Each Time We Love

by Shirlee Busbee

  After lunch, when Bodene proposed accompanying Elizabeth on a visit to some friends, Savanna's thoughts were in such turmoil she barely paid them any heed. It didn't occur to her that they hadn't extended an invitation to her to join them and that they departed somewhat hastily. After they had driven away in Bodene's snappy red road cart, she wandered about the oak-studded grassy area in front of the house. Even preoccupied, she was careful to remain in full sight of the house—she wasn't going to risk having Micajah rise up out of nowhere to whisk her off again. Selecting a spot of dappled shade beneath one of the huge trees, she sat down on the grass, her back resting against the gray-brown bark of the trunk. Her legs were tucked under the flowing skirt of her apple-green cambric gown, the high neck with its standing ruffle framing her lovely features. With her glorious red-gold hair half tamed by a loose knot and a ribbon in the same shade as her gown on top of her head, she hardly resembled the grubby boy clad in breeches of Adam's memory.

  After Adam and Bodene had parted in the early hours of the previous morning, Adam had found himself restless despite his lack of sleep, and instead of seeking out his bed, after refreshing himself he had strolled aimlessly about the city. But his thoughts had been on Savanna and the need to make her see the sense of their immediate marriage. His mind full of images of her and the way she had looked that last time he had seen her, he'd happened to pass the discreet shop of a well-known New Orleans modiste and his steps slowed.... A grin crossed his handsome face. Savanna was going to be furious with him no matter what he did, and so he might as well please himself. A gleam in his blue eyes, he had entered the shop.

  The next morning, Adam, having elected to ride along the River Road instead of traveling by boat down the Mississippi River as Bodene had planned, left the city several hours ahead of his co-conspirator. They had decided that Bodene needed to arrive first so he could alert Elizabeth of their scheme, and since Adam had no inclination to lurk in the underbrush for a few hours, the separate means of travel seemed ideal. Besides, Adam needed the time to get his thoughts in order before he faced Savanna. But even as he turned his horse onto the rutted road that Bodene had explained led to the main house, Adam wasn't certain what his first words to Savanna would be. Certainly he had not expected to come across her sitting on the soft green grass like a wood nymph beneath the outspreading arms of one of the many oaks that dotted the area.

  It was obvious from her expression that she was unaware of the horse and rider on the roadway, and taking advantage of her abstracted state, Adam quietly halted his horse and dismounted. Leaving his horse to crop grass at the edge of the road, he walked toward her. With stunned appreciation, his blue eyes roamed across her sun-kissed features, noting the finely arched brows, the patrician cast of her nose and jaw, the full, inviting curve of her mouth, before his gaze dropped to the generous lines of her body that the gown modestly revealed. Staring at her, he found himself breathless, as if he had run a great distance, and his usual sangfroid utterly deserted him.

  He must have made some sound because Savanna looked up, her incredible aquamarine eyes widening in shock as she recognized him standing there before her. If Adam had been startled at her appearance, the same could be said for Savanna at her first sight of him. Gone was the shaggy-bearded, ragged-haired, unkempt rogue who had kept her captive, and in his place stood a well-dressed, extremely handsome man. The thick black hair waved attractively back from his broad brow; the bronzed skin was clean-shaven, revealing the chiseled perfection of his hard jaw and prominent cheekbones, the carnal slant of his lower lip and the proud set of his head. He was dressed impeccably, the bottle-green jacket molding the powerful shoulders and arms, the pale brown, figured waistcoat contrasting nicely with the yellow nankeen breeches which clung tightly to the long, strongly muscled legs. The only thing that hadn't changed, she realized half dreamily, half angrily, was the mocking expression in those unforgettable sapphire-blue eyes.... She stiffened, all the reasons that she shouldn't be happy to see him flooding through her—that and the fact that her cousin was an underhanded, lying, conniving son of a bitch.

  Her jaw clenched and, the light of battle blazing in her eyes, she glared up at him and in a voice filled with loathing said one word: "Bodene!"

