Absolute Choice 9
Page 23
That was the essential question. Liu Yu steered the off-topic discussion back.
Speechless gave Liu Yu an appreciative look and said, "The Hero King isn't activating her Sword Truth not because she doesn't want to activate it, but because she can't do it. Although it's unknown what the reason is, she very clearly can't bring the herself to kill Shi Xiaobai. Without any killing intent, she naturally can't produce an obsession with massacring. Thus, her Sword Truth can't be activated. I believe she is currently in a dilemma. She is hesitating if she should kill Shi Xiaobai or not. Therefore, once she is no longer in a dilemma..."
When Speechless said that, his expression turned slightly uglier. He looked at Shi Xiaobai, who was engaging in an intense battle, before turning his head and looked at the rest with a serious expression. He said solemnly, "Once the Hero King is no longer in a dilemma, or once she affirms her killing intent and activates her Sword Truth, the balance will immediately be broken. Furthermore, under her obsession with massacring, the Hero King will not hold back. It would be a definite deathblow. That is to say, once the Hero King affirms her desire to kill Shi Xiaobai, Shi Xiaobai will be killed at the moment the balance is broken!"
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Chapter439 Loneliness is the greatest enemy
Dawn, who was struggling in battle, did not know that there were people discussing her Sword Truth, obsession and childhood from a distance away. She did not know that the youth that had luckily survived her attack had hit upon the truth.
Yes, she was in a dilemma.
Her dilemma prevented her from having the intention to kill.
Without killing intent, she was naturally unable to activate her massacring Sword Truth. All she could do was use Sword Intent which did not need any obsession.
However, Sword Intent was not able to withstand Sword Truth after all. Furthermore, the youth that was attacking her in an incessant manner had an obsession that was so striking. His Sword Truth was resplendent gold. It was dazzling and pretty like the star-filled sky.
His physical condition was surprisingly powerful. His pure strength and speed was superior to her whom had used 'God's Blessings' on herself. His flash motion technique’s realm was not much weaker than hers. His dual-blade kamikaze fighting style was so scoundrelly that she was too deep for tears.
Dawn had to admit that he was a rather tough opponent. This was an intense battle that would be rather difficult to win. If not, she would not have been retreating so much as though she was pathetically fleeing.
But she maintained her calm state of mind from the very beginning. Even though there were the occasional vexed emotions, it was because of her own dilemma and not because of the difficult situation in front of her.
It was because she was filled with confidence from the very beginning.
She was confident that once she stopped being in a dilemma and at the instant she activated her Sword Truth, the scales of balance for victory will be broken. She would one-shot the bastard that kept reaching out for a yard after taking an inch.
She firmly believed that. Therefore, she did not feel any vexed emotions from the tough battle in front of her.
Her mind could only constantly repeat two words.
Kill him!
Kill him!!
Kill him!!!
But even though she frenziedly tried to hypnotize herself, she was still unable to shrug off her dilemma.
She had no way. She really had no way to generate any killing intent for the black-haired youth.
Even though he had used a series of lies to fool her. Even though he had used shameless words of 'having seen every part of your body and that even the red mole under your armpit was clearly seen' to tease her. Even though he had used a dual-blade kamikaze style to scoundrelly to attack her with an ever-increasing insatiability, like a gum that was frenetically sticking close to her. Even though...
Even though he had done so many things that she hated, she was still unable to generate any thoughts of killing him.
That was because she did not want to kill him.
It obviously wasn't love at first sight, or some cliché plot of her being subdued before falling into the rivers of love.
In fact, she did not have a good impression of him. Instead, it was mostly detest. The only thing worth mentioning was his intelligence and wit which resulted in her having a trivial sense of appreciation for him.
However, she did not want to kill him. She really did not want to kill him.
That was because he made her feel a sense of reality.
For the first time in her life, he made her feel like a real existence.
To her, that feeling of reality was rare and valuable. It was so rare that she felt that no one would be able to give her that feeling of reality again if she killed him.
...
Back when she was three, the young girl was thrown into an uninhabited island filled with beasts.
Beasts, poisonous bugs, man-eating plants, even to the point of having a few demonic beasts mixed in, was the first difficulty she faced. In order to live on, she needed to survive through those dangers.
Thankfully, she was a true prodigy. Although she was not born with knowledge, she possessed an intelligence that far exceeded ordinary people from birth. In three years, she had learned the knowledge that ordinary people would take more than a decade to learn. Most importantly, she learned how to be resolute from her mother who suffered a terminal illness.
The resolute her did not wallow in despair or commit suicide, much less do nothing while waiting for death.
