Sorry, Not Sorry: A Young Adult Novel

by Rachel Shane

  “I asked Brett to Prom. As friends,” Harper added fast. For Poe’s benefit, of course.

  Poe slumped dramatically against the locker next door even though some guy was using it. Her back slammed his locker shut and he let out a disgusted groan before scrambling away. She sighed, draping the back of her hand over her forehead dramatically as if she might faint. She’d just finished playing Christine in Phantom of the Opera where she had to excel at fainting. “Now who the hell am I going to go with?” She lightly punched Brett in the arm. Like she always did, but this time Brett didn’t crack a smile. He couldn’t even meet her eyes. “I was going to make Brett my arm candy.”

  Brett forced air through his lungs and his nostrils flared. He couldn’t even stand to look at her, let alone be her date! But then he met Harper’s worried face, and he deflated. He bottled up the knowledge about Poe and Jackson. It would destroy her.

  “What about all the guys who asked you?” Harper asked. “Last I counted, you had four invitations.”

  It was true that several members of the junior class had asked Poe. All of those members were thinking with their member and nothing else.

  Poe blew her bangs away from her face. “I’ve already slept with all of them and have no interest in doing it again.” She straightened, her legs spreading in a fight stance. “Actually, I’m not interested in sleeping with anyone that night.” She nudged Brett in the arm again, and he flinched. “That’s why I was hoping to go with you. No offense.”

  He spit out a laugh from his lips. Now she had standards? And he was the only one on her hell no list?

  Harper closed her locker. “Oh no! I feel terrible. We can all go together then? As friends?”

  Brett’s jaw clenched. He met her eyes. “Are you sure you want that?”

  Translation: what about me covering for you with Connor? Yes, Brett was using the thing he didn’t want to get what he wanted. Harper. Alone. Preferably during a slow dance.

  Before Poe could open her mouth to accept or (hopefully) decline, Jackson ambled by, a new swagger in his step that wasn’t there a week ago. He still looked more sophomore than not, with his backpack hunched too high on his back, his head down and long sheets of red hair falling into his eyes. He didn’t bother to push through the crowd but simply wait until they parted. His gaze landed on Poe’s and he donned a grin. Brett turned bright read. Poe glared.

  Oblivious, Harper squealed and quite literally yanked her brother out of the crowd, tugging him on the back of the shirt toward them. “What about Jackson?” The way she said it was about the same tone and inflection as someone coming up with a scientific epiphany. He imagined Benjamin Franklin’s eyes lighting up the same way as Harper’s and muttering, “I know! What about electricity? I should invent that!” Harper beamed, tilting her head at Poe and Jackson. “This is so perfect! He’s exactly what you want. Someone who won’t tempt you.”

  Jackson scoffed. Poe smacked him hard on the shoulder. Not the jovial nudges she gave to Brett. Not the sexual whatevers she had given to Jackson last weekend.

  Poe let out a hearty seal-bark laugh as if this was the funniest thing Harper had ever suggested before the laugh dissolved into a bitter cough. “I doubt Jackson wants to go to prom with me. Right, buddy?” Her teeth snapped on the last two words.

  Jackson’s cocky grin returned. “Prom? You’re asking me to prom?”

  “Yes!” Harper clapped her hands.

  Jackson shrugged, perfecting the casual move Brett had just tried and failed. “Sounds good. I’m in.”

  Poe let out an exasperated groan at the way Jackson deflected her easy excuse to get out of it. And now she had to deflect his combative plea to stay in it.

  “See! He wants to go! We can even all go as a group.” Harper ruffled her little brother’s hair. “I’ll even stomach the thought of being seen in public with you.”

  A group. Not a date. A group date. With people Brett could barely stomach looking at let alone spending time with.

  Brett slumped against the lockers as Poe gritted a yes through clenched teeth, clearly backed into a corner on this. Jackson’s whole face lit up like he had just won the lottery for a second time.

  When Harper and Jackson headed to their next locations—hers soccer practice, his detention—Poe delivered a sharp glare to Brett. And then she reached into her school bag and handed him a pile of papers without uttering a word.

