Accidentally on Purpose

by L. D. Davis

  Lanna looked like she was fresh out of law school, and Craig looked like he was fresh out of high school. They were both pleasant when introduced and complimented me on the work I did so far. After some small talk, Lanna closed herself into her office and Craig plopped down at a desk near Kacey.

  "Don't work too late," Luke said and smiled at me before walking out the door.

  I stood there for a minute. He had smiled at me more than once today. After weeks and weeks of barely acknowledging me, this should have been refreshing, but instead it was unnerving. I didn't allow myself to think about it much longer though. I still had a ton of work to do.

  When I got back to Luke's that night, dinner was on the table (last night's meal that apparently went uneaten) and Lucas was bathed and ready for bed. I eagerly took him from his father and bathed him in kisses. I had never been away from him for such a long period of time.

  "Mommy missed you so much!" I cooed at him. He smiled and laughed, showing off his three teeth. "Aww, you're breath smells like string beans!"

  "My mom made you another apple pie," Luke said, hovering nearby. "She said it's a gift for returning to work."

  "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that your mother wants me to stay fat." I still had a few extra pounds of baby weight that refused to go away.

  "You're not fat, but if you don't want the pie, I will gladly take it off of your hands."

  "Touch my pie and I'll break your fingers. Lucas, say night-night to daddy,"

  "Dah dah dah dah dah!" Lucas squealed at Luke, scrunching up his face.

  After getting Lucas to sleep, I peeled out of my work clothes, took a quick shower, and then put on some warm pajamas. Luke had just reheated dinner again and was bringing it back to the table. We almost never ate together. I almost didn't sit down.

  "Are you ready to quit yet?" He asked after sitting down.

  "I was ready to quit when I walked in the door."

  "Sorry. There just hasn't been time to set up."

  "Kacey and Craig both could have been helping with that."

  "Maybe so, but in Craig's defense, he's one paralegal working for four attorneys."

  "Fair enough. I think Kacey worked more today than the total time she's been with you."

  "I guess Steve and I should have handled her better. I think she thought this would be a free ride because Steve's her uncle."

  "You can't afford free loaders. I think she will work out though. I need to ask you if it's okay that I hire a cleaning company to come in and clean three nights a week."

  "I can't afford it."

  "I can. I'll pay for it."

  "No, I can't let you do that."

  "And I want to hire a few more people. You need at least one more paralegal."

  Luke looked at me funny. "There's no money for that."

  "There's my money."

  "No. I won't do that."

  "Let's be frank," I said, between bites of food. "If your firm doesn't get its shit together, you're going to drown. Chicago is full of other small firms that already have their shit together and that’s where the clients will go. I can even help you bring in upscale clientele, but you have to have your shit together first."

  "I know your family is well off, but do you personally have that kind of money? I doubt it."

  "You don't know that. We've never discussed my finances before."

  "So, let's discuss them."

  I looked at my wrist. I was wearing only a small fraction of the assets I actually had.

  "I am a trust fund baby," I started. "I've been getting an 'allowance' dumped into an account every four months since I was eighteen. My parents paid for my education, my car, and all of my needs until I got out of college. I've always worked and saved most of what I earned. My family doesn't flaunt their wealth, and unless you looked a little deeper, you probably didn't know that we not only have our one 'plantation' in Louisiana, but several spread out in other states. Your cotton undershirt probably originated on one of my family's farms. My father is highly invested in oil and a couple of other resources. The bar I love so much? It's mine. I own it, and it does well.

  “When Donya was modeling, she paid me to handle her finances. Then other models paid me to handle their finances.

  "When I first started working at Sterling, I bought stock as soon as I could. I sold it soon after I left, and they were doing extremely well."

  I paused before divulging the next bit of information. I wasn't sure how Luke would feel about it.

  "I also left with...with compensation."

  "Like a severance package?" He asked, unable to hide his shocked expression from all that I told him.

  "Something like that. Walter Sterling paid me out of his own pocket to go away."

  "Are you fucking serious? You took a bribe?"

  "Yep. I was going to return it, but after...after what happened before I left Jersey, I decided to keep it. I haven't touched any of it."

  "What happened?" He leaned forward.

  I wasn't ready to go there with him, so I gently shook my head.

  "I don't want to talk about that," I said. "My point is, I want to help you and I'm perfectly capable of helping you. You should let me."

  We sat in silence for a long time. Luke stared at his empty plate, tapping it with his fork. Every now and then he would look at me with the same thoughtful expression.

  "A loan," he said finally. "Everything you spend, I pay back, with interest."

  "No interest."

  "With interest," he said firmly.

  "One percent."

  "Eight percent."

  "Two and a half," I countered.

  "Seven and a half."

  "Four."

  "Six and three quarters."

  "Five percent is the highest I'll allow," I said firmly. "You're being ridiculous."

  "You're being too generous," he argued.

  "I feel like I owe you something."

  "You gave me a kid, Em. You don't owe me anything."

  "What if he grows up and turns out to be a loser?"

  "Then I may insist on some compensation. Until then, you don't owe me anything. So, I'll accept a capped loan, with five and a half percent interest."

