Rebellious

by Gillian Archer

  Dammit.

  I spent the next ten minutes letting my OCD fly on the haphazard shelving, organizing the books so all the spines lined up. In alphabetical order. It was almost orgasmic.

  Rather than drag my feet, like I really wanted to do, I reported to the coffeehouse on time as directed. But instead of Jessica, I found our other best friend, Nicole, lounging in the corner booth.

  “Jess called me,” she announced when I got near. “Zag’s running late, and she wants to pass the baby off to him so we can talk uninterrupted.”

  “And she called you to get the party started early. Lucky me.”

  Nicole blinked and widened her eyes. “Is that your smart-ass way of saying ‘Nice to see you, Nic’? ‘How was the conference, Nicole?’ ‘Do you still have a job, Nicole?’ ”

  “Oh my God, what happened? Are you okay?” I slid into the booth next to Nic as all my irritation melted away. Nicole had been having an epic war with her boss over the last year or so, with him taking credit for her work and her taking him to Human Resources. He only got a slap on the wrist, and Nicole became the company pariah. If there was another slot machine design company in town, she would’ve jumped ship. But there wasn’t, so she was stuck.

  Nicole nonchalantly twirled her brown wavy hair into a haphazard bun and stuck a pencil through it to keep her hair in place, then took a long drink of her coffee. After setting the cup down—and with me ready to shake her—she blinked innocently at me. “The conference was awesome. I hooked up with a programmer from Chicago who knew just how to—”

  “Nic! Gross. I don’t need the details.” I shuddered. Both Jessica and I were not the type to share such personal information. Nicole, on the other hand, didn’t have a filter. “What about your job? Is everything okay there?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be? I finished the programming on the new Guppy Game two weeks early. So everything’s fine.”

  “Wait, so what was all that about losing your job or whatever?”

  Nicole smirked. “I just wanted to distract you until Jessica showed up. Looks like it worked, too.”

  I huffed as I left a cackling Nicole at our booth and ordered my regular iced caramel cappuccino. Sometimes having friends was overrated. When I returned to the table, I ignored Nicole and pretended to read something really interesting on my phone. It worked for all of thirty seconds.

  “Jessica says you’re dating the president of the biker gang. What the hell are you thinking, Em? The prez is always the worst one of the lot—they have zero scruples. Plus isn’t he old? Like a grandpa or something?”

  I looked up from my phone to glare at her. “Geez, Nic. One, he’s not a grandpa. Ick. Two, he’s not a bad guy, per se. And three, it’s a motorcycle club, not a gang. They get really twitchy if you get the lingo wrong.”

  “Sheesh, same difference in my book. You sound just like Jessica.”

  “What’s just like me?” Jessica asked as she swooped down and enveloped me in a hug from behind. Her blond hair brushed against my cheek in a soft caress counter to her tight grip.

  “The whole club/gang thing. For a bunch of bikers, they’re really sensitive about the language you use.” Nicole snapped her gum and rolled her eyes.

  I ignored Nicole and looked at Jessica. “You look awesome. No one would guess you had a baby only two months ago.”

  “You’re sweet.” Jessica ran a hand over her slight tummy bulge. “Sweet and delusional. I’m really freaking out about fitting into my dress next month. Why did I think it was a good idea to buy the dress a whole year before the ceremony?”

  “Because you got knocked up and didn’t want to dress shop when you had a huge baby bump,” Nicole answered dryly.

  “Nic!” I whispered harshly.

  Jessica just laughed. “No, it’s true. But Harley’s pretty damn cute, so I think it was worth it. Despite every ugly stretch mark and sleepless night.”

  “Plus she gave you an awesome set of tits.” Nicole raised her coffee cup in a toast. “I bet Zag is loving that side benefit.”

  “So am I.” Jessica looked down at her impressive chest and smiled mischievously. “They are awesome. Can you two play nice while I get something to drink?”

  “I’ll be on my best behavior,” Nicole said solemnly.

  I rolled my eyes. “Sure.”

  “She does look awesome,” Nicole said after Jessica walked away.