  Brett gasped. The papers contained answers to all his Western Civ homework for the week and answers to next week’s English test, which Poe had taken last year. Everything was painstakingly filled out in Poe’s handwriting.

  “I’m still working on getting you the Spanish test answers to the final. Give me a few days.”

  His fingers trembled. This wasn’t a gift. This was a bribe.

  Poe patted the papers. “Now we’ve each got our secrets.”

  She flounced away with a spring in her step. He crumbled the papers into a jagged ball that cut his palm with sharp edges. Screw Poe for putting him in this position. For making him lie to Harper by not telling her the truth. His fist struck out and punched the locker with a metallic reverberation that made a few hallway stragglers gasp.

  But then he smoothed down the papers and decided to exact revenge on her the same way. By keeping the truth about Harper and Connor from Poe.

  CHAPTER 24

  POE

  “All right.” Poe crossed her arms in the Police Station waiting area, flanked by her half sister. Harper’s vision kept flicking toward the back where Brett was still in questioning. She still hadn’t explained why she’d bothered to pick up the road kill from the side of the road. “Lay it on me. What’s the favor?”

  Harper cringed, a small indent creasing her brow, and Poe’s insides burned up like an inferno in anticipation of whatever Harper would say. Whatever Poe had agreed to, two-fold. But Harper had come to Poe’s rescue, and if there was one thing she’d learned over the last year of their trial separation, it was that nothing in life came for free. Even the inheritance she received came with the price of unknowns, of learning that her father had been a father to Valentina and an enigma to Poe, of the jealousy that arose from all the missed years with him, both past and future. Poe learned that sometimes you have to count on people you never thought you could. Like herself.

  “I need you to help me get into Connor’s room to steal something. Fast. We have to finish by midnight because I’m supposed to meet someone at the mascot then.”

  Valentina studied her nails, clearly unimpressed with this conversation.

  Poe’s lips quirked at the idea that Harper had finally seen Connor’s true colors while her stomach tugged with a kind of queasiness that felt almost like solidarity. “What are we stealing?”

  “I—I can’t tell you. Just know that it’s something of mine and he’s using it to blackmail me.”

  Poe clucked her tongue. The jerk always found a way to have everything handed to him on an extortion platter. “Is it the kind of thing that can be found on a phone?”

  “No!” Harper blew her curls out of her face. “But it’s just as bad. You can say it. Say I told you so, or whatever.”

  The words queued up on Poe’s tongue, ready to be flung like weapons. They were sharp enough to make Harper bleed. But as Poe opened her mouth, something else came out instead. Something she hadn’t expected. “Contrary to what you may think, I didn’t want to be proven right.”

  Some part of Poe hoped that Harper had thrown away their friendship for something worth finding. That Connor had actually changed his sexting threat ways and his second chance was deserved. It turned her stomach to learn that Harper had fallen for the same parlor trick as Poe and that Connor was as solid as a rock. “Well, at the very least, please tell me your plan involves castrating the balls right off him.”

  Harper raised a brow. “Why stop there? Let’s lop off every part of his body he relegates decisions to.”

  “So I guess we’re leaving his brain in tact
then?”

  Harper laughed, and Poe couldn’t help herself, she joined in. A shared laugh, the first one in years. It tugged at a place inside Poe’s heart that was long dormant.

  Just then Brett emerged from the back, squinting at the smiles etched on his enemies’ faces. Poe spit another laugh at his orange prison jumper with Harper’s cardigan tied around his waist. His feet were still bare.

  He outstretched his arms. “So I guess orange really is the new black?”

  “And if you want some street cred, wear that to school and claim you’ve broken out of juvie.” Poe nudged his shoulder, the way she used to do, before flinching at the act of it.

  “I should get away from you, the orange clashes with my hair.” Harper jiggled her keys. “Come on. Let’s drop Brett off so he can find his missing sister.” She turned to him. “Where do you think she is exactly?”

  Brett rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not entirely sure but I want to start where I last saw her: near fraternity row.”

  Harper bit her lip. “I think we should check the hotel first. Maybe she left a note.”

