Because I Love You

by Amy Brent

  Until we talked.

  I grabbed my keys and drove to her apartment. Relief flooded my veins when I saw her car in the parking lot. I parked beside her and walked up the steps, readying myself for whatever reaction she was going to have at me stopping by.

  Then I knocked on the door and waited.

  There was a slow shuffle coming from behind the door. I watched the doorknob turn before it cracked itself open. I waited patiently as the door swung open, revealing a very tired Jessi with a sleeping Caleb in her arms.

  “Chris? What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to swing by and see how you were doing,” I said.

  “Come on in. I was just about to put Caleb down.”

  I stepped into her kitchen and couldn’t help but remember that one morning. The morning that felt so easy for the three of us. Jessi cooking eggs in her short little robe and Caleb trying to feed himself. Drinking coffee from a mug Jessi had mindlessly made for me and surrounded by this surreal family portrait.

  I wanted that with her.

  Whether or not Caleb was biologically my son.

  I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I heard Jessi cooing at Caleb, which meant he must’ve woken up in her arms. I drew in a deep breath and sat there patiently, trying to swallow down the urge to walk back there and prompt this conversation on my own.

  I hated not feeling like I could approach her without her cowering away.

  “Sorry. Caleb woke up,” Jessi said.

  “You don’t have to apologize for that,” I said. “How’s your dad?”

  “Still stable, for now. He’s on oxygen to keep him stable and they’re waiting to make sure his bypass takes. But I’m worried about him.”

  “Has something happened?”

  “No. There are no other signs of another heart attack or anything, but I’m scared. They—”

  I watched Jessi draw in a shaking breath as she pulled her robe closed.

  “They lost him in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and he needed blood on the table,” she said.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m worried something else will pop up and he’ll be gone. Just like that. While I’m in a shoot or sleeping or something.”

  “I get it. I mean, I don’t understand it. But I get it,” I said.

  “It’s getting harder to concentrate in photo shoots. I took the spokesperson spot for Curvy Leggings and it feels forced. My modeling has never felt like that until now. I’m afraid I’m not giving them my best and I’m also afraid I shouldn’t be doing it at all and instead using that time to be with my father.”

  “You’re overwhelmed.”

  “That’s one way to put it.”

  “Do you want to get out for a little bit?” I asked.

  “Caleb’s sleeping. I can’t just leave him here, Chris.”

  “I know that. But is your nanny on-call? Or maybe your mother would like some time with Caleb to decompress from the hospital and all of this stuff?”

  “Then who’s going to stay with my father?” she asked.

  “Where’s Justin?” I asked.

  I watched her slowly nod her head as a heavy sigh escaped from between her lips. She needed the time off. She needed a moment to decompress herself. She was being pulled between the hospital and her career and Caleb—and it was getting to be too much for her.

  “We could go get some drinks. Have some food. Talk about anything other than what’s going on,” I said.

  “It does sound nice.”

  “Then call someone,” I said. “Ask for help, Jessi. It’s not a bad thing to do.”

  Her eyes locked onto mine and it felt like she wanted to say something. I could see it dancing on the edge of her lips, waiting to be brought to life. I reached over and took her hand, cradling a part of her against me.

  “If you want to say something, you can say it,” I said.

  “Let me go get my phone and give my mother a call,” Jessi said.

  Not what I was expecting, but I would take it. Getting her away from all these stressors would help her to open up. I heard her voice wafting down the hallway as she talked, and I sat there anxiously waiting for her.

  Then a few minutes later, she came back with a smile on her face.

  “So—Mom’s taking Caleb for the night.”

  “That’s good. You’ll get a good night’s rest, too,” I said.

  “I haven’t ever been without Caleb,” Jessi said.

  “He’s never spent a night with your parents?” I asked.

  “No. I’ve always had him. Every night since he was born.”

  “You know you deserve that time, right? To sleep and to rest and be you for a bit.”

  “But it’s all night,” she said.

  “Then call her back and tell her you only want her to take him for the afternoon.”

  I didn’t mean for this to turn into another struggle. I watched the conflict roll over her face. Her eyes got teary and her hands started to shake. Her cheeks flushed and she was swallowing hard. Drowning, right in front of my eyes. I shot up from the couch and took her in my grasp, wanting desperately to shoulder some of this for her.

  “Does it make me a bad mom if I want him to go?” she asked.

  “No,” I said. “Not by a longshot.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure. You’re a mother, but you’re still a person. A woman with wants and needs and things she wants to do. And think of it this way. With all that your mom has gone through the past couple of days, seeing Caleb and doting on him might do her some good.”

  “I didn’t think about it that way,” she said.

  “Let Caleb go stay with your mother. Let her spend time with him so she can get her mind off other things. Then I’ll take us out and we can get some dinner and talk about whatever you want.”