  “You should tell her that. Her hormones are all over the place from the baby and the stress of the wedding. She really needs to know it’s gonna be okay.”

  “I have. Which you’d know if you’ve been around lately. For someone so concerned about her friends, you’ve been suspiciously absent.”

  “I-I-I…” I didn’t know what to say to that. Nicole was right. I had been absent. I just didn’t know how to reach out. Or if I was ready to get the advice I needed. That would put me one step closer to acting. I’d either have to accept Reb or break up with him. Each option terrified me in its own way.

  But before I could come up with a comeback, Jessica returned.

  She slid in next to me and forced Nicole to inch around the corner of the booth’s seat to make room. “So let’s talk about you.”

  “Let’s not.” I so wasn’t ready yet. “How’s the wedding planning going? Anything you need your bridesmaids to sort out?”

  “Nope. So what’s up with you and Reb?”

  I sighed and slumped back. “What have you heard?”

  Jessica traded a look with Nicole. “Enough. He likes you. We know you like him. So what’s the problem?”

  “The problem is that everything has to be his way. He wants to strip me bare and look at every bit of my past and personal life, but the second I ask a question about his ‘business’ he shuts down. He flat-out told me that what I think doesn’t matter. He makes the decisions and that’s it. I can’t live like that.”

  “Wait, so he’s controlling? And a biker? Really?” Nicole asked sarcastically.

  “That’s not what I meant,” I snapped. “He doesn’t like my crappy car or my apartment, but he doesn’t stop me from driving or going home. He’s just…” I sighed in frustration. “I’m not saying it right.”

  “He’s worried about your safety,” Jessica threw in.

  “Right.” I answered. “But—”

  Jessica cut me off and glanced at Nicole. “Because Michael’s back, and stalking her again.”

  “Wait. What?” The table screeched as Nicole shoved it away and stood up. “That asshat is back? And messing with you again?”

  The coffee shop was mostly empty, but every customer and employee swung around to stare at our table.

  “Nicole, sit down,” I hissed.

  She huffed irritably but complied. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because it’s not that bad. He only sent me some dead flowers and probably wrote something nasty on the card that Reb wouldn’t let me read. It’s fine. Reb’s taken care of it. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “At least your biker has done one thing right. Still, you should’ve told me.” Nicole sat back against the booth and crossed her arms. “I’d love to have a conversation with Dickwad Mike. Do you think Reb could set it up?”

  “Considering the fact that I haven’t talked to Reb in a week, I’m gonna go with no.”

  “Okay, can we get back to the original point of today’s coffee time?” Jessica took a sip of her drink. “Aside from the awesome baby-free atmosphere and the caffeinated nectar. What’s the problem? Why have you set your shields to maximum with Reb?”

  “What has he told you?”

  “Nothing. I swear. Zag just mentioned that Reb looked kinda down, so I thought maybe you were, too.”

  I sighed. The news that Reb was hurting too wasn’t surprising. He’d sent me two texts that first day and one more the second. None of which I answered. I wasn’t playing games—I just didn’t know what to say to him. What was surprising was that he was letting me. I would’ve thoug
ht that he’d have confronted me by now. Come to see me. Not that I wanted him to. I still didn’t know what to tell him. Hence the ignoring.

  “I got a glimpse of what being with him really means and—”

  “You mean his penis? Is it huge? Malformed? What’s the issue?” Nicole inched closer, her eyes wide.

  “What? No!” I huffed. “Be serious for a millisecond. I don’t mean with him; I mean as a couple.”

  “Ah, you mean the whole controlling biker, king-of-the-house thing? And you finally figured out that’s a deal breaker?” Nicole arched her eyebrows in feigned innocence.

  “Would you let me talk?” I said between gritted teeth. “You’re twisting my words.”

  Nicole raised her palms and sat back in the booth.

  “He wanted me to stay at his house and watch Tucker while he went out to do God knows what with his club. It was dangerous, and could’ve impacted him getting custody of Tucker. I wanted to talk to him about it, but he refused. He said I don’t get a say in his business. At all. He wants to know every detail about me, but I don’t get any in return. I’m not sure that I can live like that.”

