kept hissing behind us.
“What’s with the red carpet?” Skelee asked, pointing to the huge red carpet that covered the hallway floor.
“Probably to soak up all the blood,” Steve said.
HSSSSSSS.
“Maybe we should split up?” Steve said.
“Seriously?!!! Haven’t you watched any horror movies?”
“Yeah, but we’ll cover more ground that way.”
“That’s actually a good idea,” my mom said. “Francis, I’ll take Zombie, Steve and his friend with the pinky and we’ll go to the West Wing. You can take the other boys and go to the East Wing.”
I think my mom really needed to use the bathroom.
“Sounds good, Mildred,” my dad said. “C’mon, boys, I’ll show you the indoor Boxing Gym where Mrs. Zombie and I used to practice KARATAY!”
Oh, yeah. . .bringing parents on a quest is lame.
Me, Steve and Ichabod left my mom in the bathroom, and we started exploring some of the rooms in the West Wing.
They had some weird stuff in there. They had a room with an altar to a plant, a room with a mountain of obsidian, and they even had a room with a giant Chicken.
Like I said, weird.
My mom was taking a really long time. I think she wasn’t kidding about those leather pants.
“Hey, let’s go upstairs,” Steve said.
“What about my mom?” I said.
“She seems like she can take care of herself,” Steve said. “Did you see her Mohawk?”
“Uh, Okay,” I said.
Ichabod, didn’t say much. . .he was just hyperventilating into a paper bag most of the time.
So, Steve, Ichabod, and I decided to go upstairs to the second floor.
It was really dark there, so we started lighting torches.
Then out of the corner of my eye socket, I saw a strange figure at the end of the hall looking at me with these beady red eyes.
I couldn’t see if it was Dad or one of the guys.
“Steve, light up a torch, will ya,” I said.
As soon as Steve lit up the torch, I could see who it was.
It was Johnny, the Illager. Except this time, he wasn’t carrying a Pixelmon ball. He was carrying a huge, scary axe in his hand.
“Uh, Johnny, you okay?” I asked him. “What’s with that big, scary looking. . . um. . .really sharp axe you got there?”
Then, all of a sudden, Johnny started walking slowly toward us. Then he started walking faster. Then he started running at us full speed, waving that big ax over his head and screaming at the top of his lungs.
“AAAAAAAHHH!!!!” we yelled.
We all didn’t want to stick around to find out what Johnny’s problem was, so we ran into a really dark room and locked the door.
THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!
Johnny was hacking at the door trying to get in.
“I can’t see anything,” I whispered.
“Me, either,” Steve whispered back. “Why are we whispering?”
“Oh, yeah. . .sorry. Hey, light up a torch; it’s really creepy in here.”
As soon as Steve lit up the torch, we heard. . .
HSSSSSS.
Except it wasn’t Creepy.
“AAAAAAAHHH!!!!”
BOOOOOMMM!!!!
Then the whole floor caved in below us and we fell through.
“AAAAAAAHHH!!!!”
Next thing I know, I was hanging on Steve, and Steve was hanging on Ichabod, who just happened to be hanging onto a wood block with his pinky.
Oh, man, I never thought I’d be this happy over a dude’s pinky.
But my joy didn’t last very long.
“Guys, I don’t know how long I can hold this,” Ichabod said as he slowly started to lose his pinky grip.
Next thing you know. . .
“AAAAAAAHHH!!!!”
As we were falling to our doom, all I could see was darkness all the way down, like if we were falling through the never-ending abyss for lost Minecraft characters.
“AAAAAAAHHH!!!!”
Squish!
What the what?
We landed on something weird and squishy.
Steve lit up a torch, and we found ourselves in a room full of cobwebs.
“YEEAAAHHHH!!!!” We all yelled, just glad that we were still alive.
But then we heard. . .
TSK! TSK! TSK! TSK!
“AWWWWW!!!” we all yelled.
When we all turned around, there was a scary looking, drooling spider behind us.
Oh, man, this is it. I’m going to be Spider chow. . .
“NATE!” Steve yelled. “What are you doing here, buddy?”
What the what?!
TSK! TSK! TSK! TSK!
“What?” Steve said, like if he understood what the scary, drooling spider was saying. “You and the other Street Kids were kidnapped and brought to Woodland Mansion?”
TSK! TSK! TSK! TSK!
“And you were all forced to work as slaves to do the bidding of the Evil Evoker?”
