Please Don't Cry

by Jane Plume

  At the end of June, Lewis left Shepshed High School to take up a place at college and the school held a prom. Lewis has some really good friends and they were determined to arrive in style, but not in a limousine, not even in a sports car. For weeks before the prom the four of them worked together to make a life-size Flintstones car out of papier mâché. Kane’s mum made simple costumes to put over their suits and, as they ran along with their feet poking from the bottom of their prehistoric vehicle, she drove behind them with The Flintstones music blaring from the car. Despite the number of high-powered cars, limousines, trucks and even a JCB digger, they were the star attraction. Needless to say they won the prize for the best arrival.

  I could almost hear Gina’s infectious laugh ringing out as I imagined how she’d have encouraged Lewis’s crazy ideas. She would have loved to have seen him that night.

  • • •

  One afternoon in May 2013, my phone rang and a female voice said, ‘My name’s Nikki and I’m calling from the Leicester Mercury.’

  That didn’t strike me as particularly unusual. I had had local reporters ringing before because of the various fundraising events I’d been involved in since Shaun was diagnosed and other charity events that friends had taken part in, since his death, in aid of LOROS. Lewis’s fundraising also meant that papers had recently been in touch for permission to print stories about him and I assumed this was a similar call.

  ‘Do you know your daughter entered you into the Mum of the Year award?’ continued Nikki.

  ‘You what?’ was all I could say. I was stunned.

  ‘Your daughter Amelia?’ she said, because Millie had used her full name for the form. ‘She entered you for the Mum of the Year award.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said.

  Nikki was laughing now, but she went on, ‘We’ve been overwhelmed with entries but I’m pleased to tell you, you’re in the final eight. Are you free on the 27th of June?’

  ‘I don’t know. Why?’ I replied.

  ‘You need to be at the champagne award ceremony. Give me your email address and I’ll send you a copy of what your daughter wrote. I have to say, she’s a beautiful writer.’

  True to her word, Nikki sent over a copy of what Millie had sent. I was absolutely sobbing by the time I’d finished reading it.

  My mum should be mum of the year for lots of reasons but mainly because since 2009 she has been an inspiration. In 2009, a great family friend was diagnosed with lung cancer, his name is Shaun Hibberd and he was just 36 years old. He was my little sister’s godfather and I had always called him Uncle. His wife Gina Hibberd was my mum’s best friend and was like my auntie.

  The news hit everyone like a brick, but my mum kept everyone strong, including me, my brother Marco, my little sister Anni-Mae, Shaun, Gina and their two children Lewis and Ashton, visiting Shaun in hospital, caring for Lewis and Ashton, always being there for Gina to scream at or just cry, as well as helping with lots of fundraising for the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation. As Shaun’s cancer spread another tragedy got to us all, as on 12 October Gina Hibberd was killed in a car crash.

  As you can imagine Shaun and his children, along with my mum, myself and my brother and sister were heartbroken. Things got very difficult for us all but again my mum was always there for all of us throughout this tough time, from helping to arrange the funeral to making phone calls or just being a rock to everyone. Shaun gradually got worse and my mum attended all hospital appointments with him and sat with him during his chemotherapy, cared for him and his boys as well as us when the treatment made him sick, and supported Shaun as he was on a roller coaster of emotions. The cancer continued to spread around his body and my mum never left his side, giving up work to care for him and us, we could all see Shaun getting weaker and I heard my mum crying but she never let the brave face drop to myself and the other kids.

  When Shaun had to start spending time in LOROS my mum’s brave face started to fade. She didn’t go out and hardly saw anyone apart from us all. She very often stayed in LOROS with Shaun so that he didn’t feel alone or frightened. As Shaun got worse he was worrying about his two boys, Lewis and Ashton, as they knew he was dying but thought their mum Gina would still be there to care for them, but this was no longer the case. Shaun asked my mum if she would take care of Lewis and Ashton and after checking with us she agreed to take on the role of mum and dad for them when the time came. Shaun arranged for a court hearing so that it was all formal that my mum would be their legal guardian so that Shaun could have some peace of mind.

  Shaun passed away on 5 November with my mum at his bedside holding his hand. He had fought his battle with cancer so bravely with my mum never leaving him, and him knowing that she would love Lewis and Ashton as her own! She is now caring for me Millie Plume (16) Marco Plume (19) Lewis Hibberd (14) Ashton Hibberd (7) and my little sister Anni-Mae Richardson (7) and she is doing an AMAZING job! That’s why my mum should be Mum of the Year, she never puts herself first! Thank you for reading.

  Millie Plume.’

  From the many entries, the reporter had narrowed it down to sixty and then an independent panel of judges had picked the eight finalists, including the two runners-up and the overall winner. Before the ceremony, I had to go to the Leicester Mercury offices where they took pictures of me and Millie, which went in the paper on the Tuesday, two days before the ceremony, with a bit of a write-up.

  I was allowed to bring five people to the award ceremony, so I took Marco, Millie and Lewis – not Anni-Mae and Ashton because they would have been bored within ten minutes. Lisa also came along because she is now a really close friend.

