by Jade White
“I will always love you. And our child.”
She shuddered at his words and closed her eyes. When she opened them, Charles was gone.
Miera would never love Charles, had never loved him. It didn’t matter that he loved her. She wanted to one day give her heart to Beric. She wanted to love her husband. Maybe one day, Beric would be the one to say “I love you” to her.
She hoped so, but with the craziness of their lives, especially now that his father had died and Beric was alpha, she had a feeling that they were not going to spend much time together at all, and if one of them should be the next one to fall…
A sob broke free from her, and she kneeled down, hugging her body, and wept.
*
All of the training and preparation his father had tried to drill into Beric for when he would eventually become alpha was severely lacking. He didn’t know how to bring two packs together. He’d been naïve and thought the wedding would be enough. And he didn’t know how to stop the war, to stop the suffering, to stop the bleeding.
The doctors from the Blood Roses were helping their people, and many of them were now fit for fighting… well, as fit as they could be considering they needed more meat to eat, and Beric had halted all patrols outside the fence, and no one was allowed to leave the compound, not even to hunt. They would have to suffice on whatever food sources they already had. It wasn’t going to be easy. None of this would be easy.
Especially when he looked at the devastation the attack on the hospital had caused. Out of the one hundred and two wounded Teal Warriors, less than half had survived. All of the nurses had been killed, and only three of the twelve doctors still lived. If the Blood Roses wouldn’t lend them their doctors, and soon, the number of Teal Warrior casualties would only continue to grow.
And that wasn’t even the worst of it. Every day, at most every other day, the Brutal Claws were back. They never sent a large number, but those they sent were fierce and capable warriors who brought down many before falling themselves. At this rate, the two packs, whether they worked together or not, wouldn’t survive through another three weeks, if they even lasted that long.
The Blood Roses’ council… he didn’t even know how many members of it still lived. He and Miera had intended for there to be a meeting immediately after their wedding, but the Brutal Claws had ruined that. Now, he hardly saw Miera. His duties as alpha had him so busy he couldn’t even think, let alone spend time with her. Considering she still needed to heal and that she was spending most of her woken hours with her people, they hadn’t had any alone time, and they hadn’t shared a bed either. For being married, he sure didn’t feel as if anything had changed in his life.
It should bother him, he knew that, but he had so many issues to worry about that he hadn’t the strength to fret over that, too. Although, maybe if he were to be on the same wavelength as Miera, they might be able to better work out how to bring the two packs together.
He had never felt so lost before. So many of his friends and comrades had fallen. Even if they were to find a way to get the Brutal Claws to leave them be, how many would be left to enjoy that freedom?
His fingers rubbed his temples, but the headache that had been plaguing him for days now would not relent. Stress induced, he knew, and there would be no shortage of stress for a long, long time.
Kathy had been a huge help to his father, and she had picked up her duties with Beric when he became the new alpha. She was the only other one to be with him in the alpha’s quarters. His quarters. It was so hard to remember that, or maybe he just didn’t want to think of it as his.
Outside the floor-to-ceiling window, everything looked peaceful, but that could only last for a moment. The Brutal Claws were wearing them down, and Beric could only hope they would continue to send small contingents of warriors, as they had been. Otherwise, the next battle would be their last.
He cleared his throat and turned around to face Kathy. “Could you please gather all of our warriors in here?”
“Just the Teal Warriors?”
“The Blood Roses as well, if they’ll come.” He had a feeling they wouldn’t, but he would extend the invitation all the same. He’d be damned if he would be the one to tick them off.
Kathy nodded and left. As soon as she closed the door behind her, Beric sat at the table, head down, his arms his pillow. He wished this all was a nightmare he could wake up from, even if that meant he had never met, let alone married, Miera. While he enjoyed her company, when they hadn’t been talking about the Brutal Claws or her pregnancy by another man she had yet to name, and he sure had enjoyed their time together alone in the car when they had gotten physical, he just didn’t know if he could see a future with her. Because of the Brutal Claws or for another reason?
Groaning, he rubbed a hand down his face. The last thing he needed was to be unfocused. Right now, all that mattered was trying to form some kind of strategy so they could survive the next attack and maybe even prevent future ones.
In groups of ones and twos, warriors trickled in. Not a single Blood Rose, not even Miera. The slight plagued him, but he shook it off and stood to address his people.
“Thank you all for coming and for your efforts so far against the Brutal Claws. It’s been a trying time…” He swallowed hard. His father had never been one for speeches, and he wasn’t quite sure where he was going with his. “We need to try and—”
“If you’re going to mention the Blood Roses, don’t.” Sam, the old seasoned warrior, crossed his arms. He had new scars on him, but otherwise, he seemed as fit and solid as ever, despite his age. “They’re worthless. Less than worthless. They—”
“They outnumber us, and we sorely need them,” Beric said pointedly. This animosity between the two sides—when exactly had it started? Not before the wedding. It must be all of the attacks. The Teal Warrior doctors refusing to heal the Blood Roses until they’d finished looking after their own hadn’t helped any.
