by Ina Williams
“I do man, she’s smart and funny in this really weird way.”
“I told you. I know that voice, man,” Earnest antagonized.
Elijah rolled his eyes as Bix slid from under the car to look at him.
“Elijah, you really like this girl.”
“You said that already Bix.”
“Yeah, I just never thought I’d be saying it about you. I’m repeating it until it feels real,” Bix said, only half kidding.
“You’ve been hanging out with your wife too much. You’re starting to sound like her.”
“Trust me, if you were having this conversation with Rae there’d be much more squealing involved.” Elijah and Earnest laughed at the truth of his statement.
“She’s great, it’s just…” Elijah stopped himself.
“Uh oh, here it comes,” Earnest quipped.
Bix stood to take a swig from his soda bottle, “Just what?”
“Nothing, it’s nothing.”
Bix narrowed his eyes in suspicion and probed, “She’s great, but…,” he extended his hand for Elijah to finish his sentence but Elijah ignored the gesture. Earnest, however, began to understand.
“Oh, I get it. You guys have been going out for a while and you still haven’t…” Earnest raised his eyebrows to finish the sentence.
“Am I a jerk for bringing that up? I mean she’s amazing and beautiful but it’s been like two months.”
“And?” Bix stated squarely.
“I knew I was talking to the wrong person about this,” Elijah said.
“Actually I think you might be talking to the right one this time, I’m not sure your perceived problem has anything to do with the length of time you’ve been dating.” Bix offered.
Earnest and Bix looked at each other and Earnest’s mouth opened slowly with a loud “Oh.” The light bulb had just turned on. Elijah glared at Bix refusing to understand.
“So you’re saying there is no way Elijah’s getting any until they’re married?” Earnest asked for Elijah, goading a little.
“Who is they? We’ve been dating for like five minutes and you’ve already got us walking down the aisle?” There was a little panic in his voice. “Besides Bix, nobody does that anymore,” Elijah said, still in denial.
Bix’s face tightened as he leaned deeply to one side. “That is not entirely true, most people may not, but some still do.”
“Wow man, it’s like you’re dating a unicorn or a fairy,” Earnest mused out loud.
“I did,” a voice chimed from behind them. They turned to find Elsa Rae walking out from the house carrying more sodas. Bix smiled before lowering his head to return to work on the car.
All of a sudden Elijah’s mouth felt dry and his stomach lurched. I am not having this conversation with my little sister and her husband. He covered his ears with his hands and began to talk over them.
“I’m really sorry I brought it up let’s not talk about it anymore,” he yelled as if at a rock concert.
“Really dude how old are you? Four?” Earnest yelled back from the porch step.
Elsa Rae shook her head, “Ok, ok I get it.” Pulling his hand from his ear, Elsa continued, “this topic is off limits for us, but you should at least talk to Molly about it.”
Elijah made a face of disgust before burying his head in the hood of the car.
“Alright,” Earnest changed the subject, “my lunch break’s over and I gotta get back. My boss is this crazy task master!”
“Dinner on Sunday.” Elsa reminded him. Earnest nodded in compliance before kissing her on the cheek.
Once Earnest was gone Elsa Rae looked at Bix and then addressed Elijah, “We actually have an abrupt change of subject we think you might like better anyway.”
Elijah looked up from the hood of the car to see Bix and Elsa smiling at each other. He turned to give them his full attention, curious.
“How do you feel about being an uncle?” Bix asked nonchalantly.
Elijah looked at Elsa Rae, who was beaming. He ran toward her and swept her up in a hug. When he finally set her down he made his way to Bix and gave him a handshake before pulling him in for a hug as well.
The Wednesday afternoon lull was torture. Elijah took advantage of the quiet and decided to take some of the empty boxes to the dumpster as an excuse to get out in the sun. He and Molly had plans later that evening and only half of his mind was on work. The other half was lost in the thought of Molly’s arms around him and the smell of her as he hugged her hello. It was the only thing getting him through the viciously mundane day. On his way back from the dumpster he spotted Earnest in back of the shop sitting on an empty crate staring at nothing. Elijah had seen that look before. It was loss. He’d seen it stretched across Jim’s face when he accidentally walked in on him in the office one day a few months after Percey had passed. Elijah had been more startled than Jim and the look on Jim’s face haunted him long after that moment. It was more than just sadness, Jim looked lost. And now, so did Earnest.
“Earnest?” Elijah pulled up another crate and sat beside his friend. Earnest looked up slowly, as though his mind had been a million miles away.
“What happened man?” Elijah asked.
“It’s over,” Earnest whispered almost to himself.
“What’s over?”
“Everything,” he peered up at Elijah, broken.
Earnest explained that the firm he worked for had gotten involved in some shady business with an even shadier client. Everything about the new case was shrouded in secrets so when Earnest stumbled upon proof of wrongdoing, he quietly took it to one of the partners. Apparently it hadn’t been quiet enough and when Earnest expressed his reluctance to continue work on the case the higher ups quickly assumed, if you’re not with us you’re against us. He was dismissed from the firm and blacklisted in the city.