  As it was a formal event, I bought a sleeveless cream dress with flowers embroidered up the front for the ceremony and Millie wore a sleeveless ivory dress. As Millie and I walked down the stairs Lisa, who was waiting in the hallway, shed a few tears as she told us that we both looked beautiful.

  The awards were held at the City Rooms in Leicester and it was all very grand. We were met at the door and given champagne, taken to a reception area where people were having a drink and chatting, and a photographer from the paper was taking pictures. Former badminton champion Gail Emms, who had just had a baby, was the guest speaker and she came over and spoke to each of the finalists, then we went upstairs. Gail gave a moving speech, where she said, ‘When people ask me who I most want to be, I say, “It’s simple. My mum. My mum got me where I am today.”’ It was lovely.

  Over a beautiful three-course meal, I read all the other finalists’ stories and began thinking, ‘Why me? I’ve not done anything special.’ There were some incredible stories. But Lisa said, ‘If you read them, they are amazing, but they are all things mums have done for their own children. You have done all you have done for two boys who aren’t yours.’

  ‘But Gina would have done exactly the same for me,’ I argued. ‘It’s nothing special.’

  During the meal, Marco went down to the bar to get himself a drink and, when he came back, he sat down without a word just as they started to announce the winners. Before they named each one, they read part of the nomination that had been sent in and I was sobbing at every one – so were Lisa and Millie. Lewis and Marco were looking at us like we were bonkers!

  They announced third place – a wonderful foster mum – and she went to the stage to get her big bouquet and goodie bag, then they announced second place, who was a mum of two, battling leukaemia. ‘I thought she’d have won,’ I said to Marco.

  ‘Hmmm’, he said enigmatically.

  I looked back at the booklet with the stories in and pointed at another finalist. ‘I think she’s going to win,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah, I do,’ agreed Marco, with no emotion on his face.

  Then Amanda Phillips, the manager of the Leicester shopping centre that sponsored the event, said, ‘I’m so pleased to announce that the winner of Mum of the Year 2013 is Jane Plume.’

  My mouth fell open. Lisa screamed and burst into tears. Marco said, ‘Come on, Mum. You’ve got
to get up and go onstage.’ I was so shocked I found it really hard to walk up on to the stage. I couldn’t say anything because I was actually speechless. They handed me a trophy and flowers, but I could hardly carry them. I was a nervous wreck. I got back to the table and Lewis was absolutely sobbing. I went straight to him and put my arms round him and he kept saying, ‘You’re the best. You’re the best. I love you.’ My heart was in my mouth as I hugged him. Lisa was crying, Millie was crying so I gave her a cuddle and she said, ‘I love you so much, Mum.’ Then I turned round to look at Marco and he had a big smirk on his face.

  ‘You don’t seem very surprised,’ I said.

  ‘I knew,’ he laughed.

  ‘What do you mean, you knew?’ I asked.

  Apparently, when he’d gone down to the bar to get a drink, he’d seen them unwrapping the trophy with my name on it, so he knew I had got something, but he didn’t know whether I’d actually won until they announced the runners-up. He didn’t let on when he got back to the table. He didn’t even smirk at me so I had no idea – but it meant he could keep his composure while the rest of us fell apart.

  ‘If I hadn’t have known I would have blubbered like a baby,’ he admitted to me later, and he did go to pieces when we got home, although he’ll kill me for sharing that.

  After I picked up the award everything went crazy, with people asking for interviews, pictures. All of the six judges came over to speak to me personally and complimented Millie’s writing. All of them, even the two male judges said, ‘She had me in tears.’

  The Mum of the Year awards finished at three and then I had to go straight from Leicester to Melton Mowbray for Millie’s graduation, where she was awarded a distinction and named Student of the Year. It was a very emotional day. I spent all day crying!

  • • •

  With the summer over, the anniversary of Shaun’s death in November loomed on the horizon. It felt like it was coming for a long time, maybe because it’s the anniversary of my own dad’s death the day before. This gave me so much empathy for the boys. My dad had been gone for twenty-five years, and I’m an adult, but I still find that day incredibly hard. It helped me to imagine just a little of what Lewis and Ashton were going to be feeling, but it was just one year on and they were children, and they hadn’t got their mum to comfort them.

  I spoke to Lewis about how he might want to mark the date. He said he wanted to keep the day low key, so we visited the cemetery together, and spoke about Shaun and Gina a lot throughout the day. The rest of the time I just allowed the boys the freedom to be lost in their own thoughts. For my part, it was a chance to reflect on the precious friends I have lost – but also the precious gift of their children, and how our little family is adapting as the months go by.

  When we lost Gina and then Shaun, I vowed to love Lewis and Ashton as my own – and I do. I treat all five of them the same, I kiss and cuddle them all, I tell them I love them and how proud I am of them – and I tell them off if they play up or don’t do their homework.

  Lewis and Ashton are doing well at school and the kids all get on brilliantly. They argue occasionally, yes, but what siblings don’t? Earlier this year, Lewis asked for some money to get birthday cards for Millie and Marco. When he returned from the shop, he had brought brother and sister cards, which really moved me.

