by J. S. Cooper
“Hanging out or date. It’s whatever you want to call it.”
“You’re so frustrating. Why don’t we just call it a dinner and be done?”
“That’s what I said.”
“I mean if we’re really being honest, let’s call it what it really is. A dinner with the potential for a hookup.”
“What?”
“I mean this all started with a quick text asking if I wanted to come over for pizza and sex.”
“I never asked you if you wanted to come over for sex.” He sighed.
“Oh, okay, so you just wanted me to come over for pizza and a quick hug.”
“A quick hug or a slow hug would have been fine,” he said dryly.
“That’s good to know. So that’s all you’re expecting tomorrow then? A hug?”
“I’m not actually expecting anything.”
“Hmm, interesting.” That I didn’t believe. If he thought I didn’t know he wanted me in his bed, then he must have thought I was stupid.
“I’m not expecting anything, but if you want to offer me something, I’m not going to say no to it.”
“Was that ever in doubt?” I said, rolling my eyes even though I knew he couldn’t see me.
“I wasn’t sure if you were worried that I wouldn’t make a move?”
“Why would I be worried about that?”
“I know how you women are.”
“Excuse me?” My voice was tinged with annoyance.
“What am I excusing you for?”
“Henry James, you’re an asshole.”
“I am?”
“Yes, you are. A very big asshole.”
“Thank you. I love getting compliments.”
“It wasn’t intended to be a compliment.”
“Talk dirty to me, Lacey. Tell me how badly you want me to fuck you.” His voice grew lower, and I gasped in shock.
“What? Are you joking me right now?” I almost screeched.
“Tell me how you want me to take you. Tell me how you want me to devour you. To eat you. To make you—”
“Stop right there, you’re being entirely inappropriate. I cannot believe that you think I would be cool with this.”
“But you called me an asshole, I wanted to live up to your expectations. I’m trying not to disappoint you, Lacey.”
“I have no idea what to say. You’re possibly the most arrogant and ridiculous man I’ve ever met in my life. You really are a big ass—”
“Really?” He chuckled. “Is that your way of saying you want me to offer to lick your asshole?”
“That’s it, Henry. I’m gone.” I hung up the phone and then powered it off so that I wouldn’t be tempted to pick him up if he tried calling me back. I lay on the bed, my heart beating fast as I thought back to the conversation that we’d had. I didn’t understand him. Was he being serious? Was he teasing me? What did he really want from me? Why was I letting him drive me so crazy? I needed to just not talk to him. I needed to cut him out of my life before things got too complicated. The last thing I needed was bad feelings from a guy who I already knew was going to be bad news. That was like asking for trouble. That was like walking into a room full of fire, knowing that the fire was scorching hot and going to burn you before you even walked into the room. Why would anyone knowingly do that to themselves? I’d be a fool to continue on in this vein. I knew that, but I still knew that I would be going on the dinner date with him the next evening.
I just couldn’t help myself.
Chapter Nine
“Looking good, sexy!” Eliza whistled at me as I practiced walking back and forth in my new black heels. My feet were already hurting, but I was determined to wear the heels. I wanted to look sexy. I wanted Henry to look at me and think, Hey, hot stuff! I wanted him to look at me and need to have me. I’m not sure why I thought heels would make him want me more than he already did. And I didn’t want to question any secret ulterior motives that might be in my head. I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that I wanted him to want me for more than sex. I wanted him to crave being with me for other things as well. I wanted him to want to date me. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I wanted him to fall for me. I wanted him to like me as much as I liked him. I knew I was an idiot. He’d already told me in no uncertain terms that that wasn’t going to happen. He’d already told me not to fall for him. I was just the fool who wasn’t listening to him.
“I don’t look like an idiot as I walk?” I asked Eliza as I wobbled back and forth. “Like some sort of duckling?”
“Well, if you look like a duckling, it’s not an ugly one.” She giggled and I made a face at her.
