Dying Wish: A Novel of the Sentinel Wars

by Shannon K. Butcher

  “I’m sorry,” said Drake. “That’s not going to happen.”

  Jackie pulled a burst of power from Iain, and then waved her hand. Drake slid out of sight as if he’d been pushed.

  “He’s right,” Iain told her. “It’s not safe for you to be around me.”

  “Not you, too. I’m sick of hearing the bullshit. I want you to tell me what I need to do to save you.”

  “There is one thing you could do.”

  “Name it.”

  “I need you to deliver a message to some men for me.” He gave her the names of the other men in the Band of the Barren. “Tell them that I sent you, what’s happened to me, and then tell them that the Band is compromised, and they need to go into hiding.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Just tell them. They’ll know what you mean.”

  “How is this going to save you?” she asked.

  “It won’t, but it may save their lives.”

  “I’m not concerned about their lives. I’m worried about yours.”

  “There’s nothing anyone can do to save me. You can’t bring my soul back to life any more than you could bring back the people who died in those caves.”

  She flinched, her brows pinching together in grief. “Don’t say that. There has to be a way—some magical spell or something?”

  “Dead is dead. We both have to learn to live with it. I’m just sorry that you’ll still be connected to me at the end. I’ll try to keep my thoughts to myself, but you may have to keep me out. It shames me to admit it, but I may not be able to control myself and keep from reaching out for you.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek, but there was fury lurking beneath the sadness. “I won’t leave you to die alone.”

  “I don’t want you with me then, Jackie. I don’t want you to feel the life drain out of me. It will haunt you forever. I’d rather you remember whatever it is you saw in me that makes you care enough to be standing here now.”

  “Of course I care about you. How could I not when you’ve thought of nothing but the people around you since the night we met? You must have known that this could happen—that you could be locked up and sentenced to death. That’s why you were cold, shoving me away so I wouldn’t end up right here, angry and devastated that you’re just going to let them kill you. You haven’t done anything. You can’t let them do this.”

  He bowed his head, unable to look at the hurt radiating out of her eyes. Only, even looking away, he could still feel it pulsing into him, pounding at him through their link. “It’s the only way now.”

  “What? There was another way before? A better one? Because if there was, let’s do that instead.”

  He reached for her, wrapping his hands around her fingers. They were cold, shaking. “I knew the only way to free you was for me to die. As soon as we went into the next battle with people there to watch over you, I was planning to end it.”

  “You were going to kill yourself? That’s no option.”

  “It was for me. It was an honorable way to go—one I’d chosen. Certainly better than being sent to the Slayers in shame.”

  “I don’t want you to die.”

  His fingers tightened around hers, trying to warm them. “You’ll be fine without me. You’re strong. Just promise me that you’ll stay away at the end. I don’t know how they’ll kill me, but I have to know that you won’t suffer alongside me. Promise me.”

  She shook her head, making more tears spill out. “I won’t make this easy on you. I won’t make it easy on any of you. If you do this, you do it without my support.”

  “It must happen.”

  “It’s just more proof that I don’t belong in your world. How could I belong with people who kill their own because of what might happen?”

  “If you’d seen what someone like me is capable of, then you’d understand.”

  “I don’t want to understand. I just want to wake up and find that this was all a bad dream.”

  His hands slid up her arms, cupping her shoulders. His eyes roamed her face, memorizing every little detail. He would put that picture in his mind when the time came, and let it comfort him. “Give me your belt and I’ll end it now, so you don’t have to suffer for as long as it takes them to get me to the Slayers.”

  “My belt?” she asked, confused.

  “They took mine. I have no sure way of killing myself in here.” He’d considered slamming his head into the concrete wall, but that was no guarantee of death. He had to do it right to limit Jackie’s suffering. If he simply maimed himself, she’d still be tied to him. Permanent brain damage could trap her for eternity. “Help me and this will all be over in a matter of minutes.”

  A look of horror crossed her face and she pulled back, shaking her head. “I won’t help you kill yourself.”

  “It’s what I want. I’d rather die by my own hand than by someone who now calls themselves our friend. Think about my future executioner. How would you feel if it was your job to kill someone you didn’t even know?” He couldn’t think of a way to make her understand that he didn’t want to tarnish what was a mostly noble life by causing others pain as his last living act.

  “No.”

  “Please. I want to end my life in the most honorable way possible. Help me do that.”

  “I can’t. I won’t.” She turned and ran, the sound of a stifled sob echoing behind her.

  Serena paced the room, her stomach twisting violently.

  Iain had turned. The man she’d loved for so long was dead.

  Her heart wept for what she’d lost. If only she’d ignored her mother and bonded with him sooner, none of this would have happened. She would have saved his soul.

  Hatred for her mother coursed through her body, making her tremble with its power. For two hundred years she’d sat trapped in that bubble, unable to speak to anyone, catching only fleeting glimpses of the world as it passed her by.

  She didn’t belong in this place. She understood none of what she saw around her, not the glowing tubes of light overhead, or the warm draft of air sliding through a grate in the ceiling. The table was carved from metal rather than wood, and she was almost certain that people were watching her from behind the large mirror in one wall.

