“No. What time is it?”
“It’s a little after five PM. My mom stopped by earlier. She didn’t want to wake you, but wanted to tell you that she loves you and she understands the decision we have made.”
Jack nodded and adjusted the cannula. “You okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”
She was having a hard time hiding her emotions. Reaching out, she traced his hairline with her index finger. “Jack, I’ve got something to tell you.”
He tried to sit up, but broke out in a coughing fit and fell back into the mattress. “What’s up, Babe?”
“I took a pregnancy test.” She held the plastic stick out and he took it from her. “According to it, I’m pregnant.”
Jack eyed the pink lines in the result window and the biggest smile she had ever seen flashed across his face. “Pinch me. I’ve gotta be dreaming.”
She laughed and cried at the same time, lying beside him, pulling him in for a tight hug. He laughed with her, wrapping his arms around her. “I’ll take another one tomorrow just to make sure, but they’re pretty accurate.”
“Finally, something that is working in our favor. A miracle, even if it’s not what we originally thought it would be.”
Alice propped herself up on her elbow and looked into his eyes. “It’s been so long since I’ve smiled and it wasn’t forced. Since I’ve laughed and it didn’t hurt. Jack, you did it. We’re pregnant. I can’t remember a time when you haven’t done something that I’ve wanted. Even in this state, you’ve come through for me.”
“We did it, Alice. Together.”
“You know, it’s funny. Throughout our relationship, you always ask what you’ve done to deserve me. I should be asking the same about you. Why have you been so good to me, Jack?”
“That’s the easiest question I’ve had to answer in months. Because you’re the love of my life, Alice. You’re my soul mate. The only thing that hasn’t been perfect is the fact that I won’t get to grow old with you. I won’t get to be here when your hair turns grey, when you retire to live your golden years, and now, to see our children and grandchildren grow up.” He turned on his side, cupping her cheek. “But with this news, things have changed. I’ll be here. My bloodline will live on through this little one.” He moved his hand down to her stomach, resting his palm on her belly button. “I’ll be in the baby’s heart. I’ll be in your heart.”
Tears flowed down her face and she didn’t even try to wipe them away. It took her breath away when she saw Jack crying too. He rested his forehead against hers, each of them sobbing and laying in each other’s arms.
“If I could go back in time to the night we met at the bar, having known what I do now, I still wouldn’t change a thing, Jack. I’d still love you and be with you knowing that our time would be cut short. Just like what you said – you’re my soul mate, and I’ll never love another like I’ve loved you.”
Jack intertwined his fingers in hers, keeping his forehead against her. “Live your life, Alice. You’re young. Allow yourself to fall in love again. It’ll be a lonely life if you don’t.”
She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I’ve experienced an entire lifetime of love with you. Nothing can ever top what you’ve given me and what you’ll continue to give me. Let’s not think about anything else right now. Let’s just… breathe.”
“I can think of one thing I want to do. Will you grab the video camera from the closet for me? There should be a tripod with it.”
Alice found it to the side, up against some of his old turnouts. “Where would you like me to put it?”
“Beside the bed. Get it ready to go for me. But Alice, once you hit record, please leave the room.”
She placed it on the stand and didn’t hit record yet. She was curious what he was up to. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to make a video for our child. I’ve got a few things I want to tell him or her when they’re old enough to understand. Stuff they’ll need to hear from their father. And Alice, can you promise me something?”
“Of course. Anything, Jack.”
“Promise me you won’t watch it until you show our kid. I want you to see it together for the first time. Can you do that for me?”
It was going to be tough knowing that he had made this and she wasn’t allowed to see it, but with all the sacrifices he had made for her, it was the least she could do. Nodding, she moved her finger over the red record button. “Yes, I can do that for you, Babe.” Mashing the button, she made her exit, leaving him alone in the room with whatever message he wanted to give her and their unborn child.
Walking into the living room, she stared at their wedding picture on the mantle. Both with huge smiles, both together, each oblivious to what the future would hold for both of them.
***
A week had passed since Jack had made the video. Alice had gotten the pregnancy confirmed by her doctor, with a rough estimate that she was about five weeks along. With each day that went by, Jack fell deeper into his death march, now to the point where he didn’t want anything to eat or drink. He slept more than he was awake, and any time his mom or her parents came over, he stayed in his room, unwilling to do much socializing with them. He had requested that the guys at the firehouse stop coming as well.
The hospice nurse was there more often, administering comfort meds at his request. Alice could tell the end was near – he used to refuse any medication, even so much as an ibuprofen, and now he was freely accepting anything the nurse had to offer him.