“You’re not helping,” I groaned as I pulled down my short black skirt. “Do I look like a hooker?” I asked her and sighed as I walked over to the mirror to stare at my reflection again. I smiled at my reflection and flicked my hair in the sexy way I’d been practicing for the last hour. I pouted my bright red lips and batted my dark fake eyelashes. “Are you sure this isn’t too much?” I looked over at Eliza and she shook her head.
“You look hot as hell, Lacey. He’s not going to know what hit him. He’s going to be drooling as soon as he sees you.”
“Ooh, drooling isn’t sexy.” I laughed.
“Okay, he’s going to be licking his lips.” She winked at me. “And then he’ll start trying to lick other things.”
“Eliza!” I rolled my eyes at her as I shook my head. “You’re disgusting.”
“Haha, not as disgusting as Henry is.” She bit down on her lip and then slapped her thigh a couple of times. “Oh yeah, Henry, that’s how you do it!”
“Eliza!” I started laughing. “You’re so disgusting.” I couldn’t stop laughing as she continued slapping her thigh and then walked over to me and slapped my ass. “Eliza, stop it!”
“Is that what you say to Henry?” She giggled.
“No. I’ll just spank him back,” I retorted back to her. “I’ll grab him and bend him over and…”
“And then when he says, ‘Keep on going, mama. Spank me harder. I’m a bad boy. A really bad boy,’ what are you going to do?” Eliza cut me off and winked, and I screeched.
“That’s disgusting!” I shook my head at her. “You’re one perverted lady.”
“But Lacey, it feels so good,” she said in a deep gruff voice and then collapsed onto the ground almost in tears from laughing so hard. “Sorry,” she said between giggles. “If you could see your face right now.”
“You’re making me even more nervous than I already was,” I groaned as I looked down at her.
“Don’t be nervous.” Eliza sat up. “He obviously likes you or he wouldn’t have asked you out.”
“Well, that’s because he wants sex.” I sighed. “It’s not like he likes me, likes me.” I sat on the ground next to her and then leaned back on the ground. “Am I making a mistake here? Am I being a dumbass?”
“What do you mean?” Eliza looked over at me, concern in her eyes.
“He told me not to fall in love with him. He told me he doesn’t do relationships. He told me that this is basically for fun.”
“Yeah, you knew that from the beginning.” Eliza nodded.
“But what if a part of me wants more than that?” I looked over at her and watched as her eyes widened in concern.
“Are you falling for him, Lacey?” Her lips thinned, and I shrugged.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head at her. “I don’t think so.”
“Cancel the date,” she said confidently. “You need to not see him anymore. And you need to not accept his proposition.”
“Huh?” I frowned at her, my heart racing at her words. I knew immediately that I didn’t want to cancel the date. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re falling for him.” She sighed, her face a cloud of worry. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.”
“I’m not falling for him.”
“You are.” She sighed again. “I’m an idiot. I know you’re not the so
rt of girl who can do casual sex. I can’t believe I encouraged you to play along with this guy.”
“It’s not your fault, Eliza. You haven’t encouraged me in anything. I’m okay.”
“You’re not okay.” She shook her head. “I’ve been blind because I was so worried about how things were between us, but I can tell that you’re falling for him.”
“I’m not falling for him. There’s nothing for me to fall for. I know the deal. I haven’t even had sex with him yet.”
“Lacey, look at me.” She grabbed my hands and her fingers squeezed mine. “You’re falling for him. You don’t want to put yourself in a position where you can get really hurt. Trust me.”
“I can’t just cancel the date now.” My chest started to feel tight at the thought.
“Yes, you can.” She nodded. “Do it right now. Text him, tell him something came up.”
“What about the book?” I said anxiously. “I need to do this for the book.”
“The book is not worth it if you get your heart broken.” She shook her head.
“I’m not going to get my heart broken,” I said, trying to sound confident, but even I could hear the slight hesitation in my voice. “I want to see him, Eliza. I want to just let go and have some fun. Why can’t I do that?”
