by Rye Hart
“That’s great,” she said. “Do you want to try the fives today?”
“Tens,” I said with confidence. Tara looked at me nervously. “I’m ready.”
She nodded and loaded up the bench. I tucked my foot beneath the padded area and lifted. My leg tensed at first but after a few reps, it loosened up. I could feel myself strengthening as I breezed through the session. My leg ached when I was finished, but it was a good ache, the kind that told me I’d just kicked serious ass.
“That was great,” Tara said softly. “How’s your pain?”
Her eyes met mine, and I knew she was thinking about my pills. I felt my stomach tighten with anger as I stared at her. I hoped she would have realized her mistake by now, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen.
“I’m only taking Tylenol,” I said sharply. “I had Dr. McGee cancel the prescription.”
“Oh,” she said. “Why?”
“Because I wasn’t lying, Tara. I haven’t been abusing the damn pills and if going off them completely is what it takes for you to believe me, then that’s what I’ll do.”
She stared at me with wide eyes. I could see the emotions swimming behind them, but she didn’t say a word.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I demanded. “It’s been weeks, and you’re still distant. You’re picking fights about stupid shit. I’m not an idiot. I know there’s something you aren’t telling me.”
Tara stayed silent. Her eyes left my face, but she didn’t say a word. Tears pooled in her eyes, and I watched as the first one slid down her cheek. The sight softened me, but not enough to change my mind. Enough was enough. I wanted answers, and if I didn’t get them, then I was done.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I said softly. “I’ve been trying to be patient with you, but if you won’t let me in, then what’s the point? Why even try to be together if you won’t talk to me?”
More tears fell down Tara’s face as I spoke. I stared at her, silently begging her to talk to me. She didn’t. She just kept staring at me, silently crying until I turned to walk away.
I didn’t want to. Everything inside of me was screaming to turn back around, but I couldn’t. If Tara couldn’t talk to me, then I couldn’t be with her. It was that simple. And that painful.
“I’m sick,” she said from behind me. Her voice was so soft that I barely heard it. I turned back around slowly. She was still staring at me, crying in earnest now.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I’m sick.” She took a step toward me. “I have cancer, and I just found out a little while ago. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”
“Cancer,” I repeated flatly. “Cancer. What kind of cancer?”
“It’s a rare form of brain cancer,” she said quickly. “They caught it because I’ve been getting these terrible headaches for a couple months now. They come on suddenly and knock me on my ass. I wanted to ignore them, but after a while, I knew I couldn’t. I went in to see a neurosurgeon, and he diagnosed me. I’ve been working with a team of oncologists, but they aren’t sure how to begin my treatment. This cancer, it’s rare and aggressive.”
The words flew out of her mouth as if she couldn’t wait to be rid of them. I was in shock. I stared at her, taking in her words, but not able to say anything in response. I knew she’d been keeping something from me but this? This was crazy. This couldn’t possibly be true.
“How can you have cancer?” I stammered. “I mean, you’re young and healthy. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand how.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice weak. “I should have told you when I found out. You and my dad.”
“Darren doesn’t know?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No one does.”
“Tara, how the hell could you keep this a secret?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know.”
She looked so fragile. Her eyes were red with tears, and her cheeks were flushed. Her shoulders were slumped forward, and she was shaking. I didn’t think. I just moved forward, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against my chest.
She sobbed into me, shaking and weeping uncontrollably. I knew this had been killing her. No one should have to face something like this alone, and yet, Tara had. She’d closed herself off from me, her father, and everyone else she loved. It wasn’t fair to any of us but most of all, it wasn’t fair to her.
“I’m right here,” I said. I kissed her hair. “I’m right here, okay? You aren’t going through this alone. I won’t let you.”
She nodded against my chest but just kept crying. I tightened my hold on her, and we stood there, in the middle of the PT building, locked in an endless embrace. I never wanted to let her go. Now that I knew the truth, I didn’t want to spend a single second away from her.
“I need you to promise me something,” she said, gently pulling away from me. She wiped her eyes and sniffed. “Don’t tell my dad or Cathy. Not yet.”
“Tara,” I began, but she shook her head.
“I’ll tell them,” she said. “I swear. Just, not yet. I’m not ready for them to know, okay? Once the doctors have a solid plan for my treatment, then I’ll tell them.”
I couldn’t deny her anything. Not now. I nodded, and she smiled gratefully, falling into my arms again. I felt my eyes burn with tears, but I pushed them away. Now wasn’t the time to break down. Tara needed me.
***
I wanted Tara to spend the night, but she insisted on going home. She was exhausted and just needed time to herself. So I walked into my apartment alone and fell on the couch. My head was spinning. I didn’t know what to do but I didn’t get long to think about it. There was a knock on the front door that drew me back to reality.
I hurried over, thinking it was Tara, but found my mother standing outside.
“Brought you some groceries,” she said, holding up two bags.
“Thanks,” I said. I forced a smile on my face and watched as she unloaded the bags in my kitchen.