Her face was stained with tears as she endured all sorts of difficulties. After countless close encounters with Death, she learned how to avoid danger and hide herself. She managed to find a space to survive amid the beasts, poisonous bugs and man-eating plants.
Of course, simple evasion and hiding was insufficient for her to live on because hunger was the second difficulty she faced.
In order not to starve to death, she needed to find food.
In the beginning, she ate sour fruits, dry and hard tree bark, or gross earthworms. Finally, she began psionic cultivation from the books from her memories. She became hungrier as the amount of energy needed to make up for her energy expenditure increased.
Therefore, in order to survive, she needed to know how to kill.
Hunting beasts was her only path for survival.
Kill!
Kill!
And more killing!
In order to survive, she needed to turn those ferocious beasts into her food.
After she learned how to kill, disease was the third difficulty she faced.
At the beginning, she did not have the ability to make fire. By enduring the grossness and nausea, she ate raw meat and even worms. The unprocessed food sent germs into her stomach constantly, so it obviously caused her physiological health to suffer.
However, even though she was sick, so sick to the point of death, she had to maintain her clarity of mind because she needed to avoid danger. She needed to hunt. She needed to survive on that uninhabited island.
No one could help her and no one would fall from the sky to become her hero.
Therefore, she could only save herself. She could only become her own hero.
Through her vague memories of text that described holy light treatment, she managed to create and modify through trial and error a healing technique that was unique to her. She called it Healing of the Dawn.
She used Healing of the Dawn to treat herself of her sickness.
Through the knowledge of sword techniques in her mind, she used tree branches as swords and would brandish her ‘sword’ whenever she had the time. She would constantly brandish it and gradually went from knowing nothing to possessing sword attacks, sword beams and finally Sword Intent.
And when she used Sword Intent to slash out a fiery sword strike, even a tiny flame made her finally tear up. Because from that m
oment, she could finally eat cooked food. She finally did not need to endure the feeling of torturing her throat as she swallowed the gross and nauseating raw meat.
After settling her danger, hunger and illness, she finally managed to have a slightly more normal life.
However, the test of the greatest difficulty finally befell her—Loneliness.
At the beginning when she was only bent on surviving, she did not have that much time to consider other matters. However, once her life finally stabilized, loneliness and boredom began flooding her senses, drowning the young her.
She did not know how long she needed to survive on the uninhabited island. Neither did she know if anyone would come rescue her. To her, the uninhabited island was a prison. It was a life imprisonment without parole.
And in this prison, there was no other human except her.
That was a world where only one girl lived.
In that world, no one could hear her voice.
Her voice only produced words that did not reach anyone, neither would it receive any response.
Loneliness and boredom began to slowly devour her determination.
Finally, one day, after enduring countless difficulties while she remained strong, she finally had the first thought of committing suicide despite the fact that it was not easy for her to survive for that long.
So loneliness was the greatest enemy.
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Chapter440 The painstakingly found sense of reality
She was nearly killed by loneliness.
But when she came to the crossroads of whether to free herself or to resolutely continue on, she finally chose to live on with firm resolution.
That was because when her mother closed her eyes forever, she had gently said to her.
"Mom will always stay by your side. Mom will watch Dawn grow up, as long as Dawn lives on happily and healthily, Mom will never disappear. Mom will always, always live in Dawn's heart."
Ah, if Dawn were to die,
Mom will disappear.
Therefore, she could not die!
She could not die!
She still could not die!
She wanted to defeat loneliness. She wanted to carry on living!
In order to battle loneliness, the four-and-a-half-year-old girl began talking to herself.
Began speaking to unspeaking trees, to silent rocks, to twittering birds, she would pour out the words in her heart. Her grievances, her pains, her sadness, her mother, her little bits of happiness, what she had done today, what she had done yesterday, what she had previously done, what she wanted to do in the future, what she would definitely do if she left the uninhabited island, what she...
She would confide everything she wanted to say. She would produce voices she wanted to produce.
She constantly confided to her silent audience which were destined to never respond.
But, but it did not matter. It truly did not matter. That was...sufficient.
As long as she could confide in something, even if it was her speaking to herself, even if there was no response, but as long as she could confide, she would not feel that lonely. She could obtain that tiny bit—something that she needed to obtain even if it was a tiny bit—of courage to live on.
Finally, the girl defeated loneliness. It was a close victory, a Pyrrhic victory. She had nearly lost.
That was because she was rescued. After three years, she was finally found by the family clan. She was rescued off the island and was returned to civilization. If it was another year, no, maybe a month, a week or even a day, she might very well have collapsed.
But very luckily, she was not defeated by loneliness.
Ha, ha...ha. So lucky...
Yes, she survived. Mom was still by her side. Mom had still not disappeared. Wasn't this luck?
