#Selfie

by Cambria Hebert

  Still, I would be as honest as I could and hopefully she wouldn’t hate me.

  I had no idea if what I was doing was the right thing, the best thing. Yet in this moment, it was the only thing that felt right, and I had to abide by the way I felt.

  However, if Missy asked me not to date him, I wouldn’t.

  Buds before studs.

  It’s the way it was going to be.

  When my last class finally let out, I stepped out into the sunshine and pulled out my phone to text her.

  WHERE U AT? NEED 2 TALK.

  She replied seconds later.

  GOING 2 DORM TO GET READY FOR PLAY PRACTICE.

  OK. I’LL BE THERE IN A FEW.

  :)

  My last class was on the other side of campus from the dorm. I usually walked for the exercise, but today I’d driven. I didn’t bother lying to myself about why. It’s because Braeden drove my car this morning. He sat where I was sitting now.

  Yes. I know. I was a total lame-o.

  When I started the engine, I glanced at the fuel needle immediately and watched it rise all the way to the full line. He totally put gas in my car. When he brought it back to Romeo’s, he tossed me the keys and said it was good to go. Then he promised to go get the new light cover I needed so he could fix it this weekend.

  Before he left, he gave me a hard look and told me… No, he ordered me to pay better attention to the gas levels and not let it get so low.

  I told him he was stupid.

  I didn’t realize he filled it until I got in and started it up. Most girls got flowers, candy, and jewelry.

  I got gas.

  But damn, if it didn’t feel like the most romantic thing anyone could ever do.

  Missy opened her door almost the second after I knocked and waved me inside. I looked around the standard dorm room even though I’d seen it a thousand times.

  “Where’s the roomie?” I asked. Her roommate, Janelle, kept her side of the room neat and tidy. The bed was draped with a white spread with multi-colored flowers all over it. Her bookshelf and mini desk near her headboard were organized and all the books were lined up by size. Her pink tote full of shower supplies was in its own little space, and not even one shirt was lying around on the bed.

  “Still at class,” Missy replied. “Hey, would you mind braiding my hair back? I want to keep it out of my way tonight at rehearsal.”

  “Of course!” I replied and plopped down on her bed. It was made, but not as meticulously as Janelle’s.

  Missy had a gray comforter with white polka dots and yellow sheets. She had a ton of furry white and gray pillows and a few yellow-and-white chevron-patterned ones. Her desk and bookcase were cluttered with papers and pictures. In the center was her closed MacBook that was also gray with a yellow apple in the center. The walls on her side of the room had movie posters and playbills from plays she’d watched all taped up. And of course there were clothes thrown around. Every girl who truly loved style had clothes tossed about. It made it easier to put outfits together.

  A brush appeared before me and so did a couple hair ties. I set them beside me and motioned for Missy to sit on the floor. She was wearing a pair of flowy, wide-legged pants with a blue-and-white paisley design all over them. Near the hem, the design changed to something thicker, creating more interest around her ankles. I loved pants like that. I looked at them all the time on the Internet, but I didn’t own any. I wasn’t tall enough or thin enough to wear them. In fact, when I tried on a pair, I looked like a clown.

  Since I had no plans to join the circus, I sent them back.

  Her simple white top was tucked in, and she accessorized with an oversized white watch, blue earrings, and a long silver chain with a lime-green glass pendant on the end.

  “So how’s rehearsal going?” I asked as I brushed through her silky, dark hair.

  “Really great. I think the play is going to be awesome.”

  “Of course it will, because you’re in it.” I separated her hair into three thick strands to begin the braid. “I already bought my ticket for opening night.”

  “You’re a good friend,” she said, and I felt like I swallowed a bunch of fire ants.

  As I braided I added in more hair to each section, weaving the strands together to create a tight, neat braid.

  “So what do you want to talk about?” she asked when I said nothing.

  “Um,” I hedged.

  “Is everything okay?” she pressed.

  “I’m not really sure,” I admitted. “I’m actually really worried you’re going to be upset with me.”