  "Capped? I don't know how much I'll have to spend in your crappy office."

  "Then I suggest you set a budget, Miss Grayne."

  "Fine," I said. I took our plates into the kitchen and loaded them in the dishwasher. Luke leaned against the counter, drinking a beer.

  "You agreed to that too fast."

  "No, a budget is fine." I wiped down the counters and stove and then got myself a beer.

  "So, what kind of budget did you have in mind?" Luke asked.

  "Oh, I don't know. Not much."

  "I don't believe you. How much is not much?"

  "Well...you need more staff, more equipment and furniture, advertising, and money just to function for your clients."

  "How much, Em?"

  I shrugged. "I guess...one and a half million."

  Luke choked on his beer for a few seconds. "One and a half million dollars!"

  "I can do two or three," I said, knowing he wanted me to go lower and not higher. I was amused by his reaction.

  "I thought maybe a hundred grand, at most two fifty. Not over a million!"

  "I said I can do two or three!"

  "You're crazy. Two fifty, and no more."

  "What's wrong with one mil?"

  "Did you ever consider the possibility that I won't be able to pay that back?"

  "You will," I insisted.

  "You're insane."

  I sighed. "I really want to do this, Luke."

  "It's a lot of money, Emmy."

  I shrugged. We stood on opposite ends of the kitchen staring each other down. Luke looked away first.

  "Okay," he said grudgingly.

  "Okay," I said.

  "Can we have pie now?"

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  As the weeks strolled on, Kessler and Keane'
s office transformed from a second rate office into a high class office meant to bring in high class clientele. I replaced all of the cheap furniture with good, well-made furniture. I rearranged the entire office so that it not only looked good, but so that work could be done more efficiently. I moved the reception area directly in front of the doors, where the newly professional Kacey greeted anyone who stepped through the door.

  I created a waiting area that featured a huge Keurig with every variety of coffee, tea and hot chocolate. I used mugs, not paper cups, and also had other beverages in a small refrigerator with a glass door. There were cookies and cakes and crackers and Danishes and donuts. I even arranged for the little kitchenette in the back to be remodeled.

  In addition to working on the cosmetic aspects of the business, I also had to hire and train new employees. This move took a huge load off of the lawyers and they were able to better focus on their clients and take on more.

  I worked day and night, even when my parents flew in to visit. I made sure I was home to see Lucas before he went to bed and I stayed home with him every Sunday but worked every Saturday.

  My relationship with Luke had improved so much, I could say with a certainty that we were friends again. I was still struggling with the horridness I felt inside, but at least I was able to forget about it sometimes. Honestly, I was starting to feel more like the person I was before Kyle, but not enough.

  My brother Emmet moved his family to Chicago and started working for Luke. I never had a very close relationship with any of my siblings, but I took advantage of the situation to spend more time with him, his wife Cassie and their son Owen. We had them over for dinners and folded them into Luke's family.

  By early May the firm was fully functional and generating actual revenue. The clients paid very well and there were a lot of perks that Luke and Steve always passed on to the staff. One client owned a four star hotel in the city and comped five suites to the firm. Another client owned a very popular restaurant and they provided us with free food on many occasions.

  Just before Lucas's first birthday, I decided I wanted to spend more time with him, and less time in the office. I cut myself down to three days a week, and no weekends. I went in at ten instead of eight-thirty, and left at four. Twice a week, if Luke didn't have court or wasn't too busy, he would leave work by two or three so he could also spend more time with Lucas.

  We celebrated Lucas's birthday at Lorraine's. Her house was the biggest, and able to handle the volume of people that were invited: all of the Chicago family, a large portion of the Louisiana family, a very pregnant Donya, Mayson and my cousin Tabitha, and to my utter surprise, Leo.

  We acknowledged one another, but I knew without asking that Tabitha was unaware of our last encounter. My relationship with my cousin was already fickle, and I didn't want to make it any worse by informing her that I made out with her boyfriend and tried my hardest to get into his pants - again. I thanked her for coming, was surprised that she came at all, but she kindly informed me that it was convenient due to the fact that she had a book signing nearby that weekend. Whatever. I took it as a kind gesture anyway and moved on.

  I wasn't as happy as I should have been on this occasion. Not that my son wasn't a big deal, but I didn't recall any other kid in my family getting such big attention on their first birthday. I shared that thought with Luke, in what I thought was a quiet corner, but my mom appeared out of nowhere.

  "Well, nobody thought you would ever have any children or settle down," she said. "That's why this is a big deal." She started to walk away, but called over her shoulder "I'm talking to both of you."

  "I guess that's true," Luke rubbed his neck and sighed. "My mom and sisters thought that about me at some point."

  "I didn't know that. You seem very much like the settling down type."

  He let out an uncomfortable, short laugh. I looked at him with strong curiosity. He looked at me as if he didn't want to tell me, but then relented when I pinched him.

  "I played the field...a lot. I had a different girl on my arm every other month."

  "I didn't hear anything like that back in Philly. You had two steady girlfriends over the years."