She feared leaving his bedside. She feared staying there with him. She wanted to be there when he took his last breath, but at the same time, was still denying the fact that it was going to happen sooner than later. The minutes ticked by slow and fast at the same time, and she spent her time watching the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. She studied every curve of his face, from his bushy dark eyebrows, his thick eyelashes, and his green eyes that still managed to be bright, down to his plump lips. She fanned her fingers through his hair. She had to remember all of this. She had to keep it in her memory to hold onto once he was gone.
Alice buried her head in her hands and thought about the past few months. The saying was right – you never knew how strong you were until you had to be.
“Alice?”
Looking up, she smiled down at Jack, his skin pale as his eyelids opened.
“Hey, Jack.”
“I mean it when I say I’ll love you forever.”
“I know you do. And I mean it when I say I’ll love you forever.”
He reached out and placed his hand on her stomach. “You’re going to be a damn good mother to our baby. I’ll be here, every step of the way, even if you can’t see me.”
“I know, Jack. I know you will be.”
“My only regret is that I was only here for a bit. I wish it could’ve been longer.”
Alice pushed a smile through the tears, her hand resting on his head as she looked down at him. “You wanna know something? The time spent together, even if it feels short, is something that I’ll cherish forever. You’re mine, even if it’s just for a while. Nothing can ever take that away.”
Jack nodded and the most peaceful expression Alice had ever seen flashed on his face. Looking her deep in the eye, he gripped her hand with the most strength he had since getting sick. “What did I ever do to deserve you, Alice?” With that question, he took a deep breath, his last one, and Alice stood at his bedside for a few more seconds, watching his now lifeless body. His eyes continued to stare up at her, but the light behind his green irises were gone. Her husband was gone, leaving her alone in the bedroom. His fingers were still wrapped in hers, and she couldn’t let him go.
She whimpered as the tears finally came. No matter how hard she had prepared for this, it still hit her blindside. Crawling in beside him, she buried her face in his chest, hoping, praying that she would feel it rise and fall again, like so many nights when she took it all in. Nothing. He was gone.
S
he tried hard to compose herself, but even when the nurse realized what had happened, she didn’t want to move from the bed. She felt like if she moved, it would be her accepting it, and she wasn’t ready for that. Maybe if she stayed close by, she’d pull him back.
“Alice, dear, lets get you out of that bed.” She turned to see her mom there, and she couldn’t even remember when she had arrived.
Sliding out, she immediately hugged her as the cries escaped her lungs. “He’s gone, Mom. Jack is gone.” Her body shook and her mother’s embrace was comforting. “Jack is gone,” she repeated, unwilling to let her mother go.
***
Alice sat up when she heard that her parents were back. She was certain that Jack Junior had his feel of ice cream and was bouncing off the walls. Walking to the dresser, she pulled the videotape from the top drawer and ran her fingers over the label.
For our little one. With love, Dad.
Alice studied Jack’s fading handwriting. Jack Junior was now seven years old and was full of so many questions about his father. Alice made sure to answer each of them honestly, keeping her promise to Jack that she would teach the kid everything there was to know about Jack Turner. She wasn’t sure what age would be appropriate to finally show the video, but with all of the recent curiosity from their child, now was as good of a time as any.
She had thought about the video since Jack had made it. She wanted to see it, but she honored Jack’s wish of holding off until it was time to show Jack Junior. Today was the day she decided to do it. Now that it was time, she questioned if she was truly ready to see it for herself. With all of the anticipation, why was there hesitation? She could hear Jack – razzing her about her indecisiveness. Making decisions was never her strong point, and he always had made it a point to give her a hard time when she changed her mind.
But she wouldn’t change her mind today. That is why she had her parents come over, to help with little Jack while she prepared. She had no idea that it would take her that far down memory lane, from the moment she had met him, all the way to his last breath.
Fleeting thoughts of his funeral coursed through her. The day was such a blur that it was bits and pieces buried deep in her memory. All of his firefighter buddies were there, in their crisp, dress uniforms. It was one of the most honoring moments of Alice’s life, to see them celebrate the brave fireman that Jack had been.
She remembered the smooth casket, his handsome department picture framed on top of it, along with an American flag draped over it. She had hugged so many people that it was probably best she didn’t remember a lot of it.
“Mommy! When are you going to come downstairs?”
Jack Junior stood at the threshold of her bedroom, his dark hair spiked and crazy just like his father’s had been. His green eyes danced with excitement, and Alice loved how much he resembled Jack. Even his personality was like his dad’s, and she saw him come to life inside their son, just like he had promised days before he had passed away.
