Keep Me in Your Heart

by Lurlene McDaniel

  “Don!” her mother admonished. “You weren’t supposed to tell her. It was a surprise.”

  Her father blinked sheepishly. “Oops.”

  Jessica giggled. “I’ll act surprised when I open it. Promise.” She turned to Jeremy. “Well, are you going to let me have my present?”

  He held out the box.

  “It sure is small,” she said teasingly.

  “Big surprises come in small packages.”

  She unwrapped it and discovered another charm. This one was a bright gold kidney bean. “This is unusual.”

  He grinned. “It’s not what it is, it’s what it represents that’s important.”

  “A bean? You think I’m full of beans?” She was having fun teasing him, watching his cheeks flush red.

  “No. It’s a kidney.” He took a deep breath. “My kidney. I’ve already talked to Dr. Witherspoon about donating one of my kidneys to you.”

  For a stunned moment, no one spoke. Then everyone spoke at once.

  Her mother started crying. “It’s a miracle. An answer to prayer.”

  Her father gasped and began to bombard Jeremy with questions. “What? How? Are you sure?”

  Jeremy held up his hands. “Wait a minute. I can’t answer all of you at once.” He grasped Jessica’s hands and gazed lovingly into her eyes. “You first.”

  She was overcome with emotion; large tears pooled in her eyes. “You’re the most wonderful person in the world, Jeremy.” She swallowed against the lump of gratitude in her throat. “I appreciate your offer more than words can say. But I can’t take your gift, Jeremy. I simply can’t.”

  Chapter

  8

  Now it was Jeremy’s turn to be astonished. “What are you saying, Jessie? Why won’t you take my kidney?”

  Her mother interjected, “Perhaps you shouldn’t be so hasty, honey.”

  “Mom, please … I know what I’m doing.”

  “And I know what I’m doing,” Jeremy said.

  “Certainly there are plenty of questions to be asked—,” her father started.

  Jessica stood up, her fists clenched. “Mom, Dad, be quiet!” They looked crestfallen. More gently she asked, “Would you mind leaving me and Jeremy alone? I—I’d like to talk to him privately.”

  When her parents had gone, Jessica eased back into the dining room chair. “You should have told me what you wanted to do first. You shouldn’t have sprung it on me in front of my parents.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry. But I thought you’d be happy. I knew they’d be.”

  So many emotions were tumbling through her that she was having trouble controlling them. Finally she said, “Your offer is mind-boggling. To even think about doing such a thing for somebody is awesome. Especially for someone who’s not even related to you.”

  “I feel closer to you than to my own family. I—I love you, Jessie.”

  Tears welled again in her eyes. “And I love you. But … but in time, years from now, you may not feel that way. We may drift apart, find someone else—”

  “Have you found another guy?” He looked alarmed.

  “Don’t be silly. There’s no one else but you. And when would I have found this other guy? During dialysis treatments? Have you seen some of those patients? Most of them are older than God.”

  He shrugged sheepishly. Losing her was his greatest fear. “Then why talk about drifting apart?”

  “Because it happens. You may not always feel the same way about me as you do now. What if we become bitter enemies?” He rolled his eyes at her suggestion. “The point is,” she continued, ignoring his expression, “you’d have given me a kidney. You couldn’t take it back.”

  “I don’t give things away with the idea of taking them back.”

  “An organ isn’t like the sweater you gave me for Christmas. Or this charm.” She held up the gleaming gold jewelry. “It’s permanent. It’s gone from you forever.”

  Jeremy sensed her emotional distress, and he wanted to calm her, assure her that he understood the ramifications of his offer. He leaned forward and smoothed her hair, running his fingers through it. “Listen to me. You’re right—I can’t see the future. No one can. We may go our separate ways, although I’m not planning on it. But that’s not why I’m doing this. I realize that giving you my kidney is far more complex than buying you charms and clothing.

