by Rye Hart
“Come here,” I said, my voice low and husky. I pulled her into my lap and claimed her lips for a kiss. She pulled away quickly, her eyes darting from side to side. “No one’s here. Relax.”
“This is my job,” she said. “I can’t do this here.”
“Shut up,” I said firmly. “Stop thinking so damn much.”
“So you want me to be stupid?” Tara asked, her eyebrows raised.
“You couldn’t be stupid if you tried,” I said, laughing. “I want you to relax. For five minutes.”
She sighed and stared at me. I could see how much she wanted to give in. Her body was wrapped around mine, and she showed no signs of moving. We kissed again, and this time, it was enough to make my dick twitch in my pants. Tara felt me get hard beneath her. She pulled away with a grin.
“That’s my cue.” She stood up and walked away from me.
“Fucking tease,” I said playfully.
She laughed and waved me away. I grabbed my stuff and followed her to her desk. The best part of having Saturday sessions was that Tara was the only PT in the building. The worse part was that she always jammed her schedule. She had back to back sessions all day, leaving us no time to be together.
I hated it but more than anything, I was worried she would push herself too hard. This cancer wasn’t something to take lightly. I saw the effects on her face every day. When a headache caught her by surprise, the pain was evident. She winced and her eyes glazed over. She couldn’t focus on anything. She could barely speak.
Every time I looked at her, I searched her face for a sign that she was in pain. Nothing she said could calm my nerves.
“Have you told your dad?” I asked as she sat down behind her desk.
She jerked her head up. Our eyes met, and she shook her head, quickly looking away again.
“Tara,” I said. “You can’t keep putting this off. He needs to know.”
“Why?” she asked. “The doctors haven’t even planned out my treatment yet. They have an idea. Chemo. Radiation. Possibly surgery. But they don’t know anything. I have to go in for more tests, and then I’ll tell him.”
“You will?” I asked. I knew she was lying.
“I’ll tell him when it’s time,” she said evasively.
“And when will that be?” I demanded.
“Caleb, back off.” Her eyes were narrowed and her voice was sharp.
“No,” I said firmly. “Look, you know I’m not your father’s biggest fan. Truth is, I can’t stand the asshole.”
“Caleb.”
“But,” I said loudly, “he’s your dad, Tara. He loves you, and he deserves to know the truth, okay? You can’t hide from this forever.”
Tara glared at me, but I didn’t back down. I was right, and she knew it. Darren was a doctor, for fuck’s sake. If any parent deserved to know their child had cancer, it was him.
“It’s not that easy,” Tara said. “What do I say? ‘Hey dad, I’m dying. Talk to you later.’ Not exactly something you can put on a Christmas card.”
“You tell him the truth,” I said.
“I know this isn’t fair to you,” Tara said. “You’re the only one who knows and that puts pressure on you.”
“You think that’s what this is about?” I asked, taking a step back.
“Well, yeah.”
“No.” I laughed. “God, Tara, I don’t give a shit about that. I just want to help you, and I think your dad might be able to do that. You need people around you. More people than just me. You need Darren and my mom. You need Stephanie and your other friends. This fight isn’t going to be easy. You’ll need support.”
“Why?” Tara snapped. “So everyone can watch me die?”
Her words cut through my chest like a knife. I took another step back and shook my head slowly. How could she even say that?
“That’s not funny,” I said darkly.
“You’re right,” she said. “It’s not funny, and that’s why I haven’t said anything. All this will do is make everyone sad. I don’t want that.”
“What about what you need?” I asked.
“What I need,” she said, taking a deep breath, “is for you to let this go. Let it go and let me get back to work. I have another patient coming in any minute.”
She turned away from me without another word. I stared at the back of her head, watching her while she bent over her desk and shuffled some papers. Her shoulders were tight, and her entire body was trembling. No matter what she said, she needed people around her. She was scared. She was sick. This wasn’t something she could face alone.
