by J. S. Cooper
“Oh, Henry!” I laughed and I could feel myself blushing, imagining him sliding inside of me.
“I love the way that you say my name,” he said, his eyes gazing into mine in a way that I could only call adoring. My heart fluttered as he stared at me, and I knew that this wasn’t a good position to be in. I knew that the more I read into his glances and touches, the worse off that I was going to be.
“So what’s rule number three?” I asked, wanting to make him stop looking at me in such a deep, heartfelt way. I wanted him to just give me one of his condescending jackass looks and maybe say something that would make me roll my eyes at him. I didn’t want to feel so close to him. I didn’t want to feel like we were getting close and bonding.
“Rule number three means no questions.” His voice turned serious and his expression changed. “We have no expectations of each other. We both know and understand that we’re not dating. This isn’t serious, and as such we shouldn’t become too invested in what the other one is doing.”
“I see.” I frowned. “What do you mean by no questions?” I bit down on my lower lip. “What sort of questions?”
“Personal, invasive questions,” he replied, his eyes boring into mine. “It’s fine to ask how each other’s day or week has gone, but we can’t ask deeply personal questions.”
“Like what?”
“Like if one of us is busy with something else, we shouldn’t demand or expect to know what the other person is doing.”
“You mean like if one of us goes on a real date?” I could feel myself getting cold and my body stiffened.
“I guess that could be an example.” He nodded.
“I see.” I paused and licked my lips nervously. “So, basically I just, or we just need to remember that this is all about the sex. No feelings. No commitments. No expectations.”
“Exactly. I think that makes it easier.” He gave me a small smile. “So do you think you can do this?”
“I think so,” I said slowly, not really believing what I was saying. I’d never been in such a situation before. And I wasn’t sure I was really mentally prepared for such a relationship; if it could even be called a relationship. And would he be sleeping with other women? Could I even ask him that? Would that be against the rules?
“Because if you’re sure, I think this could be a really amazing experience,” he continued as I stared at him thoughtfully.
“Really?” My voice was unsure. I worried that I was wading into something I had no business getting into. The whole situation seemed to be murkier than I’d expected, and I wasn’t sure I was being smart to even entertain it.
“Yes, really. I think it could be an absolutely amazing experience.” We just stared at each other for a few seconds in silence, our eyes doing the talking. “So what do you say, Lacey?” His hand ran down the side of my arm lightly and my body shivered at his touch.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I have to think about it.” I ran my hands through my hair and just glanced at him. My body wanted him so badly, but my heart was already aching. I knew that I should walk away. A small part of me knew that I was already too invested, but the other part of me, the evil part, the part that didn’t care about potential hurt, was goading me on, telling me to do it.
“How long will it take you to think about it?” he growled, looking slightly frustrated.
“I don’t know. Why?”
“I just want you so badly.” He stepped closer to me and kissed my cheek. “So very badly,” he said as his lips lightly grazed mine.
“Oh, Henry!” I laughed and shook my head.
“You are so sexy.” His fingers ran down my neck, igniting more sparks in my stomach.
“Stop it!” I giggled. “I bet you say that to all of the girls.”
“Trust me, I don’t.” He shook his head. “You’re very special, Lacey.”
Just not special enough was all I could think about in my head. If I were really special, he’d want to woo me. He’d want to take me on dates. He’d want me to be his girlfriend. He’d want to fall in love with me. He’d want me to fall in love with him. But he didn’t want any of that. All he wanted was to sleep with me. All he wanted was sex. And really there was nothing special about that. That didn’t make me unique. That didn’t make us soul mates or anything romantic. It was all about a base desire and attraction. He wanted my body. And that was it. I took a step back from him, knowing I needed to clear my head. I needed to be by myself. I needed to think about what was smart for me in this situation. I couldn’t make a decision being this close to him. He was teasing me, tantalizing me, making me want to forget everything other than being with him.
“I need to think about it,” I said with a small smile as I took another breath. “I should go now, though.”
“Okay.” He nodded, his face disappointed. “I understand.” He looked away from me and I could see that he was upset.
“Thanks,” I said and took a step closer to his bedroom door, even though I really wanted to stay. I glanced over at his bed and my entire body trembled. What would it feel like to be with him, in his bed right now? I stood there knowing that I just wanted him to pull me into his arms and beg me to let him have his wicked way with me. I wanted him to make me his, once and for all. I wanted him to become a super aggressive alpha male and make it so I didn’t even want to say no, which I already didn’t. I wanted him to just take me. My entire body wanted to just submit to him. So badly.
“So, I’ll call you an Uber,” he said finally, his eyes meeting mine. “And then you can let me know what you decide.”
“Okay.” I nodded, slightly disappointed.
Chapter Eight
What you doing? I glanced down at the text from Henry and smiled.
Nothing. You?
Thinking of you.
Aw. Isn’t that sweet!