Even after she returned to the human world, she lost all her expressions and emotions. She was not even able to communicate with ordinary humans. Was that also considered lucky?
However, the intense battle with loneliness eventually left behind repercussions.
She was unable to communicate normally with ordinary people. She was not one who walled herself in or not speak. It was completely the opposite. When she was facing strangers, she could still chat. She could even continue on for days.
But she could not hear a sound.
She could not hear the response of the other person.
Or it could be said that she subconsciously treated the human she was facing as a tree, rock or bird!
It was an illness, a mental illness. It was an untreatable illness that only she could treat herself.
She eventually did not treat herself. She did not feel like there was a need to treat herself either because she was already accustomed to it. She was accustomed to not receiving any response to her words. She was accustomed to ice-cold silence.
Even though she could question and answer others, but to her, it was just a question and answer session with herself. Because on that island, she had spoke to herself countless times. Naturally, she had engaged in a question and answer session by herself.
She could not show any expression. She could not force a laugh.
She could not experience the emotions of normal people. Negative emotions like anger, sadness and hate had long been devoured by the void of loneliness. Positive emotions like happiness, excitement and agitation had long been forgotten by the massacring she undertook to obtain food.
As a male in disguise, she remained expressionless. Her lone personality was not welcomed by other boys. Her powerful strength also destined her to be ostracized and bullied. Her exquisite appearance attracted many suitors, but no one could tolerate her habit of speaking to herself and style where they were not in her eyes.
She did not have any friends in life. She remained alone.
But she was already accustomed to being alone. She was accustomed to having loneliness as a partner.
She could not change, nor was there any need for her to change.
Due to her habit of speaking to herself, when she faced the fake Celestial King (Speechless Li), she was still able to patiently answer his questions. She was in no hurry to kill him and she was very long-winded. She was completely different from the expressionless appearance that kept people away from her.
But in fact, she was not conversing with Speechless. She was only engaging in a question and answer session with herself. That was because Speechless's questions and answers had long been formed in her mind. There was no need to hear his voice, nor did she need his response. She could complete that conversation by herself.
At the beginning, it was exactly the same when she faced Shi Xiaobai.
She treated Shi Xiaobai as an ice-cold rock. Although that confession had slightly surprised her, many possibilities were formed in her mind. She could easily complete the conversation by herself.
But she patiently conversed with Shi Xiaobai and answered his questions and also asked him questions. But all of them was just her speaking to herself.
However, when Shi Xiaobai said that sentence 'This King even knows very clearly that there is a red mole under your right armpit', her black-and-white world suddenly bloomed gorgeous colors. Finally!
She finally heard a 'voice'!
Ah, she heard his voice.
She really, really wanted to continue listening to his voice.
Ah, what was going on with this unimaginable conversation?
Why, why was there no way I could predict what he was going to say next? But, but why was there this urge to know what he would say next?
For the first time ever since she was six, she no longer needed to speak to herself.
She eagerly asked him questions and was eager to know what his response was.
Curiosity? To resolve her puzzlement? To not leave behind any mysteries?
It was none of them.
They were all excuses!
It was because
of her engrossment in the conversation with him. She could not extricate herself from his voice.
She only wished that the conversation would keep carrying on!
The youth did not disappoint her. He unraveled layer after layer of the mystery and exceeded her expectations again and again. His voice turned clearer and clearer, and became more and more...real!
She wanted to continue listening to his voice!
She did not want to kill him!
She did not want to kill him!
She really did not want to kill him!
He...he was the painstakingly found—sense of reality!
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Chapter441 Monster that triple-tasks
It was remarkable for her to survive for three years when she was thrown into an uninhabited island filled with beasts at the age of three. She had already lost count of the number of life-and-death situations she had encountered by the age of six. There were all kinds of battles she had to fight—against beasts, against illnesses, against pain, against loneliness, against herself. After her tears were drained dry, she understood the cruel reality of massacring! Massacre! Massacre! Or die.
She possessed the purest instincts of massacring because she had undergone countless of battles. She had undergone countless cruel battles that were to kill or be killed.
After engaging in countless massacres, she had affirmed the meaning behind life, so how could that be swayed?
How could her thoughts of massacre which were colder and tougher than ice mountains be wavered because of an appreciation of his intelligence?
It could not waver. In a beast-filled island which you have no idea when you would be bitten or ripped to death, once your will to survive wavers, you would lose the courage to survive. Her will could not waver.
"Kill him, kill him, kill him..."
Dawn was constantly retreating. The irritation in her heart was growing in intensity. The black-haired youth constantly stuck close to her like gum. As for her, she constantly told herself to kill him, but she could not do it.