Vicious Circles

by JL Paul

  “I did,” Collin confirmed, squashing all the wonderfully tingling feelings that I’d been experiencing. “She didn’t want to come.”

  A worry line creased his forehead and I wondered briefly what that was all about.

  “Is she sick or something?” I asked.

  “Nah,” he said, flashing me a feeble smile. “She just didn’t want to come.”

  I really didn’t want to spare Tori another thought but I couldn’t help it. She irritated the hell out of me for being too damn stupid to not see how devoted Collin was to her.

  Deciding he needed to think about someone else, I brought up Morgan’s name.

  “Where is Morgan?” I asked Irelyn. “Why isn’t she here?”

  “Her cousin’s wedding was today, remember?” Irelyn reminded me.

  “Oh, yeah,” I said as I peeled the label off my beer bottle. “I think I remember seeing that written on the calendar she has posted on our refrigerator.”

  I peeked at Collin out of the corner of my eye but his face was unreadable. I sighed as I finished off my beer. Suddenly, I wasn’t in the party mood and really wanted to just crawl in my rented bed and sleep. But I didn’t – I accepted a fresh beer from Spencer and cracked it open.

  My body refused to relax – even with the alcohol. It was far too aware of Collin sitting just a couple feet away from me. It yearned to move closer – to touch him – but I concentrated on the various colors woven into the carpet to keep from jumping over the table. I had to behave now and especially later when he came to my room.

  I followed the conversation but didn’t contribute much. I patiently waited until the appropriate amount of time passed when I could excuse myself and go to my room. I was eager to have a conversation with Collin but dreading it at the same time. I wasn’t entirely sure that my heart would remain whole.

  Spencer was the one who finally broke up the party. Standing to stretch, he claimed he was tired and going to turn in early. He waved distractedly as he hurried out of the room.

  “Okay, is it just me or is Spencer acting a little weird?” I asked.

  Collin shook his head. “He’s been a little off for the last few days.”

  “Damn,” I mumbled as I stared anxiously at the door. “Is it because of me?”

  “I don’t think so,” Lucas said slowly. “I mean, I know he really liked you and all but I think something else is going on. He’s not talking, though.”

  “Like someone else I know,” Irelyn muttered.

  Rolling my eyes, I got to my feet. “Whatever, Irelyn.” She grinned. “I’m heading off to bed, too. See you all in the morning.”

  I escaped before Irelyn could protest and walked the short distance to my room. Once I let myself in, I set my beer down, and paced, wondering how long Collin would wait until he made his excuses.

  For something to do, I went into the bathroom and released my hair from the braid, shaking it out so it could hang down my back. I was reaching for my brush when I heard the light knock on the door.

  My heart fluttered and flipped as my jelly legs led me to the door. I peeked through the peephole and my nervousness increased. I opened the door to let him before someone could spot him lingering near my room.

  “Thanks,” he said as he brushed past me. I closed my eyes as a whiff of his cologne floated in front of my face. I dashed to the bed and sank to it as he pulled out a chair. “So, let’s talk.”

  “All right,” I said with a shrug, deciding that I would be honest with him. Mostly. “Okay, so I did leave to sort of get away from you and this whole mess. But I told you I was going to do that, remember?”

  “That’s what I thought,” he said as a smirk toyed in the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry you felt you had to leave, though.”

  I held up a hand. “I only did it to give you a little space, Collin,” I whispered. “I knew you were feeling bad about what happened.”

  “Bailey,” he said and my heart thrilled to hear my name roll off his tongue. “Yeah, I felt bad, but it had nothing to do with you. And you shouldn’t have had to run off somewhere because of it.”

  Nodding, I stood and fetched the beer I’d set on the dresser. I took a long drink before turning back to face him. “It’s not a big deal. It was nice to hang out at home for awhile.”

  His eyes roamed over my entire body and spread heat throughout my stomach. “It agreed with you. You look gorgeous.”

  I fought a blush and gave him a wry smile instead. “Thanks.”