  She gasped and tried to turn, but I held her head tightly to stop her. “Almost done,” I murmured as I braided the length down her back. When it was done I secured the end with a hair tie and then made sure I had all the hair braided back.

  “Okay.” I tapped her shoulder when I was done.

  “Thanks.” She turned around on the floor, still sitting so she could face me. “Why would you think I’d be mad at you?”

  “Because I violated the girl code.”

  Her phone went off on her desk. My phone went off in my bag.

  “I’m sure whatever it is isn’t as bad as you think.” Missy leaned up and grabbed her cell to pull it down into her lap.

  Just blurt it out! I told myself.

  “Missy, I have feelings for B—”

  She gasped before I could even get the sentence out. I winced, because if she was this mad before I said it, I could only imagine…

  Wait.

  She wasn’t looking at me. She acted like she wasn’t even listening. Her eyes were downcast as she stared at her phone. I noticed the tight grip she had around it.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Slowly, her eyes lifted to me. “The notification.”

  I groaned. “Who did the BuzzBoss tattle on now?” I dug my phone out of my bag and lit up the screen. I read the words and winced. “Well, that’s harsh,” I muttered as I tapped the view image icon.

  My blood ran cold.

  Like my body temperature dropped from all the ice in my veins. I sat there frozen, so beyond horrified that my body went numb.

  But my eyes still worked.

  It was the only time in my life I would wish I was blind.

  Memories, dreams, nightmares assaulted me. It was like finding a missing piece of a puzzle or thrown-out footage from a bad horror film.

  “Ivy,” Missy gasped.

  I blinked, hoping the picture wouldn’t be there when I looked again.

  It was.

  There I was, filling up the cellphone screen. And I wasn’t alone.

  Zach was with me.

  We were both naked, bare-chested and in bed. I didn’t remember this. And now I was glad I never had.

  His dark, overly styled hair still looked perfect, like maybe he’d fixed it for the picture. He was wearing a smug smile, like he was thoroughly satisfied.

  I wasn’t so camera ready.

  I looked almost passed out. But my eyes were open, so I must have been awake. I was looking up at the camera, almost with no expression. My hair looked a mess, like we’d been rolling around in the bed for hours. Who knows? Maybe we were.

  My makeup was smeared and… I shut my eyes. I couldn’t look at it anymore.

  He took a picture.

  A selfie.

  How could I not have known about this? And how did the BuzzBoss get it?

  “You slept with Zach?” Missy asked, getting up from the floor.

  “Oh my God,” I moaned, wrapping my arm around my stomach. I felt like I might throw up.

  “When was this?” Missy pressed.

  “A while ago. It’s how he got access to Rimmel’s laptop.”

  Missy gasped. “Does Rimmel know?”

  “Yes. She doesn’t blame me.”

  “Of course she doesn’t.” Missy wrapped her arm around my shoulder. I stared down at the floor, trying to make sense of what I just saw.

  “Is this what you needed
to talk about? I can’t imagine carrying around such a big secret for so long.”

  “It was a mistake. I was so drunk.”

  “I’m so sorry. I should have been a better friend that night.” Missy hugged me.

  “This is no one’s fault but mine.”

  “And the BuzzBoss,” Missy added. “I can’t believe he posted this! The dean is gonna go postal.”

  Oh God. Practically the whole campus would see this. They would all know.

  I leapt up, panic surging through my body. The whole thing with Zach had been huge gossip around campus. Everyone followed the story because he was relentless in torturing Romeo and Rimmel. Everyone was so relieved when he got sent away.

  But obviously, he wasn’t far enough. Because he was still wreaking havoc.

  This time it was on me.

  Braeden was going to see this. He would know.

  “I have to go,” I said, frantic.

  “Where are you going? Want me to come with you? I’ll skip rehearsal.”

  I shook my head. “No. I need to be alone.” I rushed to the door, the phone still gripped in my hand. I was on the verge of hysteria. Everybody on campus was going to see me half naked in bed with Zach.