My heart fluttered at his words. Maybe he did care after all. I almost laughed at my thoughts. I was in such denial. It had only been a couple of days since he’d told me not to fall for him, yet here I was already wishing he was falling for me. I was out of my mind and I knew that these were signs that I should be paying attention to before I accepted his deal.
Not sweet. Just true. Wish you were here in my bed right now.
I see. I wished I were in his bed as well. But I couldn’t say yes until I was sure I wasn’t totally screwing myself over. And I just wasn’t sure.
I wish I was inside of you right now. My stomach flipped when I read that and I shifted in my bed. How was it possible for him to turn me on so much? Even over text message?
Uh huh. I’m sure you do.
I do. I want to slide into you, deep and hard.
Henry! I’m speechless. I giggled as I hit send. My panties were starting to grow wet, and I closed my eyes for a few seconds before I heard the beep of the phone indicating he’d sent another text message.
Told you I wasn’t sweet. As if I didn’t already know that.
I guess you got me.
Do I have you?
What do you mean? My heart froze.
Do I have you?
Do you want me? I knew that I wasn’t talking about sex and I sighed as I waited for his response.
Do you want me?
I’m too tired for this, Henry. What do you want? I didn’t understand why he was saying and asking me these things. It wasn’t as if he really wanted me to want him. I knew I was frustrated because I wanted him to want me as something special. But all he cared about was the sexual want. He’d made it perfectly clear that he didn’t do commitments. That he was never going to get married, and that if he did, it wasn’t going to be to a girl like me. I wasn’t what he saw in his future. I didn’t have the qualities of his dream girl.
Not that he’d said those words, exactly, but it was obvious. I was just a girl. The girl of the moment. I tried not to think about it. It hurt me too much. It stung. Like hell. Really stung. If I thought about it too hard, I’d cry. And then I’d be depressed.
And then I’d realize that I was making a big mistake even considering his proposition. Maybe being with him, accepting the agreement, wasn’t in my best interests. He wasn’t in my best interests. He wasn’t the guy for me. He wasn’t a guy I could rely on. He wasn’t a guy that I could fall in love with who would love me back. He wasn’t a guy who was going to give me the happily ever after that I craved. He wasn’t going to give me the happy, perfect family that I always saw myself having, and I wasn’t sure why I even had that as a possibility in my mind. I wasn’t sure why I allowed myself to hope that things would be different. They would never be different. He’d told me several times not to fall in love with him. And that wasn’t going to change. No matter what I wished. I kept looking at things he was saying and wishing that the meanings behind his words were different, but they weren’t. When he asked me if I wanted him, I wanted him to be asking me if I wanted him for forever. I wanted him to be telling me that he wanted me for forever, but I knew that that wasn’t what he was saying. I knew in my heart that I should back away. Now. I hadn’t even slept with him, and I was already hoping for a different outcome.
I told you what I want. You know what I want.
Me in your bed? I sighed as I typed it. Why couldn’t he be more romantic? Why couldn’t he want me for more than that? Why was I even considering his proposition? Did I really want to sleep with him that badly?
Doesn’t have to be in the bed.
Ha, okay. I rubbed my eyes, suddenly feeling tired. Why was I engaging with him? What was my problem?
Could be on the bathroom counter, the shower stall, the kitchen table, you name it.
Good night, Henry.
Lacey, wait.
Yes?
Don’t go to sleep.
Why not? I knew I should just turn my phone off and go to sleep, but I couldn’t stop myself.
I want to talk to you.
It seems like all you really want to do is sext.
Is this sexting?
It seems like you’re trying.
Do you want to try?
No, I don’t want to sext with you, Henry.
Aww, that makes me sad.
Uh huh.
Don’t you like me?
I’m tired, Henry. I don’t have time for this.
You don’t have time for me? Why are you so tired?
Because I’ve been writing all day.
Can I see you tomorrow?
I don’t have an answer yet, Henry.
That’s fine. I just want to see you.
What do you want to do? My toes curled up in hope—please ask me out for a proper date. Please ask me out for a proper date.
Maybe you can come over after work? I could order a pizza.
Netflix and chill, huh? I just told you that I haven’t made up my mind yet about if I want to go forward with your proposition. I rolled my eyes as I lay back in the bed. Why had I thought that his suggestion for tomorrow was going to be anything different from what he normally asked me to do? Why was I still hoping that he would change his mind and offer me something more than he already had?
If that’s what you want to call it.
I’m busy, Henry.
What if I take you out to dinner?
Where would you take me?
Where would you want to go?
Somewhere nice. I figured I might as well put my expectations out there and on the line. If I wanted him to take me somewhere nice, he had to know that pizza, no matter how fancy and delicious, at his place was not good enough.
What about French food?
French food is good. I smiled to myself. Maybe this wasn’t so hard after all?
Okay, I know a cute little place I can take you to.
Awesome.
So you’re free to hang out tomorrow now?
Yes, I guess I am.
Good. Can I call you?
Call me for what?
I want to hear your voice.
I’m not going to have phone sex with you, Henry.
That’s not why I wanted to call you.
Why did you want to call me?
