Break Me Down

by Tasha Gwartney

  “My original plan was just to have our dessert here; that’s what is in the basket,” Brice told her as he pulled out the chair for her. “But things have changed, so I guess we should just enjoy the rest of our night.”

  “It’s perfect, Brice. I couldn’t think of a better way to end the night,” she told him.

  “Shay, I’m sorry about Marissa. I just want you to know that no matter what she said, or whatever she tries to do, I want to be with you. There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted more than I’ve wanted to just spend time with you.”

  “Shh,” Shay said, placing her hand on his. “It’s not important. She’s not important to me. I care about you, Brice, and nothing she says or does will change that. You’re the first person I’ve trusted in such a long time and I’m not going to let her ruin that.”

  “That’s good to hear. Come here,” he said, as he stood and reached a hand for her that she took. “Dance with me.”

  “There’s no music,” she said.

  “There doesn’t have to be; it’s just you and me, baby doll.”

  “Okay,” she said, and they began to slow dance the night away.

  Everything was changing right before Shay’s eyes and she couldn’t contain all of her excitement. It was possible that for the first time, she was even falling in love.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Brice sat on the blanket he laid out for him and Shay as he held her in his arms. They were still on their date, and despite everything with her dad and Marissa, it was still perfect. He couldn’t have been happier than he was in that moment. There were no words to describe the happiness that consumed him. He couldn’t explain just how much he loved being with her.

  It was completely different than it was with all the girls he had ++ffdated; this was real. Brice felt a connection to Shay. It was something he couldn’t walk away from. Between all the issues he had with his dad, and all the trouble he got in during school, his life was a mess. Shay changed that for him.

  His dad had abandoned him years ago, and not a day went by that he didn’t hate him for that. His dad had everything to do with the rebel he became. Acting out was his coping mechanism and it worked up until he found Shay. Now, he didn’t feel the need to get in trouble because the only trouble he wanted to get in was with her.

  “What are you thinking about?” Shay asked, breaking the silence that sat between them.

  “You,” Brice said in an amused tone.

  “What about me?” she asked lifting her face to look at him.

  “I was just thinking that my life was dull until I met you,” he admitted.

  “I know the feeling,” she said, her mood darkening. Brice knew she was hiding something somewhere deep inside. His only wish was that she would trust him enough to share it with him. He wanted that. He wanted her to share her hopes, dreams, joys, sorrows. He wanted it all.

  “You know, until I met you, I got myself into a lot of trouble,” Brice told her.

  “Trouble?” Shay asked.

  “Nothing you need to worry about. After my dad left I acted out a lot,” Brice said to her, finally opening up to her about his father.

  “Can I ask you a question without you getting upset?” Shay asked.

  “Of course, love.”

  “How come you don’t go see him? I know he left, but it seems like you need closure.”

  “I can’t bear it. Not to mention that it would hurt my mother, and that’s not something I’m going to do for him,” Brice told her, and it was true. His father was the one who had an affair, the one who left. His father was the one who not only abandoned his mother, but abandoned him. How could a parent leave their own kid?

  “I’m sorry, Brice. Your dad will regret leaving you someday. You’re an amazing person, and so is your mom. I really like her,” Shay told Brice. It was the truth, but it was more of a way to comfort him.

  “I don’t want you to waste your sorry on me, Pretty girl; I’m just fine. I know that there is no hope left for my father and me. However, I do know there’s still hope for yours. Your father loves you, and as much as he acted like a dick tonight, I don’t want you to pick a fight with him because of me. I know what it’s like to lose a parent, and I wouldn’t want you to ever feel the pain and emptiness that comes with that,” Brice told her as his arms tightened around her.

  “I love Daddy, but the way he treated you, the way he treated us… It was so unlike him. My dad has always been my number one supporter in everything I do. When I was five, I told him I wanted to be a princess, and he said he’d buy me my own castle. When I was ten I told him I wanted a pony, he went out and bought me one, when I was sixteen I told him I wanted to be a writer, and he bought me one hundred dollars’ worth of writing books,” Shay told him, remembering just how close she used to be with her father until she started carrying around her secret.

  “Your dad loves you,” Brice stated. He knew unconditional love when he saw it because it was the exact thing his mother had given him for the past eighteen years.

  “I know he does, but I’m just not ready to have the conversation about you with him right now. I already know how it’s going to go,” Shay said.

  “Interesting,” Brice said before kissing her.

  Sitting up, Shay watched the waves that surfaced under the moon. It was such a beautiful sight.

  “It’s really beautiful out here,” she said, hugging herself. It was getting a little chilly.

  “Here,” Brice said, wrapping his jacket around her. “You’re beautiful.”

  “You’re just saying that,” Shay said, denying her beauty.

  “You are, and you know what, I know you don’t think that, which makes you all the more beautiful. The fact that you’re oblivious to your own beauty makes you the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Brice replied.

  “You’re so sweet, Brice,” Shay said, pulling him into a kiss.