  The table was silent as my words sank in. Jessica opened her mouth, then seemed to think better of it. Both took drinks from their coffee, and I finally looked away. I don’t know why I expected them to have words of wisdom for me. The hiss of the milk steamer filled the empty awkwardness at our table.

  And then Nicole spoke. “Run.”

  I scoffed. “Nic, come on. Be serious.”

  “I am. Run. Jessica got dibs on the only decent biker in the whole country. Zag is the only one I’ve ever met who doesn’t treat his woman like trash. Reb is showing you his true colors. Hell, this is the best version of him you’re gonna get. This is who he is—a controlling asshole like all the rest of the bikers I’ve known. Clearly it’s a deal breaker for you. So run. Break it off. Now, before it gets any harder.”

  I shook my head. I knew that Nicole had had a problem when Jessica was dating Zag, but she’d never been quite so eloquent in her hatred for all bikers before. I opened my mouth to ask her about it, but her mulish—and familiar—expression had me hesitating. When Nicole got all obstinate, it was best to steer clear until she calmed down.

  I sighed in frustration. “You make it sound so easy.”

  “It is.” Nicole’s brow wrinkled. “Deal breaker means it’s over. Kick the dirty biker out of your life. So what’s the holdup?”

  “She’s right.”

  Jessica’s softly spoken words felt like a knife to my heart.

  “I don’t agree with everything she said, but I tried to tell you before, these guys are hard-core. This is what life is like in the club. They do some serious shit, and the old ladies don’t get a vote. We get to sit and worry, hope that they will come home. That’s what I signed on for. That’s what you have to come to terms with.”

  “How do you live with the uncertainty?”

  “I…” Jessica sighed. “It’s not easy. There are nights that I don’t hear from him for hours and I worry. There are nights when he doesn’t come home and I jump every time my phone rings. But I love him. So I hold on when I have him and cross my fingers when he leaves on club business and hope he comes home again.”

  “And the women? How do you…accept them?”

  “I don’t. I know it’s part of the life. But Zag knows that dick in his pants belongs to me. And only me.”

  I laughed. Apparently Nicole’s blunt ways were rubbing off on Jessica. Or maybe that was Zag. “No, I mean how can you trust—”

  “That he won’t cheat?”

  I nodded.

  “The level of trust it takes to be okay with your guy hanging out with loose women takes time. Zag and I are there, but that didn’t happen overnight. It took time.”

  I stared at my coffee cup like it held all the answers as Jessica’s words sank in. Then after a moment I looked up at her. “Is it worth it? If you could, would you go back? Would you change things with Zag?”

  A soft smile swept across Jessica’s lips. “It’s so worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing about him. Not that I could, because this is who he is. I love that man. Warts and all.”

  I swallowed hard. “And if I can’t?”

  “Then walk. It’s not gonna get better. He’s not gonna change. This is who they are.”

  Silence reigned at the table as we all took in Jessica’s sobering revelation. This was the life she led. It had never really sunk in for me before. All through her pregnancy she had to’ve worried whether or not Zag would come home, or if she’d get a phone call about bail or, God forbid, from the hospital. This is what I would be signing up for if I stayed with Reb.

  Could I handle it? Was I willing to take the chance on him? Was he worth it?

  But he made me feel safe. He was the first man in a long time that I could trust. And he made me feel valued. Then there was the way he was with Tucker—sweet and gentle when he needed to be, firm when Tucker got out of hand, but always there. Not to mention he was hot as hell. And the things that man could do to my body…Oh God.

  Nicole squeezed my arm. “So what are you going to do? Are you ready to kick him out of your life?”

  I sighed heavily. “I don’t know.”

  Chapter 17

  AUGUST 14

  Two days later, I still hadn’t decided what to do about my relationship with Reb.

  Only thing that had changed was now I was dodging Reb and my friends. The exception being that I replied to my friends’ texts.