I opened my mouth to argue again but the sound of an opening door distracted me. I turned my head to see my mom walking toward us. She was there to drive me home. She smiled and waved as she moved closer to us. When she saw the look on my face, she slowed down. The smile disappeared, and she looked from Tara to me nervously.
“Everything okay?” Mom asked.
“Hey Cathy,” Tara said. She plastered a fake smile on her face.
“Hi honey,” Mom said. She smiled back, but she looked worried.
“Caleb and I were just finishing up,” Tara said. “He’s good to go.”
“Tara,” I said softly. She shot me a warning look, but I ignored it. “You need to tell someone.”
“Not now,” Tara hissed, staring at me with a mixture of panic and rage.
Mom looked from Tara’s face to mine. She stared at us nervously until she couldn’t take the standoff any longer.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Ask Tara,” I said.
“Why are you doing this?” Tara demanded.
“Because it’s time,” I said firmly. “You can be mad at me, you can even hate me, I don’t care. You still need to tell someone.”
Tara didn’t say a word. She just glared at me while my mom continued to look back and forth between us.
“Tara,” she said softly. “Tara honey, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”
At the sound of her voice, Tara deflated. She turned away from me and locked eyes with my mom. I watched as her resolve weakened. I had her backed into a corner, and she knew it. She didn’t have a choice anymore.
“Cathy,” she said. “A couple weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer.”
“Oh my God,” Mom breathed.
“Let her finish, Mom,” I said.
“I was having headaches,” Tara said. “They were getting worse, so Dad insisted I go see someone. I went in for some tests, and that’s when they found it.”
“Does your father know?” Mom asked.
“No,” Tara said. “I haven’t told him, and I don’t want to. Not yet.”
“What?” Mom blinked. “Why?”
“Cathy, he isn’t even speaking to me right now,” Tara said, her voice weak. “How the hell am I supposed to tell him something like this?”
“I know he’s upset with you,” Mom said. “And I’m sure you aren’t too happy with him, but he loves you. Honey, he loves you more than anything. You have to know that.”
“What if he won’t even listen?” Tara asked. “What if I try to talk to him, and he turns away.”
“He won’t,” Mom said firmly. “He’ll listen. If you make him, he’ll listen.”
Tara sighed and shook her head. She fell into her chair and sat there for a few minutes, not speaking. I looked at my mom who was staring at Tara with fear in her eyes. I didn’t realize how hard the news would be on my mother until I saw her face. She was scared to death.
In a way, I was glad. Now, I wasn’t alone with the news. Tara’s illness was something we could all face together. My mom knew, and once Darren found out, we could get her the help she needed. We could stand by her and support her through all of it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR - TARA
Cathy swore she would talk to my father. She left the PT building that day, tears in her eyes and a determination I’d never seen. She promised she would make my father see sense.
&
nbsp; “Don’t tell him about the cancer,” I said firmly. “Let me do that. Please.”
“I promise,” Cathy said. “I’ll just talk to him. Hopefully, I can make him see how stupid he’s being. You and Caleb aren’t brother and sister. You never were. If you want to be together, he needs to get out of your way.”
“Do you really think that will work?” I asked. “He hates Caleb.”
“He doesn’t,” Cathy said with a weak smile. She turned to her son and touched his cheek. “Darren doesn’t hate him. He never has. He’s just scared. Tara, he lost your mom, and he’s terrified that he’ll lose you too.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to act like this,” I said.
“It doesn’t.” Cathy nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
I thanked her. Caleb kissed me goodbye, lingering on my lips just long enough to make me want more. He smiled sadly and followed his mom out to the car. I watched them go feeling more confused than ever.
If Cathy was right and she could convince my dad to lighten up about Caleb and me, then what? I would have no choice but to tell him about my cancer. Even after telling Cathy, I still didn’t know if I was ready to have that conversation.