  Yet I wasn’t worried about everybody.

  I was mostly worried about one.

  Chapter

  Thirty-One

  Braeden

  The campus was buzzing about something.

  Everywhere I looked, people were holding up their phones, pointing at the screens, and laughing.

  But it was the catcalls that got me really curious. I reached for my phone to see if I could figure out what everyone was looking at just as it went off in my hand.

  I glanced down to see a text from Romeo fill the screen.

  PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T SEE IT.

  The back of my neck prickled a little. Jolts of warning shot down my spine.

  SEE WHAT?

  B, TAKE MY ADVICE. DON’T LOOK AT YOUR NOFICATIONS.

  WAVE A RED FLAG WHY DON’T YA? I typed back.

  I mean, really, you can’t tell a guy not to look at something and expect him to listen.

  I’M SERIOUS. LOOK, I’M ON MY WAY BACK. WILL BE THERE IN A FEW HOURS. JUST... HOLD IT TOGETHER.

  Now that got me worried. Why did he seem so concerned I was here and he wasn’t?

  You know what I had to do.

  I backed out of the messages and pulled up the latest notification.

  Aaannnd that was why Rome was freaking out.

  Ivy was naked.

  Ivy was in bed.

  Ivy was with the fucking lowest life form on this planet.

  She fucking screwed him.

  I took in her messy hair, her smeared makeup, and that shit-eating grin on Zach’s face. It was almost like he was taunting me. Only me.

  Rage consumed me so wholly I lost a few minutes. When reality came crashing back, I was standing in the parking lot near my truck with a heaving chest.

  I glanced down and saw blood. My knuckles were ripped open and raw. I had no idea how they got that way.

  And where the fuck was my cell?

  I glanced around, noting that people were watching me from a safe distance and a car alarm was going off not too far away.

  The window was shattered.

  I glanced back at my hand. There was glass in it.

  Well, that explained that.

  And my cell phone? It lay at my feet, shattered into a million unusable pieces.

  Someone was hurrying by me, trying to go unnoticed, but they didn’t succeed. I grabbed him by the book bag and hauled him close.

  He muttered something pathetic, but I didn’t hear him. My head was filled with deafening noise.

  “You know who I am?” I growled.

  The kid nodded.

  “Good. Tell the owner of that car to bill me.”

  He stared at me with fear in his eyes.

  “You hear me?”

  “Y-yes.”

  I shoved him away, and he took off running. I left my cell lying on the pavement and got in my truck. I don’t remember the drive to the dorms. I knew I shouldn’t be driving at all, but fuck, I shouldn’t be doing a lot of things. Like punching in windows, breaking five hundred-dollar phones…

  And I definitely shouldn’t be storming into the girls’ dorm.

  As I stalked to the door, one of the girls who lived there took one look at me, rushed to open the door, and cowered until I was through.

  I took the stairs three at a time and landed in front of Ivy’s door. I beat on it, not even feeling the pain in my glass-littered hand. “Open this door!” I yelled.

  People in the rooms nearby opened their doors to stare.

  “So help me God, I will kick it in!”

  The door swung open, but no one was in the doorway.

  I walked in and slammed it behind me.

  Ivy was pressed up against the wall so she would be behind the door when it opened. Just looking at her made me want to hit something again.

  “Where’s the rat?”

  “At Romeo’s still.” Her voice was gravelly and low. I barely noticed.

  I barely noticed anything. All I could see was her naked body in bed with Zach.

  “This where it happened?” I spat and pointed at the bed. “You bring him back here and let him touch you?”

  “Braeden, stop.” Her voice quivered.

  I jolted forward and slammed both hands against the wall on either side of her head. “You were naked. With him.”

  She started crying. Her chin dipped on her chest and hid her face from view. Her body shook and trembled as she tried to keep the sounds of her sobs inside.

  But I could hear.

  “How could you do it?” I demanded. “How could you let that scum into your body?”