  He crossed the room, stopping in front of me. Taking my free hand, he squeezed it. “And I swear, I didn’t mean what I said in the men’s room that day. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you were … you know…how do I say this… damn!” He ran a hand through his hair.

  “Collin, don’t worry about it – I know. I was very hung over and oversensitive.”

  “Don’t make excuses for me, Bailey,” he said as he squeezed my hand again. “I was acting like an insensitive prick.”

  I had to smile. “Maybe.”

  Laughing, he pulled me into his arms. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent as I rested my cheek against his chest. I didn’t want the talk to end – I wanted him to stay in the room all night.

  And my body was reacting indecently to his innocent hug. My blood was boiling and my pulse was racing through my veins. As I wrapped an arm around his middle, I could feel the muscles in his back and my insides caught fire.

  Then his lips were in my hair. I forced my head to stay put and not turn up so his lips could land on mine. His hands rubbed my back lightly, coaxing a contented sigh to escape my mouth. Reluctantly, I pulled away to smile up at him.

  “Thanks, Collin.”

  I thought I spotted a flicker of desire shoot through his eyes but I couldn’t be sure. I probably imagined it.

  He lifted a hand to stroke my cheek and my eyes fluttered shut. I stepped closer, clutching his shirt. His finger trailed my jawline making goosebumps jump out on my arms. He lowered his head and kissed me softly – so softly I barely felt it. My heart surged as he cupped my cheek and his kiss increased.

  I was vaguely aware that I still held a bottle of beer and wanted desperately to put it down so I could free my hand, but I was afraid that if I stepped away, the kiss would end and I wouldn’t get another one.

  He applied more pressure and my knees buckled. The arm around my waist tightened to support me, easing me closer to his body while his other hand tangled in my hair.

  Feelings like I’d never known raced up and down my nervous system, wreaking havoc with my organs. Everything I thought I knew about guys and how to handle them flew out the window and that was fine. I allowed my body to shut down so I could concentrate only on his kiss.

  I wanted him – true – but more than that, I loved him. I loved how I fit in his arms. I loved how when I stood on my toes and he bent his head, we met perfectly. I loved how his fingers twisted and twined in my hair. And I loved how his hand was gentle yet firm on the small of my back. Nothing about his kiss made me feel like he was anxious to just get me in bed. Instead, it made me feel … cherished, in a way.

  Finally, he ended the kiss, his lips lingering briefly on mine. I opened my eyes and he smiled sheepishly at me.

  “Sorry,” he said, his cheeks a little red. He inched back and rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t intend to do that when I suggested we talk.”

  I shook my head. “It’s okay.” I took a long drink from the bottle before handing it to him. His smile widened as he finished it off and tossed it in the trash can.

  “I should go,” he said. He strode to the door and rested his hand on the knob. “Um, are we cool?”

  “Yep,” I said as cheerfully as I could. “Everything’s fine.”

  “You’re not going to hide anymore, are you?”

  Snorting, I punched his arm playfully. “Nah. You guys are stuck with me again.”

  “Good,” he grinned. “I missed you.”

  My heart cheered and I
swallowed to settle it down. “Sweet talker,” I teased with a wink. “Get the hell out of here – I need to get to bed.”

  He nodded, his brows dipped slightly. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

  “Okay.”

  As soon as he left, I fell to the bed and draped an arm over my eyes. I was an idiot to think I might have a chance with him – even if one of my best friends wasn’t in love with him. It was obvious he was attracted to me – but that was where it ended. He could never love me – I wasn’t the type of girl guys fell in love with. And that was fine – I’d deal.

  Chapter 6

  I decided that Steffi's idea was brilliant and that a part-time job might be good for me. And the notice on the pool house bulletin board was just the thing. The condo association needed a part-time lifeguard at the pool Tuesday through Thursday mornings.

  I could do that – I'd received my lifeguard certification in high school. Plus the job wouldn’t interfere with my weekends.

  The head of the condo association hired me on the spot which sort of amused me. He was a fifty-something man with a wolfish demeanor and the way he leered at me indicated me that if I wanted a pay raise, I could get it with little effort.