  Poe glanced from Brett to Valentina, putting the pieces together. She’d only had a sister for exactly five minutes but already she couldn’t stomach the thought of losing her.

  Brett lifted up his pant leg. “As much as I love this outfit, that’s probably a good idea.”

  “All right. I’ll drop you off at the hotel, then Poe and I will head to Day Hall.” Harper stalked to the car without another word. Brett hustled after her.

  Poe waved her into step with her. “Want to help?”

  The girl was busy on her phone, trying to work out a way to bail out Kate and Ethan without her mother’s credit card company finding out. “Ah! Finally.” Valentina slid her phone back into her pocket. “I found someone to spot me the cash. I told her to meet me in the hotel lobby to drop it off.” She squeezed Poe’s hand and for the first time ever, Poe felt like she did something right. “Thanks for all your help. Wait, did you just ask something?”

  Poe swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Nope.”

  When Harper started the car, her eyes flicked to the digital clock, which read 10:37 PM. She let out a little gasp and then scrambled for her phone. “Hold on, I just have to send this.” The whoosh of a text being sent made Harper sag in relief for a moment, but she continued staring at her phone, clearly waiting for a response.

  Valentina kicked Harper’s seat. “I don’t have all day here. I’ve got friends to bail out too.”

  The trio glanced at each other at the same time, and then hastily looked away. Friends. The word made something in Poe’s stomach pump.

  As Harper pulled into the campus parking lot, Poe let out a gasp at the sight. Every car WAS covered in white foam that spelled out scathing words even Poe wouldn’t dare repeat. A few windows were smashed in, rocks lying nearby in a pile of broken glass that shimmered in the moonlight.

  “Whoa.” Harper’s tires crunched over stray glass. “Guess it’s a good thing I left this lot an hour ago?”

  Poe gave her a tight smile. “You’re welcome.”

  The group got out of the car, dodging glass, melting foam, and other land mines. As they approached campus, more and more doom and gloom came into view. The campus mascot, a bronze statue of a Warrior Turtle was now keeled over on the concrete surrounding the base, it’s metallic guts burnt to a crisp. It wore pink panties on its head as if had passed out drunk at a rager.

  Underwear lined the grass like a breadcrumb trail, leading right up to Frick Hall where a few girls were scrambling around on the quad, scooping them up in their arms, tears streaking their faces. But none of that compared to Day Hall—the guy’s dorm—which was no longer a brick building but a brick building splashed with splotches of hot pink paint. More paint splattered the grass from stray paintballs. An army of guys lined the building, their arms crossed, paintball guns in their arms as if this was a military operation. Temporary fire pits burned near the entrances and turned the place into a lair straight out of hell.

  “Holy fuck.” Valentina blinked at the destruction, yelping as she hopped out of the way of a flying stink bomb. “I leave campus for five minutes and it’s in shambles.”

  Poe tilted her head at Harper’s wide eyes. “Whoa. What did you do?” She couldn’t help but be impressed at her former friend. It took a lot of guts—and initiative—to start a war of epic proportions.

  Harper bit her lip. “Let’s just say Connor deserved it?”

  Poe let out a barking laugh. “I think we can all agree on that.”

  The group bypassed a melting smear of shaving cream dripping from the side of Frick Hall, and both Harper and Brett donned weird smiles to themselves.

  They continued to the hotel and when room 417 didn’t reveal a note, Brett looked defeated but quickly changed into his trademark black jeans and black shirt.

  A phone vibrated from Valentina’s pocket. “Oh, my friend’s here. Thanks for the ride.” She gave everyone tight smiles before spinning to leave.

  Through the glass, Poe could see Valentina tapping her foot by the elevator. “Give me a sec, okay?”

  Harper nodded, then turned to Brett, who stood there with his hands steepled in a silent form of begging. “And you know where to find Maya, yes?”

  “Um. Not exactly.” Brett took a deep breath. “There’s this scavenger hunt app that a girl I like set up for me. She’s supposed to be the prize at the end or whatever. I think Maya’s following the clues.”

  Harper froze in place, steadying her hand against the wall. “Wait. What do you mean clues?”