  Nicole had invited me out for drinks and boy-watching at a local bar. I definitely wasn’t ready for that. Then Jessica had texted me an invitation for a girls’ night in with the baby and some Netflix. But no, I’d rather wallow at home alone with a tub of cake batter ice cream and a squeeze bottle of chocolate syrup. I wasn’t fit for company.

  I definitely wasn’t in the mood to be at work, either. I snapped at coworkers, ignored blatant looks for help from customers, and counted every second until I was free. As the clock reached quitting time, it was a miracle I hadn’t been fired or called on the carpet by my boss. But I was in the clear and out the door before anyone could find me. I had a half gallon of ice cream waiting for me at home.

  But my dark mood grew blacker when I reached the parking lot and saw my car.

  All four tires were slashed.

  My heart plunged into my stomach. Michael. Oh God.

  My first instinct was to race to my car, but my skin crawled in fear. Was he still here? Was he watching me now? My eyes darted around the parking lot, but nothing looked out of the ordinary. Well, nothing except my car.

  Oh God. Tears burned the back of my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. Should I call someone? I didn’t have roadside assistance. Could I even get new tires on a Sunday?

  My shoulders hunched, I walked back inside the bookstore and headed for my boss’s office. His door was open so I went right in.

  “Daniel, I need to report vandalism. I think we need to call the police.”

  —

  Ten minutes later I was still sitting at a table in the small café in the bookstore, waiting for the police and a tow truck. Daniel had offered to buy me a coffee, but I couldn’t stomach anything at the moment. Instead I sat near the window waiting for help to arrive.

  My skin crawled. I still felt like I was being watched.

  But the roar of a nearby motorcycle engine tore me out of my introspection.

  The motorcycle stopped a few feet from the entrance, and I didn’t need the rider to take off his helmet to let me know who it was. I already knew.

  Why was he here? My chair made a huge screech as I pushed it away from the table. I raced outside.

  Reb ripped his helmet off and slammed it down on the front tank. “Son of a bitch.”

  I’d never been happier to see someone so pissed off. It felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders.

  “All four fucking tires? It wasn’t enough to do one or two?
I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch.” Reb swung off his bike, closed the distance between us, and took me into his arms like I’d never left him. “Are you okay, sunshine?”

  “I’m fine,” I whispered into his leather jacket. He still smelled the same. Tobacco, leather, and man. His familiar scent relaxed me, but tears still burned at the back of my eyes. Oddly, I felt closer to the edge of breaking down now that I had his arms around me than I had when I’d first seen my slashed tires. So being the independent woman I was, I pushed him away. “I’m fine. Really. What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here because of that—” Reb pointed angrily toward my cratered car.

  “Wait, I didn’t call you. So how did you know?” My skin prickled as my suspicion grew. Reb wouldn’t do this, would he?

  His eyes grew steely as he stared down at me. “That’s not how we roll, Emily. I, uh, shit…I was hoping I wouldn’t have to tell you.”

  If I didn’t know better I would’ve sworn Reb was blushing. But big, bad bikers didn’t blush, right?

  “I had one of my guys keeping an eye on you. For your safety.”

  “Seriously? That’s so creepy. No wonder I felt like someone was watching me.”

  Reb’s brows lowered as he crossed his arms. “When?”

  “Today. After I found my car…like that.”

  “Then it wasn’t my guys. They’ve been watching you since I found the dead flowers on your doorstep.”

  “That long?” I asked weakly. Because I’d had no idea, hadn’t even felt like anything was out of the ordinary. The knowledge that I’d had someone following me, reporting whatever I did back to Reb, made me uncomfortable. That wasn’t love. That felt dangerously close to something that Michael would’ve done if he’d had willing friends. “How could you?”

  “When it means I can rest easy knowing you’re taken care of, that someone has your back when I’m not there? Easily. And I’m not fucking apologizing for it.”

  “You should. You’ve practically been stalking me, Reb, and that’s not okay.” I stared at him but he just stared mulishly back at me. He wasn’t going to apologize. Then another thought occurred to me. “That’s why you didn’t mind me not replying to your texts or answering your phone calls this week. You’ve had guys watching me and reporting back to you!”