The weekend passed in a blur. I suffered through the rest of my sessions on Saturday and spent Sunday with Caleb. We holed up in his apartment, ordering in and watching Netflix until the sun set. It was easy and simple, exactly the kind of day I needed.
My headaches hadn’t yet returned, which felt like a miracle. I let myself believe the doctors were wrong. It didn’t make sense, but while I sat with Caleb on his couch, I pretended my diagnosis was a mistake. I imagined getting a phone call from my doctor, telling me the results were mixed up. I only needed to take migraine pills. It was a daydream I held onto for hours. It kept me happy until Monday morning.
I was sitting at my desk, finishing up some paperwork when the door to the PT building clanged open. I frowned and looked up to see my father walking toward me.
It was early, too early for any PT sessions, so we had the building to ourselves. Dad walked over to me, his face set and his eyes closed off. I could tell he wasn’t ready to talk to me, but Cathy sent him. Immediately, my guard went up.
“Dad,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought we could have breakfast,” Dad said. “Unless you’re too busy.”
“No,” I said, glancing down at my desk. “I was just finishing some paperwork. My first session isn’t until the afternoon.”
“Great,” Dad said, though he didn’t seem happy. “Does the cafeteria sound okay?”
“Sure.” I shrugged and got to my feet.
We walked into the main hospital and rode the elevator to the third floor. The cafeteria was mostly empty, which I thought was a good thing. If I did end up telling him about my cancer, it would be best to not have an audience.
We got our food, and each grabbed a cup of coffee. When we sat down, an awkward silence settled around us. Dad sipped his coffee and avoided my eyes while I took small bites of my blueberry muffin. It was uncomfortable in a way it shouldn’t have been. This man was my father, the only living parent I had left. I shouldn’t be afraid of him. And yet, I was.
“So,” Dad finally said. He set down his coffee and met my eyes. I swallowed my food and stared at him, preparing myself for a lecture. “Your stepmother said you and I should talk.”
I sighed. “She did?”
“Yes,” Dad said. “She seems to think this rift between us is unhealthy.”
“Well, it is,” I said honestly. “I know you don’t approve of Caleb.”
“So you two are together, then?” he asked quickly.
“I thought you knew that?” I asked, frowning.
“I guess I was hoping to be wrong,” Dad said with a sigh. “Last time I spoke to Caleb, he mentioned that you were pulling away from him. I hoped that meant you’d finally seen the error of your ways.”
“Dad,” I began. “Just listen, okay?”
He stared at me as if he wanted to argue but he didn’t. He pressed his lips tightly together and nodded for me to continue.
“I love him,” I said. Dad flinched. I pressed on. “I know you don’t like him and honestly, I understand why. When Cathy and Caleb came into our lives, Caleb wasn’t in the best place. He was a rough kid who had a lot of problems. Trust me, I know that better than anyone. But I loved him then, and I love him now. The only difference is he isn’t that person anymore.”
I paused, expecting my dad to interrupt. He didn’t. He stared at me and waited for me to continue.
“He’s grown up to be an amazing man,” I said. “He’s a hero now. I mean, what he did for that family. Dad, it was incredible. He saved their lives. He’s not the same kid we all used to know. And I know deep down you know that too.”
Dad nodded, but his face stayed set.
“I wish there was a way I could show you that he’s changed,” I said with a sigh. “You watched him go through military school. You were there when he joined the army. Hell, you’ve seen him more in the last ten years than I have. How can you doubt, even for a second, that he’s changed?”
“I don’t doubt that,” Dad said, his voice low. “He has changed. On the outside. But deep down, he’s still the same punk kid he always was.”
“He’s not,” I said firmly. “No matter what you want to believe, he’s not.”
“So, is that what your stepmother wanted us to talk about?” Dad demanded. “You and Caleb?”
“I think she wanted us to work things out,” I said. “She wants us to be okay again.”
“Not while you’re seeing him,” Dad said with disgust.
“Are you serious?”