  The smile that crossed her face made my heart skip a beat.

  “Let me go get him packed up for the night,” Jessi said.

  “And clean yourself up, too. We’ll drop him off then go out. Get you out for a bit.”

  “Okay. Sounds good.”

  I was thankful that I’d dressed a little nicer this morning. Skinny fit black jeans and a blue button-down top. I started cleaning up a few things in the living room and in the kitchen. Washing some dishes and folding a bit of laundry. I didn’t want her to feel like she had a massive mess to clean up while Caleb was at her mother’s. I wanted her to really enjoy this time and take it for herself instead of doing yet another task that had fallen to the wayside because she was trying to do everything herself.

  Caleb woke up just in time for us to buckle him in and hit the road.

  I drove Jessi’s car to her parent’s house. I gave her some space to drop her son off and I could tell she was still struggling a bit. Her mother seemed elated to have him there. Her tired eyes lit up and the pallor of her skin seemed to change immediately. Having Caleb would be good for her and letting go of him would be good for Jessi.

  I only hoped she didn’t struggle too much tonight.

  Her mother looked up towards my car and I could see the surprise roll over her face. But she didn’t seem angry. Merely shocked. She smiled and waved at me with Caleb in her arms. I waved back, but didn’t want to get out of the car in case Jessi wasn’t ready to tackle that conversation with her parents.

  But I could’ve sworn her mother was happy to see me there.

  She got back into the car and looked back at Caleb’s car seat base. I could tell she was still racked with guilt. Guilt I hoped to alleviate. I reached over and took her hand as I backed out of the driveway, then I crossed town and took her to her favorite restaurant.

  Well, at least it was her favorite a couple years ago.

  “Oh, I haven’t been to Bestia in so long,” Jessi said.

  “Really? This was your favorite place when we were still together,” I said.

  “I don’t know. I couldn’t really handle the idea of b
eing here after you left,” she said.

  “Well, that changes tonight. Come on. It’s my treat.”

  “Remember what we used to get here?” she asked.

  “We’d split the chicken parmesan and get extra sauce along with a bottle of wine.”

  “Fancy a trip down memory lane?”

  I grinned down at her as I held her hand within mine. The host seated us at a table in the corner and it didn’t take us long to get our order in. It felt familiar to be there with Jessi. To be ordering what we had the first time I’d ever taken her out.

  “Wasn’t this where we first went to dinner?” she asked.

  “It was. I remember what you were wearing,” I said.

  “No you don’t.”

  “I do. Really. You were in roughed up blue jeans and a tight black top that dipped way too low for your father’s liking. I remember it because you were convinced we were going walking in the park even though I was dressed in a suit.”

  “Oh fuck, I remember that now,” she said.

  “It’s one of my favorite memories of you.”

  “Not for me. My favorite is the one where we did take that walk in the park.”

  “The one where we found our tree?” I asked.

  “People usually carve their initials into a tree, though,” she said.

  “But I wanted to pin you against it.”

  “And you got your wish.”

  “Twice,” I said, with a grin.

  “You were always bad like that. You still are.”

  “Hey, don’t shove all this my way. You’ve had a hand in a couple of our encounters.”

  “Me? Innocent little me?”

  “Oh, we both know you aren’t innocent,” I said.

  “Eh. Innocent is boring. Life has spice. Why not enjoy it?”

  “So tell me more about this Curvy Leggings thing you got going on. When did that start up?”

  “I had the first photoshoot as the spokesperson Monday. We’re supposed to be shooting a couple of commercials and a YouTube video next week.”

  “That’s heavy stuff,” I said.

  “It’s the first time I’ve done something like this, too. But the money that comes with it—oh boy! I had to squeeze Pierre’s knee to keep my game face on.”

  “That makes me jealous.”

  “Why? Want me to squeeze your knee, too?”

  I felt something creeping up my leg as our bottle of wine was set on the table. I looked underneath the tablecloth and found Jessi’s bare foot creeping up my leg. Warmth flooded my veins and my cock began to twitch. I wanted to pull away and keep enjoying the conversation, but I also wanted to pull her into the bathroom and have my way with her.

  Shit. What was this woman doing to me?

  “This would be the perfect job to springboard you into the world of advertising.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” Jessi said.

  “You and Pierre have any ideas on how you might do that?” I asked.

  “He’s got a few. But none of those plans will start until I fulfill my contract with Curvy Leggings.”

  “How long’s the contract?”

  “It doesn’t have a length. I’m going to be photographed in all of their summer and fall print releases, which will carry them through the end of the year. There are two commercials, the YouTube video, and a personal interview they want to do, then the contract will be fulfilled.”

  “And you didn’t sign a non-compete?”