“I say we turn them over to the Brutal Claws. Maybe then they’ll leave us alone,” a female from the back of the room suggested loudly.
A few of the others rumbled their agreement.
Beric slammed his fist onto the table. “That is your suggestion? To send my wife’s people out to be slaughtered?” He did his best to stare each one of them down. Only twenty, so pathetically few. “You honestly think that’s a viable solution?”
At least they all had the decency to look away, embarrassed.
“Of course not,” Beric snapped. “Have we seen any of the Brutal Claws with arrows?”
After a few moments of thought, everyone responded in the negative.
“Then we need to start a patrol on the top of the fence.” During the expansion of the fence, they had not only increased its height, they had also expanded its width. One person could walk around the perimeter. “I don’t like that we’re so blind, but I will not risk—”
“You could send Blood Roses out to be scouts,” Sam cut in.
“Or you,” Beric retorted.
“I would go.” Sam cracked his knuckles.
Beric sighed. “You won’t be going anywhere. Except on top of the fence. You’ll take the first hour of patrol duty. I want to be notified if you see a bush move, even if it only happens to be a rabbit. Is that clear?”
“Yes.” Sam nodded.
“Go now.” Beric waited for him to leave before continuing, “I married Miera for a reason—”
“Yes,” Mark, Beric’s best friend, said slowly, “but she isn’t here.”
“She’s pregnant,” Beric growled.
Several people gasped. Yes, they hadn’t announced it yet, but Miera’s condition was one they wouldn’t be able to hide for much longer. Loose clothes would only work for so long. She had maybe five weeks until the baby would come.
“And she’s wounded,” Beric added. Damn. It would’ve been better to announce her pregnancy to everyone, and it definitely would’ve been better to announce it with her present. Too lat
e now.
That definitely seemed to be the recurrent theme in his life.
“You can’t blame her for not being here,” Beric said desperately. If even the few friends he still had were against him, what hope could he have of getting the others to listen to him? “Regardless—”
Sam strolled back into the room.
Beric scowled. “I gave you an order—”
“I’m here about the fence.” For once, the older were-jaguar looked troubled.
“What about it?” Beric’s headache had morphed into a migraine.
“It’s partially down.”
“What? Where? Since when?” Beric had only walked around the inside perimeter of the fence that morning, as he always did as soon as he woke up, to ensure nothing like that had happened during the night.
He bolted out of the room, some or maybe all of the were-jaguars falling behind him. Near the southernmost gate, a chunk of the wall had fallen. Some of the rocks had marks on them. Clearly, the wall hadn’t broken apart naturally. He retraced his steps from earlier and noted that to the west, a portion had crumbled and to the north, there were signs of grappling hooks.
“They’re trying to dismantle the fence,” Beric said grimly, “which means we have to do everything in our power to stop them. They obviously see the wall as a hindrance, so we need to keep it that way! Mark, go fetch the builders, and all of you, get to work.”
Mark hurried off.
Sam turned to Beric. “Where are you off to?”
“To find us more workers.” He stared the older were-jaguar down.
A long moment passed. Then Sam nodded.
“I’m leaving you in charge of the fence.” He clasped Sam’s shoulder.
“I got it.” Sam nodded again.
Anger and frustration raged within him. Nothing was going right. Nothing at all. And if they didn’t change their luck, they would all be dead.
*
Miera rubbed the older woman’s back. “There, drink up. You’ll feel better in no time.”
“You shouldn’t be wasting your time with me,” Sarai croaked out. “I’m a goner, and we both know it.”
“Hush. I won’t accept that kind of talk.”
“Bah, you’ve always been one to think you know everything. Look where that’s gotten you.” Sarai eyed Miera’s belly.
She flushed. “I do know that you should rest now.”
“You mean shut up. Say what you mean, Miera. Don’t mince your words.” Sarai didn’t resist as Miera helped her to lie down. The makeshift hospital the Blood Roses were using—Helen’s house—was crammed, but every hour or so, someone else was leaving, ready to fight.
Ready to die.
Sarai’s ailments weren’t from a battle. Old age had caught up to her.
“You should’ve stayed back at our home,” Miera scolded.
“Why? There’s hardly anyone there by now. Who knows? The Brutal Claws might well have wiped out all those who stayed there already. No, I’d rather be among our people when I go.”
“Sarai…”
“Now, now, don’t be going soft on me. No tears. Not after I pass either.” She wagged a crooked finger at Miera. “I lived a long and full life. I have no regrets. Had a wonderful husband, two boys who were mostly good, and one daughter who could outshine the sun. What more could I ask for out of life?” Sarai closed her eyes but opened them again almost immediately. “What about you?”
“Hm?” Miera asked, puzzled.
“Do you have any regrets?”
She choked back a sigh and turned it into a forced laugh. “I’m sure you have regrets. You just don’t remember them,” she teased.
“Oh, I remember everything, and yes, at times during my life, I thought I had regrets, but if you learn to let go of the things you can’t control and worry about what matters and nothing else, everything will fall into place.”
“Easy for you to say,” Miera murmured.
“Why? Because I’m dying and don’t have to see the devastation of two more packs falling to the Brutal Claws?”
