by Jade White
He had been peeling an orange. Her husband now laid it on the table. “We have more pressing issues to worry about right now.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” Her stomach grew really tight. That banana hadn’t been a good idea, and she’d known it. “If we can’t be united, how can we expect—”
“Our people should listen to us. They should follow our word.”
She narrowed her eyes as she rubbed her belly, hoping the pain would settle down. “They should follow our example.”
“We’re here. Talking. Eating. That’s more than what they’re willing to do.”
“Yes. No.” God, her stomach was so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. “You’re eating, and we’re not really talking. We’re arguing.”
“We’re talking.”
“You can’t even look me in the face.” Miera pushed back from the table. She was going to be sick. “You can’t stand me. You hate me.”
“I would never say I hate you.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. You only married me because you had to, for your people, and now that part isn’t even going right.” Another shot of pain filled her, her stomach tightening again. She jerked to her feet.
“Miera, sit down. I—”
“You never would have married me if you had the option not to.” She closed her eyes, trying not to feel anything—either physically or emotionally. How exactly she felt about Beric she wasn’t completely certain, but she knew she did care for him. One day, she might fall in love with him.
But one day might never come.
And maybe it was unfair for her to bring this up now. He was grieving his father and pushed into all of the responsibilities of being alpha of a pack of were-jaguars who were being hunted and killed by another pack, all the while trying to merge his pack with another so that those two packs might have a chance.
A chance that looked bleaker and bleaker every day.
“I just…” She stared at him, breathing through her nose, trying not to vomit. “If we survive this, somehow, someway, just know that we can divorce. I won’t force you to remain with me any longer than you have to be.”
Without waiting for a response, Miera pushed her chair back so hard it fell over. She walked away—the pain preventing her from running like she wanted to.
Beric called after her. She heard his voice, heard his footsteps nearing her, heard the roar of air rushing past her ears as she fell to the ground. Between her legs grew warm and wet.
It took Miera a moment to realize what was happening. Her water had just broken. The baby was coming. She was in labor.
And it was early. Much too early.
The chances of her baby surviving were not high at all.
CHAPTER 14
Beric hadn’t wanted to fight with Miera, but he felt so angry and confused. He didn’t know what to do to handle his people or his marriage, and he knew he was making things worse, but he didn’t know how to make things better.
When she’d mentioned divorce, he’d been floored. She hated being with him that much that she wanted to cut ties with him completely? Or maybe she just didn’t know how else to tell him that she didn’t want him to raise her child, that she wanted the baby’s father in the picture despite what she had said before. Maybe she regretted marrying him, thought him a failure of an alpha, and wanted to distance herself and her people from him and the Teal Warriors.
His life had hit a low point when she walked away from him. He had tried to call after her, begging her to wait, to listen, but he still didn’t know the words to say to make everything better. And maybe there weren’t any words to be said. Maybe he needed to show her, but damn it all if he knew how to do that.
Well, he would just have to find a way. Words, action, whatever.
So he followed after her and watched in horror as she collapsed. Her pants grew wet, and he cradled her to his chest. “Miera, what’s going on?” It didn’t look like blood, so it couldn’t be that bad, right?
She groaned, clutching her stomach. Her face was so white it scared him. “I…”
“What is it?” He hugged her closer to him.
She jerked away, and he winced. Her hands were on her stomach, on her belly.
On the baby.
Oh, God, the baby wasn’t coming now, was it?
“Do you need a doctor?” he asked, trying his hardest to keep his voice level and calm. Inwardly, he was such a nervous ball of panic. More than anything, he felt terrified. He didn’t want to lose her. Not on the battlefield. Not during childbirth. It didn’t matter that the child wasn’t his. The child was hers. And she was his. They were married.
How the hell could he have ignored her after their marriage? Being busy and overwhelmed was no excuse. He should have turned to her, leaned on her, let her help him. He sure as hell needed her. He couldn’t do any of this without her. That much was obvious.
He carefully picked her up and walked out of the mess hall. It wasn’t easy. All he wanted to do was look at her, to try and ease her pain, but there was nothing he really could do. She needed a doctor’s help.
So he carried her to Helen’s house. While he appreciated that the Teal Warrior had opened her doors to the Blood Roses, it struck him how awful it was that they weren’t set up in the hospital. Yes, it had actually been a blessing in disguise when the Brutal Claws had terrorized the hospital, but still. There was enough space, and they could pool their supplies together. They could work together. They could stop worrying about whether they were a Teal Warrior or a Blood Rose and just be a were-jaguar and help each other, plain and simple.
Still, he hadn’t hesitated. He immediately brought her to her people. Of course he trusted his men, but he wanted Miera to feel comfortable, and if she was able to talk—all she seemed capable of at the moment was moaning and groaning—he knew she would have asked him to bring her here.
Her best friend, Lisa, opened the door, took one look at Miera, and started to dictate orders.
He followed her into a room that she immediately had everyone inside clear out. “I didn’t realize you were a nurse,” he said.