  She ducked under my arm and rushed away from me. Even though her back was turned, I saw her wiping furiously at her face, trying to get the tears to stop.

  I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down, but I just couldn’t.

  “Say something!” I demanded.

  She swung around. I noticed for the first time how terrible she looked. Pale, blotchy skin, bloodshot, puffy eyes, and red lips from chewing them. “What do you want me to say, Braeden?” she cried. “You want me to deny it? I can’t.”

  She dashed a tear off her face.

  “Everybody can see it happened.” Her voice quaked. “No one was supposed to know.”

  I rubbed a hand over my face. “What must Rimmel be thinking?”

  “She knows.”

  I glanced up. “What?”

  “Romeo too.”

  There came the rage again. I paced the room, tearing around in circles. Romeo knew. He knew about Ivy and Zach. He knew about Ivy and me, yet he still said nothing. I felt betrayed on all fronts.

  Family.

  Friends.

  The girl I—

  “Fuck!” I yelled.

  “What happened to your hand?”

  “I punched a car,” I growled.

  “You’re an idiot.” She started rummaging around her desk for something.

  “You’re a slut.”

  She jerked like I slapped her. Her entire body locked up and she swung around woodenly. She had a first aid kit in her hand. It fell to the floor with a soft thud.

  “Get out,” she growled.

  “Ivy,” I began and stepped forward.

  She took a step back. “Get out right now or I swear to God I will start screaming bloody murder.”

  I stormed out into the hallway, shocked it was empty and silent as a tomb. Bitches were probably all standing around with their ears pressed to their doors.

  I slammed Ivy’s door so hard the door to the room next to hers rattled. As I started to leave, the pain in my hand finally starting to sink in.

  A low sound stopped me in my tracks.

  She was crying again.

  Deep, wrenching sobs muffled by the walls.

  I p
ut my hand on the door, suddenly feeling like the world’s largest ass.

  The bloody mess that were my knuckles caught my attention. It served as a reminder.

  Of why exactly I shouldn’t be here. Of why exactly I never should have gotten involved with Ivy at all.

  I walked away and didn’t look back.

  Chapter

  Thirty-Two

  Ivy

  People stared.

  They whispered.

  They laughed.

  I thought this stuff only happened in high school. In the movies or in books. I was too old for this kind of thing, wasn’t I?

  Weren’t we all?

  Yet here I was in the center of a terrible hate campaign, an Alpha U scandal no one could get enough of.

  I was ashamed.

  I was embarrassed.

  I wanted to hide in my room.

  But mostly… mostly I was pissed off.

  How dare anyone judge me? How dare someone take a nude picture of me and put it up for the world to see. It was easy to judge others when their own skeletons remained safely locked away.

  I had no idea how the picture got to the BuzzBoss, but I guess it didn’t matter. The damage was done. I was the campus pariah. I was a slut.

  Oh, and I probably had some raging STD.

  And did you hear (Gasp!)? I got pregnant, then had a horrific miscarriage when Zach found out and pushed me down a flight of stairs.

  No matter how badly I wanted to hide in my dorm or at Romeo’s place—away from campus entirely—I didn’t.

  I still went to every class. I grabbed food at the food court but took it back to my room. I still went to the gym, and I held my head high.

  Most of the time, I felt like the only thing that held me together was sheer will and a little dollop of not wanting to let the haters win. Most nights, I cried myself to sleep. When I did manage sleep, I’d dream about Zach, that horrible picture, and what we’d done.

  Rimmel was behind me one hundred percent. People wondered how she could be. I mean, technically, I was the reason she was almost kicked out of school. And while Rimmel might be labeled a hashtag nerd, she was a popular one. She was number twenty-four’s choice. She suffered incredibly at the hand of Zach. Her and Romeo both.

  You think people would see she was still friends with me, that she was on my side, and it would make them stop and think, Hey, maybe there was more to the story than we know. Maybe if Rimmel and Romeo could forgive her, it’s not that big of a deal.