Baby on the Bad Boy's Doorstep

by Victoria James

  “I hid her,” she whispered.

  “You did great, Haley,” Connor said, his voice softer now as he spoke to her. The sympathy—or maybe pity—in his eyes made her own fill with tears as she nodded stupidly and went to see Rosie.

  She opened the closet door and the love she felt for Rosie washed over her, overwhelming her as she stood there. She had slept through everything. Her deep even breathing was calming and she stood there, just watching her. She was unable to go back into the other room, unable to face her past again. She stood there she didn’t know how long, until she heard a commotion in the main room.

  Voices. Chase and another man, speaking to Connor. She wanted to hide under the covers and pretend nothing ever happened. She wanted everyone to go away. She never wanted to see David again.

  “Haley, are you okay?” Chase’s handsome face was taut with anger, but his voice was gentle. She couldn’t even look at Connor.

  She shut her eyes and nodded, looking down, not wanting to see the pity on anyone’s face. She’d felt like a loser many times being married to David, but nothing like the humiliation she was facing tonight. This, having her pathetic past being showcased in front of Connor, was beyond any pain she’d experienced.

  Conner was standing beside Chase looking very pissed. David was being cuffed by a police officer in uniform while Connor was telling him how he’d broken the door to enter, how he’d had his hands around Haley’s neck. The officer beside Chase was taking notes and nodding as Connor succinctly explained everything that had happened.

  But her eyes locked on to Connor’s from across the room…the man she’d rejected earlier, the man who had come back for her after she’d rejected him, the man that would risk his life for her safety.

  She tried to breathe a sigh of relief when she saw Chase and the officer begin to shuffle David out the front door.

  David tripped on the edge of the baby carrier and then stopped and looked at her, a sick grin rising. “Enjoy your pretend baby. You know she’s a useless bitch, right? Can’t have babies of her own?”

  There was a pause, a dead, sick, gruesome silence before Connor jumped on David. Chase broke it up a minute later, but not before she saw Connor hold onto David’s shirt and say something in his ear.

  She swallowed a sob and turned away as Chase and the officer pulled Connor off David. They knew. Connor knew. He knew she couldn’t have babies.

  …

  Connor was still shaking with rage as he stood outside, watching Chase’s SUV drive off, following the cop car with that bastard in it. He needed to compose himself before he went inside and faced Haley. He’d made the decision to drive home, to deal with their problems, and when he’d spotted a BMW in the driveway, in his gut he knew.

  But when he’d seen the front door swinging open, and then the sight of him with his hands on Haley, he knew what it meant to see red. He knew what it meant to completely lose control. He had told Haley to call Chase because he didn’t trust himself. He didn’t trust that he would stop soon enough, because all he saw in his mind was David’s hands around her neck, and her fear. He would never get that image of her out of his mind. It would haunt him for the rest of his life.

  The babies. That damn bastard. He’d humiliated her. He knew now why she’d pushed him away. As if any of that mattered. She was the only woman for him. He knew it the first night he’d met her at Luke and Gwen’s wedding, and he knew it now. But she needed to know it. She needed to know he meant it.

  He turned toward the house, but didn’t move. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know that he would have the right words to help her.

  He walked into the house slowly, his gut in his throat as he spotted Haley straightening out the coffee table and putting things back in order. He adjusted the door, rigging it shut after a few tries. He would have to deal with that in the morning and get a more secure system.

  “Haley,” he said softly, not wanting to startle her.

  He saw her back stiffen and she slowly stood, turning around to face him. His heart slammed against his ribs at the sight of her. Her eyes were red and her face was tearstained. She was visibly shaking as she stood there, looking so sad, so damn vulnerable and shattered that it hurt him to look at her. But he didn’t want to pounce on her. He didn’t know what she would want.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I put Rosie in danger, and I…” He didn’t wait for her to finish. He crossed the room, but she backed away and his worst fears unfolded before him. He stopped moving, placed his hands in his pockets, and waited…for something. An indication that she didn’t feel threatened. Instead, the Haley standing on the other side of the room was a woman he didn’t recognize.