  “I’m not an idiot,” she said.

  “I never said you were. Simply making conversation.”

  “What about you and this television show. How’s it coming along?”

  She rested her naked foot right between my legs and it took all I had not to grind into it. Her touch was warm and her toes were curling into me. She knew what she was doing and she knew I adored it.

  “Eh, it’s coming. I’ve been a little distracted lately. Worried about you and Marcus.”

  “You’ve been worried about me?” Jessi asked.

  “Of course. I’ve always worried about you.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  That was a good question. I studied Jessi’s reaction as her foot settled down its movements. I reached down and put her foot on top of my thigh, then began massaging it. I watched her relax against her chair as her eyes closed, the rest of the restaurant fading away into the background.

  I was in love with this woman.

  And that scared the shit out of me.

  “I worry about you because you’re worth worrying over,” I said.

  “That feels so good.”

  “Then I’ll keep doing it,” I said.

  I massaged her foot until our food got here, then I excused myself to go wash my hands. Not that her feet were dirty or anything, but I needed to splash some water in my face. Between wanting to have her on my lap and admitting to myself that I was in love, I was spinning out of control. At least, I felt like it.

  Which meant I was getting a glimpse of how Jessi had been feeling for a long time.

  I went back out and we continued to talk. I filled her in on some of the details regarding the television show and she kept talking about this photoshoot she was doing. How their product was really good and she was honored to be the face of their curvy girl line. We talked about long term plans and I figured out she wanted to shoot for New York City. To move there and create a life for herself that Caleb could be proud of. She wanted an apartment that overlooked Central Park and the ability to send him to a private school. She wanted to walk down the street in the finest clothes and prove to women that they were strong enough to do whatever they wanted to do.

  I was in awe of her throughout the entire dinner.

  After paying for our food, I escorted her back to her car. I helped her in and drove her back to her place and she was insistent I come up. She took my hand and led me up the stairs, her hips swaying and her dress fluttering over her tantalizing curves.

  When she opened her front door, she immediately pulled me into her lips.

  Chapter 31

  Jessi

  Grabbing him by the shirt with both hands, I pulled Chris toward me until his lips collided with mine. I stepped us through the front door of my apartment and slammed the door behind him. His hands fell to my lips, backing me out of the kitchen and moving me through the living room. I could feel his cock growing, and pressing against me as he led me through my apartment he’d come to know so well.

  I knew where he was headed and I had no issues with it.

  We turned into my room and Chris slammed the door behind him. His hands were all over me as my head spun with the alcohol I had consumed. I wanted him. More than I could possibly stand. Gone was my plan to hurt him, and gone was the heartache I felt towards him. Gone were the stressors holding me back, and in their place was the only emotion that had ever existed since the moment I first laid eyes on Chris.

  Love.

  I wanted to love Chris.

  Sitting him down on the edge of the bed, I stood in front of him. My hips swayed to a tune I started humming as Chris palmed his cock. I slipped my dress off my shoulders and allowed the fabric to pool on the floor at my feet, my hips rolling for his viewing pleasure. His eyes raked up and down my form. Drinking me in as he slid his pants off his legs. He pulled his cock out and stroked it, watching as every piece of fabric slowly fell away from my body.

  I swiveled my hips and turned around, shaking my ass for him as I bent over. I grabbed my ankles and peeked between my legs, smiling as him as my pussy opened up for him to see. His eyes were growing hungry. Hooded. Lustful as his tongue licked his lips. I turned around and played with my tits, pulling at my nipples as I backed into my vanity.

  “Oh, Chris. Fuck, the things you to do me.”

  “You like thinking about me? Hmm? About my thick cock filling that tight pussy of yours?”

  “Oh yes,” I said. “I think about it way more than I should. Oh, I dream about it, Chris. About you a
nd your hands. And your tongue. And your body.”

  I slid back onto my vanity and propped my heel up on the chair. I spread my legs for him, dipping my fingers in between my pussy folds. I found my throbbing clit and watched him as he stroked his cock. My juices were pouring down my ass crack, leaking for him as my hips began to roll. I moaned and bucked, my leg shaking as I played with my clit.

  “Fuck, Jessi. I love you spread for me like that.”

  I kept circling and pressing. Moaning and whimpering. My body was jolting and my leg was quaking and there was no stopping the course I was on. I spread my legs wider. Propping them on any surface I could reach.

  “Chris. Yes! Lick that pussy. Lick that pussy. Lick that pussy.”

  I felt something warm against my hand and I gasped with delight. My toes curled as a pair of hands dug into the meat of my thighs. I threw my head back into my mirror, sending it crashing off the wall. I arched my hips into Chris’ tongue, my body losing control as my hands gripped the edges of my vanity.