  “But think about something. Why is it all right for a person to give someone he loves his feelings and emotions and not a tangible part of his body, when it could make such a difference in the quality of that person’s life? Are my physical parts less valuable to you than my psychological ones? Less meaningful?”

  “They’re two different things altogether.”

  “Not to me. Stop treating me as if one part of me has more worth than another.”

  She wanted to stick to her original argument, that people just didn’t go around giving organs away, but the look of sincerity on his face, the passion of his words were confusing her and making the action he was proposing to take seem more realistic. “But Jeremy, a kidney!” she cried in one last appeal to reason.

  He pressed his fingertips against her lips. “Do you know how many people there are in the world who never get to do anything good, or kind, or noble? Who live all their lives and never make a difference? Who never contribute one single thing to make the world a better place? Or do something worthwhile for another human being?”

  She couldn’t deny it. Every day the newspapers and television reports were full of stories about people who did wicked and evil things. Who hurt and maimed, even killed. “I know there are bad people out there.”

  He shook his head. “That’s not who I’m talking about. It’s the rest of us—the ones who make up the majority.” He sighed. “I want my life to count for something, Jessie. I want it to matter somehow that I was alive on planet Earth and that I left it a better place for having been born.” His gaze dropped to his hands clasping hers on the white tablecloth. Shredded paper and limp ribbons lay beside their entwined fingers.

  “I remember what my brother, Tom, always told me: ‘Don’t make a mess, kid, make a difference.’ Giving you a kidney makes me feel good about myself and my life. It makes me feel worthwhile and useful.”

  “Jeremy, you have a whole lifetime to do something meaningful. You don’t have to do it now.”

  “Why not? Now’s the best time because no one knows how much time he has to live.”

  She knew he was thinking of his brother and the brutal end of Tom’s young life. Jeremy’s feelings about Tom were mixed up in his desire to donate his kidney to her, and she wasn’t sure those feelings could ever be extricated. She wasn’t sure it even mattered if they were. Jeremy’s heart was in the right place. And his arguments were persuasive, so she knew he’d given his decision plenty of serious thought. She dared to hope that his plan just might work.

  Another idea occurred to her. “What do your parents say about this?”

  His face flushed. “I haven’t exactly told them yet.”

  “Oh, Jeremy …” She kept seeing the hopeful expressions on her parents’ faces turning to sadness, and she felt sorry for them. They wanted this for her. She wanted it for herself; but Jeremy’s offer of a kidney was premature.

  “But I plan to tell them tonight,” he added hastily. “They may not be crazy about the idea at first, but I know they’re really sorry about what’s happened to you. And Dr. Witherspoon said he’d talk to them too.”

  She leaned forward until her forehead was touching his. “You know what I think? I think you’re the kindest, most wonderful person in the whole world. No matter how this works out, I’ll always be grateful for what you’re trying to do for me.”

  “So you’ll take the kidney?”

  “You sound like Igor shopping around for body parts for Dr. Frankenstein. ‘Excuse me,’ ” she mimicked, “ ‘could you show me something nice in kidneys today? My boss is building this monster.’ ”

  “Very funny.” His mouth
twitched into a grin. “This is serious. I want to do this for you. Please let me.”

  “If your parents approve, I’ll do it,” she told him. “You know how much I want to be off that machine.” She kissed him lightly on the mouth. “Thank you, Jeremy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

  “Are you out of your mind? Are you crazy? What makes you think your mother and I would even consider such a foolish idea?”

  His father’s explosive questions made Jeremy blanch. He hadn’t been prepared for such a negative reaction. He looked at his mother but saw an expression of total disbelief on her face and knew he wasn’t going to find support from her. “Stop treating me like I’m deranged,” he told his parents. “I know what I’m doing.”

  His father leaped up from the sofa in the formal living room and stomped across the lush carpet. “Giving your kidney away is the stupidest notion that’s ever entered your head. I know you like this girl, but this is ridiculous.”

  Jeremy also jumped to his feet. “It isn’t stupid! Stop treating me like a baby.”

