Ghost of Christmas Past

by King, Rebecca

  “It is the nature of war though,” she replied with a sniff, unperturbed by the fact that he had been forced to take a man’s life in order to keep his own. While she could never understand or accept the need for war, she could understand why he had done what he had done. It meant that he was able to stand before her now.

  “I know, but what would you say if I told you that I killed someone as recently as last week?”

  “I would say that as long as it relates to the job you do, and is not something you go about doing just for the brutality then there is just cause for what you have done. Look at Uncle John upstairs. He has been minding his own business, and has done nothing to hurt or offend anyone, yet someone has chosen to injure him in a way that almost took his life. It could very easily have been you.” Her throat closed up and she had to wait for a moment for her emotions to settle. “If you and your associates at the Star Elite are working together to ensure that people who commit crimes like that are brought to justice, then I can only be glad that the Star Elite exists and is working to protect the innocent.”

  Rupert studied her face but could see nothing but calm acceptance and sadness in her eyes. “You really are precious. You know that, don’t you, Thea?”

  Thea merely blinked at him and, although she didn’t push out of his arms, she hadn’t relaxed against him either.

  “I am sorry about what I did the night before the wedding. I simply cannot remember saying that. All I can say in my defence is that I had drunk a lot the night before the wedding and couldn’t remember exact details about what happened. The morning after, I stood at the altar waiting for you to arrive and I tried to remember what had happened, but couldn’t distinguish between what was actual memory and what was wishful thinking.”

  “You wanted Barbara,” she whispered sadly.

  “No, Thea, I wanted you. I just couldn’t understand why you would climb into my bed the night before the wedding. I mean, could you not wait to consummate the marriage on our wedding night?”

  She tried to squirm out of his arms but he was having none of it and merely tightened them sufficiently to draw her against his chest. When she eventually settled against him he leaned back to peer down into her face. “Why did you climb into my bed that night? Why not wait, Thea?”

  Thea didn’t want to discuss it but knew that he wouldn’t give up until he knew everything.

  “Because after I overheard your conversation with your father, I decided that I wasn’t going to go through with the wedding.” She saw his frown but couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. Instead she did push away from him and moved to a seat before the fire. “I simply couldn’t bring myself to be forced into marriage to a man who wanted another woman. However, I also knew that by refusing to go through with the marriage, my parents would be incredibly angry and would either disown me or try to force me into marriage to someone else and I couldn’t bear that.” She just couldn’t confess that she had loved him deeply and had wanted to spend just one night in his arms. “You know how grasping my parents were, they wouldn’t have given up. By spending the night with you, I could ensure that they wouldn’t succeed in forcing me into an arranged marriage to someone else if they didn’t throw me out. I was going to throw myself on Uncle John’s benevolence and hope that he could force my parents to leave me alone.”

  Rupert couldn’t help it, he was stunned. He slumped down into the chair opposite and braced his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor between them.

  “I waited for you.” He whispered, thinking about the long morning he had spent in the freezing cold church waiting for her.

  “I know. Although I had resolved not to marry you, especially after you called for Barbara, I found myself in the carriage on the way to the church anyway. I couldn’t bear to think of you being embarrassed.”

  “You were damned if you did and damned if you didn’t,” he whispered softly, feeling nothing now but compassion for her predicament. “I want to make it perfectly clear right here and now Thea that the contracts may have been drawn up but as far as I was concerned, then and now, ours was definitely not an arranged marriage. On the night that you joined me in my bed, I didn’t want Barbara, I wanted you. I just assumed that it was her because I couldn’t conceive that you would do such a thing as to climb into my bed the night before the wedding. I stood at the altar and thought it over carefully but couldn’t find any explanation as to why you would be so impatient to get me into bed,” he smiled ruefully but without rancour and watched colour flood her cheeks.

  “I am sorry, Rupert.”

  “I am sorry, Thea. We are both wiser in hindsight but the fact of the matter is that we should never have gone through with the arranged wedding. We should have been stronger people and been able to at least talk to each other and settled for nothing other than complete openness and honesty, but I was too shallow and self-centred and you had spent your life being pushed and shoved along by your parents.”

  “I cannot help but wonder if we would have been happy being married to each other being the people we were. Your time in the Star Elite and the army has made you stronger, more capable, and far more of a man who is confident of his place in the world. My accident and subsequent injuries have made me far more determined to be independent. I suppose in a way that also makes me selfish but, as a result of what happened to me, I know who I am and what I am capable of. I am proud of what I have accomplished,” she declared proudly.

  “So you should be. There are a lot of people who would have taken to their beds and never even tried to get back on their feet again, let alone learn to walk and live by themselves. It is evidence of your inner strength that you are as well as you are.” The pride in his voice was accompanied by the respect in his gaze and she felt a small thrill of delight sweep through her.

  They sat for several moments in companionable silence and allowed themselves a few moments for the latest revelations to sink in.