“Some of us aren’t capable of casual sex,” she said softly. “Some of us are too emotional. We get real feelings. We care too much. We get attached. Sex is more than just sex to some of us.”
“But it’s not more than just sex to him.”
“And that’s why you can’t continue on with him.” She sighed. “I know you want to and I know it’s fun and it’s hot and he likes you and it makes you feel good, but it’s not worth it, Lacey. It’s not worth it because he is going to end up breaking your heart. And I’ve a feeling that it will be for real this time.”
“Maybe he won’t. I won’t let myself fall in love with him. I’ll play the game. It will be research for my book.”
“Yeah, maybe he won’t break your heart. Maybe you can make it just research, but honestly, I don’t think you should take the chance.” She shook her head. “The risk is not worth it.”
“I know what I’m doing.” I shook my head. “It’ll be fine. I think I can handle it.”
“Do you really?” Her eyes bore into mine. “Are you prepared for the moment that you feel more and want more—and he wants nothing? Are you prepared for that moment when you’re lying naked next to him feeling warm and cozy and he gets a call and he has to go?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I just don’t know.”
“Are you prepared for the fact that he might be sleeping with other women? Are you prepared for finding that out? How would that make you feel?”
“I don’t know.” I swallowed hard as my heart sank.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” Eliza said, her face worried. “This guy could really break your heart.”
“I already know the deal, so maybe it’ll be okay. I already know it’s not going to be a relationship. It’s just sex. I can do this. I won’t get hurt. I won’t!” I said adamantly.
“Lacey, are you trying to convince me or you?”
“I don’t know,” I said slowly. “It’s like a part of me knows that this is all a really bad idea. A part of me knows that I’m just walking into the lion’s den and that inevitably I’m going to get bitten, but I can’t seem to stop myself. And I don’t know why. Maybe a part of me likes flirting with danger. Maybe a part of me thinks I can escape before the lion gets too close.”
“The lion is already too close, Lacey.”
“I know,” I whispered under my breath. And I did know. I did know inside that hanging out with Henry and talking to him and seeing him and kissing him and touching him were all really good—and bad—things. Good in the way that they made me happy and excited. But bad because it was a false feeling of happiness. Being with Henry shouldn’t make me feel as good as it did, and I knew that was a sign that I was feeling things for him that I shouldn’t. If it was just casual, I wouldn’t be so excited. I wouldn’t want to tell him about my day. I wouldn’t want to spend time with him. I wouldn’t look forward to seeing him. I wouldn’t care that he didn’t contact me every day or text me that often. I wouldn’t be wishing that he thought of me often. I knew that I was in an unhealthy position and that whatever weird relationship we found ourselves in wasn’t going to be what I really wanted. I knew that I was putting myself in a position that could really end up hurting me, and I knew that Eliza was right. That I should just cancel the date and move on with my life. I wasn’t sure that I could do casual sex. I wasn’t sure if I could be intimate with someone and not feel deep emotions, but I knew that if there was one man I wanted to try with, it was Henry. I wanted to be with Henry. Any way I could have him.
“You’re still going to go, aren’t you?” Eliza sighed, and I nodded as I looked at her. “It might not be so bad, then.” She looked away and her voice faded. “Maybe it won’t be bad.”
“Yeah, if he sucks in bed and it’s really bad, then there will be no issues.” I tried to grin at her.
“But that’s the problem, Lacey. It’s not going to be bad. It’s going to be good. It’s going to be really good, and you’re going to end up finding yourself in too deep.” She gazed at me, but didn’t say anything else. She was resigned to the fact that I was going to move forward with this situation.
“I will deal with that if it happens.”
“I know. And I’ll be here for you, if it happens.” Eliza gave me a look. “And I promise to not say I told you so.”