Earnest had set things in motion for a wrongful termination suit before he left Atlanta, but had just gotten word that the firm was threatening to counter sue for breach of contract considering his non-disclosure agreement. On top of everything else, they claimed Earnest had shared privileged information and they were moving for him to be disbarred.
All of his dreams since the age of twelve were being swept away because he wanted to do the right thing. He loved being a lawyer, not for the suits or lifestyle but because he loved the law. Earnest loved what the law could help people accomplish. He believed in justice and truth and all those sappy things men of honor could so easily believe in. Elijah had been jealous of that, Earnest’s ability to believe. Was this the reward for his belief? Fired, mocked, and banished from the only dream he’d ever had. It seemed it couldn’t get worse, until it did.
“I’m sorry Elijah, I just can’t sell you the shop.”
Elijah said nothing. There were too many words, too many feelings and they all came at once. If he said anything it would be all the wrong things.
“The condo’s already been sold, along with my car. I have no job, no hope of getting one, as a lawyer anyway. Right now the shop is all I have.”
No, the shop is all I have. For Elijah, there was no condo to sell and no one wanted his car but him. Selfish! Elijah wanted to scream at him. It wasn’t like Earnest didn’t have money, he’d been saving since he was sixteen. By now he surely had enough for several years’ worth of rainy days. Deep down though, Elijah knew that what Earnest lost had nothing to do with money. He had lost his identity. But why couldn’t he see that by holding on to the shop he was taking that same thing from Elijah?
“Nothing would really change…” Earnest started, afraid of the coldness making its way onto Elijah’s face.
Elijah had been there the summer Earnest first discovered girls. He knew all the secrets of his first kiss with Marian Harper, who always whipped them both in basketball. Elijah had been the one who stood up for him when Henry Logan wa
ited outside the band room to pummel him. Now, here they were sitting across from each other, complete strangers—worse than strangers, enemies. Not because of how they felt for each other, but because they both needed the same thing with the same desperation.
“You would still run the store I’d just be here to help more…” Earnest tried to soften the blow, but they both knew it was a lie. Everything would change. Everything had already changed.
Elijah stood up and left without a word. Earnest called to him but Elijah could barely hear him. He walked through the shop and out of the front door. He kept walking, certain that if he stopped, even for a moment, everything he was feeling would swallow him whole. So he walked and let his thoughts march past, never resting on any one for too long.
He didn’t realize how long he’d been walking until his phone rang. It was Molly. She was probably wondering why he was late for their date. He couldn’t find the energy to talk to her right now. He couldn’t talk to anyone. Elijah was angry with Earnest Jay but for a moment he thought of him, how his face looked when he admitted out loud that his dream was gone, solemn and pitiable. Elijah quickly shoved the sympathy back down and the wave of fury returned. All he could think about was how much he had let Jim down, how angry he was with Earnest Jay, and how empty his future looked without the promise of owning the shop. He realized now how reckless it had been to put so much of who he was into one thing. He hadn’t lost a store; he’d lost a legacy. He felt the last of Jim was slipping away and all he knew was that he never wanted to feel loss this way again. He tried to think of something else, anything else.
Molly looked at her phone for what seemed like the one hundredth time. It had only been a few seconds since the last time she looked but maybe there was some sort of time vortex, or maybe her phone was still on silent and she’d missed the call but gained a voicemail. It was unlike Elijah to be late, it was almost impossible that he would stand her up. It just wasn’t who he was. He was dependable, even if he had to cancel he would call to tell her. Wouldn’t he? The only reason he wouldn’t call was if something happened. She stopped herself abruptly. You’re spinning out. She picked up her keys and headed for the door, determined to prove there was nothing to be afraid of.
On the drive to Elijah’s, Molly couldn’t decide if she was angry or worried. When she got to his house and there was no car in the drive she settled firmly on worried. She decided not to drag Elsa or Bix into it just yet. She could still hear Elsa’s voice that morning she showed up at her house after the storm, all panic and anger. She couldn’t do that to her again, especially now that she was pregnant. It just seemed wise to keep her fears to herself.
It was almost eleven when Elijah finally pulled up in the driveway. When he got out of his car he seemed annoyed to find her there waiting on him. He nodded in her direction but said nothing as he walked into the house leaving the main door open for her while the screen door bounced closed. Her mood shifted quickly and Molly’s worry morphed into fury. She gathered herself and slowly entered the apartment, ready for a fight.
Elijah had already started on his first beer and he avoided her gaze when she entered. He muttered something about her not needing to come all this way. Her eyes narrowed.
“Stop.”
He didn’t like the command or that there had been one. He didn’t like the way the calmness of her voice made him feel, like he had been doing something wicked.
“What happened to you?” Her frustration apparent.
There was no malice or anger in her wide eyes, but he could tell she was hurt. He hated this feeling too, like he owed her something. He didn’t want to owe anyone anything, it was why he’d spent the last three hours walking and then driving, aimlessly. She was asking for a confession that he simply was not strong enough to give, even to himself. He wanted her to go away, to stop making him feel.
“I can’t do this with you right now,” he said brushing past her and walking towards the door.
