by Jade White
She jerked away as if his touch scalded her.
“I’m sorry.” He exhaled and covered his face with his hands. Then he pulled them away and ran a hand through his hair. “Does my presence bother you?”
“N-no…”
Maybe he reminded her too much of her brother and his last minutes. He couldn’t blame her for that. But he couldn’t help what had happened.
“There has to be something I can do to help you,” he said almost desperately.
“I don’t need help,” she said bitingly. She jumped to her feet.
His patience was being sorely tested. She had a right to be upset, yes, but he was only trying to help her. “Miera, what is going on with you?”
She started to pace, not looking at him, and he figured she wasn’t going to answer him. “Too much,” she finally whispered.
“Let me help you.” He wanted to join her, but he had a feeling she might not appreciate that so he remained sitting.
“I just need some time. To figure everything out.”
“Time is the one thing we don’t have.”
“I know. I realize that.” She took a deep breath and stopped pacing.
“Miera…” He stood and crossed the short distance between them. Before she could move away, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close for a hug.
She struggled against him, pressing her hands against his chest, trying to move away.
“No matter what’s going on with you, I’m here for you,” he whispered. He lowered his head toward hers, not to kiss her, just to get her to look at him. “I know our marriage is for our packs and not for ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends at least and maybe even something more later.”
“If there is a later,” she said dully. “We’re all going to die. We don’t have the numbers to survive against the Brutal Claws, not even combined. We’re doomed.”
He winced inwardly. “If we don’t stand up to them, we’ll definitely die. At least if we try, we will have honor—”
She recoiled in his arms.
“What is it?” Something major was bothering her. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms to try and console her.
“Please don’t do that.”
He stilled his hands but still touched her. “Why?”
She jerked away from him. “Leave me alone.”
Beric stared at her as she walked away. After a few steps, she ran to a bush, leaned over, and retched.
Immediately, he rushed over to her side, holding back her hair, rubbing her back. Maybe she was sick. That would explain why she was treating him so differently. She didn’t seem at all like the Miera he had been starting to get to know.
When she stopped vomiting, he handed her a few large leaves to wipe her mouth. “Do you need some medicine?” he asked kindly.
“No.” She slowly shook her head.
“Let me help you. Please.” He hated feeling helpless. He needed to be able to do something.
“You can help me by leaving.” Her voice was cold.
She might as well have slapped him. “If you want to blame me for your brother’s death, fine, but we do still have to get married. Our people’s only chance is through a union of our packs.” He wished marriage wasn’t the only way for that to happen, but it was. Without a marriage, when the battle lines were drawn and battalions were formed of mixed pack members, it never ended well. Marriages provided stability, stronger leadership, and something to fight for, to fight for together.
“We will marry. Tomorrow if you want. I don’t care.” She twisted away from him.
“Fine. I’ll come back tomorrow.” He started to walk away even though each step hurt.
“Beric…”
He turned back to see her. She was crying.
Without thinking, he rushed back to her and hugged her tight. Her clothes weren’t as loose fitting as before. Had she gained weight? But her father had said she wasn’t eating. The tighter the hug, the more of her body he could feel pressed against him. Her breasts were larger than he recalled, and his manhood stirred the longer they were touching each other.
Beric kissed her forehead. “Whatever is going on with you, we can handle it together.”
“I don’t think so,” she said dully. Her tears had stopped by now, but she almost sounded more sorrowful.
He wiped them away. “Try to trust me.” He moved to pull her close to him again, and his hand brushed against her belly. She felt different. “Tell me, Miera. Let me in.”
She gripped his hand and placed it on her stomach. She didn’t say anything, but tears filled her eyes again although none fell.
He frowned. What was she hinting at?
Then it hit him as if he had been flattened by a semi.
“You’re pregnant,” he said flatly.
CHAPTER SIX
Miera hadn’t meant to be such a bitch to him, but she couldn’t control her emotions. Everything made her either furious or sorrowful, and she was sick of crying, sick of feeling like she was worthless, sick of being sick to her stomach.
But with him being so kind to her despite her bitchiness, with him still wanting to be tender and sweet… she knew she couldn’t hide the truth from him. It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
Even if it meant he wouldn’t marry her. He deserved to know the truth. She wouldn’t trap him.
Miera didn’t know Beric as well as her brother had. That Matthias had died so Beric might live spoke volumes for her fiancé. She would just have to trust her brother’s judgment and pray that Beric would still want to wed her despite this.
Her head cleared slightly at his declaration, even though his tone made her shiver.
“Yes. I’m pregnant.”
“How?”
“Well… when a man and a woman—”
“Don’t joke.” His eyes had never looked darker, and a shadow crossed his features. “Who is the father?”
She shook her head. A question he had every right to ask, but one she didn’t want to answer. That detail she wasn’t prepared to ever share.
“Tell me!”
