Because I Love You

by Amy Brent

  “I just want to know what you’ve been up to the past year and half.”

  “Being pregnant and giving birth, that’s what I’ve been up to,” she said.

  I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep from firing back. She obviously had a lot on her mind and trying to talk to her was only making her more agitated. I felt her jerk at my side and I looked over only to watch her head fall forward again.

  “You can use my shoulder if you want,” I said.

  “I’m good. I need to get up and move,” Jessi said.

  “No, you don’t,” I said, as I tightened my grasp around her. “You need to rest. You can be stubborn all you want, but you’re tired. So sleep.”

  She looked at me with her tired eyes, wanting to fight but not having the energy. Her shoulders heaved with her sigh and she closed her eyes, nestling her body deep into mine. Her head fell to my shoulders and I pressed my cheek to her hair, and within minutes she was lightly snoring as we sat on the couch.

  She had been doing this alone for months. Battling this exhaustion and carrying her career for months.

  And the realization made me both sad and frustrated.

  Chapter 19

  Jessi

  A furious knock at my front door startled me. I jumped in my chair and Caleb giggled at me, applesauce dribbling down his chin. I put the bowl in front of him and his hands went directly into it, making the biggest mess he possibly could. The knocking wouldn’t stop and I was fearful of opening the door. But when I glanced through the side window I saw Justin standing in front of my door.

  “Hey there,” I said, as I opened up. “You okay?”

  “We need to talk,” Justin said.

  “That’s never good. Is something wrong? Don’t tell me. Roxy was secretly not a fan of me the entire time.”

  “This is about Caleb,” he said.

  I looked back at my son and was now wary of letting Justin in.

  “Can we talk inside?” he asked.

  “We can talk here,” I said.

  “Look, I got to talking with Roxy. And the more we talked, the more I think she’s right.”

  “About—what?” I asked.

  “That comment she made. Remember? She was curious about how Christopher was enjoying fatherhood?”

  I felt the blood drain from my face as I stepped out onto the porch.

  “What are you doing?” Justin asked.

  “Closing the door,” I said. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that Caleb looks a hell of a lot like Chris. Enough for someone who’s never seen Caleb to think he belongs to my best friend.”

  “So?” I asked. “Plenty of men in this town have blonde hair and blue eyes.”

  “But not as many men in this town have that dumbass chin dimple. And they both have it.”

  “I told you, I don’t know who Caleb’s father is. Why the hell can’t you process that?”

  “Because I don’t believe it,” he said. “I know you, Jessi. You aren’t that kind of woman. And you were pretty broken up about Chris disappearing out of nowhere.”

  “So were you! Does that mean you were sleeping with him?” I asked.

  “The two of you were getting close. I know you were. I saw how he looked at you and I heard the soft conversations between you two. He came over a lot in those last few months.”

  “To see you, Justin. You sound insane, you know that? You’re basing all of this off one question your stripper girlfriend asked.”

  “Why does everyone think she’s a stripper? She’s not a stripper.”

  “And Caleb isn’t Christopher’s son,” I said.

  “It all adds up, Jessi. Now you can lie to Mom and Dad, and you can even lie to him, but you’ve always been a shit liar to me.”

  Snickering, I shook my head, trying to find a way out of this. I felt cornered. Like a wild animal staring down a hunter with a gun at point blank range. I felt tears rising to my eyes as I drew in a deep breath, and I knew he had me.

  Ultimately, I knew I couldn't hide it anymore.

  Why the fuck did Christopher have to come back?

  “I want the truth, Jessi. And I want it now.”

  “You’re overreacting, Justin. You need to calm down,” I said.

  “Who is Caleb’s father?” he asked.

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “You can, and you will. Enough is enough. That boy is growing up without a dad because you won’t open your damn mouth and say anything.”

  “I’m protecting my son, Justin. That’s what I’m doing!”

  “Who’s his father, Jessi?”

  “It’s Christopher, okay!?”

  I blinked and sent tears rolling down my cheeks. The shocked look that ran over my brother’s face was nothing compared to the anger in his eyes. I reached out for him and he took a step back. Like he was disgusted to even be touched by me.

  “I knew it,” he said. “All these months, staring at that child and thinking he looked so fucking familiar.”

  “You can’t tell him. Please. Chris doesn’t know yet. Justin, you cannot tell him,” I said.

  “Of course he doesn’t know. You have a way of royally fucking up everything in your life, Jess.”

  “You don’t get to stand on my porch and talk to me like that,” I said. “You can’t tell Chris. I have to tell him in my own time once I’ve reconciled some things.”

  “Fuck you. Fuck both of you.”

  “Justin. Please. Wait, don’t—come on!”

  He stalked away from me, taking the steps back down to his car. I called after him as he walked away from me, never looking back once. I felt panic boiling my chest. I had to call Chris and tell him Justin knew about us. About our prior relationship.