  Adam smiled grimly. "Of course." Ignoring her indrawn hiss of wrath, he settled himself on the grass beside her and continued, "I'm grateful that at least one of you has shown some sense and had the wisdom to inform me of my impending fatherhood."

  His words and brazen air, as well as Bodene's betrayal, rankled, and Savanna struggled to keep her volatile temper under control. She would have liked to pretend that his unexpected presence meant nothing to her, that she hadn't wished for just such an incident, but she would have been lying—and Savanna was honest in her dealings, even with herself. Angry as she was at Bodene, the fact that Adam was here beside her sent a dizzying thrill careening through her veins and to her horror, she had to fight an urge to fling herself into his arms. But Adam's words were not conciliatory, and forgetting for the moment all the doubts that had beset her about her decision not to tell him of the child, she replied stiffly, "There was no reason to inform you. I am capable of raising my child myself—without your help."

  Adam sent her a long look. "You know," he said casually, "when you make stupid statements like that, I'm never certain whether I want to beat you or kiss you senseless."

  Savanna glared at him. "Try either and you'll wish you hadn't," she warned, her eyes promising all kinds of trouble.

  Propped up on one elbow, he stared at her, exasperation and admiration in his gaze. God, but she was lovely, the loveliest creature he had ever seen, he thought moodily as his eyes slid down her face and body.

  Infuriated by his slow appraisal, Savanna clenched her fists and muttered, "Would you mind not stripping me with your eyes? You may have had me in your power once, but I'll be damned if I'll let that happen again."

  "Why?" Adam inquired silkily. "Afraid that you might learn to like it?"

  From the furious expression on her face, it was obvious that she was not going to rise to his teasing, and Adam discovered that her unbending attitude toward him had the ability to hurt. Rejection was not something that came his way often and he found it galling that in spite of her hostile manner toward him, he could not shrug his shoulders and simply walk away from her. He shook his head, saying, "I can't understand why in hell I find you such a fascinating baggage." His mouth curved wryly. "Oh, you're beautiful, I'll grant you that, and I'll even admit that I find you appealing, but you are also aggravating beyond belief. You have the witch's own tongue and temper, and with one lift of your eyebrow you can infuriate me faster than anyone I have ever known."

  He shot her a dark look. "I wasn't jesting when I said I never know whether to beat you or kiss you, but one thing I do know—when I'm away from you I feel only half alive, almost as if part of me were missing...."

  To say which of them was the more startled by his admission would have been hard to do. Savanna's stunned features revealed her reaction, but it was Adam who was shaken to his core by the enormity of what he had said and what it implied. With the suddenness of a thunderbolt, it dawned on him precisely why Savanna seemed to have such power over him—he loved her!

  His heart slammed into his ribs at what he was admitting and, torn between abject terror and a strong sense of injustice, he glanced away, grappling with this new, unexpected and unwanted knowledge. Christ! It would have to be her, he thought sourly—the daughter of the one man he hated above all others; the one woman whom he truly wanted and who had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him. An ironic smile curved his mouth. Probably my just deserts, he admitted with black humor, recalling vividly some of the unflattering things that certain women had hurled at him in the past when he had eluded their traps. Oh, God! Wouldn't Betsey Asher just relish his predicament? He shuddered to think of it.

  Adam was silent as he struggled to make sense of what had befallen him. Unfo
rtunately, his introspection gave Savanna time to gather her scattered wits about her. His words had wrapped her in a rosy glow until, insidiously, the thought occurred to her that Adam had a good reason for making such an astounding statement—he had come here because of the baby, and because of the baby, he was intent upon making their liaison respectable. What better way to get her to go along with him than to offer the dazzling lure that he might actually care for her?

  Unable to contain the wrath that coursed through her at his mendacity, she said furiously, "Of all the underhanded, conniving, rascally nonsense! Do you really think that I'm so green that I don't know what you're up to?"