I already told you. I want to hear your voice.
Henry.
Lacey.
Henry.
Yes, Lacey. That is the name I was born with.
You’re a goof.
You can tell me this over the phone.
I am telling you this over the phone.
You can tell me this while we chat with each other.
Henry, we can chat with each other tomorrow.
Can’t you just give me five minutes?
Do you really just want five minutes?
Yes! I just want to hear your beautiful voice.
You’re such a smooth talker.
I guess I am.
Fine. You can call me. However, just for five minutes. I’m tired. I already told you that.
Fine, if five minutes is all that I have, then five minutes will be all that I need. I just want to appreciate that I can hear your voice, delight in it, for as long as you’ll let me.
Keep this up and you’ll have no minutes to hear my average voice. I rolled my eyes again, but I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. Maybe he did like me a little bit after all. I knew that those were dangerous thoughts to have. I knew that I shouldn’t have any hope. That Henry was never going to be my Prince Charming, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that perhaps a miracle could happen.
Ring ring! My phone started vibrating and I let it ring a couple of times before answering.
“Hello?” I said, my voice curious as if I didn’t know exactly who was calling. I felt like a bit of an idiot pretending that I wasn’t sure who was on the phone, but this wasn’t the first time that I’d felt like an idiot in his presence.
“What were you doing? You took long enough to answer the phone.” Henry sounded amused, and I smiled as I lay back. His voice was warm and sexy and I enjoyed the sound of it in my ears.
“I answered the phone as soon as you rang,” I lied smoothly.
“Liar,” he said, his voice dropping and sounding even sexier to my ears.
“Would I ever lie?” I said with a small giggle, happy to hear his voice. I loved the deep, warm baritone of his voice, and talking to him always made me feel warm inside, and that was really part of the problem. That was why I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to fall for him any more than I already had. Having hope was okay, and not completely devastating, only if I didn’t fall in love with him. However, if I fell in love with him, then having hope would break me. Absolutely break me. I had to ensure that I was protecting my heart when I was with him. I knew I was falling for him. Knew I was playing with fire, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that he was never going to be able to fulfill all my needs. He was never going to be the man that I wanted. He was never going to provide me with that fairy-tale ending. He was never going to love me and adore me and sweep me off of my feet, and that was all I really craved and wanted. I didn’t know if I was being a fool by entertaining him for this long.
Actually that was a lie. I knew that I was being a fool. A really big fool.
“I don’t know, Lacey. Would you ever lie?” He cleared his throat. “I sure hope not. I sure hope that everything you say to me is the truth.”
“I feel the same way,” I said, not really knowing why. Everything he said to me was almost too honest. A part of me wanted him to lie to me. A part of me wanted him to tell me that he was falling for me. That he was starting to feel things for me. Even if it wasn’t true. I knew that was unhealthy. I knew that I was lucky that he wasn’t lying to get into my pants, but it didn’t make me feel better.
“I would never lie to you, Lacey.”
“Really?”
“Really.” His tone changed. “I don’t believe in lies. I don’t see the point. We’re both adults, we should be on the same page.”
“I’m on the same page as you. I don’t believe in lies either.” My voice lowe
red. Though that wasn’t completely true. I didn’t want to know the truth in all things. I didn’t want to know bad things. I didn’t want to know things that might break me. I didn’t want to know things that might make me feel badly about myself. I didn’t want to hear about his exes. Or if he’d been in love before. In fact, if he’d been in love before, I didn’t want to know about it, period. I would rather think that he was incapable of loving someone, rather than knowing that he just couldn’t love me.
“Well, that’s good. Are you excited for our date tomorrow?”
“Are we calling it a date?” I asked in surprise. His rules had explicitly stated that none of our meetings were to be considered dates.
“Well, I’m taking you out to dinner at a nice French restaurant, what else would you call it?” he said dryly.
“I mean, I would call it a date, but your proposition rules explicitly stated that any meetings we have are not meant to be considered dates. Remember, that’s what you said to me. None of this is dating or anything real.”
“But you haven’t accepted my proposition yet, so this doesn’t really count.”
“Hmm, okay,” I said softly. “You’re the one that told me the rules. Now you’re the one texting and calling me. You’re the one wanting to take me out to dinner. This goes against what you said.”
“Let’s just agree to disagree. A dinner is just a dinner. You shouldn’t read anything more into it.” His tone was terse.
“I’m not reading anything into it,” I snapped.
“It seems to me that you are.”
“You really are an asshole, Henry.”
“Let’s not argue.”
“I’m not trying to argue with you.” I sighed. How quickly the conversation had gone sour. A part of me was screaming to hang up the phone now and delete his number and never look back.
“Well, you know I don’t want to waste the five minutes we have talking about the agreement or arguing about whether or not our date tomorrow is a date.”
“Fine, it’s a date.” I stuck my tongue out at the phone, wishing he could see the annoyance in my eyes. “Or rather a non-date, because two people in our situation aren’t really going on a date. We’re just hanging out, right?”