  Good thing Daddy was rich.

  I wish I could say things settled down and returned to normal but that wasn't the case. Morgan was jittery, constantly watching me out of the corner of her eye. Spencer was preoccupied and quiet. And Collin was concerned and a little overbearing. Oh, not with me. No, not at all.

  Tori started showing up at Rusty’s on Friday nights which was like a massive kick in my gut. And she always tagged along with whatever we’d decide to do after the guys finished their set. The funny thing was that she didn’t hang all over Collin and he didn’t treat her as a girlfriend, per se. I wasn’t sure if they were a couple or not. Not even Irelyn or Lucas knew, either.

  As much as my heart crumpled and fell into a pile of litter at my feet, I felt ten times worse for Morgan whose face was a constant mask of anxiety and hurt. I would have loved to tear into Collin for what he was doing to Morgan, but the poor guy had no clue. Maybe if Morgan would speak up she’d have a chance. But then, Collin was so into Tori that I don’t think he would hear a word.

  Yeah, life was pretty crappy all around.

  As the Fourth of July approached, the Newton boys decided that they would throw the First Annual Newton Brothers Barbecue. Irelyn was not thrilled since it was up to her to call everyone and write down what dish they would like to bring to share with everyone. Being the good friend that I am, I told her I would just bring all the food if the guys would provide the booze. Irelyn agreed and hung up before I could change my mind.

  The party was going to be at Collin’s place since there was a nice-sized yard behind the house – with a privacy fence. He also agreed to cook the meat on the grill.

  Being the daughter of a chain-store owner, I was privy to all sorts of deals. Daddy’s department stores had wonderful grocery sections in them. I just called my daddy, told him of the party and he made a list of all the things I needed. The day of the party I stopped at the nearest store and the manager had everything ready to load in my car.

  I arrived a little early but I didn’t want to wait until two o’clock – I had a car full of food that I didn't want to spoil. I wandered around to the back yard, looking for someone to help me with the all the bags. I paused near the gate and gaped. Collin was standing before a huge grill – his back to me – hefting a huge bag of charcoal. He was wearing cargo shorts and no shirt. My mind rewound to that night and a shiver hurtled up my spine. I was totally mesmerized and it took all I had to shake out of my stupor before he caught me ogling him.

  “Dinner and a show? Wow, I am impressed,” I said, my voice strangely strained.

  He nearly dropped the bag as he swirled to the sound of my voice. His face relaxed in a slow, heartbreaking smile and I leaned against the gate to support my wobbly legs.

  “Hey, Bailey. You’re early.”

  “I have all the food – would you rather I be late?” I asked with a smirk.

  “Not in the least,” he said as he set the bag on the ground and brushed the dust off his hands. “Need help?”

  I pointedly eyed his arms. “You’re the one with the muscles.”

  He snorted, his cheeks a little pink, and playfully pushed me out of the yard toward my car. My heart was clamoring in my chest as I stumbled, feeling like a total idiot. I opened the trunk and started loading his arms full of bags.

  “Geez, Bailey,” he said as I followed him into the house. “There’s not going to be that many people here.”

  “Daddy owns a chain of stores, remember? I don’t pay full price for anything.”

  He set the bags on the table, shook his head in amusement, then went out for the rest. I pulled food out of the bags and began sorting it as Collin brought in the last of it. He peered over my shoulder and his nearness caused another shiver. Towering over me, he reached around to pick up a package of meat. I closed my eyes to still the spin in my head.

  “Steaks? Bailey, this is unnecessary,” he said, his breath tousling my hair.

  “I told you – this stuff came from Daddy’s store. Don’t worry about it,” I said, trying to steady my voice, my breathing, and my heart.

  “Thanks,” he whispered as he dropped the steak and wrapped his arm around my waist. He gave me a little squeeze and pecked the top of my head. I leaned into him, shutting my eyes, welcoming the contact. My body came to life as every nerve was on edge.

  “Collin!” Tori shouted from the backyard.

  He moved away from me quickly and strode to the back door. “In here.”