  “Thank you for protecting Rosie.”

  She nodded repeatedly, like she was struggling for control. Her arms were still wrapped around herself and he wished she’d let him in, that she’d let him tear down that wall she’d built around herself. “Thank you for coming back.”

  He cringed at the sound of her voice as it shook, her teeth chattering slightly. “Haley, I didn’t come back by accident. I came back because I wanted to talk to you. I came back to tell you I love you. I came back to fight for what we had.”

  She took a shuddering breath. “I can’t…I can’t be with you. I know that. It’s my fault. It’s my problem.”

  He tried not to panic. “We can work through this. I’ll do anything. I want…I want this family, this life we built. It wasn’t a coincidence. We have something special.”

  “I don’t trust you,” she said flatly, all the light in her eyes gone. It was like someone had taken his Haley and replaced her with this shell of a woman and it killed him to see her like this. He swallowed hard and tried not to let himself be insulted by what she was saying. He knew it was coming from a place of fear and he knew he’d greatly underestimated how deep her scars went. “You know I’d never do anything to hurt you. I’d rather die, Haley.”

  She looked away from him, her chin trembling. “It was like you lost control when I watched you with David.”

  He’d never been a liar and he wasn’t going to start now. “I did. I lost control. I wanted you to call Chase because I was afraid I’d go too far.”

  A small sob escaped her mouth and he dug his nails into his palms in an attempt to control himself and leave her standing there alone. “I thought he was going to kill me, Connor. When his hands were on my neck, I thought that was it. And it was exactly like you said, I froze. I stood there like an idiot. Like a powerless, useless idiot. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.” She pulled a knife out of her back pocket, placing it on top of the fireplace mantle. He had to look down for a moment, away from the sight of her shaking hand, her white face. He had to remain calm when it was the opposite of what he was feeling, and it was taking everything out of him. She’d grabbed a knife. She’d been alone here, she’d grabbed a knife, she’d hidden his daughter, and now she was falling apart, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to reach her.

  “You won’t have to. He’s gone. He’ll never come near you again.” He didn’t add that he’d told David in real explicit terms what he’d do to him if he ever did.

  “I can’t do a relationship again. I want to leave. I want to go.”

  He wasn’t going to freak out, he wasn’t going to say no. He couldn’t tell her she couldn’t leave, because he knew she’d compare him to David. Right now, she was seeing all men as the same and no matter how much he reassured her, it would fall on deaf ears. “Where do you want to go?”

  “The women’s shelter. I can go there.”

  He wasn’t going to say no outright, because that would be telling her what to do. “You heard what Mrs. Bailey said, that place doesn’t have the room. You’d be taking the spot of a woman who has no one to go to. You have family.”

  She rubbed her temples. “Of course. I’m not thinking. Luke. I’ll go to Luke and Gwen’s.”

  “Okay, I can call them for you.”
>
  She shook her head. “I’ll call.”

  “Haley?”

  “No more, Connor. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. I…I made a commitment to you with Rosie. Give me a few days and I’ll be back to be her nanny until I find someone else.”

  He’d never really known what it was like to lose a woman, to have her willingly reject him. He’d never been in love, his entire life had been filled with casual, meaningless relationships. And now, these last weeks, he’d discovered what it meant to love a child, to love a woman. He knew, standing here, having Haley reject him, that he would never do this again. He’d never allow himself to be hurt like this again. She thought he was some kind of monster. She didn’t believe him, and that killed him. Watching her, so completely broken and unable to help her was shredding him to pieces. There was no way he could have a relationship with a woman who was afraid of him. The idea that this was really over was in every line of her face, in the fear in her eyes, in the stiffness of her body.