While she put away the food, she cleaned off the counters. I wanted to tell her about Tara’s illness. The secret was burning a hole in my gut, but I kept my mouth shut. I promised Tara I wouldn’t say anything and I couldn’t break that promise.
Instead, I sighed and leaned against my kitchen counter, trying to think of something that might distract me. My mom threw away an old loaf of bread and shoved some old mail into my trashcan. While I watched her, a realization hit me.
“Hey,” I said. “You didn’t see my pain pills last time you were here, did you?”
“Pain pills?” she asked, frowning. “No, I didn’t see any prescription bottles.”
“They weren’t in the bottle,” I said. “I put them in my old matchbox container, so I wouldn’t lose them again.”
“Oh! Crap,” Mom said. “Yeah, I thought that was just junk. I tossed it a few days ago. I’m so sorry.”
I just shook my head and smiled. It didn’t matter. Not anymore. I was glad to know where the pills went but with Tara’s illness in mind, nothing else could upset me. I didn’t care about the painkillers anymore. My leg would survive. But, Tara—I wasn’t sure she would.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - TARA
Telling Caleb was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. I didn’t want to but when I watched him walk away from me, I knew I couldn’t lose him. Having cancer was bad enough. Losing Caleb would have been more than I could take.
I still wasn’t sure I believed him about the painkillers. It just didn’t add up. How could someone lose two full bottles of pills in less than two weeks? That sort of thing didn’t just happen, unless the person was using. It wasn’t a stretch. Caleb had been down this road before. As a teenager, he experimented with different drugs. That, along with our relationship, was why Dad and Cathy sent him away.
My stomach was tied in knots all night after I saw Caleb. He wanted me to stay the night but I wasn’t ready. Telling him about my illness was a hu
ge step. My instincts were still screaming at me that Caleb was lying about his medicine. Too much was going through my head for me to stay the night with him.
Instead, I went home and tried to sleep. It wasn’t easy. My night was filled with fitful dreams and uncertainties. I woke up every hour, sweaty and crying. I was terrified that if I didn’t sleep, another headache would arise, but the next morning came without any pain. I stayed in bed for a couple hours, just staring out the window and trying to make sense of my life.
Being sick wasn’t something I ever thought about. I was young, not even twenty-eight yet. It wasn’t right that I would develop some rare form of cancer. Yet, here I was.
Not for the first time, I wished I had patients to take my mind off things. It was my day off, and I knew I didn’t want to spend it in bed. Instead, I got dressed and drove into town. I walked around, sipping an iced coffee and staring into shop windows. The weather was nice, and the stores were full, but nothing was powerful enough to take my mind off things.
I spent the rest of the day hiding out at home, watching movies and avoiding my phone. By the time night fell, I was going crazy. I needed to get out of my apartment and not to walk aimlessly through town.
I jumped in my car and drove to the first place that came to mind: Stephanie’s bar. She was working tonight, but it was the middle of the week, so I knew the place wouldn’t be busy. She would have plenty of time to talk, which was exactly what I needed.
“Hey!” Stephanie said when I walked up to the bar. “What are you doing here?”
“Drinking,” I said and tilted my head. “You pouring?”
“You know it.” She grinned and poured me a shot of whiskey.
She slid it over to me, and I drank it down in one gulp. Her mouth twitched when I silently asked for another. She filled my glass without a word, watching me closely as I sipped it slowly.
“Fuck this week,” I said softly.
“What’s up?” Stephanie asked with a frown.
I sighed and shook my head. I still wasn’t ready to tell her about my diagnosis. My father didn’t know yet, and Stephanie was emotional. She would freak out, and I couldn’t deal with that right now.
Instead, I decided to tell her about Caleb.
“I love him,” I said. “I can’t deny that anymore. I love him so damn much, but he keeps losing his pain pills.”
“Losing them?” Stephanie asked, her eyebrows raised.
“So he says.” I rolled my eyes.
“You don’t believe him?”
“Would you?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Stephanie sighed and leaned against the bar. “I don’t know him like you do.”
“That’s the thing,” I said. “I don’t want to believe he would use, but he does have a past. He did drugs when we were teenagers, remember? That was a huge part of why he went to military school. I thought he put all that shit behind him but maybe not.”
“What did he say about it exactly?” Stephanie asked.
“That he wasn’t abusing his prescription,” I said. “He said he lost the bottles. I pushed him, and he flipped out. He got pissed and tore into me. We didn’t talk for a few days after that, and when I saw him again, he claimed he hadn’t taken anything but Tylenol in three days.”
“It is possible that he lost them,” Stephanie said with a shrug. “It happens.”
“Not often,” I said. I finished my glass of whiskey and shook my head. More than anything, I wanted to believe Caleb. Doubting him only made me feel worse and yet, I couldn’t help it.
“You need to talk to him again,” Stephanie said. “Calmly this time. Don’t accuse him. Don’t fight. Just let him explain what happened.”
“Do you think that will do any good?” I asked, slightly surprised that she was being supportive.
“Well, you’re about to find out,” Stephanie said, looking behind me.
I frowned and spun around on the barstool. Caleb was walking toward me with a determined expression. My stomach flipped at the sight of him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Looking for you,” he said. “I’ve been trying to call you for hours.”