  Things were different now. Too different. Even the brief trip she’d taken from outside this castle to this room had shown her a world of wonders just waiting for her discovery.

  She’d trade every one of them in for one single leaf clinging to Iain’s lifemark.

  The door opened, and a large man with a hideously scarred face walked in. He offered her a smile, but the web of scars crossing his mouth twisted it into something ugly. She tried not to flinch, but her nerves were strung so tightly that she was certain she hadn’t covered her insult.

  His smile faltered. “I’m Nicholas Laith. Joseph sent me here to release you.”

  Instantly, she began to panic. She was in an alien world, devoid of the knowledge she’d need to navigate it. “Where shall I go?”

  “Go?” he asked, seemingly confused. “You’re not going anywhere. I just meant that you can get out of this room now. You can stay here with us. I had a suite prepared for you.”

  He opened the door for her to proceed, and led her out into a long hallway. “What are your orders regarding me?” she asked.

  “Orders?”

  “Your leader told you to come and fetch me, correct?”

  “He said to make sure you were comfortable and to get you settled.”

  “So I’m not a prisoner here?”

  Mr. Laith shook his head. “No.”

  “Then I can leave if I wish?”

  He looked down at her, and despite his scars, his vibrant blue eyes were stunning. “Do you know how to drive a car?”

  “I can ride. I can’t yet pay for a horse, but I promise you I’ll find a way to earn the money if you’d be so good as to extend a loan.” She hated riding, but she’d do what she must now. At least she was free to do so.

  He smi
led again, and this time, she was accustomed to the odd puckering enough that it didn’t startle her. “We don’t have horses. We operate motorized vehicles, and they can go a hundred miles an hour, so until you learn how to drive one, you’d likely kill yourself.”

  Surely he was lying about traveling at such speeds.

  Then again, he seemed completely genuine. “How long does it take to learn to operate one?”

  “Depends on how chicken you are.”

  She wasn’t getting anywhere like this. As much as she hated the dent to her pride, she had no choice but to be honest with him. “I can’t stay here. Iain…” She swallowed back her grief, trying to keep her tears in check. “I need to be alone to grieve.”

  Mr. Laith’s mouth flattened, but she couldn’t tell if it was in sympathy or irritation. “It’s safe here.”

  “I can protect myself. If you give me a sword.”

  “This world is different from the one you left. How will you cope?”

  “I simply want some solitude. To heal.”

  “We have some cabins out back. They’re rustic, but solitary. I’ll have one of them cleaned up and prepared for you.”

  It was likely as good as she was going to get for now. “Thank you for your gracious offer,” she told him.

  Serena had always learned quickly. She’d set herself to the task of learning how to navigate these strange times, and then, once she’d learned to drive one of their motorized vehicles, she’d set out in search of a new life—one that would distract her from the pain of losing the man she loved.

  Chapter 24

  Jackie released Drake and Helen from the shield she’d put around them as she sprinted out of what she couldn’t help but think of as a dungeon. She raced up several flights of concrete steps, and ran into Joseph’s hard chest. He grabbed her upper arms and didn’t let go.

  “The security camera caught what you did to Helen and Drake. You can’t go using your power irresponsibly like that.”

  She looked him right in the eye. “Fuck. Off.”

  His expression pinched with anger, but his voice was modulated and even. “You’re suffering. It’s understandable. I’ve already made arrangements for you to fly to Africa to visit Lexi for a few days. She misses you. The distance may help…mute your connection to Iain.”

  “While you kill him.”

  “We’re only doing what we have to do. One day you’ll see that.”

  “Bullshit. And if you think I’m going anywhere, you’re wrong. I’m going to be with Iain through every second of his death. I’m going to soak it all in, memorizing every detail, every ounce of fear, every scrap of suffering. And then, when he’s dead, I’m going to take all of that and find a way to shove it so deep in your brain you’ll never be able to sleep again.”

  His eye twitched and his face darkened with rage. “Do you think I want this? Do you think that if there were any other way of protecting the people who depend on me that I wouldn’t do it?”

  “You could…oh, I don’t know…not kill him. That would be a good start.”

  “You have no idea how much damage he’s capable of doing. He could kill dozens before we were able to stop him. He’s fast, deadly, and without a soul, he must be put down.”

  “Then do it yourself. Don’t send him to strangers like a fucking coward.”

  “I know you don’t understand our customs, but they’re in place for a reason. This is the way it has to be.”

  She used a burst of Iain’s power to jerk from his grasp. “I don’t accept that.”

  “You’d better learn how to find some solace fast, then, because this is happening, even if I have to have one of the Sanguinar drug you out of your mind so you’ll behave until it’s over.”

  He would, too. She could see it in his eyes. There was no mercy there. Regret, but not a hint of compromise.

  Joseph’s phone rang. Jackie pushed past him and started up the next flight of stairs.

  “Where is he?” he asked.

  Jackie paused. Something about the way he said it told her it was bad news. Big, bad news.

  “Tell Ronan to hold off. We’re on the way.”

  More steps echoed in the concrete stairwell.