  Poe took a deep breath and amped her pace in the carpeted hallway. “Hey! Wait up a sec.”

  Valentina’s gaze felt heavy on Poe’s shoulders, weighted down by all the things she hadn’t planned to say.

  Poe’s mouth opened and closed. Stay wasn’t right word. Neither was I’ll miss you. “I’m glad I met you.” Her chest twinged against the feeling that this was not just a meeting. It was a goodbye.

  Valentina gave her a small smile. “Me too. If you come here next year, look me up. I’ll take you out for real next time. No cops.”

  Poe smiled back. “I’d like that.” Maybe it wasn’t a goodbye but a pause. A dot dot dot. “If I haven’t lost my spot after getting arrested.”

  Valentina flicked her wrist toward Poe. “I’ll talk to the advisory board. Say I coaxed you to the party despite your protests and you didn’t drink at all. Your breathalyzer was zero?”

  Poe nodded. By the time they’d been transported and booked, her blood ran clean of alcohol. “You—you would do that for me?”

  “You bailed me out of jail, I owe you one, and no I’m not counting turning down Ethan as part of our deal. I’ll do that one for free.” Valentina rocked on her heels, swaying forward as if she intended to give Poe a hug. But then the elevator doors slid open with a whoosh. “Well, I guess I’ll see you another time?”

  Poe memorized the image of her sister walking into the elevator where several replicas of Valentina stared back in the mirrored surface. Everything felt impossibly far away, like the universe was stretching and the stars were disappearing from the night sky. Something coiled inside Poe, clogging her lungs and stuffing her pores. Every day novas exploded, suns were born, and planets formed—all big, miraculous things. And yet Poe was failing at doing something small.

  “Wait!”

  Valentina shoved her foot in the doorway. The metal doors jerked back open.

  Poe kept her head forward, her chin high, because she feared if she broke Valentina’s gaze for one split second, she’d lose her nerve. All the balls she stored up, the courage she projected to others, the bravery she constantly exuded—it was all a lie. When it came to herself, she was nothing but an actress in the lead role. “There’s something else.”

  Valentina raised her brows, waiting.

  “I followed you to the party on purpose.”

  Valentina’s heel slid back a
n inch.

  “Before I came here, I looked you up online. I thought that would be enough. That I’d learn about you and it would end my curiosity. But I had to meet you.”

  Valentina scooted toward the elevator controls and her hand stuck out, ready to press the door close button again. Or maybe call an emergency.

  The slightest hum of static trilled in Poe’s chest. “A few weeks ago, a lawyer came to visit me. He brought me a will.”

  Valentina eyes widened.

  Poe’s voice cracked at the devastated look on Valentina’s face. “My father died and he left me some money.” Her chest heaved with a heavy breath. “He left the same amount to his other daughter.”

  Tears leaked from Valentina’s closed eyes and her head shook.

  “I never knew my father. I never knew I had a half sister. I’ve had too many unknowns in my life. But this time, I want to know everything. I don’t care if I have to give back the money.”

  Valentina’s voice was a whisper against the din coming from the dorms. “No.” And then louder, more emphatic. “No.” She wrenched her foot away from the elevator threshold and jammed her finger against the door-closed button.

  With a metallic slickness, the doors sealed shut. The hydraulics squealed. Poe’s breath came in shallow spurts as she tried to tamp down the panic. Floor four. Floor three. Floor two. Each red number that lit up was a knife in her chest, twisting.

  Floor one.

  The green up arrow illuminated and Poe faced it head on with a challenge.

  Floor two.

  The elevator was coming back. She held her breath, her mouth moving in a silent prayer.

  Floor three.

  She inched closer, her toes scraping the closed door.

  Floor four.

  Every atom in Poe’s body stilled.

  The doors zoomed open and two rowdy guys rushed out, knocking into Poe on the process. She landed on her butt as they tossed out haphazard apologies in their rush back to their room.

  Poe’s heart bled out of her chest. Valentina was gone. She’d gone her whole life without a sister, but now it felt like a piece of her had been surgically carved out and left to rot on the operating table.