  “Shall we go back and finish the rest of our meal?” Rupert asked softly. He stood and held his elbow out to her and watched her nod her approval.

  She wasn’t entirely sure if she could take another bite but didn’t want to part company with him yet. They had both made mistakes and both had regrets. She couldn’t quite make her mind up if the circumstances hadn’t worked out for the best for the both of them. They had both suffered hardships while they had been apart, but they had both turned out to be different people as a result. Although there was still a lot she needed to learn about him, she felt reasonably confident in thinking that they were more suited now. Whether they had a future together though had yet to be seen.

  They wandered slowly through the house toward the sitting room and the plates of steaming hot food that awaited them. Once inside, she made her way toward the table but her thoughts focused on the events that had torn them apart and she failed to notice that the rug had been rucked up. When her foot caught on the edge and propelled her forward she had little time to do anything other than gasp before strong arms hauled her high into the air.

  She immediately clutched at the lapels of his jacket as her heart pounded in her ears. His closeness should have unnerved her, but she felt a faint thrill of anticipation at the feel of his warm breath brushing her cheek as he breathed and she waited to see what he was going to do.

  “Thea,” he growled. His face hardened with desire.

  Before she could draw a breath to say anything, her mouth was captured by his. Desire thrummed through her, burning its way through her veins to the very core of femininity. It gathered and blossomed deep within her heart and began to unfurl into the most wondrous sensations that were impossible to ignore. Rather than pull away as she knew she ought to do, she melted against him and sighed when he immediately pulled her closer against his solid length. He released her legs to allow her toes to touch the floor but kept one long arm around her waist so that he could hold her as close as their clothing would allow.

  In that moment the outside world ceased
to exist and she savoured the precious moment that had been presented to her. His past, her accident, paled to insignificance as they savoured the passion that flared to life between them once more. A tiny thrill of feminine delight swept through her at his husky groan when she slid her hands into the gentle waves of his hair so that she could pull his head down to hers. He immediately widened his stance and drew her as close as it was physically possible to get. She should have been warned by the rigid length of masculinity she could feel through the folds of their clothing, but it made her feel slightly awed at the speed of the physical need he seemed to have for her and she couldn’t pull away from it.

  Their food lay forgotten as they savoured their first moment alone together since the night before their wedding. He couldn’t help it; he plundered. He savoured the delicious nectar with lips that devoured and a need that drove him to make her his. The urge to lay her before the fire was so strong that for a moment he found himself judging the distance between the table and the fire but then couldn’t bring himself to move. It wasn’t the right time, or the right place. He had no doubt in his mind that he and Thea would end up in bed together again but, when they did, he wanted them to be able to savour the moment and spend as much time as they wanted, needed, without fear of interruption. He wanted to take the time to assure her that her scars, and he had no doubt there was going to be some, didn’t bother him at all. It was the woman she was that captivated him; intrigued him, and drew him back to her time and again.

  Thea trembled beneath the surge of desire that threatened to overwhelm her. She tried to remind herself that they were in Uncle John’s house, with one, or possibly more, of the Star Elite patrolling around on guard, and that they could be interrupted at any moment, but she couldn’t bring herself to draw away. The warm of his mouth on hers was impossible to break free from as was the solid feel of him against her, and the broad expanse of shoulders beneath her questing hands. He didn’t seem to mind that she couldn’t keep her hands still; his were sliding sensuously up and down her back in a long, slow sweep that made her skin tingle and her knees weak.

  “God, Thea,” he growled into the dip at the base of her neck. “We have to stop. I don’t want to but we are in the sitting room darling.” There was little conviction in his voice and it reassured Thea that she wasn’t the only one struggling with the strength of the desire that threatened to overwhelm both of them.

  Eventually, he lifted his head. She could do little more than bury her face against his shoulder and try to steady herself while he held her. If he removed his arms, she was fairly certain that she would do something silly like fall flat on her face, and it was enough to keep her still while she battled to get her senses under control.

  “I shouldn’t -”

  “Sshh,” he shook his head and looked down at her chidingly. “Don’t regret it.”

  “I don’t, it is just-”

  “Too soon, I know.” Rupert sighed and kissed her once. “But it is going to happen, Thea, make no mistake. We are not going to lose this a second time around.”

  She wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or slightly threatened by the cool determination in his statement and merely looked at him while she tried to find any objection.

  “I think dinner might be cold now.” She winced at how banal that sounded, especially in light of what had just happened, but he didn’t seem to mind.

  “We can’t send it back, the cook would be horrified.”

  The last thing Thea wanted was to sit and choke down food, but there was little else they could do. When the passion had cooled enough for them to be able to let go of each other, Rupert, being ever the gentleman, seated her and resumed his own seat across the table but, within minutes of them picking up their cutlery, it was evident that neither of them had the appetite for what was on the table.