  “Iain isn’t fighting this,” said Drake. “I don’t think you’re going to have to worry about him hurting anyone so long as we do it fast. I don’t know how he kept himself under control for so long, but it’s a hell of a thing to see.”

  “I wish he’d fight,” said Helen. “It seems so barbaric to kill him when he’s not…rabid.”

  “We’ll deal with Iain later,” said Joseph. “Ronan found a human woman in Synestryn hands. You two go help him free her.”

  “We’re on it,” said Drake.

  “What about Iain?” asked Helen.

  Joseph let out a heavy sigh. “Henry Mason called and said they found proof of demons sniffing around his sister’s house last night. He’s bringing his family here as we speak. Finally. As soon as I see Autumn safely settled within our walls, I’ll take Iain to the Slayers. There’s no kindness in prolonging the inevitable. Especially for Jackie.”

  “She’ll never forgive you for this,” said Helen.

  “I know. She can join the fucking club, because I’m not sure I’m ever going to forgive myself.”

  Their steps grew louder. Jackie didn’t want them to know she’d been listening, but if she moved now, they’d hear her.

  Knowledge of what to do sprang into her head as another flickering light glowed in the vast black landscape at the back of her mind. She funneled Iain’s power into her and shifted the light around her until she was no longer visible.

  She pushed herself flat against the wall and held her breath as the trio passed by her, exiting through the door at the top of the stairwell.

  Elation trilled through her as she realized what she’d done. They couldn’t see her. That meant that the security cameras probably couldn’t, either.

  Now all she had to do was collect a few things, and she could get out of here. First she’d get some supplies, some weapons and protective clothing. And then she’d get Iain.

  There was no way in hell she was going to let his own people murder him. She’d find a way to get him out of here. They’d run and hide, and if anyone came near him with the intent to kill, she’d make sure they regretted it.

  Joseph didn’t know how much longer he could hold himself together. He was supposed to be leading these people, and yet how could he do that when he was beginning to question his own choices?

  Executing Chris had nearly killed Joseph, and there had been nothing left of the man he’d grown up with. All that had remained of Chris was a ravening beast posing as a man. He’d beaten and raped a human, nearly killing her.

  His death had been justified, and yet it still haunted Joseph. How the hell was he going to kill Iain when there was no outward sign that he’d turned? How was he ever going to come back from that kind of pain and guilt?

  Joseph wasn’t fit to lead these people. His term wasn’t yet up, but he needed to leave his office and get out from under the decisions and paperwork and remind himself of the man he was born to be.

  But who else would do his job? No one wanted it.

  Someone had to do it. Too bad the someone doing it now was slowly having the life sucked out of him.

  A tentative knock sounded on his door. He looked up to see Lyka standing in his doorway, all golden and glowing like a ray of sunshine. Seeing her eased the pressure behind his eyes and quieted the pounding in his head.

  She was a Slayer. The only one under his roof. She’d come to live here as part of an agreement with her brother, Andreas. He’d left Lyka here and taken Carmen, the young woman Joseph had claimed as his daughter. The exchange encouraged both parties to be civil and respect the agreement, ensuring neither side rushed back into their war hastily.

  He’d rarely seen Lyka since she’d arrived. Whenever he went to the dining hall and she was there, she seemed to disappear moments late
r. He didn’t know if it was coincidence or if she was avoiding him, but her appearance now was a much-needed distraction.

  “Come in. Have a seat.”

  She hovered by the door, her long, lean body completely encased in clinging black fabric. Even her hands were curled up and tucked inside her sleeves as if she were cold. A soft hood covered her slightly pointed ears and most of her sunny hair. Her canted golden eyes were veiled by thick lashes, her head angled downward, avoiding his gaze.

  Her posture and demeanor now were nothing like the first time he’d met her, angry and hissing at her brother. She’d been all claws and teeth then, but now she seemed quieter, more subdued.

  Lyka said nothing, just stood there as if hovering on the edge of a decision.

  He could have stared at her for a long time, enjoying the curve of her body and the intriguing tilt of her eyes. Her presence was calming to him, allowing the frustration and anger to slide by, leaving less of a mark on him. But sadly, he couldn’t spend the day staring. He had other, less enjoyable things to do. “I’m pretty busy. Is there something you need?”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you. I just…I heard someone say one of your men has turned. I’m truly sorry for your loss.”

  He wanted to shout at her that Iain wasn’t dead yet, but that seemed pointless. His soul had died a long time ago. The rest was a mere formality. “Thank you.”

  She pulled in a deep breath, and he couldn’t help but notice the way it molded her breasts against her shirt.

  Joseph felt a stirring of lust he hadn’t had in a long time. His skin warmed, and his blood began to heat. Even his cock seemed to wake up, swelling inside his jeans.

  Maybe he just needed to get laid to get out of his funk. Not that he’d ever even consider thinking about thinking about sex with Andreas’s sister. He knew exactly how he’d feel if that fucker looked at Carmen as anything more than a precious treasure under his protection—one who was going to keep her pants all the way on.

  Sex with Lyka was not an option, and sex with anyone wasn’t likely to fix his problems, or do anything more than give him a few fleeting moments of pleasure.