“That is what’s going to happen, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.
“It might. It might not.” Sarai shrugged. “I’m not a mind reader. Never claimed to be one. But I do think you’re not being honest with yourself.”
“About what?”
Sarai stared at her hard. “You might not have long yourself either. Why not make sure everything is right with everyone you care about? Having no regrets is so freeing, dear. Believe me. No regrets is the way you want to go.”
The old woman closed her eyes. Whether she was sleeping or only feigning to be, Miera wasn’t sure, but she tiptoed out of the room. Sarai was a wonderful were-jaguar, even if she did like to talk too much. I hope I’m with her when she passes.
It would be terrible for her to die all alone. Miera didn’t want that for herself either.
She rubbed her neck. It still hadn’t healed one hundred percent yet. So strange. Even though it had been a deep wound, it shouldn’t have taken this long, not with a were’s advanced healing ability, and especially not with the aid of medicine. The baby’s sucking a lot out of me.
The drain of coming closer to the end of her pregnancy was wearing on her. Four and a half weeks. That was all she had left. Then it would be her and the baby.
And Beric.
Miera sighed. She visited with a few more patients, doing what she could to help them, even if it was just listening to them talk. Once she finished, she left the makeshift hospital behind and headed toward the mess hall. Eggs were already becoming scarce, but there was still plenty of bread, and she was starving. She needed to keep up her strength as much as the wounded did.
Before she reached the mess hall, someone jogged over. “Miera, there you are.”
“Beric.” She couldn’t quite smile. She felt too tired to. Her husband. It felt so strange to think that, especially since they weren’t living together as were-jaguar and wife.
“Have you heard about the fence?”
Automatically, she glanced away from him to the tall structure that surrounded the compound. “What about it?”
“There are several places where the Brutal Claws are trying to dismantle it.”
“Oh, God, that’s awful!”
“I need more workers to help repair it. If they want the wall down, we need to keep it up.”
She agreed, but she couldn’t help bristling at his I. “We need more workers,” she murmured.
He ignored her comment, if he even heard it. “Do you think some of the Blood Roses will be willing to help?”
“I’ll ask,” she promised. “In the morning.” Already it was getting to be twilight. By the time she would gather anyone willing to lend their aid, it would be too dark for them to start.
“In the morning,” he said bitterly.
“Yes,” she snipped.
He stared at her, surprised.
“I…” She wasn’t about to apologize. “I was about to eat. Will you join me?”
“I should go and—”
“You need to eat.” She grabbed his hand. “When did you last eat?”
“This morning.” He frowned. “Or maybe it was yesterday. All right, fine. A quick bite. I can’t be long though.”
“Why not?”
“I need to see how the fence repair is going, locate any other places we might not have discovered yet that they are targeting, ensure no parts of the wall need repair because of the elements…”
It had been raining a lot since the Brutal Claws had first attacked them, almost as if they had brought the poor weather along with them. It certainly hadn’t brightened anyone’s spirits.
“Can’t you appoint someone to be in charge of the repairs?” she asked.
By now, they had reached the mess hall, and Beric opened the door for her. It seemed almost more perfunctorily than out of anything more kind and loving. “I did. Sam. A Teal Warrior. I don’t know if you’ve met him or not.”
; “If you have someone in charge already, why do you need to check on everything?” she asked as they entered the mess hall. They had the place to themselves. It felt almost eerie to be walking in the large room, past all of the empty tables, with no one else around them.
“Because.”
“Because you’re a control freak.” The words just came out.
He glared at her. “I want to make sure everything is done to ensure my people—”
“Our people,” she retorted. She shouldn’t be acting this way. He had so much stress. He didn’t need grief from her. Lack of sleep and being pregnant was no excuse for being so irritable.
Beric sighed. “Yes, our people.” He ran a hand through his hair. “This isn’t easy.”
“No one said it would be.”
He gave her a small smile. “Sit. I’ll get us some food.”
Miera didn’t want to listen. She didn’t want to eat. Her appetite was gone. All they did was fight. It bothered her. They were fighting. Their people were fighting each other. And they all were fighting the Brutal Claws. Nothing was going the way they had planned. Nothing was good. Nothing was right.
Tears burned her eyes. She wasn’t normally a crier, but she hadn’t been feeling right for most of her pregnancy, and especially the past few weeks. Maybe a good, long cry was just the thing she needed. An outlet. God knew she had enough aggression to let out during the battles, but that wasn’t enough.
Beric brought over a large heaping of fruit. “It’s not much—”
“It’s fine.” She swiped a banana and forced herself to eat it.
For a long while, they sat in silence, eating. It wasn’t a comfortable quiet. No, it was oppressive and heavy, and it wore Miera down. She felt as if a cloud was hanging over them. Maybe we were foolish from the very beginning. Maybe we should have fled. Or maybe we should have tried to talk to the Brutal Claws.
But she knew that those options were ones they had rejected already for good reason. They were stuck, and either they would find a way to survive or they would die. That was what their lives had been reduced to.
“This marriage isn’t going to work, is it?” she asked.
