by Jade White
“Yes, closer and closer.”
His father was right. The marriage had to happen. Tomorrow. He’d call her tomorrow. Maybe sometime tomorrow he would be a married man.
The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Miera needed a distraction. Beric might call off the wedding or send her child away as soon as he or she was born, and she just couldn’t handle thinking about that right now. There was no one she could talk to about this, certainly not her best friend Lisa. Lisa wasn’t known for keeping secrets.
If Matthias had lived, she might have been tempted to confide in him. He had always been her staunchest supporter. Even when she felt like she wasn’t good enough, he would be there for her, in her corner, believing in her.
But he was gone, and she was alone and pregnant. And if she kept thinking like this, her thoughts would spiral her into depression, and that was the last thing she needed right now.
It took her a good hour to locate her father. So many were-jaguars stopped her to ask when the wedding would happen, when she would introduce Beric formally to the pack, when they could stop feeling so scared. She had no answers for them. She had nothing to give them at all.
She was their heir, and she had failed at the best chance she had to try and secure them safety and peace.
Her father, as it turned out, was just leaving the mess hall. Thankfully, he was walking by himself.
She rushed over to him, ignoring the wave of nausea that accompanied her quick movement. “Father.”
He grimaced and sighed. “I know that tone. What do you want?” He never slowed down his swift pace. Her father never walked anywhere slowly.
“I would like to be given permission to go on a scouting expedition.”
Father’s jaw tightened. “After your brother, how can you think—”
“That is exactly why I think you should. It would be a way for me to mourn him. I haven’t… There hasn’t been time to, and I… I need this.”
“You’re far too emotional, Miera. You always have been.” Father shook his head, his short red hair hardly moving in the breeze that stirred her longer locks. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Even though it would be for my own peace of mind? You always talk about how we need to center ourselves, to know our true focus.” While she preferred to lift weights or to go on runs to stay in shape, her father was a big proponent of yoga, which had always struck her as comical, but, hey, if she could use that to her advantage now, she would. “Right now, I can’t focus on anything, let alone my true focus.”
“Beric is your sole focus,” her father growled. “You know this. That’s not something you could have forgotten.”
She had to do this. Somehow, she had to secure his permission. “He was with Matthias when he was killed. Seeing him only gives me more grief.”
Father scowled.
“I know I have to get over that,” Miera said desperately. Could this conversation be going any more poorly? If her father realized that her engagement was hanging on a thread, that everything she had tried to set into motion to save their people might all go up in smoke, there wouldn’t be enough hours for him to use yoga to try and find it in himself to forgive her. He just might be angry enough to kill her himself.
And if he discovered she was pregnant, that wouldn’t be any better either.
“I will get over that,” she added. “I know I will. I know I have to.”
“You have to get over your brother, too.”
“Do you even care that he was killed?” she blurted out, hurrying up to gain some space on him so she could whirl around and block his path. “I haven’t seen you mourn him either. You just go about your meetings, laughing and talking with everyone, acting as if nothing had ever happened.”
“Life goes on, Miera. It’s horrible, and it grieves me that he was taken from us, but this is war. We might not be having battles yet, but the time for that is growing nearer. It also grieves me that, while you were intelligent and insightful enough to propose the marriage that might save us, you dally about instead of marrying the were-jaguar so we can start serious preparations for that war. Don’t you realize the danger you’re putting us all in? Marry Beric and be done with it already.”
“It’s not that simple,” she spat out. “Nothing about life is simple. The Brutal Claws are coming, yes, I know that. I also know that if I don’t mourn my brother, I will be lost. I can’t forget about him. I can’t forget about Thom either. It’s important to remember where we came from, isn’t that what you always said?”
“Yes, but—”
“There are no buts. I will not sell my soul and become a killing machine in order to survive. I will not become a shell in order to live another day. I will still feel. I will never shut off my emotions. I won’t. If you don’t understand that, that’s on you.” It wasn’t until she said this that she realized it was the truth. She needed to go out scouting for several reasons, a distraction only part of the picture. Her brother’s murder plagued her deeply, and she needed to get over that first. Maybe then she could deal with her pregnancy and hopefully her impending marriage too.
Her father gave no response, just stared at the ground in front of her feet.
“Maybe your yoga has made you able to stop feeling, but I don’t have that luxury.”
Her father did the most surprising thing then. He wrapped his arms around her for a warm hug.
Miera stiffened at first before relaxing into the embrace. She wasn’t truly frightened of what was to come as far as the Brutal Claws were concerned. Her life she didn’t care about. That of her people and that of her unborn child, yes, but not her own life.
For a moment, she felt as she had when she had been a young were-jaguar cub. Her father had always protected her, kept her safe. There was no reason to fear anything when he was near.
But then he backed away, and there was horror on his face. He didn’t say anything, just grabbed her arm and marched her away from the mess hall, toward an empty garden. After he glanced around—probably to ensure no one was nearby—he growled, “Do you have something to tell me?”
She swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry.
“How far along are you?”
There was no point in denying it. Suddenly, that comforting hug had turned into a horrible mistake.
“I have about six weeks left.”
“So it’s not Beric’s.”
“No.” She swallowed again and coughed as her saliva went down the wrong pipe.
“Who is the father? Never mind. I don’t want to know.” He swatted toward her, not hitting her, although she felt as if she had been slapped.
“Father,” she begged, “please—”
“Does Beric know? Is this why you haven’t married him yet?” His eyes turned dark as they narrowed. “He is still going to marry you, isn’t he?”
“Father.” She took a deep breath and tried to settle her nerves. “Please, try to—”
“Try to what?” he exploded.
She winced. He never talked like that, not to her, not to others.
He pivoted on his heel, turning away from her. She could hear him practice his breathing. Yes. Calm down. I can’t possibly talk to you when you’re like this.
“I believe I asked you questions. I also believe I am your alpha. Council or not, as alpha, when I ask a question, it should be answered.”
“Yes, sir.” She wrung her hands then rubbed her slightly swollen belly to try and calm it. Her habit of wearing loose clothing wouldn’t help to hide the pregnancy for much longer.
“Does Beric know?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Is this why you haven’t married him yet?”
“I… I don’t know.” And that was the truth of it. She knew they should have been married long before now, but she hadn’t been ready for that step. Now, with a baby growing inside of her, she was even more unprepared, although the pregnancy also necessitated the wed
ding all the more. Unwed pregnant mothers were not looked upon favorably in were-jaguar communities.
“Will he still marry you?”
“I… I believe so.”
“Believe so. Is that good enough for you? A belief? Because that won’t help keep Teal Warriors by our side when the Brutal Claws attack. That won’t steady our combined lines. They’ll break formation to save their own and leave our men to be slaughtered, and who could blame them? They wouldn’t be bound to us in any way. Not without your marriage to their heir.” Father whirled around to face her. His expression left him almost unrecognizable, filled with such fury and anger and hostility. “Maybe we need a different heir, one more responsible, one who understands what is at stake and would be willing to do whatever it took to keep her people safe, including keeping her legs shut until her wedding night with Beric Noca.”
She winced and lowered her gaze, unable to meet his gaze any longer.
“Do you feel that you still deserve to be heir after this stunt?”
“It wasn’t a stunt. It wasn’t lashing out. It… I was pregnant before I proposed. I just didn’t know I was.”
“I can’t stand to look at you right now. You disgust me. If you can’t convince Beric to marry you…”
“If I can’t, then what?” Her heart was pounding so hard it hurt to breathe. She had known her father would be upset with her, but this was far worse than she’d anticipated.
“If this wedding is off, maybe it would be better if you left on a scouting expedition and never returned.”
Miera gasped. “You don’t mean that, do you?”
“I do.” Without a backward glance, her father stalked away.
Exile. It would mean she would never be able to return to her people. She would never see her father again, the other council members, Lisa, her other friends. Most likely, the Brutal Claws would descend on her shortly after she left, and that would be that. Which is probably what he wants, for me to be dead.
Miera couldn’t handle this. She was his only daughter. Didn’t he love her at all? Was her father really prepared to lose both of his children?
My life, and that of my child’s, rests in Beric’s hands. The man she was supposed to marry. While she thought he was an honorable man, she had greatly misjudged her father whom she had known all of her life. Did she know Beric well enough to know what he would decide?
No, she did not.
Even after the proposal had been accepted, she hadn’t thought about the future, as to what married life would entail for her. She hadn’t seen the point, considering the marriage might not last long at all. There was no doubt in her mind that the wedding would force the Brutal Claws into action. Right now, she felt as if they were in a state of limbo. Too few were-jaguars had survived the destruction of their packs for her to know if this was their typical method. Maybe they always waited and watched before pouncing. It would explain why they were so dominate.
Being married to Beric… what would that have been like? The kisses they shared… He definitely knew how to kiss, and she had felt his bulge form. A very nicely-sized bulge. There was no doubting that she was attracted to him. He seemed a good and decent man, maybe even good and decent enough to marry her despite her being pregnant by another.
But her being pregnant meant he wouldn’t touch her, she knew that much about him. If they did wed, she wanted Beric to not just be her husband in name only. She wanted all of him.
If he was willing to toss her aside as her father was…
Enough pointless thoughts. Now wasn’t the time to be idle. Now was the time for action.
Not caring that she lacked her father’s permission, Miera armed and readied herself for a scouting expedition.
*
Beric was dreaming. He knew he was, but he didn’t want to wake. Miera was standing before him in the middle of a field. Flowers adorned her hair, and there was a simple beauty to her, a pure innocence, that called to him. When she stopped twirling—she had been dancing to music only she could hear—and she noticed him, she gave him a wide smile that was anything but innocent.