  "Correction. I had three steady girlfriends over the years." He gave me a knowing look. "The first two were always on and off, not as steady as you think, and there were more before and between."

  "Oh," was all I could say, because what else could I say? I was number three and I broke his heart.

  "The second woman, Vicky, she was basically just a distraction."

  "From what?"

  "From number three who didn't yet know she was going to be number three." He walked away, leaving me standing there looking dumbfounded.

  After that, I was able to enjoy the festivities. I had not felt that content in over two years. I found myself smiling a lot, and was surprised to hear my own laughter in my ears several times. At dinner, my appetite returned full force. I used to love food as much as I loved tequila, but the details of my life in the past had made it un-enjoyable. Every time someone spoke to me, my mouth was crammed with food. It was a great day, the best I have had in a long time.

  And that day was also a turning point.

  Throughout the day, regardless of where I was or what I was doing, my eyes would often fall on Luke. I liked watching him talk to my mom, because he had a way of handling her with kid gloves, and making her feel that she was heard, even if what she was saying was ludacris. I liked the relationship he had with Donya and Mayson, joking with them, making them laugh, or catching their interest in various topics. Luke got along well with everyone; someone was always vying for his attention, including all of the kids, because he was able to go down to their level without being patronizing. Watching him laugh made me smile. Watching him with our son made me all warm and gooey inside.

  When I went to bed that night, I assumed that I would be back to normal by the time I woke up, that it was just the excitement of the day that had me feeling a little off kilter. I went about my Sunday morning as usual. I rolled out of bed to find Lucas missing from his crib, but could hear Luke talking to him in the living room. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth before going into the living room.

  Lucas was tottering around the room carrying his favorite toy, the stuffed whale Luke gave him the first day they met. Luke sat on the couch with the Sunday paper spread out on the coffee table, and Sesame Street was on the television. I stared at Luke's chiseled bicep peeking out from under his tee-shirt. Not a good sign. When he looked up and flashed me a smile and said "Good morning number three," my heart hammered in my chest.

  I stuttered out a greeting and quickly exited the room to the kitchen. I was silently kicking myself as I poured myself a cup of coffee. Lucas came into the kitchen with his dad on his heels.

  "Cup?" Lucas asked, looking up at me questioningly.

  "You want your cup?"

  "Ya. Cup." He patted the whale's head and waited patiently while Luke got him a sippy cup of juice. He padded back into the living room and shouted "Emmo!"

  "Elmo," Luke and I said together.

  "You want some breakfast?" I asked him.

  "Sure. I could use some food. I tried Lucas's cereal, but it wasn't for me." He made a disgusted face that made me laugh. "Oh, my god it's that sound again!"

  I knew he was talking about my laughter, but I played dumb.

  "What sound?" I asked, trying to reach a box of Bisquick. "Why do you put things way up on the third shelf where I can't reach?"

  "Because it's funny watching you reach for it." He stood almost directly behind me, reached over my head and grabbed the box.

  "Thanks," I said and snatched it from him. I turned my back on him to hopefully hide the redness that had seeped into my cheeks due to his close proximity to me.

  "I'm going into the office after breakfast. I have to be in court first thing tomorrow morning and I want to make sure I am well prepared."

  "Okay," I said, moving around him to get out eggs
and milk.

  "You had a good day yesterday," he said, poking his head out of the doorway to check on Lucas.

  "Yes, I did," I agreed. "My mom only irritated me a little bit."

  "About what?"

  "What do you think?"

  "I don't know." His forehead wrinkled as he thought about it, which I realized I found attractive. "It can't be your hair or your clothes. You looked amazing yesterday."

  Damn it. I could feel my face glowing.

  "Thanks," I said.

  "Hmm. Oh," he said knowingly. "Your sex life."

  "Bingo. She really feels that it's one of those use it or lose it things, which made me wonder about her and my dad and that's when I decided to have a drink."

  "Yeah, no one wants to think of their parents getting it on."

  "Oh, stop! Please!" I covered my ears while he shouted out sexual innuendos about my parents.

  "Okay, okay, I'm done," he chuckled.

  "My god, that was horrible."

  "Now I'm curious."

  "About what?" My eyes widened. "My parents? Gross!"

  "No, dummy," he shook his head. "About you."

  "What about me?" I asked, hoping he wasn't really asking what I thought he was asking.

  "Are you, you know, on the verge of 'losing it' from not using it?"

  I tried to look indignant at such a question, but instead my expression only gave him his answer.

  "I don't have time!" I said.

  "There's always time."

  "I am either with Lucas or at the office," I argued. "Like you have so much time on your hands for sex."

  He checked on Lucas again and then leaned in the doorway and crossed his arms. His arms and abs looked yummy.

  "I have made time," he said.

  "When?"

  Now he looked uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter when."

  "Why not?"

  "We don't need to discuss it anymore." He turned to leave, but I threw a big spoon at the back of his head.

  "Luke, that's not fair! You started this conversation!"

  "I know, but now I don't want to talk about it."

  "Why not?"

  "Because. My answers will make me look...dishonest."

  I looked at him in confusion for a few seconds before it hit me. I pointed my spatula at him.