I stared at him in shock. His face contorted with rage. He was so angry for no reason. He was too stubborn to believe Caleb could ever change, even when the evidence was right in front of him.
“I can’t allow you to throw your life away for that boy,” Dad said. “It’s a mistake, and I won’t sit back and watch you do it.”
“It’s not a mistake,” I said, my own anger flaring up. “God, Dad, do you even hear yourself? This guy is your wife’s son! How can you talk about him like this?”
“Because you are my daughter,” he snapped. “And Caleb constantly pushes you to do things that are inappropriate.”
“What’s inappropriate?” I asked.
“Dating your stepbrother, for one thing,” Dad said. “Dating your patient for another.”
My eyes narrowed. I couldn’t believe what I heard.
“First of all,” I said, “Caleb and I are not brother and sister. My God, we met as teenagers! Ask your wife. She’ll tell you the same damn thing.”
“Maybe so,” Dad said quickly. “But he is still your patient.”
“For another week,” I said. “After that, what excuse will you come up with?”
“These aren’t excuses,” Dad said. “These are valid reasons why you shouldn’t be with him. You haven’t been here to see the endless parade of whores he spends his time with, I have. How can you just overlook that?”
“Because I can,” I said bluntly. “Caleb hasn’t held anything back from me. I know what he’s done the past ten years. But I’ll have you know that since I’ve been back, I’ve been the only one on his mind. The only one he’s spending time with. The only one he loves. Dad, I love Caleb more than I’ve ever loved anyone. He and I are going to be together whether you like it or not.”
My father’s eyes flashed, and for a split second, I thought he might throw something. His fists clenched on top of the table as he glared at me. His lips were pressed so tightly together that I could barely see them. His face was flushed red, and his knuckles were white.
I wanted to say something, anything, that would calm him down. He was overreacting, just like always, but this was different. Caleb wasn’t the only thing we needed to talk about. I had something else to tell him, something much more important.
He didn’t g
ive me a chance. He shoved himself away from the table, making his chair slam to the floor as he moved. Without a word, he marched out of the cafeteria.
I sat alone at that table, staring at the place he’d been. I knew he was heading up to his office where he could be alone and calm down before the day truly began. I thought about following him, but I couldn’t move. My legs felt like lead, cemented to the cafeteria floor.
My head was spinning, and my stomach churned uncomfortably. It was just a conversation, one conversation, and yet, it felt like the end of something. If I couldn’t make my father understand my relationship with Caleb, how could I tell him about my cancer? How could I possibly trust him to understand when he couldn’t even accept my boyfriend?
Cathy had been so sure everything would work out. She left the PT building on Saturday full of confidence. She even made me believe things would be okay. I thought she would be able to make my father see sense.
Now I was ready to give up. My temples were throbbing, and a shooting pain in my stomach told me a headache was coming on. I groaned and quickly jumped to my feet. I threw away the trash from our breakfast and ran through the hospital. I didn’t slow down until I reached the PT building.
Thankfully, it was still empty. I barely made it to the trashcan before I heaved. My breakfast flew into the trash, and my head pounded mercilessly. I groaned and fell to my knees. Caleb was right, I needed my dad. I needed his support, and after our talk, I didn’t think I would ever get it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE - CALEB
Dr. McGee kept us waiting for half an hour. This appointment was my final one before I could be cleared for duty. I was done sitting at home while my buddies were out every day, risking their lives, fighting fires, and saving people. I belonged with them, not on my damn couch. I couldn’t wait to get the all-clear, but after sitting in Dr. McGee’s office for twenty minutes, my patience was wearing thin.
I stood up and paced around the room. Tara was sitting in front of Dr. McGee’s desk. She was slumped in the chair, her shoulders sagging and her eyes red with exhaustion. She had another headache the day before. It knocked her on her ass and left her in bed all day. I hated how much pain she was in, but I was glad today seemed to be easier. Other than being tired, she felt fine. Or so she said. Her facial expression told me something different.