With long strides, he soon reached her side. He pulled her to him, desperately wanting to kiss her, but she was laughing and leading him into a dance. Soon, he was laughing too. He never felt so carefree before. He never felt so at peace before. It was a sin to feel this happy.
Faster and faster they spun until their legs tangled and they fell to the ground. Breathless and still laughing, Beric pulled Miera on top of him. He brushed her red hair back. “You’re beautiful,” he said.
“Is that the only reason why you want to marry me?” She pouted, her full lips tugging downward.
Those lips, her eyes… He was growing very hard.
“Or is this why?” She pressed down against his cock through his jeans.
“I…” Yes, he wanted her. He wanted her body. She was one of the most beautiful were-jaguars he had ever seen. And she cared about her people. She was kind and good, and she made him laugh. What more could he want from his future wife?
Was he forgetting something? He thought so, but he didn’t want to remember right now.
“I do want you.” He groaned as she pressed herself against him again. “Do you want to wait until our wedding night or…”
“I think I can be persuaded to have you now.”
“Oh, really?” He grinned, cupping her cheek. “How can I persuade you?”
“Hm…” She tapped a slender finger against her cheek. “Maybe it would help if you stopped talking so much.”
“Mm.” He lifted his head off the grass to try and kiss her, but she turned her head to the side so his lips brushed against her cheek instead of her lips. “Playing hard to get, are you?”
She giggled and jumped off of him, tearing across the clearing. “If you want me, you’ll have to come and get me.”
He climbed to his feet and chased after her. She was fast, despite being barefoot. Her dress swirled around her legs.
A dress. He had never seen her wear one. Again, he realized this was a dream, but he didn’t care. His desire for her felt so real, and his cock was straining against his zipper. He had to have her, dream or not.
Damn her, though, she was too fast for him. Whenever he reached toward her, she slipped out of his grasp, always moving, not keeping still long enough for him to grab her.
“I almost think you don’t want to get caught,” he grumbled, stopping and standing still.
“Oh, you’re no fun. Don’t you know that the thrill is in the chase?” She twirled in a circle, her arms outstretched. “Besides, if you want something badly enough, you’ll do anything to have it, right?”
He did want something badly enough. Correction. Someone badly enough. When she paused her twirling and blew him a kiss, his cock jumped.
Suddenly, he was running so much faster than her, and he yanked her to his side. “I’m not letting you go,” he whispered in her ear.
“Not until you have your way with me, I take it.” She grabbed the top of his shirt and ripped it in half.
Damn, that was sexy.
He picked her up. The skirt of her dress was long but flowy so she was able to wrap her legs around his waist. She tossed back her head, giggling, and he leaned forward to kiss her long neck. She was so sensual, and she wasn’t even trying, he could tell.
Beric brought her back to the middle of the field and laid her down in a bed of wildflowers. For a moment, he just stood there, staring down at her, soaking in the lovely sight. She looked like a model with her hippie dress and all of the flowers.
“Do you like what you see?” she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
He nodded, unable to speak.
“Come here,” she whined, waving him closer.
Beric chuckled. “Why? Don’t like having to wait some for what you want?”
“You chased and caught me. Now have me,” she grumbled.
“Is that an order?”
Something wicked flashed in her ey
es. “I didn’t think you would like to listen to orders.”
He placed his knees on either side of her hips. “It depends on who’s giving the order.” He kissed just to the left of her lips. “If it’s my father, then no, I don’t prefer to.” He kissed just to the right of her lips. “But if you’re the one issuing orders… I just might be willing to obey.”
Before she could respond, he kissed her thoroughly. She gasped, parting her lips, and his tongue entered her mouth. This kiss wasn’t like their previous ones. This one was all about claiming and fighting for dominance.
It only served to increase his desire for her.
It set the tone for their sex… no, for their love-making.
Again, he was reminded that this all was a dream when he realized Miera wasn’t pregnant. Her belly was completely flat, she had curves in all the right places, and her body responded to his every caress. And she didn’t just lie back and accept what he had to offer. No, she gave as she took, and he found himself wishing it could always be like this, just the two of them, away from all of their problems and troubles.
But that could never be.
When Beric woke, he was rock hard. He had only slept for an hour, just a quick nap. He had been putting in a lot of hours on patrol lately.
It plagued him that he wanted her still. Lust, was that all he had for her? But if so, why did it bother him so much that she had been with someone else? It wasn’t as if he was a virgin himself, so he shouldn’t hold that against her, but for her to have not been careful enough to not become pregnant… She was the heir of the Blood Roses. She had a duty to attend to. Doing whatever she wished, whoever she wished, well, she didn’t have that luxury.
He shouldn’t be worried about this so much. He should just let it roll off his back and marry her and be done with it. The only thing that really bothered him was that the child would be heir. His child, if he ever had one, wouldn’t be. She had taken that from him.
Beric stretched. It was his turn for patrol. Most of his watches lately had been along the fence, inside the compound, but now that it was late afternoon, the patrols were moved outside to try and ensure a peaceful night.