  Startled, Adam stared at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"

  "You know exactly what I'm talking about—the baby! The only reason you're here! Don't deny that you came here to convince me to marry you!" She flashed him a contemptuous glance. "You're so damned determined to get your own way that you're willing to spout the most outrageous lies. No matter what you say, I have no intention of letting you browbeat me or trick me into some boring marriage of convenience."

  Adam's eyes narrowed and Savanna thought she had pushed him too hard. With an effort, he got his temper under control, but the sudden gleam in those eyes made her distinctly uneasy. "Well, at least you got some of it right," he admitted dryly. "I have come here to convince you to marry me and I'll even confess that I always used to view marriage as a trap." He shook his head ruefully. "I was certain that marriage would herald the end of my youth, for a wife would shackle me and curtail my wanderings. But marriage to you would be something far different—I've come to believe that if I have to get married, you're precisely the sort of woman I'd want for my wife."

  He couldn't have made his meaning clearer to Savanna. He didn't want a woman of his own class who might have the temerity to question his comings and goings, who might meet him on an equal footing. No! He wanted someone like her—a backwoods baggage he could stash in the background and whom he could manipulate at will. Oh, she knew very well what he meant by saying she was precisely the sort of woman he wanted for a wife. Hurt and insulted, Savanna drew herself up haughtily and snapped, "Well, I'm afraid you've chosen the wrong woman. I have no intention of marrying—you or anybody else. Forget about me. Forget about the baby. We don't need you! We'll do just fine—and without any help from you."

  "If I remember correctly, you didn't get into your situation all by yourself," Adam drawled calmly, although there was a warning glitter in his blue eyes. "I can remember doing my part enthusiastically."

  Savanna's lips thinned. "I don't deny it. However, that one unfortunate event is not reason enough for me to spend the rest of my life locked into a dull marriage with you."

  Adam sighed, thinking again that he'd like to either beat her or kiss her.... Speculatively he eyed her. He'd never had trouble charming a woman before, and now, when it was so important, when he had practically laid his heart at her feet, he seemed unable to convince her of that fact. Growing angry, but persevering gamely, Adam said bluntly, "Before meeting you, I'd always thought of marriage much the same way. I thought it would be a sentence of years of boring domesticity, but with you..." He grinned, thinking of the years and years of hot-tempered wrangling and passionate lovemaking they would share—once he'd convinced her to marry him, of course. "With you," he continued mischievously, his good humor restored, "it would never be boring." Blue eyes dancing with mockery, he added, "It would be a damned bloody challenge!"

  Savanna was certain she was going to burst with fury and, heedless of anything but the desire to vent just a little of the rage within her, she slapped him. Hard. To her astonishment, he laughed aloud, and before she had a chance to realize what he was up to, he lunged for her, catching her shoulders in his hands and jerking her away from the tree, pressing her down into the grass. For a long second he stared into her furious eyes. "Sweetheart, I'd hoped to make you see reason, but I guess the time for words is over. There seems to be only one way I can make you see sense."

  Adam brought his lips down firmly on hers, his mouth and body starving for her after their weeks apart. He was half lying on her, and her struggles to escape only aroused him further, making him forget everything but the ecstasy of having the woman he loved once more in his arms. Desire, elemental and inexorable, coursed through him and he crushed her into his powerful embrace as if he would never let her go, as if he would absorb her into his very being and make her part of him.

  At Adam's touch, Savanna was pitched into turmoil. Wondering bleakly how she could hate a man who made her feel like this, hate the father of the child she carried beneath her breast, she fought against the treacherous emotions that threatened to overpower her. Even as she struggled to keep her thoughts focused and not surrender to the sweet pleasure that was insidiously sweeping through her body, she was aware that she could never hate him, had never hated him.... The reason for Adam's power over her, the reason why he could shatter her emotions, burst across her brain. Why, I love him, she thought in utter astonishment.

  The knowledge that she was in love with Adam didn't find any more favor with Savanna than his awareness that he was in love with her had found with him. But if Adam had finally and joyfully embraced the idea, Savanna shrank from it—her mother's example of what misplaced love could bring a woman was too painfully ingrained within her to be ignored. If anything, the knowledge that she loved him made the situation all the more painful and unendurable. Terrified of what loving him could do to her, she tried frantically to gain control of her unruly body, to ignore the fierce delight of his kiss and touch.