  “We should get going soon,” Brice told her as he looked at his watch to find it was half an hour past midnight.

  Before Shay could answer, her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. She didn’t check her caller ID before answering. When she answered she immediately regretted it.

  “Where are you?” Her father was pissed.

  “I’m out,” she said, not giving him what he wanted.

  “You’re supposed to be home.”

  “I’m not supposed to be anywhere, Dad.”

  “Shay, you’d better get here now, before I ground you.”

  “Then do it; I don’t care,” she snapped at him. She couldn’t take his attitude anymore.

  “Get your ass back here right this moment, young lady,” he yelled through the phone, causing fury to rise inside her. She was beyond angry with him and she didn’t care what he had to say anymore.

  “I’m not coming home. Not now. I was all for it until you started your crap again. Don’t expect me to come back,” she said to him. She could hear his breathing begin to quicken.

  “If you’re not back here tonight, when you get home tomorrow, you’ll be grounded for life. You’re my daughter and you’ll do just what I tell you to do.”

  “My being your daughter doesn’t make me a piece of property. I don’t belong to you Dad. I don’t have to listen to you any longer. I’m an adult and the fact that you’re trying to get in between Brice and I shows that you really don’t care about me as much as you say you do. You don’t do this to someone you love,” Shay said to him.

  “I’m only trying to protect you, Bell. It’s my job to keep all the bad things away from you.”

  “You can’t keep the bad things away from me!” She’d shouted louder than she thought. “They’re there, Dad! They’re always there, and you can’t protect me from everything. If you could I would have never changed,” she said, immediately regretting it the moment it came out.

  “What is that supposed to mean,” he asked in a worried tone.

  “It just means that I’m not going to let you control my life. Daddy, I
love you so much, but you have to let me make my own choices. And I know you think Brice is a mistake, but he’s not,” Shay whispered, watching Brice pack up their stuff.

  “Baby, I know you don’t understand this now, but someday you’ll understand that I’m only trying to protect you.”

  “I know that, but you’re going about it all wrong. I don’t need protection from Brice.”

  “Except you do,” he said, getting angry again.

  “Whatever Daddy, I have to go.” Shay said before hanging up.

  Standing in the exact position she was in when she hung up, Shay felt the pressure of the world on her shoulders. How could her father possibly be acting this way? The man she loved more than anything else in the world was the one person bringing her down. She couldn’t handle any of it. Not on her own anyway.

  How could she come back from that? How could she stay with Brice knowing that her father didn’t support it? But how could she walk away from Brice knowing how happy he made her, and how strong she felt for him.

  It was a lose-lose situation. No matter what she did, someone would be disappointed in her. How was she supposed to go on knowing her dad hated the fact that she was with Brice? Her dad’s opinion meant the world to her. Why couldn’t he just see how happy she was? Why couldn’t he come around the way all her friends came around for her?

  “Shay, are you okay?” Brice asked her. She’d completely forgotten where she was until he called out to her.

  Wiping away her unwanted her tears, she walked past him. “I’m fine.”

  “Stop,” he said, grabbing her arm so she was forced to stand in front of him. “You’re not fine.”

  “It’s nothing, really,” she tried pushing away from him, but he wouldn’t let go.

  “Please, don’t let whatever that call was about ruin our perfect evening. Shay, you can tell me anything and you know it’ll stay between us. I don’t want you to push me away after all the progress you’ve made with letting me in,” Brice said.

  “He is trying to control my life, Brice. Why won’t he stop,” she asked “He just won’t let me be happy.”

  “I take it that was your dad.”

  She only nodded.

  “It’ll be okay. Do you want me to take you home so you can talk to him?” Brice asked. He didn’t want Shay to ever have the fear of losing her father. She was far too important. He’d do whatever it took to make sure their relationship stayed perfectly intact.

  “I don’t want to talk to him. I can’t go back there, not tonight,” Shay said, feeling the ping of disappointment in her Father Strike.

  “Do you want to stay with me tonight?” Brice asked her. He just wanted to make her feel safe.

  “Is that alright,” she asked, not wanting to impose on his life.

  “That’s more than alright; I’d love to have you, pretty girl,” Brice told her as he wrapped his arms around her to comfort her.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden,” she admitted. Lately she felt like she was nothing but a burden on other people.

  “You’re not a burden, not to me. Do you want to stop by your house for some clothes?” He asked.

  “No, I don’t want to go there at all. I just want to stay with you. I feel safe when I’m with you.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Shay woke up warm. She was wrapped in Brice’s arms as he held her tight to his chest. He was shirtless. She noticed for the first time that he had a scar on his chest, near his heart. It was small and white. As she sat up, she touched the small scar while Brice continued to sleep. He looked so peaceful.

  She smiled at the thought that she had spent the whole night with him. Sure she spent that one night with him before, but she was completely wasted that time, and last night she was sober.

  The thought of the previous night with her father came rushing back. She loved her father more than anything else, but how could he be trying tear apart the one good thing in her life.