“I’m not.” She helped him place Miera onto the bed. “Get out.”
“No.”
“You’re in the way.”
“You aren’t a doctor. I know that much.” He stared down at her then turned to address his wife. “I’m not leaving unless you want me to.”
Beric held his breath. Miera wanted a divorce. Of course she would want him to leave.
“S-stay,” she whispered.
A bustle of people came in, doctors, nurses, and more people he didn’t know. He wiped Miera’s sweaty forehead with a damp cloth and held her hand. She squeezed it tightly every few minutes.
The voices all blurred together, their words unrecognizable, but eventually he realized that he had been right. The baby was coming. And the baby was early. Far too early. The chances of survival, that he didn’t hear, and he hoped to hell that none of them actually voiced that. His ears were ringing, and he felt a little lightheaded himself.
He leaned over close to Miera’s ear, trying to block everyone else out and focus only on her. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care about the fence. You’re right. Sam can handle it. I do need to learn to delegate. There’s a lot I need to learn. Because we’ll have time. We’ll have time to learn things together. We’ll get through this.”
Did this just mean the childbirth? Or raising the child? Because that would also mean getting through the war, which was so one-sided at this point that Beric seriously doubted he would see many more sunrises.
And now Miera was trying to bring into the world a baby who might not even live to see one sunrise, let alone multiple ones.
His breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t be weak. Miera needed him. He had to be strong, for her. For them.
“You don’t need to worry about anything,” he promised her.
Miera was shaking her head from side to side. She was sweating.
> “Is she running a fever?” he murmured to a nurse.
“She’s fine. Childbirth is very trying on the body and…” The nurse glanced from Miera to him.
He stepped just slightly away from Miera, turning his back to her, but still holding her hand.
The nurse lifted onto her toes and whispered, “Normally, the closer a woman gets to her delivery date, the more time the body has to prepare for labor and delivery. She’s not very dilated yet, and that’s not helping things any. With her water being broken, the baby has to come, one way or the other.”
So a C-section was a possibility. He sure doubted Miera would want that.
The nurse must have read his face because she added, “Last resort.”
Beric turned back to Miera. “You’re going to be fine. Everything will be fine.” He tried to kiss her forehead, but at that moment, she moved away so his lips landed in her hair.
“It hurts,” she murmured, the first clear words she had said in a long while.
“Of course it does.” Lisa stood at her other side, holding her other hand. “You’re being so strong.”
“I’m not.” Miera closed her eyes.
“You are.”
“I’m… I’m terrified.” She more or less mouthed the words.
“I’ve been terrified every day since I’ve been alpha,” Beric cut in. He didn’t stop to consider whether or not admitting that in a room full of Blood Roses was a good idea. They didn’t matter. Miera did.
Although his thinking like that definitely wasn’t going to help bring the two packs together.
A doctor was fiddling between Miera’s legs. No way was Beric going down toward that end of the bed. He didn’t need to see what was going on.
“Three centimeters,” the doctor said.
Lisa’s face fell.
Beric grimaced. “What?”
“She needs—”
“Ten,” Miera said. “Ten before the baby comes. And it’s been really slow, and I’m going to need a C—Ow!”
“Not necessarily,” Beric said desperately. Damn, her grip was strong. His hand was killing him from her squeezing it so hard.
Lisa bit her lower lip.
“Is there anything we can do to help?” he asked hopefully.
“Not really.” The doctor stood.
“Can I walk a little?” Miera asked.
“You’re feeling up to it?”
She nodded.
“Only if you lean on me,” Beric demanded. He was not going to have her fall again. Honestly, he wanted her to stay in bed so there was zero chance of her falling, but if she wanted a natural birth, if possible, and this was the only way to try and help ensure that, then yes, he would walk with her.
Lisa cleared out the nonessential people so only the doctor, a nurse, and herself were still in the room with Beric and Miera. He slowly helped her move her legs to the side and then eased an arm around her waist to help her stand. She leaned so much on him, Beric instantly grew even more worried. She felt so small despite her swollen belly, and she seemed so weak and frail, and what if she didn’t survive? She had to. She has to.
Words burned in his throat, about what he hoped for the future, but he couldn’t voice them. Not now. She needed to have her mind distracted, and he didn’t want to dump on her anything she might not be able to handle at the moment. Something to preoccupy her, that was what she needed, so he babbled about when he had been a kid, about the first time he had killed an animal while in jaguar form and then while in human form. He told her about how he had never really thought about what being an alpha meant and that he was worse at the job than he could have imagined. “Although, if I didn’t have to worry about the Brutal Claws, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe my biggest worry would be about the sewage system.”
She hadn’t said much of anything as they made tiny semicircles around the bed, but now she glanced at him. “Sewage?”
“Yeah. It’s what I had to worry about before all of this. Before the Brutal Claws.”
“You would rather…” She winced. “Deal with shit than with…”
“Shit or death. Yeah, I’m going with shit.”
Miera gasped with laughter, giggling so hard they had to stop walking. He was laughing too, crying even.