“Elijah,” she demanded. He had never heard his name like that from her before. She was reprimanding him, with his own name. “I just spent hours waiting for you, worried about you.”
He imagined her pacing in the driveway, pulling apart the curls in her thick black hair with her thumb and index finger, the way she did when she was nervous or focused on something. But the image made him feel too much so he pushed that away too.
“Sorry, I should have called,” he offered half-heartedly.
“I don’t want your apologies, Elijah, I want an explanation!”
It was the loudest he’d heard her since the night of the storm. Lately the only loud thing between them was laughter. He didn’t like hurting her.
“Earnest is keeping the shop.”
It was quiet as if saying it had been an accident. Molly’s face didn’t change. No sympathy or even anger, she just watched him.
Unable to stand the heat of her glare he continued out onto the stairs with his beer and sat down. When the screen door opened a few minutes later he was sure it was Molly’s exit. Instead, she sat on the stairs next to him. She wrapped her arms around her knees and drew them close to her. He knew what she was doing, she was going to try and make things better with a host of catch phrases and well wishes, but he wasn’t in the mood.
“I don’t want to talk,” he warned in a low rumble.
She stared into the darkness in front of her, “Then don’t.”
She turned to him for a moment to make sure he understood what she was offering him then turned again to face the night. He did understand. She was saying, I don’t care if you’re broken, so long as you let me see who you really are. In that moment, in the dark silence, Elijah admitted to himself that the length of time didn’t matter, he would wait with this woman just as she was willing to wait with him.
Elijah was making the finishing touches on his dish when Widow Liddell knocked at his door.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” he offered cheerfully as he invited her in, but Elijah could tell she’d come to discuss more than just his holiday plans.
“Is everything alright?” He asked, hoping to give her an easy way into the conversation.
“Yes, everything is fine, it’s just…” she paused, “the little dark girl who has been over here recently… you two aren’t…” she couldn’t finish the question and Elijah was glad because it meant that on some level she understood the absurdity of what was coming out of her mouth.
“Dating? Yes ma’am. We are.”
“Oh,” she said in that incredibly disapproving tone that only mothers and grandmothers possess.
Elijah tore a page from his mother and Ma Eloise’s handbook and decided to kill her with kindness. “I’d love to introduce you sometime.”
“Of course, of course. It’s just…be careful dear. I know how young love is, it’s all so overwhelming in the beginning, but just make sure that you’re thinking about the long run too. At your age you want to date the kind of girl you can build a life with.”
He countered her insult, “I couldn’t agree with you more.”
“Well I’d better get back to my greens. I have a house full of people coming over for dinner.”
Elijah wasted no time ushering her to the door. He didn’t notice Molly on the very last step until the widow reached the bottom and the two exchanged glances. Molly had heard her. Widow Liddell knew and felt no remorse. The awkwardness was palpable but Widow Liddell maintained her Southern disposition in lieu of politeness. She gave Molly a tight-lipped smile, which Molly never returned, then walked across the yard to her house.
Elijah hoped in vain that Molly hadn’t heard their conversation. He knew the widow was a harmless old-fashioned gossip who was well-meaning but firmly grounded in the 1950’s. He’d hoped that Molly wasn’t fazed by the silly old woman’s ignorance but when she reached the top of the stairs to greet him she could barely manage a smile. He realized it
wasn’t that simple for her.
Molly understood something that Elijah didn’t. She recognized Widow Liddell as the most dangerous of all racists because she truly believed what she was saying. It was the sincerity of her belief that made her a threat.
Thanksgiving dinner at Ma Eloise’s was just what they needed to lighten the mood. Since the death of their mother, Ma Eloise and the Hargros had become Elsa and Elijah’s family. Even Bix preferred Thanksgiving dinner at Ma Eloise’s to his own mother’s. There was something about the way the Hargro house was always so full of warmth and life. Even the game day trash talk seemed welcoming. The world outside may have been treacherous and strange, but inside these walls Elijah and Elsa always felt safe. The smell of pies and cakes filled the whole house till it poured out into the driveway. They could always smell dessert long before they ever reached the front door.
Molly, Elsa, and Ma Eloise buzzed around the kitchen laughing, joking, and talking. Elijah popped in under the false pretense of needing another drink but no one even noticed he was in the room. He eased into the kitchen, shifted Elsa from in front of the refrigerator to grab a soda, kissed Ma Eloise as he passed her, then winked at Molly who was on the other side of the counter before ducking back out of the kitchen. Molly’s eyes lingered after him for a second too long, when she turned to face Eloise and Elsa they were beaming at her. Molly attempted to cover her embarrassment by starting the conversation again.
Her gracious friend obliged, “I think we’re almost ready to start dinner!”
“Ok, I guess I’ll make a plate for Elijah before the crowd starts.”
Elsa and Ma Eloise looked back at her again.
“I’m sorry, is there a rule about who gets food first?” Molly apologized.
“No. It’s just we’re not really used to Elijah dating the kind of girl who fixes his plate,” Elsa offered.
“It’s just food. None of the girls he brought home before thought he might want to eat?”