“How generous of you.” I made a face at her and she made a face back at me. I could see that she was worried and I also felt worried, but I knew I had to let the worry go. Life was too short. I looked at the alarm clock near my bed and realized that I only had about five minutes before Henry was due to arrive and I still wanted to reapply my lipstick and put on some eyeliner.
“But we can talk about this later!” I squeaked and ran back to the bathroom to finish beautifying myself. “He’s going to be here any minute now.”
“You look gorgeous, Lacey.” Eliza followed behind me and watched as I ran my black liquid liner along the base of my eyes.
“Thanks.” I grinned at her, looking through one eye as I counted to ten, wanting to make sure that the liner dried properly before I opened an eye and ended up looking like a skunk.
“There’s nothing to thank me for. You look gorgeous. I know it, and he will certainly see it as well.”
***
“Be cool, Lacey. Be cool,” I mumbled to myself as I walked to the front door to let Henry in. I stumbled over my heels as I walked and I groaned wondering if I’d made a mistake deciding to wear them. Did I really need to impress him that much? Did I think heels were going to make him fall in love with me? Was this some unconscious decision I’d made due to being slightly crazy? It was highly unlikely and irrational. But I’d never been one to really think things through properly.
“Hey,” I said with a small smile as I opened the front door.
“Hey, you,” Henry responded back, his eyes surveying my body and face as he gazed at me, a light in his eyes that made me warm inside.
“Want to come in?” I asked him and then leaned over and gave him a quick hug.
“You smell good,” he said and I mentally thanked myself for spending the eighty dollars on the perfume at Nordstrom’s that I’d really had no business buying. His compliment made the dent in my bank account worth it. Now I knew that it made me smell like some sort of beautiful sex siren and that it wasn’t just in my own mind.
“Would you like a beer or something before we head out?” I asked him casually, trying to play it cool, even though all I really wanted to do was pull him into my bedroom and close the door.
“You have beer?” He gave me a half-smile. “I’m impressed.”
“We have the beer for all our male callers. We mainly drink win
e here.” I laughed.
“All your male callers, huh?” He raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m going to guess that all these men are your callers, seeing as Eliza is dating Scott.” His eyes narrowed as he spoke.
“Well, you know, gotta keep my options open and all that jazz.” I giggled and yelped as he hit my ass lightly. “Henry!” I gave him a look. “What are you doing?”
“Do you really have to ask that, Lacey?” He winked at me and came closer to me. “What do you think I’m doing? Or would you like me to give you another spanking?”
“You wish.”
“I truly do.” He licked his lips lasciviously. “We don’t even have to go to dinner if you don’t want to.”
“Oh, but I do want to,” I lied.
“Pity.”
“Henry!” I rolled my eyes at him.
“I know that you know my name and I know that you love to roll your eyes at me. Don’t worry, you don’t have to keep reminding me.” He winked.
“Haha, very funny. I’m not worried.” I tilted my head to the side. “But if you want me to be, I can be.”
“There are many things I want you to be, Lacey and if you’re willing to be all of them, then I think we’re going to have a really good time together.” He licked his lips.
“Hmm, now you have me curious.” I gave him a look. “What are these things you want from me? What do you want me to be?”
“I think you can guess some of them.” He licked his lips again. “You know me. I’m just a not-too-serious guy looking for a not-too-serious thing. I think I’m pretty simple and easy to read.”
“Yeah.” I gave him a weak smile, trying to hide my disappointment at his words. What did he mean by that? A not-too-serious guy looking for a not-too-serious thing? That didn’t sound good at all. And why would he say that to me now? Was he trying to remind me that I shouldn’t get attached to him? Was he worried that I was too dressed up? That I’d been too eager to see him? Maybe he thought I was trying to make him jealous when I’d brought up the beers and other guys? Maybe he thought I was going to try and make him fall for me and this was his way of letting me know in no uncertain terms that it was never going to happen. All Henry wanted from me was sex. That’s all he was after. And he wanted to remind me of that fact before I got too full of myself. I felt my mood dropping.