Miera crossed her arms. “You can’t demand that of me. You can’t demand anything of me.”
“There is something I can do,” he threatened.
She swallowed hard. “You would condemn your people to death—”
“You did that yourself when you spread your legs.”
Her hand stung from the slap she delivered to his cheek. Her palm left a red mark on his face.
He growled. “Never strike me again.”
“I know—”
“What do you know? So you love someone else. So you’re willing to not let them have a role in their child’s life. Or are you hoping that I die during a battle so you would be free to marry him?”
“It’s not like that—”
“Or maybe you just like to sleep around. Maybe the condom broke. Whatever. You’re pregnant, and now what? Do you want me to claim this child as my own? Have the bastard be the next alpha of the Blood Warriors?”
She winced. They hadn’t talked about what the combined pack name would be, or made a decision as to who from the Teal Warriors would be joining the council. Something about the suggestion 'Blood Warriors' churned her stomach.
“Beric…”
“I think I deserve an explanation.”
He did. But she couldn’t—wouldn’t—give him one.
“Tell me the truth.” His voice had taken on an almost pleading quality.
The truth she could tell… just not all of it. “I’m pregnant. The father isn’t in the picture. You are… if you want to be.”
“You’re keeping the child.”
“Yes.” She lifted her chin, daring him to even try to get her to do otherwise.
“I can’t.” He shook his head. “I won’t.”
“Your pride will result in the deaths of so many people,” she protested.
“Your pregnancy will.”
“It doesn’t
have to change anything between us,” she pleaded.
“How can you think that? I don’t care that you’re not a virgin. That doesn’t matter to me. But you’re pregnant. You’re not just any were-jaguar, Miera. You’re going to be alpha one day. Your firstborn will be alpha after you. And now, your firstborn won’t be my firstborn, and you’ve stolen the title from him or her.” He glowered at her, looking at her with hatred. Any affection he had once looked at her with was gone, forever.
“Maybe you’ll get lucky,” she said bitterly, “and I and the unborn baby will be the one to die and you’ll be able to pick your next wife, get to know her first, maybe even find love with another Blood Rose…” The thought churned her stomach, and she covered her mouth to try and fight back the nausea. She did not want to be sick again in front of him.
“Don’t try to make me be the bad guy in all of this.”
“I’m not,” she said, her voice muffled, her hand still over her mouth.
“You are. Did you honestly think I would embrace this with welcome arms?”
“I thought you might be willing to understand—”
“How can I when you won’t tell me any of the details?” He shook his head and started to pace. His nervous energy made her all the more anxious.
“It’s… I can’t.”
“You psychically can. You move your lips, you use your vocal chords, and you tell me what happened, who he is, why this happened.” He picked up speed with his pacing.
She just shook her head.
Abruptly, he halted and faced her. “If you won’t tell me…”
Miera glanced away.
“Fine then.” He stalked away.
She wanted to stop him, but she didn’t. He would have to decide whether or not to still marry her. If he didn’t, both of their packs would be in danger. Death was almost a certainty. She had been the one to screw everything up.
“Beric,” she yelled.
He stopped walking but didn’t face her.
“Please don’t let blood be on my hands.”
Her fiancé—was he still her fiancé?—didn’t say anything and walked away, soon out of sight.
Miera dragged herself to the natural wooden bench and sank onto it. This pregnancy could cost her and everyone she loved their lives. And all because I won’t give up my unborn baby.
How could she? Innocent life was precious. Her baby was innocent. Her baby.
She hadn’t thought much about the baby his- or herself. Only that she was pregnant. But there was a baby growing inside of her. In about six weeks, the baby would be born. Were pregnancies only lasted three months, far quicker than that of a regular human pregnancy, and she was already so far along.
But would she even still be alive in six weeks? Would she ever hold the baby?
Her baby deserved a father who would love him or her. Would that happen, or would her baby only have her love?
Because she did already love her baby. She would fight for her baby as much as she would fight for any one of her pack members. If the union between the two packs fell through, she would have to figure out something else to help save them. Her pregnancy would not cost her people their lives, not without a fighting chance against the Brutal Claws.
Deep down, she wanted Beric to want her. She wanted Beric to pick her. Like her brother, she did see something in the were-jaguar. But she was asking too much of him. For him to accept the child she was carrying meant that his child would not be alpha after him. If he were to deny the child, he could try to use the old rules of the were-jaguars and demand that the child be abandoned from the packs. It wasn’t as inhumane as it sounded. Were-jaguars, even very young ones, were a lot hardier than humans. There had been stories over the years of abandoned were-jaguars who not only survived, but thrived and went on to form their own packs.
If he were to ask that of her, she would have no choice but to grant him that right, if only for her people.
But she would never forgive him for it. As much as she hadn’t wanted to be pregnant, she could feel the babe move inside her, and she loved the babe already. It would rip out her heart to abandon the child.