  We talk about Gina and Shaun all the time. The house is full of photos of them, but we still regularly pull out other photographs to look through as well. I am so lucky to have had two such wonderful people in my life, and so glad that I have my own special memories to share with the children. Everyone has stories about them. Gina’s sister Keri tells us tales of when Gina was a child and teenager, before I had the pleasure of meeting her. I am determined that the boys will grow up remembering how wonderful and special their mum and dad were.

  At six foot three, Lewis is getting too big for me to kiss him goodnight, but I manage to sneak one in occasionally. As I tuck Ashton in, I always kiss him three times, one from Mummy, one from Daddy and one from me.

  There isn’t a day goes by that Lewis and Ashton don’t miss their mum and dad. It tears me apart to think of those special moments in the boys’ lives that their parents will miss – the birthdays, graduations, first jobs, weddings and even the births of their own children one day in the future. At the same time there isn’t a day when I don’t miss my special friends, and Marco, Millie and Anni-Mae their Auntie Gina and Uncle Shaun. They live on inside our hearts and always will. Marco even has a tattoo for each of them in their memory. He has ‘Gina, heaven needed an angel and took someone perfect’ across his shoulders and, for Shaun, a rugby ball with ‘Buster’ written across it and ‘173’, Shaun’s motocross race number.

  Some people may have found it hard, living here, in their house, now that they are both gone, but I love being in the house they shared because there are so many happy memories here for Lewis, Ashton, me and my children. If I close my eyes I can hear the laughter and hustle and bustle of the times when Gina and Shaun were still here. To me this is their home. In fact I still say if someone asks where I am going ‘over to Gina and Shaun’s’.

  When night-time falls and the stars are twinkling in the sky, Anni-Mae and Ashton often have a competition to find the brightest star. Ashton sometimes points at the sky and excitedly exclaims, ‘Auntie Jane, Auntie Jane, I’ve found Mummy and Daddy’s star. Up there, look. That’s the brightest one so that’s where the best angels are!’

  ‘You’re right there, mate,’ I will say. He will then wave and blow a kiss up into the night sky.

  Lewis often jokes, ‘I bet they’re causing a riot up there!’

  Even David and Lisa carry this on with their own children. At bedtime Lisa sings ‘Twinkle Twinkle Auntie Gina’s Star’ or ‘Uncle Shaun’s Star’. Their youngest child, Dylan, never even met Gina and Shaun but if you show him a picture he can name them immediately.

  I hope my friends are causing a riot up there, that they are happy together and watching over us. They trusted me with their greatest treasures in their two boys. I hope I’m making them proud.

  The question I get asked most often is why? Why did I put my life on hold to nurse Shaun? Why did I take on someone else’s children when I already had three of my own?

  The answer is simple: ‘Gina would have done the same for me.’

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Thank you to the angels. The biggest thank you I want to dedicate is to Gina and Shaun, you trusted me with the most precious gifts ever – your wonderful boys. My mum and dad, for bringing me up to be the person I am today and instilling in me the importance of the love of a family. My sister, just for being my big sister.

  Marco and Millie for the maturity they showed when their lives were turned upside down, I couldn’t be more proud of the amazing young man and young lady you have become. Anni-Mae, my own little princess. I love you all so much.

  Lewis and Ashton, I love you both with all my heart, you are both incredibly strong and I hope you are as proud of yourselves as I am of you!

  So many others that I want to thank. My brother Mick, for always being there, telling it how it is, and in so many ways being my mum and dad, along with my brother Rich and sister-in-law Michele. Again, always being there whenever I need you, even when at times I didn’t realise just how much. My nieces and nephews, I love all of you as though you were my own children. To my niece Sam, one of my best friends who has held me as I cried, listened as I’ve moaned, and endlessly helped me with the practical things, just when I’ve needed it. Thank you to you all for accepting Lewis and Ashton into our family with open arms and open hearts. I honestly don’t know how I would do it without you. I love you all!

  To Shaun’s family, who have in turn welcomed me and my children into their own family. His mum and dad, Ann and Mick, who are always there to lend a hand with the countless lifts to rugby, or pick up from school. David and Lisa: where would I be without you? I have gained two more people into my life as best friends,
always there for any of us. I love you.

  Keri and Mike: Lewis and Ashton know they have a connection with their mum in you, that in itself means the world.

  I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends in my life, at times we don’t get to see each other as often as we would like, but we know that we are always there for each other. Special thanks to Hayley, not only for being an amazing, loving understanding friend, but for introducing me to the most special lady, Gina. Julie ‘Ju Ju’, no matter what life has thrown at you, you have always been there for me and my children, at the most difficult times in my life, no words can convey what that means to me and I cannot give enough thanks! David and Sally for keeping me grounded when things have been tough – thank you for being such good friends. Emma, Kaz, Moira, Ann and Stuart along with other friends and family – sorry if I haven’t mentioned you personally, but you have all contributed in some way and I can never thank you enough.

  I have to say a massive thank you to Alison Maloney, for the countless emails, reassurance when I was panicking, and for being a genuinely nice person, so easy to talk to. I have enjoyed working with you immensely, you’re a star! To Kate, I wouldn’t have done this without you, thank you for believing in me in the first place.

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