  She picked up his phone and seconds later she was asking Luke to come and pick her up. He crossed the room and washed his hands before going to get Rosie, making sure to steer clear of Haley. He could hear Haley’s voice in the other room and he stood in the doorway of his closet, the reality of everything that had happened here tonight punching him in the gut and rendering him unable to move. He stared at his daughter, innocently sleeping in her bassinet. Haley’s first thought had been to protect her.

  He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to keep his emotions in check, but it was so hard. All he wanted to do was pick up Rosie, to hold Haley, and sit in this house where it was just the three of them. He wanted to erase their pasts, he wanted to protect them from all the horrible things in the world, he wanted to keep them safe forever.

  Rosie’s eyes opened, and she made the gurgling sound that had become very familiar to him, as though she’d been a part of him his entire life and yet he’d only known her a month. Maybe that was a thing with parents and their children. Hell, he didn’t know, but he knew that Rosie had his heart. Rosie had Haley’s heart, too, and he knew it was going to kill her to walk away from them tonight. If he was the praying sort, he might pray for her to find her way back to him; to find her faith in something bigger than all of them.

  He didn’t know how long he’d stood there, but when Rosie’s arms started making punching motions, he figured it was time to get moving. He picked up his sweet girl, smiling as his hands touched the soft velour of her onesie. It was one of the ones he’d bought with Haley that first night. He tucked his face into the sweet, soft folds of her neck as he crossed the room to the changing table. When she was clean and dry and no doubt scoping where her bottle was, he walked into the main room. Haley was standing by the door, her coat on, her back to him.

  He warmed up a bottle and a few minutes later she was opening the door. Luke and Gwen burst in. He stood there, feeding Rosie, never feeling more like an outsider. Gwen wrapped her arm around Haley and walked her out and he just watched them go.

  Luke paused in the doorway to look at him. “I spoke with Chase on our way over here. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

  Connor looked down at Rosie who had almost finished her bottle. “I don’t need anyone’s thanks.”

  “No, I mean it. I know what she’s doing. I know she’s scared and she’s running back to where she feels safe, and if I were in your shoes right now and Gwen did that to me, I’d feel like hell. I…I was wrong about you, and I owe you an apology. You saved Haley. You’ve been there for her. You’ve treated her properly. And tonight… God, I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t here.”

  He clenched his teeth. He had already thought of all that. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep again for a long time. “Well, I was. I’ll never let anything happen to her.”

  “I know that. You need to know that I don’t hate you. And I sure as hell don’t judge you,” Luke said, his voice coming out harsh and unlike he’d ever heard.

  Connor put down the empty bottle and slowly rested Rosie upright against his shoulder. He didn’t really know what to say to him. “Well, I guess that’s good to know. But I guess if I had a little sister that had been through what Haley has, I’d probably act the same way. Maybe worse.”

  Luke gave a nod and looked down at the ground for a moment. “Haley and I didn’t come from much. I know what it’s like to feel not good enough or that you came from the wrong side of the tracks. That doesn’t matter to me. It was never about that.”

  He gave him a nod. “It’s good to know, but it doesn’t really matter anymore, Luke. Haley is walking away.”

  Luke ran his hand through his hair and looked out at the car and then back to him. “I’m sorry, man.”

  “We’ll be fine. I’ve been alone a long time. I can take care of myself. I can take care of my daughter. You…” He cleared his throat. “You just take care of Haley.”

  Luke gave him a nod and then left, shutting the door on everything.

  Chapter Twelve

  Haley woke up early the next morning and immediately knew something was wrong; she wasn’t awoken by the sound of Rosie crying. The house was silent. She stared at the ceiling, her old room at Gwen and Luke’s still dark. This didn’t feel like her room anymore. Connor’s place felt like home. But she’d ruined that. Her stupid past, her stupid ex, had destroyed everything she had built here in Shadow Creek.