  But his mouth was too hungry and too urgent as it moved on hers, and with a small, hopeless moan, she gave him what they both desperately wanted and opened her lips. His warm tongue surged into her mouth, evoking memories of his big body plunging into hers that exact same way. Dizzyingly aware of the hard length of his swollen manhood pressed between their bodies, Savanna tightened her arms convulsively around his broad shoulders, as hungry for him as he was for her.

  At her surrender, Adam groaned, his hand closing around her breast, thoughts of the years together that they would have to share this rare pleasure making him tremble. It also brought him forcefully back to reality and made him aware of where they were. With an effort, he brought himself under control, but he could not bear to stop touching her just yet and, his mouth against hers, he murmured, "Marry me, Savanna! Let me take care of you and the child."

  Jerked back to earth by his words, Savanna was humiliated at how easily he had caused her to forget the basic issue between them. How stupid of her to forget that if it weren't for the child and Bodene's meddling, she would never have heard from him again. Dying a little inside, she turned her face away, afraid he might see the love she felt for him and use it as another weapon against her. Struggling out of Adam's slackened grasp, she sat up and, still not looking at him, asked painfully, "Is that what this is all about? A further ploy to get your way?"

  Adam's gaze narrowed and his mouth thinned.

  "Do you know," he said conversationally, "that there are times I really would like to beat you soundly?"

  Her chin lifted and she glared at him. "Lay a hand on me and—"

  "I know," Adam interrupted . "You'll skewer me and feed my liver to the gators."

  Savanna smiled sweetly. "Precisely."

  Getting to his feet, Adam dusted a blade or two of grass from his breeches and said dryly, "I had harbored the notion, foolish though I knew it to be, that you might be willing to listen to reason." He shot her an unfriendly look. "Stupid of me, I know. You're determined to be as obdurate and idiotic as you know how to be, aren't you?"

  All of the doubts that had beleaguered her leapt to the forefront of her mind. She tamped down the spurt of temper at his words, determined to prove him wrong, determined for the sake of her child to attempt to make some sort of future for them all. "Not exactly," she began honestly. "It's just that..."

  If Adam had b
een paying more attention, if he hadn't been wrestling with the stunning knowledge of his love for her, if he had looked, really looked at Savanna at that moment, he might have glimpsed all the doubts and uncertainties that were revealed in both her eyes and her voice, and his next words might have been totally different. For the first time in his life, his deepest emotions were involved, he loved her, which was stupefying enough but he was also certain that she hated him. Unsettled, unsure of himself, he missed the subtle change in Savanna and blundered on. His face set, he snapped, "Unfortunately, that's exactly the situation. You're so bloody determined to put all of us in an invidious position simply because it's me asking you to do something sensible." The blue eyes hostile, he growled, "Goddammit, Savanna, you're such a stubborn minx. You're not listening to what anyone has to say—you won't listen to your mother or Bodene, and anything I say you view with the utmost suspicion." His face softened. "I know you're being rushed into this and believe me, if the baby weren't already on the way, I swear to you that I would court you in the manner you deserve."

  "Would you?" Savanna asked. "If you hadn't known about the baby, would you have come back?"

  "Yes," he said quietly. "I had already made arrangements to come to see you before I got Bodene's letter."

  Unhappily Savanna stared at him, wanting desperately to believe him, but the notion that Adam St. Clair, handsome, sophisticated and wealthy, a man who could have nearly any woman he wanted, wanted to marry her was inconceivable. Look at how they had met, for heaven's sake! And that didn't even take into account what her father had done to his sister. He was probably telling the truth about coming back to see her... but only, she thought miserably, to see if she was indeed pregnant. She was convinced that there could be no other reason. She knew, too, that he was an honorable man, and like an honorable man, he was determined to do the right thing—even if it meant marrying the rustic, bastard daughter of a man he detested. Savanna shivered. Never!