  He looked at her.

  She studied him carefully.

  A part of her wanted him to sweep the table aside and carry on where they left off. She felt slightly scandalous at the strength of her wanton thoughts. How could one kiss have such a devastating impact on her? She felt like a wilting flower that had just been given its first taste of water and had suddenly started to blossom. She looked at Rupert. At first glance he seemed to be completely unaffected by what had just happened, and she would have been a little disconcerted that she had been the only one who had felt her world rock at the enormity of the feelings that lay between them, if it hadn’t been for the fine trembling of his fork as he tried to eat and the fact that he spilled some wine from his goblet when he placed it back on the table.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Thea was still shaken by the kiss when she went to bed later that night. Her lips still tingled from the force of his desire, and the memory of being wrapped in his arms brought about an ache within her that snatched any chance she had of at least being able to doze.

  Rather than toss and turn on the bed any more, she sat in the window seat, wrapped in her thickest shawl and stared out into the deserted street below.

  In spite of the fact that they were in the middle of the country’s largest city, it was almost as quiet as her home back in Leicestershire. The only sounds that broke the stillness of the night were the occasional caterwauling of cats and the distant barks of a dog. Silence encompassed her and brought forward the thoughts she would rather remained hidden, but there was little she could do to blank them out without lighting a candle and heading downstairs to find a book to read. However, she knew that Marcus, or Rupert, were on watch and prowling around the house on the look-out for intruders. She daren’t run the risk of bumping into either of them wearing nothing but her nightgown so remained where she was.

  Inevitably her thoughts turned toward Rupert, and his work with the Star Elite. She was glad that he felt able to confide in her, but his disclosure about what he had been involved in while he had been away shocked her to her very core. Her cool fingers touched lips that still tingled from the force of his kiss.

  She wasn’t sure what to think about their evening together, she was glad that they had been able to talk and get matters out into the open, but the kisses should never have happened. She couldn’t allow matters to develop any further. Her hand instinctively dropped to the deep ridges on her right leg and she immediately felt a wave of embarrassment sweep over her. Just the thought of anyone seeing the scars that lay beneath her skirts horrified her, and she knew that despite the lingering feelings she still had for him, she could never allow him to see them. No man, not even a man who had seen the horrors of warfare, could find her scars attractive or appealing in any way. Unfortunately they were an integral part of her. She couldn’t remove them; couldn’t hide them, and couldn’t ignore the discomfort they brought to her on a daily basis and, if a relationship did develop between her and Rupert, it would make his discovery of her scars inevitable. The thought made her feel slightly sick.

  The bitter realisation that her attraction for him could go nowhere, and her love for him would go unrequited once more, made her want to weep. A blossoming well of hurt began to open up deep inside her and she wanted to rant against the unfairness of it all. She swiped at the tears on her cheeks and sucked in a deep breath, desperately trying to summon the will, and the strength, to harden her heart against letting him into her life again. Somehow, whatever the personal cost to her already battered heart, she had to find the strength to keep him at arm’s length.

  Stiffness made her squirm until she could find a more comfortable spot. She was just straightening her shawl when the movement of shadows outside of the window drew her attention. At first she thought it was her reflection that had captured her eye but felt an icy ripple of unease sweep down her spine when she realised that it wasn’t her reflection but someone outside. Had she imagined it?

  She frowned and sat perfectly still as she studied the street below. At first glance everything seemed still and quiet, so what had she seen move? Was it the cat that had been making such a loud racket for the l
ast few hours? A stray dog? After several moments of stillness she discounted her suspicions as ridiculous and was about to head off to bed when the sound of hooves drew her attention. It wasn’t the sight of the carriage that was so unnerving. After all, this was London; a city that never really slept. It was the tall, black, heavily garbed coachman who sat tall and rigid atop the large, lumbering, equally black carriage that was more than a little unnerving. Even the horse that pulled it was jet back from head to foot.

  Don’t be so silly, she chided herself, go to bed and forget it.

  However, she couldn’t bring herself to move away from the window. The carriage itself was large but fairly nondescript. In the ghostly glow of the moonlight, it held a strangely sinister air that unnerved her deeply. She swallowed and watched the carriage trundle slowly past. Her gasp locked in her throat and her eyes widened as the carriage drew level with the window she stood at. In that moment the coachman turned his head to look directly at her. With his face hidden beneath the shadows of a tall top hat, and a large scarf wrapped around the lower part of his face, he cast a darkly macabre vision that she knew would remain with her for some time to come.

  On knees that trembled, she jumped to her feet only to cry out when her stiff legs struggled to hold her upright. She landed on the ground with a bone jarring thud and battled tears at the futility of trying to move. For one moment she contemplated calling out for Rupert, but didn’t want to wake the entire household.

  She was busy struggling to get her feet beneath her and didn’t notice the door suddenly open and Rupert appear in the doorway.

  “Thea?”