  I ran back into the house and saw Caleb trying to finger his applesauce into his mouth. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head, allowing myself to linger for a little bit.

  Was Justin right?

  Was I hurting my son?

  I shook the thought from my head and ran to my phone. I picked it up with trembling hands and dialed Chris’s phone. I was sniffling and shaking. On the verge of sobbing as his voice wafted against my ear.

  “Good morning, sweet girl. To what do I owe this phone call?”

  “He knows,” I said with a sob.

  “Jessi. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  “He knows, Chris. Justin knows about us. About—about our—r-r-elationship before you—you”

  “Where are you?” he asked.

  “At home,” I said breathlessly.

  “Is Justin there?”

  “No,” I said, as I crinkled my face. “He was so angry and so loud. He—he uh—stormed off. Chris, he’s really angry.”

  “I’ll deal with Justin. Where’s Caleb?”

  “Eating in his high chair,” I said, with a whisper.

  “Let me finish up what I’m doing and then I’m going to come check on you during lunch. Here’s what I need you to do until I get there. Go lock the front door, then go splash some water in your face. Make yourself a cup of coffee and keep yourself and Caleb in his room. Don’t open the door for anyone until I come knocking. I’ll call you when I pull up.”

  “Justin would never hurt me,” I said.

  “He just found out we were sleeping together. I’d say his blind rage is taking over right now and I’ve seen that in action. He doesn’t make sound decisions when he’s like this. Just do as I ask and I’ll be over in a couple of hours. If he comes back, you call me okay?”

  “Okay,” I said. “Okay. I got this.”

  Everything was spinning out of control. I went into the bathroom and splashed some water in my face. The tears hadn’t slowed and my body was still trembling with fear. Everything was crashing down. Everything I was trying to hold up was slowly slipping away from me.

  I went back into the kitchen and gathered Caleb in my arms. I grabbed an iced coffee out of the fridge and took him back into his bedroom. I cleaned him up and bu
rped him, then got down on the floor and played. We stayed like that until he got tired, crying and whining for his nap.

  After rocking him to sleep, I crept out of his room just as I heard my phone ring.

  I ran into the living room and saw it was Chris calling. I picked up the phone as I looked over to the front door where I saw his form standing there, waiting on my porch as I picked up the phone.

  “I’m here, Jessi. Open up.”

  Dropping my phone to the floor, I ran to the door. I ripped it open and saw Chris standing there, his form looming over me. He stepped into my apartment and shut the door behind him and I snapped. I needed control of something. I needed to root myself in something before my son got up from his nap.

  So I rooted myself in the only thing that was there. Chris.

  I threw myself in his arms and our lips crashed together. His hands wrapped tightly around me, bowing my body into his. We stumbled through the kitchen before my back crashed into the wall, but I quickly turned him around and pinned him to it.

  This time, I wanted the control.

  I wanted the power.

  Jerking his pants down his legs, I saw his cock bouncing for me. It was throbbing. Dripping. Pulsing to be somewhere warm. His hand went to wrap into my hair but I stopped him. I grabbed onto his hands and pinned them to the wall, rendering him motionless. I knew he could take over if he wanted, but he didn’t. He stood there against the wall looking down on me as I wrapped my lips around his cock.

  And the groan that fell from his lips was worth it.

  I bobbed my head, slicking up his dick as my tongue ran along the protruding vein. I sucked at his tip and took him all the way back, feeling his legs tremble against my body. His hands flexed. I could feel his wrists struggling to get free. It took all I had to keep him pinned there. To keep him at my command as I swallowed his cock down whole.

  “Fuck, Jessi. What the—hell?”

  I kept swallowing and sucking, hollowing out my cheeks and closing my throat around him. I sat on my knees in front of him, nuzzling my nose into his trimmed little curls. Spit was dripping down my chin as his hands worked their way into mine, our fingers lacing together. They fit perfectly, like they had two years ago.

  I tried to push the painful memory away as I pulled back from his cock.

  “You’re coming with me,” I said.

  I ripped him from the wall and he stumbled out of his pants. I tossed him onto the couch, then gathered my skirt around my hips. I slid my panties down as his glistening cock throbbed for me, begging for me to sit on it. Chris raked his hand through his hair, his eyes wide with confusion and desire. I planted my knees on either side of his hips, digging into the cushions of the couch before I sank down onto his cock.

  “Sweet hell, Jessi. You’re so tight.”

  I let my skirt fall around us and I grabbed his hands. I pinned them out at his sides as my hips rocked against his pelvis. Slowly. Torturously. Like a vixen in heat. I held onto his gaze as I sucked on his lower lip. Pulling it between mine and lapping at it with my tongue as he groaned my name.

  “Jessi. Sweet—girl. Ugh.”