  She’d turned away a good man because the memory of the bad man was too hard to shake. She covered her face and sounds from the kitchen slowly filtered through. She could hear Gwen in the kitchen, the smell of brewing coffee filtered below the door. Her brother’s deep voice, low and solemn sounding. They were worried, probably talking about her. She was Luke’s perpetual problem. He’d been through so much worse and he’d managed to get his life back on track, so what was wrong with her?

  She threw her covers off and a blast of cold air made her grab her robe that Gwen had placed out at the foot of the bed. She was going to make some changes. She wasn’t going to lie around feeling sorry for herself. Then she could figure out what to do about the Rosie and Connor problem.

  “Morning,” she said, trying to sound cheery even though her bones ached and she felt as though she’d aged fifty years overnight. Gwen and Luke shot each other a worried look.

  “I thought you’d sleep in this morning. How are you feeling?” Luke asked, walking toward her. He had already showered and was dressed for work. She couldn’t handle the look of sympathy on his face, so she looked at Gwen who was thankfully pouring coffee into three mugs.

  “I’m good. I feel great.”

  Gwen shot her a look as she placed the mugs on the table. “Haley, come sit.”

  She nodded appreciatively, thankful that Gwen knew she couldn’t get into this right now. She knew her brother was worried, but too much sympathy and she’d break down. She needed to move on. She sat down and wrapped her cold hands around the warm mug, taking a sip of coffee. “You make the best coffee, Gwen.”

  “Thanks, sweetie. Did you sleep well?”

  She nodded, forcing a smile. “I did. I’ve been doing some thinking.” She took another sip of coffee, trying to find the right words to convey an idea she hadn’t even thought out. “There’s a women’s shelter on the outskirts of Shadow Creek, isn’t there?”

  “Haley…” Luke began. She held up her hand to stop him.

  “I’m not going to stay there, but I was thinking I could volunteer. I’m sure they could always use an extra hand.”

  “I think that’s a great idea,” Gwen said, smiling softly at her.

  Luke was still frowning. “I think you have a lot on your plate right now and adding to it might not be the best thing.”

  “I know what you’re saying, but I disagree. It’s exactly what I need. I am one of those women, Luke. The only difference is I have family that can help me. But make no mistake, I’m one of them. Maybe I can help. I have the time.”

&
nbsp; “What about Connor and Rosie?” Luke asked, leaning back in his chair, a frown between his brows.

  She toyed with the rim of her mug, trying to ignore the stab of pain that shot through her at the mention of those names. “I know I have to go back. I can’t ditch Connor. I made a commitment to be Rosie’s nanny. I just need a day or two to get myself together. Then I go back only as the nanny.” She looked into her almost-empty cup and hated what she was saying. She wanted to go back to how things used to be. She wanted to go back to playing family.

  “Haley, sweetie,” Gwen began in that soothing voice that Haley had come to know so well this last year. Gwen had a compassion in her that was so special. “It doesn’t have to be over with you and Connor.”

  “I’m not exactly sure how we could fix things. He asked me to stay, to give up my job and work part-time at the Shadow Creek School. Then I could stay home with Rosie the other days of the week.”

  She stared at both of them, waiting for a reaction. But no one said anything for a moment.

  “And…you wouldn’t want that?” Gwen finally asked, looking puzzled.

  “It would mean relying on him. I wouldn’t make enough working two to three days a week to support myself. So basically I’d be dependent. I’m not doing that again,” she said, tightening the belt on her robe and sitting up a little straighter.

  Luke still wasn’t saying anything, just watching her.

  “What have you always wanted?” Gwen asked, leaning forward.

  She frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve always wanted to be a mother, to have a baby, a husband, a home, right?”

  Haley shrugged. “That was before I knew how complicated things could get.”

  “That was before David. Before he took advantage of you. If you had never met David. If Connor was the first guy you fell in love with and he asked you to consider this, what would your answer be?”

  Oh boy, her sister-in-law knew how to challenge her. “I can’t do that. I can’t erase what’s happened. I can’t get over the fear that I’ll lose my identity again and lose my independence.”