“All right, you two.” The doctor was smiling, though. “Do you mind getting back in bed so I can see how far along you are now?”
Miera had been laughing so hard she was crying too, but when the laughter stopped, she was still crying. Beric helped her ease back onto the bed, but he couldn’t help feeling worried and anxious again.
The doctor did his thing and stood. “Six. Things are moving faster now. That’s good.”
“As far as…” Miera winced.
“I know the contractions hurt, but they’re dilating you. They’re helping to get your body ready and move the baby into position.” The nurse smiled and patted Miera’s knee. “Are you sure you don’t want any medicine?”
“I’m… I’m fine,” Miera said through gritted teeth. “The baby…”
“Is fine.” The doctor’s smile seemed a little forced.
“He or she is too small, though.”
“Let’s not worry about that right now. Let’s just concentrating on birthing the baby.”
Beric and Miera walked for another hour to get her up to eight centimeters, and then the doctor said he would prefer her to remain in bed. Beric tried to tell her stories, but she didn’t seem to hear him. At times, he wasn’t even certain she knew he was there.
Eventually, the time for pushing came, and if Beric had thought she’d squeezed his hand hard before, he had been mistaken. His fingers were turning blue and purple. The doctor had him count to ten to try to get Miera to push longer. With his slow counts, she pushed and grunted and groaned and pushed and pushed some more and then there was crying.
Not on Beric’s part. Or Miera’s.
On the baby’s.
The doctor held up the tiny, tiny baby. “Congratulations. It’s a boy.”
Miera flopped back onto the bed and closed her eyes. “A boy,” she murmured.
“Do you want to hold him?” the doctor asked.
There was something in his tone that told Beric he wanted her to answer in the negative.
Miera shook her head, eyes still closed.
The doctor rushed out of the room with the baby.
Beric’s heart sank. Somehow, he managed to stay by Miera’s side until she fell asleep. Although he didn’t want to leave her, he did. He rushed to track down her doctor and her baby.
Another doctor prevented him from going inside the room. “We’re doing everything we can.”
“He was crying,” Beric protested. “He sounded like he had healthy lungs.”
“His lungs are underdeveloped. His heart seems to be working too hard. He’s small, very small. He… You and Miera need to be prepared.”
“Prepared for what?”
“Prepared that the baby might not live.”
*
Miera woke and slept and woke and slept, and when she was awake, Lisa and Beric shoved food and drink at her until she was asleep again. They spoke over her, not letting her talk or ask questions, and after it started happening for a fifth time, she knew for certain that she had been right, and her fear was legitimate.
The baby was not going to make it.
She turned aside as Beric held a banana up for her to eat. “No bananas,” she said crossly. Bananas reminded her of labor.
“I’m sorry. Do you want some rabbit? There’s a little bit—”
“I want…” She turned and smiled at Lisa. “Can we have a moment?”
Lisa grabbed Nurse Carla’s arm. “Of course.”
Miera waited for them to leave to glower at her husband. “Tell me the truth. Does the baby… Is he…”
“He’s alive, yes.”
But his eyes and expression said what his lips didn’t.
“For now. How much longer do they think he has?
A day? A week? Hours?” She struggled to sit up straighter.
He helped her and put a pillow behind her backside before stepping back. “They are doing everything they can.”
“But…” She shook her head. “Beric, I have to know.”
“That’s all I know.” He grimaced. “They don’t care that I’m alpha of the Teal Warriors or that I’m your husband. They won’t tell me anything. I’ve tried. Not that I’ve left your side for long,” he rushed to add.
Despite herself, she almost smiled.
“Your father has been here. It’s possible he might know more, but I don’t think he’s around right now. I can go and find a doctor and bring one here to talk to you. They might tell you.”
“They wouldn’t… If he was about to…” She couldn’t get words out, too afraid and upset.
“I’m sure they would bring him straight to you if…”
She swallowed hard. In her delirium after giving birth, when she had seen how premature the baby was, she hadn’t wanted to hold him, too afraid she’d hurt him. She knew then what she knew now. Her baby had come too early to survive. Her baby was going to die.
And she hadn’t wanted to bear the pain of holding her son only to lose him.
But now, she hated herself for that choice. Because the doctors were trying their hardest to keep her baby alive, and if she were selfish and had him brought to her now, it might jeopardize their efforts. She might have missed her chance.
She might never get to hold her son while he lived.
Tears burned her eyes, but she refused to cry. This was her fault. She had pushed herself too hard. She had fought in too many battles. She had endangered their lives again and again. What had she thought would happen?
And not only that, she had been irresponsible in getting pregnant in the first place.
Miera cleared her throat. The time to talk to him about her past had come. “I met a were-jaguar one time in the woods. I was in my jaguar form, hunting down a tapir, when a lion came along and tried to fight me for it. The lion was huge, massive, the largest I ever saw, and it was wearing me down.”
“What happened?” Beric crossed his arms.
She was tired of having to look up at him, so she shifted over in the bed and patted beside her. He gingerly sat next to her. “I’m not made of glass.”