  I swiveled my hips, feeling my juices dripping onto his skin. My clit was being teased by his body. Slowly massaged as his cock throbbed against my walls. His fingers curled into my hands, struggling not to break free as he gave me what I wanted. Control. Power. Defiance over him and what he stood for in my life.

  I reared up on my knees and came crashing down into his lap. My lips swallowed his groans as his body bucked against mine. I released his hands and held his hips to the couch, but he tried to fight me. He tried to wrap his arms around me and get me down onto the couch, but that wasn’t happening today.

  Not now.

  Not this second.

  I fought to get his hands off me. I bounced on his lap as I growled at him. I laced our fingers together again and pinned our hands to his chest, then slammed myself down again onto his dick. His head rolled back and his legs parted. I pushed his hands back into the couch cushions as my lips fell to his neck. I bit at him. Gnawed at him. Pulled luscious welts and bruises up on his skin as his chest panted for air.

  I rode his cock, feeling my juices gathering against his skin. I felt his body cave to me. I felt him relax against the couch as my pussy slid up and down his girth. I could feel the room spinning. I could feel my head racing. I could feel his cock pulsing and throbbing. Twitching, trying to seek relief. I ground down into his hips one last time, raking my clit along his rough curls as our teeth began to clatter.

  Then I popped. Like a rubber band pulled in too many directions or a seatbelt strained to its maximum. My pussy clamped down around Chris’ dick, sucking him dry as I swallowed his groans.

  My mind was numb. As my body shook around him and his cock poured into me, my mind stopped racing. My chest finally released its panic and my body finally relaxed. I felt like I had broken from the chains of my bondage as my grip on Chris’ hands relaxed. I collapsed into him, pressing deeply into the crook of his neck as his body jolted underneath me.

  He filled me with so much cum it was still shooting out with every throb of his cock.

  The two of us sat there, his cock sheathed in my warmth. I dropped his hands and let my arms dangle at my sides, my body completely spent. I felt his strong grasp drape around my back, pulling me into him as we fell to the couch.

  I spent the rest of Chris’ lunch break looking into his eyes. Neither of us saying a word as we came to terms with what had happened.

  Justin knew about us.

  My brother knew I had been fucking his best friend.

  Chapter 20

  Christopher

  I took the rest of the day off work and stuck by Jessi’s side. I helped her with Caleb and danced around their routine, hoping to pick up a few tricks I could use to help her. She was clearly still rattled about the fight with her brother, and I didn’t want to push things.

  But I did want to know how it all came out.

  “Jess, could we talk?” I asked.

  I watched her tense as she laid Caleb down in his crib.

  “Can this wait?” she asked. “No offense, but that is what my brother said this morning.”

  “All I want to talk about is that. What exactly happened this morning?”

  “Let me get Caleb to sleep and we can talk,” she said.

  I walked out into her living room and sat on the couch. The couch that still smelled like the two of us. I closed my eyes and reminisced, smiling at how she took control. That was a new side of her. Something I’d never seen in her before. She was always so submissive in bed. My sweet girl who always gave in. But there was more behind what happened this afternoon than her trying something different.

  There was almost a need behind it.

  And I wanted to know why she felt like she needed control.

  “Okay,” Jessi said with a sigh. “Caleb’s asleep. What’s up?”

  “You never talked me through what happened this morning,” I said. “We sort of—got distracted.”

  “Did you like it?” she asked, with a grin.

  “Not the point here, but yes. Jess, what happened with you and your brother?”

  “He came over here all hotheaded and asking about us. He kept railroading me and started yelling, and it just—came out.”

  “What made him suspect us?” I asked. “No offense, but what happened between us was over two years ago. I was more concerned about him finding out what we’re doing now.”

  “So you don’t ever plan on telling anyone about us?” she asked.

  “Not the point, Jess. You know how your brother gets. What tipped him off to something that happened two years ago?”

  “He said he kept thinking about how distraught I was after you left.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I don’t know what made him start thinking about it. He was too busy backing me into a corner to say anything else. All he kept saying was the pieces made sense and th
at I was too distraught over his best friend disappearing.”

  “What did you say?” I asked.

  “I told him that he was messed up over it too, but that didn’t mean anything. All it meant was that I cared like he did. He kept asking me how much did I care and why I cared and all these stupid questions. He kept getting louder and louder, and Caleb was eating in his high chair and finally it—came out. Just—bam. Right there. On the porch.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her as my mind began to turn. I felt like she was hiding something from me. Lying, like she was about Caleb. She was making a habit of this, and if there was one thing I wouldn’t stand for, it was lying. Doing what she was doing in some vain attempt to protect Caleb was one thing, but this had to do with me. Justin and I’s friendship. Jessi’s and I’s relationship. I was directly involved in this one, and she was still lying.

  There was no way I was going to tolerate that. Not in any relationship. Platonic or otherwise.

  “I know you’re lying to me,” I said.

  “I’m not lying to you,” Jessi said. “That’s what happened.”