“You have?” I frowned and looked down at my phone. I’d been so distracted by my own issues that I hadn’t bothered to check my phone. Sure enough, I had four missed calls. “Sorry about that. I’ve just been out of it today. What’s up?”
“Well,” he said, glancing nervously at Stephanie. She got the hint and turned around, walking quickly to the other end of the bar. “I was worried about you. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay,” I said. “Really. I feel fine today.”
“Good.” Caleb sighed, clearly relieved. “I also wanted to tell you that I found out what happened to my pills.”
“You did?”
“My mom threw them away,” he said. “She was at my place cleaning, and she didn’t realize what they were, so she tossed them.”
“How did she not know what they were?” I asked suspiciously.
“I put them in my old matchbox container so I wouldn’t lose them again,” he said. “She thought it was junk.”
I stared into his eyes while he spoke and I believed him. It hit me suddenly, but once it did, I couldn’t believe I’d ever doubted him. Of course he was telling the truth. Of course he just lost them. Caleb wasn’t the same messed up kid he used to be. He was a man now. A gorgeous, sexy, intelligent man who I could trust.
“I’m sorry I doubted you,” I said.
“With everything you have going on, it’s understandable.”
He smiled, and I felt all the tension leave my shoulders. My stomach tightened, and my body leaned into his. We kissed, and it sent desire shooting through my body. I moaned against his lips.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said.
I waved goodbye to Stephanie and let Caleb lead me outside.
***
Caleb was gentle with me that night. It was almost like he was afraid to hurt me. He kissed me softly, barely pressing his lips against mine. When he took off my clothes, his fingers were light against my skin. They sent chills down my spine, but I wanted more. I wanted the same rough desperation we’d shared before.
“Stop it,” I said as he slowly kissed my breasts, lightly tracing my nipples with his tongue.
“What?” he asked.
“You don’t have to be careful with me,” I said. “I won’t break.”
“It’s hard to admit, but I’m scared,” he said. He sighed and sat up, his eyes meeting mine.
“You won’t hurt me,” I said. “And right now all I want is to be distracted.”
Caleb kissed my lips, and this time, he kissed me roughly. I tangled my fingers in his hair and held him there, our tongues lashing against each other. My juices flowed between my legs as he rubbed his hips against mine. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him close, shoving my wet pussy against his cock.
He groaned and sat up, rolling me onto my side and lying down behind me. His hands roamed freely over my body while he positioned himself at my entrance. He lifted my top leg and threw it over him. In one motion, he was inside of me.
“God,” I muttered. “I needed this.”
“Me too,” Caleb grunted and thrust his hips harder.
I craned my neck around to kiss him while he gripped my tits in his hand. He squeezed and thrust inside of me, rotating his hips just right to hit the perfect spot. His fingers slid down my stomach to my clit.
“Oh my God,” I breathed as he slowly circled my clit.
“You feel incredible,” he said. His voice was rough, deeper than I’d ever heard it.
I pushed my ass back against him while he took me hard and slow. He wasn’t in a rush. I could tell from the way he moved that he was still afraid to hurt me, but his thrusts were deep and insistent. They sent waves of pleasure washing over my body and soon, I was bordering on the edge of an amazing orgasm.
“I’m so close,” I said. “D
on’t stop.”
“Never.”
Caleb pushed himself harder inside of me, his fingers speeding up over my clit. I moaned and gasped, feeling every inch of him. I reached up to wrap my arm around his neck while he kissed my shoulder.
Our bodies melted together. I came slowly, the orgasm building more and more with each thrust. Caleb groaned when he felt my pussy tighten around him, and he moved even slower, dragging out my pleasure until I couldn’t breathe.
His own release came soon after, leaving him panting and sweaty. We stayed frozen in that position, neither of us ready to move.
When we finally did, Caleb didn’t let me go far. He rolled onto his back and held me against his chest, placing gentle kisses along my hairline.
“We’re going to get through this,” he said softly. “You’re going to get better.”
His confidence was enough to keep me happy through the night, but deep down, I was scared he was wrong.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE - CALEB
My next PT session felt more like a workout than physical therapy. Tara ran me through the usual paces: stretches, walking, and weights. She pushed me harder this time, making me extend my leg further and lift heavier weights. I loved it. For the first time since the fire, I felt like myself again. I felt strong.
“I think you’ll be done soon,” Tara said. “Dr. McGee and I have been talking. We’re in agreement that your progress is amazing.”
“I’m kicking ass,” I said, grinning.
“You’re doing well,” she said firmly.
“Just say it.” I teased. “Just once.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “You’re kicking ass.”
“That’s right!” I cheered. “God, it feels so fucking good to walk without those damn crutches. I can’t even tell you how much I hated them.”
“I know.” Tara laughed. “You never shut up about it.”
I walked over to my usual chair and sat down. As I toweled off my face, Tara stood beside me and looked around the room. Her next patient would be there soon, and I knew she didn’t want anyone to see us together. But as I stared at her body, I couldn’t control myself.