Being heir to the alpha is nothing but heartache.
It might be better to guard her heart, to not worry about love, to do only her duty and nothing else. After all, her time on this earth might not be for much longer.
*
Maybe Beric shouldn’t have left, should’ve forced her to tell him the truth, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to know what had happened. He couldn’t help feeling surprised that she would have proposed to him when she had been involved with someone else.
It wasn’t until he neared the compound that he realized another reason why this was bothering him so much—she did not care for him. She was using him for her people. Which, to some extent, was honorable, but it also meant that there was no way for them to fall in love. And while that wasn’t the point of them getting together, he had thought that maybe, just maybe, they could turn their marriage into a happy one, maybe even down the road, a loving one.
But if she couldn’t even tell him the truth about the father of her baby… if someone else was involved…
Was she still involved with the father? What did that guy think of her pending marriage to him? Did he have to be careful and watch his back in case the guy would come after him?
Did she want to marry him in name only and still be with the other guy? They wouldn’t even have to have sex for her to get pregnant because she already was. There would be no reason for them to be intimate ever.
For one horrible moment, he thought about casting the baby out into the wild. It wasn’t something that happened often, and he had always thought it was barbaric. No, he would never ask that of her. Of course not. He might be pissed at her, but he would never take that out on the baby.
Could he marry her though? Knowing their marriage would never be real?
A migraine was forming as he sought out his father and found him in his conference room. Only his father was inside, reading a report. Good, he didn’t want an audience for this conversation.
His father barely glanced at him as Beric took a seat beside him.
“When is your marriage happening?” his father asked after two minutes of silence passed.
“It’s not,” Beric said gruffly. He kept his hands beneath the table and shifted his fingers into claws and back and forth again.
“Why not?” His father slammed his fist onto the table.
“She’s—”
“I don’t care about her. She doesn’t matter. There is no other way for us to possibly stand up to the Brutal Claws. Do you think they will wait forever to make a move? Of course not. They’re toying with us, killing us here and there, but make no mistake about it, they will slaughter us all if we do not try to solidify this alliance.” His father stared at him as if he was a cockroach.
“But she is—”
“She’s pretty. That’s enough. You’ll get her pregnant. Once your child is born, you can do what you want. Have a mistress. Have two. It’s not a marriage of love, but you knew all along you might not have that luxury. I’m sure she knows and understands that too.”
“She’s pregnant already,” Beric growled. His teeth changed into fangs without him even thinking about it.
His father dropped the report onto the table, his face a mask.
“You have to admit that changes—”
“Nothing. It changes nothing.” His father slammed his fist onto the table, crinkling the paper. “You will swallow your pride and marry the girl and do your duty to your pack. I can’t believe you would even think of walking away from this opportunity. It is our only chance for survival.”
“What about the…” Beric tried to think of the other nearby packs, but none of them were large enough to be of any help.
“You know as well as I do that even with the Blood Roses, we may still be doomed. There’s nothing else for it. There’s nothing else for us. You may feel like you�
�re at a crossroads, but you aren’t, not really. Either you will be the heir that the pack needs, or I will have no choice but to select another heir in your stead.”
Beric hung his head. He was being selfish, wanting to see if there might be something between him and Miera, that their wedding won’t just be for their packs but for them. The few kisses they had shared told him she would be a passionate lover. He had wanted to be the one to ignite her fire, for her to burn for him.
But love had no place with war. Maybe this was for the best. If he was too distracted by wanting to court his fiancée and then his wife, he could well end up dead, or others could die, like Matthias had.
“Don’t tell me you spurned her.” His father glowered at him. “Have you?”
Beric shook his head. Not quite, not exactly.
“Good. You better go and get her flowers or something. And the wedding had better take place within the week. I don’t know if we can even wait that long, but we are as ready and prepared as we can be with our too few numbers. Yes, I’m sure she would like more time to mourn her brother, but nothing can be done about that now. Yes, you better marry her, and the sooner the better.” His father tossed the report to Beric.
He skimmed it. “They’re attacking our scouts more and more.”
“And it will only be a matter of time before they send enough for a real battle. Our wall has been fortified, but if enough show up, that won’t matter.”
Beric sighed and rubbed his temple. His migraine was worsening. “Why us?”
“Don’t worry about that. We have enough matters to concern ourselves with.” His father sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. “I had hoped they would never look our way, but hope is for fools. All we can do is focus on the task at hand.”
“Survival.”
“Yes.” His father stared at him. “Your mother and I… I don’t know if I would use the word love, but we are fond of each other. I know you want the same for yourself. It is possible. If you are willing to forgive her.”
“The child…”
“Is not yours, I realize that. That complicates matters, yes, I won’t deny that but…”
Beric didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He reread the report. “This latest attack was only a mile from our compound.”