  “Then stop acting like one.”

  Jeremy was bewildered. He hadn’t expected such a reaction. “I thought we were in agreement!” he shouted. “The other night when we discussed organ donation, you were all for it.”

  “Organ donation is a fine idea, but not when the person’s still using the organ!”

  “People do fine with one kidney. The body only needs one anyway.”

  “Then why did God see fit to give everybody two?”

  “Maybe so we could share.” Jeremy felt the elation of triumphing over his father. It was short-lived.

  His father spun and glared at him with a look that would have melted steel. “Did you ever stop to think that your one kidney might one day be injured or become diseased? Then where would you be?”

  “In the same place Jessie is—in need of a donor.”

  His father raked his hand through his hair. Jeremy could see him mentally shifting gears. He braced for another attack. “Your sentiments are noble, but misplaced. People don’t give away their kidneys to perfect strangers.”

  Jeremy saw red. “Jessica isn’t a stranger. You said you liked her. You told me that you and Mom both liked her.” He looked to his mother again.

  “We do like Jessica,” his mother said hastily. “She’s a wonderful girl. That’s not the point.”

  “So what is the point?”

  “She’s not family, and she’s not at death’s door. Let her go on a waiting list like other patients. Sooner or later, a donor will be found.”

  Jeremy sputtered, “B-But she’s not doing well on dialysis. And waiting for another live donor could take years.” What was wrong with them? Why couldn’t they understand? How could he explain it better?

  All at once his father stopped pacing the floor and leveled a look of indignation straight at Jeremy. “I know what’s going on here. She’s using your attraction to her to make you think this is your idea. Jessica put you up to this, didn’t she?”

  Chapter

  9

  For a minute Jeremy was shocked speechless by his father’s accusation. His hands shook, and his legs quivered with pent-up rage. He leaned heavily against the back of a chair, braced himself and took several deep breaths. “You have no right to say that. You have no right to think it. Jessica would never do such a thing. This was my idea and mine alone. When I told her about it, she told me no.”

  “At least someone is being sensible in this situation.” His father must have sensed the depth of Jeremy’s outrage, because his voice sounded less accusatory.

  “But her parents were beside themselves with gratitude,” Jeremy added.

  “Her parents? You discussed this with her parents before you broached it with us?” His father’s voice had grown hostile again. “Where do you get off—”

  “Stop it!” His mother had risen unsteadily to her feet, her eyes brimming with tears. “I can’t stand this! Do you hear me? I won’t listen to the two of you tear each other apart. I won’t!”

  Frank Travino bounded across the room and pulled his wife into his arms. He glared at Jeremy. “Now see how you’ve upset your mother.”

  She jerked away from him. “You’re both upsetting me. You can’t fight like this. I can’t take it.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” Jeremy mumbled, feeling contrite. “I—I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that Jessica …” his voice trailed off.

  His mother asked, “Don’t you think I understand what her parents are going through? I know what it’s like to stand by and watch your child die.”

  Jeremy winced. Of course she knew. Tom had died in the emergency room while his parents held his hands.

  “This discussion is over,” his father said tersely.

  “Hear him out, Frank.” His mother’s command surprised both Jeremy and his father. She sat down on the couch, looking straight at Jeremy. “Tell us what you want to do.”

  Warily Jeremy stepped from behind the chair he was using for support, came to his mother and crouched down in front of her. “Thank you for listening to me,” he said. Then he told them all he knew about organ transplantation. “Jessica’s doctor, Dr. Witherspoon, can answer any questions you have,” he said in conclusion. “We can go in together and talk to him if you want. He’d be in charge of the surgery, and he wants what’s best for both Jessica and me.”

  “There are risks in surgery.” His father renewed his objections. “You wouldn’t be his primary concern. A doctor always puts his patient’s interests first—just the way an attorney always puts his client’s interests first.”