TSK! TSK! TSK! TSK!
“And you tried to escape, but you were caught and they locked you in this room and threw away the key?”
TSK! TSK! TSK! TSK!
“And by blowing a hole in the ceiling we helped you escape?”
TSK! TSK! TSK! TSK!
“And now you want us to help you help all of the other Street Kids to escape the evil clutches of the Evil Evoker?”
“Come here, buddy,” Steve said and gave the scary, drooling spider a hug and kiss.
Nasty.
“Dude, you understood all that?” I asked Steve.
“Naw, but I kinda figured that’s what happened,” Steve said.
After we climbed through the roof of the cob web room, it seems that Johnny had given up trying to break down the door of the room upstairs.
So, we snuck out of the room and started heading back to find Mom and the others.
All of a sudden, we saw Creepy running hysterically, hissing all the way toward us.
“Zombie, it was terrible!” Creepy said. “They captured everybody! And they took everybody to the third floor! And they’re going to do experiments on them! I know it!”
HSSSSSSS
“Oh, gosh!” Creepy said hysterically. “Their entrails are going to be all over the waaaaalllsss!!!”
“Calm down, Creepy,” I said, “or we’ll all end up all over the walls.”
After Creepy took a massive puff from his Liquid Nitrogen inhaler, he told us what happened.
“What are we going to do?” I asked Steve.
“Well, we need to split up,” Steve said.
“Seriously?!!! What is with you and splitting up?”
“Me and Ichabod can help the Street Kids escape, and you and Creepy can go upstairs and help rescue your folks and everybody else,” Steve said. “After we get the kids we’ll come up and help you out.”
I got to admit, it sounded like a good plan. But I didn’t like it.
I thought Ichabod would be a useless mess by now, but after seeing Steve with Nate, he found his courage.
“Don’t worry, Zombie,” Ichabod said. “We’ll rescue those kids and come back for you.”
Then, out of nowhere Ichabod jumped on Nate like he was born to ride a scary, drooling Spider.
“I wasn’t named three-time Spider Jockey Woodland Race Champion for nothing!” he said.
“Jump on, Steve!” Then Ichabod yelled, “HEEYAH!”
Then, Ichabod, Nate and Steve galloped off into the sunset. . .
. . .Well, more like down the dark and creepy hallway.
But, wow. Who’d ever think that I.P. Freely could be so cool. . .
Monday
Yeah, it’s Monday already.
By now, you’d think I would be weirded out by the fact that daylight only lasts ten minutes in Minecraft.
But, I guess I’m used to it.
So, after Steve, Ichabod and Nate galloped off to save the Street kids, me and Creepy started walking upstairs to the third floor of the Mansion.
HSSSSSSS
“Don’t worry, Creepy,” I said. “We’ll be okay. You know how it usually goes. We go on some zany Minecraft adventure and then just when it looks like everything is going to go really bad, then I come up with some great idea and save the day.”
“What if you were just lucky?” Creepy asked.
You know, he had a point. What if I was just lucky and this time my luck ran out?
After that, I started hissing too.
When we got up to the
third floor, there was another long hallway leading to a room at the end.
I think both of us were really scared because we just kept finding excuses to search the different rooms.
“Dude, look at this cool bedroom. . .”
“Dude, look at this cool food court. . .”
“Dude, look at this cool library. . .”
“Dude, look at this cool picture. . .”
Eventually, there was only one room left to search.
It was the room at the end, with the flashing lights coming from under the door. And a big, fat sign on the front that said, ‘LAB.’
“They’re doing experiments on them in there!” Creepy said. “Oh, the horror!!!”
I got to admit, I was really scared too.
What if the Evoker turns my parents into like, human parents or something?
I mean, I’m used to Steve, but I heard human parents are like the worst.
They try to make you eat vegetables, clean your room, clean the dishes, take a bath, or worst, they may even try to homeschool me!
I was terrified just thinking about it.
When we finally got to the door, Creepy and I looked at each other.
“Gulp. Here it goes,” I said, grabbing the big handle to the killer lab.
Suddenly, a swarm of what looked like little Withers with bat wings started attacking us!
“AAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
We started running, but they were too fast and they kept poking us with their little swords.
“Owww! Oooch! Ouch!” Man, those things hurt.
But then I realized that getting poked by these things was probably not going to end well for Creepy.
So, we ran into one of the nearby bedrooms.
Which didn’t help because those little demons flew right through the walls.