  I slipped a cool mask over my face and finished sorting the food while Collin shot me anxious glances as he held the door open for Tori.

  Tori was pretty – taller than me with sandy blonde hair that curled on top of her shoulders into a stylish bob. She had hazel eyes and a sweet smile - and she irritated me immensely.

  “Hi, Bailey,” she greeted, her smile growing. She carried a ceramic bowl to the table and cleared a spot. “I made a fruit salad.”

  “Lovely,” I said with a fake grin. “Collin, do you have any bowls that I can throw this stuff in?”

  Tori’s smile faltered slightly as Collin gathered a few bowls from the cupboard. He set them in front of me, looking curiously into my eyes. Raising a brow, I motioned for him to get out of my way. His brow furrowed as he moved to stand near Tori.

  I worked quietly, transferring the potato salad from the store containers to the bowls and then proceeded to do the same with the macaroni salad.

  “Do you need help?” Tori asked in a small, uncertain voice.

  “Sure,” I said, not looking at her. “You could find some spoons, I guess.”

  “Um, I’m going to get the grill going,” Collin said as he slinked out the door.

  My heart was torn – mad because Tori interrupted and hurt because he'd let her. Then the guilt emerged when I remembered Morgan.

  “I hope Lucas hurries with the alcohol,” I mumbled.

  “Collin probably has a beer in the refrigerator,” Tori offered.

  “You know, that sounds good,” I said. I smiled at her and she returned it, her eyes lighting up with hope. I brushed past her to get to the refrigerator where I dug out a beer. I took a long swig and studied the bottle. I’d been drinking quite a bit lately - that was not good.

  The others arrived after Tori and I got the food sorted and stored in the refrigerator. Collin helped Lucas and Spencer set up coolers full of ice and filled them with all sorts of drinks – alcoholic and nonalcoholic. Irelyn and Morgan helped me with plates and silverware while the guys laughed around the grill.

  A preoccupied Morgan seemed miles away. I hoped she’d loosen up as the party wore on but it wasn’t looking promising -especially with Tori around.

  Collin stomped back into the kitchen to grab the steaks out of the refrigerator. Opening t
he packages, he shot at glare at each of us girls.

  “What?” Irelyn asked.

  “You girls need to get out of here. I have to marinade these steaks and you’re not going to see my secret recipe,” he said, a smirk toying around the corners of his mouth.

  I snorted. “Not a chance.”

  He lifted a brow. “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t trust you,” I said. “Who knows what your ‘secret recipe’ is.”

  He leaned against the counter, folding his arms over his chest, a challenge glinting in his eyes. “You don’t trust me? Do you think I’d poison you or something?”

  “Not exactly,” I teased. “But I do want to know what this ‘secret recipe’ is.”

  Barking a laugh, he pushed away from the counter. He bent in my face and my breath quickened. “Never gonna happen, darling.”

  “I bet I could get it out of you,” I said, not backing down.

  “Never,” he said, his eyes brightening with the banter.

  “Come on, Bailey,” Irelyn urged, taking my arm. “Let’s go outside and let him work.”

  With a shrug, I grabbed Morgan’s hand. “Fine,” I grumbled but I glanced at Collin over my shoulder and winked. His grin morphed into a sexy smile that got my heart all worked up again.

  As soon as we stepped onto the porch, Tori nearly knocked us out of the way as she hurried past us toward the kitchen. Reaching out, I snagged her arm to stop her. Her face was pale and drawn and her lips a tight, frightened line. My heart jumped for a moment, remembering the night Irelyn fell down the stairs and I wondered if something bad had happened again.

  “Um, Tori, are you all right?” I asked.

  “Yeah, sure,” she said, her eyes darting from my face to the back door. “I just need to see Collin about something.”

  Figures. Maybe she'd just realized she was in love with him. Maybe she'd had an epiphany like I’d had. Maybe she wanted to declare her feelings. Maybe I wanted to puke.

  “He doesn’t want anyone in there right now,” Irelyn said rolling her eyes. “He’s working on his secret marinade.”