  “Frank, please,” Jeremy’s mother said, cutting off the counterargument already springing to Jeremy’s lips. She looked into Jeremy’s eyes. “Let me see if I’ve got this straight. In order for you to be a donor, you need to be some kind of match at the genetic level.”

  “Yes.”

  “And if you aren’t a match, then this whole thing is dropped.”

  He didn’t have the heart or the stamina at the moment to tell her that transplants could be done when there was no match. He figured it best to keep quiet at this point and be grateful for this bit of progress. “As I said, her doctor can answer any questions,” he responded evasively.

  “And,” his mother continued, “they can determine if you’re a match by simply doing blood work.”

  “Yes.”

  She looked up at her husband. “That doesn’t seem so terrible, Frank. I mean a blood test seems harmless enough.”

  “I’m against this, Marilyn.”

  “They send a sample of my blood to a lab, Dad,” Jeremy said eagerly. “At least let me take that step.”

  His mother was gazing up at his father with a look of resignation, and Jeremy knew by the expression on his father’s face that he’d won this battle.

  “I’ll sign the papers for the blood test,” Jeremy’s father said shortly, his words clipped. “But that’s all. One blood test.”

  Jeremy rose, suddenly exhausted. “Thank you.” He was out the door when he heard his mother tell his father, “It’ll be all right, Frank. We should allow him this much leeway. He loves the girl. I mean, he has to match her in some way, and what are the odds of that happening? I’d say a million to one.”

  “The odds aren’t high enough for me,” Jeremy heard his father say. “Not nearly high enough.”

  When Jessica’s parents heard the news, they rushed over to Jeremy’s house and spilled out their gratitude with handshakes and effusive speeches. Jeremy didn’t miss his father’s tight-lipped expression or his mother’s polite but vacant stare.

  “We’ll pay for everything,” Don McMillan said. “You don’t have to worry about any of the costs.”

  “Is the test expensive?” Jeremy’s mother asked.

  “Between six and eight hundred dollars,” Don said. “But who can put a price on Jessica’s life?”

  His parents didn’t say anything negative. And when they met Dr. Withersp
oon and signed the consent form, they asked no questions. It was as if they wanted only to get out of his office as quickly as possible.

  “Are you certain there’s nothing you want to know?” the doctor asked, placing the form in a manila folder.

  “Nothing,” Jeremy’s father said. He cupped his hand around his wife’s elbow. “It’s understood that our consent is only for the antigen test.”

  “It’s understood,” Dr. Witherspoon said, “but as long as we’re taking this first step, why not let me go ahead with the other testing? We’ll check him into the hospital for a couple of days and get a complete picture of his eligibility as a donor.”

  “We’d rather not.”

  Jeremy watched the doctor’s face and realized that Dr. Witherspoon knew exactly what he was up against. “The antigen test alone might not knock him out of contention,” he told them. “However, the other testing may. We don’t want to get Jessica’s hopes up prematurely. Therefore, if you’d allow Jeremy to do the full battery of tests, it would give me the total picture as to his suitability as a donor.”

  Jeremy suppressed a smile. Dr. Witherspoon was clever, and he knew how to get what he wanted from the most reluctant people.

  “Frank, perhaps that’s not such a bad idea,” Jeremy’s mother said. “The psychological tests may show that Jeremy is unfit.”

  Jeremy didn’t think so, but he kept his thoughts to himself.

  “I think it’s a bad idea,” Frank told his wife. “But I said I’d cooperate through this point. So if the full battery of tests will settle this matter once and for all, go ahead.”

  Jeremy watched them march out of the office; he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. If the tests were favorable, he knew, he’d only just begun to fight.

  Jessica’s emotions swung wildly between euphoria and fear. She was ecstatic about the prospect of getting a new kidney, but terrified too. When Jeremy was admitted to the hospital for three days of intensive testing, she stayed with him as much as possible. It wasn’t easy watching a perfectly healthy person go through blood work, X rays, an electrocardiogram, a renal arteriogram, and probing questions from a psychologist, all for her sake.