  “If you don’t stop worrying, you’re going to end up having a panic attack,” Brice said, opening his eyes.

  “How do you know I was worrying?” Shay asked him as she climbed out of bed. She was still wearing the clothes she had on the previous day. Brice offered her one of his shirts, but she refused. She wasn’t ready to wear so little clothing in front of him. Of course, she had done that the night he’d brought her home drunk, but her clothes had been drenched that night.

  “It’s that cute way your nose scrunches when you’re upset. Come on; tell me what’s on that pretty little mind.” Brice said, sitting up so his back was leaning up against his headboard.

  “I don’t want to burden you,” she informed him.

  “You’ve got to stop that. How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not a burden?” Brice asked, pulling her over to sit on his lap.

  Cuddling her head against Brice’s chest, Shay began to unravel. “I don’t want him to hate you. You’re important.”

  “It’ll work itself out.” Brice told, her placing a kiss upon her head.

  “Brice,” she asked in a worried tone.

  “What is it?”

  “Why do you care about me?”

  Brice sat in silence as he took in her question. It was the last thing he’d expected her to ask. What kind of question was that? Could she not see all the good she had inside of her? Could she not the see the beauty when she looked in the mirror?

  “Shay, what kind of question is that? You’re smart, funny, kind, selfless, warm, giving, amazing, and beautiful. I’d go a long way to be in your life forever,” Brice told her.

  “I don’t feel like I’m any of that,” she said to Brice.

  “You are though, and even if it takes the rest of my life, I’m going to show you just how amazing you are. Don’t ever doubt for one second all the good that’s inside of you.”

  “Good things in life come at a price; I’m just waiting for mine,” she said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Every time something good happens to me, I get something bad in return. So now that you’ve come into my life, I’m waiting for the price.”

  “The only price is your happiness. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.” He kissed her. She gave into him yet again. She loved the soft kisses he planted on her lips. He was sweet and caring and Shay couldn’t think of anyone she’d rather be with.

  “I think I have to go face my father today,” she told him with regret. The last thing she wanted to do was to go home.

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “I think maybe it’s better if I go alone.”

  “I’m here if you need anything, but do you have to go right now?” He asked, in hopes that they’d still have a little time left to spend together.

  “I’m all yours until noon,” she said after glancing at the clock that read eight in the morning.

  Moving her from his lap to the bed, Brice deepened the kiss. He began to kiss her neck as she closed her eyes. She never thought she’d be able to make it this far with a guy again.

  He laced their fingers together as his lips moved away from hers so he could stare at her. Pressing his body against hers, Brice felt the world coming down around him. He and Shay hadn’t talked about sex. Of course he thought about it, but he wasn’t going to pressure her. But now they were close to it and he wasn’t sure if he should keep going or stop completely.

  If it was up to him, he’d want to finally take that step with her. He wanted her in a way that he’d never wanted anyone else before. Brice felt the need to be with her in every way. He slowly pushed her hands over her head and held them there with one hand as his other hand moved gently down her body.

  Shay felt her head begin to spin with emotions. What was happening? How was this happening? She’d dreamt for months and months to be able to be close with a guy this way. She was terrified of where this was going, but at the same time she was happy. She didn’t feel the chains from the past keeping her locked down. S
he felt like she could breathe.

  Was it possible that she could possibly go all the way with Brice? Could she take that step with him the way she’d always hoped she’d be able to do with someone someday? Could she forget that night for just a moment and let Brice make love to her?

  She sure hoped so. She wanted to be with him, as close as she could get. It wasn’t a secret that over the past few weeks, Brice had become her safe place and she’d do anything to feel that way forever. All she wanted was to replace the memory of his touch with Brice’s. But the problem was that no matter how hard she tried, the past always had a way of coming back to bite her.

  “God, you’re so beautiful,” he told her. “I need you Shay, but you tell me when you want me to stop.”

  “Brice,” she said. She wasn’t sure about anything, but she knew in this moment she didn’t want him to stop.

  “Shay… I just want to be with you in every way.”

  Shay. That’s what he called her. She couldn’t do this. She had to get out of here. How could she think this would possibly work? Flashes of that night started to hit her like a slap in the face.

  ***

  “God you’re so beautiful, my little Shay.” He told her.

  “Please leave me alone. I promise I won’t say anything, but please don’t,” she begged.

  “Sweetheart, it’ll be over before you know it. You just have to not scream and I promise not to hurt you,” he promised.

  “Please,” Shay cried again.

  “Don’t cry. I know you want this just as much as I do. I love you,” he said to her.

  It was hopeless; she was trapped, all alone with him. She could beg until she was blue in the face, but in the end she’d never win.

  ***

  “Stop!” Shay screamed, coming back to reality in Brice’s room.

  “What’s wrong?” He asked, moving to the side of the bed so he was no longer on top of her.

  “I can’t do this. I have to go,” she told him.