“In a minute, Babe. I’m finishing up a few things here.” Babe. She had carried on the nickname to him, unable to let it go.
Walking into the room, he touched her hand, a flash of sympathy on his little face. “Are you crying?”
“I’m okay. How was ice cream with Grandma and Grandpa?”
“Yummy! They said we’re gonna watch a movie together! So hurry and come down!”
Alice laughed as Jack hurried back down the stairs, the pitter-patter of his shoes against the floor bringing joy to her heart. Looking up, she smiled. “I see you, Jack. You’ve never broken a promise, even to this day.”
She knew she needed to get downstairs. Little Jack was getting restless. Looking at his newborn baby picture, she smiled. The day he was born ranked up as one of the best days of her life. Her mother and Jack’s mother had been there, helping her every step of the way. She was thankful that Janet had still come around. After Jack’s death, something had changed with her, and though she still could seem harsh at times, was one of the biggest supports in Alice’s life.
She had found out that she was having a boy as soon as they were able to tell in the sonogram. She had a good idea that it was a boy, but the day he was born was perfect. Jack Turner Junior was the only option when even considering a name, and it fit him perfectly.
Every milestone he had reached, her pride for him grew stronger. And with every milestone, she felt Jack there with her, cheering their pride and joy on. From his first tooth, to when he began crawling, walking, when he started kindergarten and had his first t-ball game. Of course, Alice still felt sad that Jack wasn’t there to share it in the flesh, but she stayed strong for their child.
She flipped open his baby book and thumbed through the pages. Sure, maybe she was stalling in going downstairs to watch the video, though she wasn’t sure why. Seeing her husband come to life again on the screen might be overwhelming, but at the same time she was ready to see what message he had for both her and Jack Junior.
It was time. Her child had questions. He wanted to know more and more about who his dad was. Shutting the book, she set it on the bed and went out on the landing, overlooking the living room where he sat next to his grandpa as they watched some random cartoon on the TV.
Taking a deep breath, she started down the stairs. It was time.
Chapter Sixteen
“Mommy, you finally came down!” Jack pushed a small fire engine across the table, making the siren noises with his mouth. “Are we going to watch the video Grandpa said we would?”
“Yes, Jack. Do you need any juice or anything before we start it? How about you go potty and wash your hands?”
Jack did as he was told, running to the bathroom. Alice looked at her parents, both of them staring back at her, sadness on their faces. “Did you tell him it’s about his dad?”
“No. We weren’t sure if you wanted to do that.”
She put the DVD in and let out a deep breath. “I don’t even know what to expect. He’s been jabbering for days about him. Even mentioned something about seeing him in a dream.”
“He saw him in a dream?” Her mother stood up. “What did he say?”
Alice ducked her head. “Described him. Exactly how Jack looked. Didn’t really say much else, just that he was smiling at the foot of his bed. Had he not had so many details, I would chalk it up to his imagination, but he was so accurate. He’s seen pictures of him, but he mentioned the green flecks in Jack’s eyes. No picture ever showed that much detail of them.”
Before her mother could answer, he came out of the bathroom, hurrying back to his spot on the couch. Alice sat beside him, gripping the remote before she pressed play.
“Listen, Jack, I have to tell you something about this video, okay?”
Nodding, the boy flicked the toy fire truck until it skidded onto the floor. “Okay.”
“What we’re about to watch is special. You wanna know why it’s special?”
“Yes I do.”
Alice smiled at his quick answer. “It’s got your daddy in it.”
He perked up, his eyebrows lifting and his eyes grew as wide as saucers. “My daddy?” He pointed to his chest. “The same daddy that comes to visit me when I’m sleeping?”
“Yes, that’s him. He wanted to make this for you before he passed away. He said he had so many things to tell you that he wanted you to hear from him. He did this before he even knew you were a little boy in my tummy.”
Jack wiggled on the couch. “I can’t wait to hear what he has to say!”
He was too big for his britches. Such a grown up thing to say from such a young kid. Alice ruffled his hair. “Me too, Jack. I haven’t seen it either.”
“Do you want us to leave?” her dad asked.
“No. You can watch too. It’s okay.”
Alice pressed the play button and sat back, putting her arm around her son as the video flickered on, showing Jack sitting up in bed, resting against the headboard as he stared into the camera. The sight of him made her heart
skip a beat. There he was, like he had never left. She couldn’t start crying so soon. She had to hold it together, though it was hard.
Jack took a few seconds to gain his composure, and after shifting his weight a few times, he started to speak. “I found out today that I’m going to be a father. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, and it kills me to know that I won’t be around to see you grow up. Your mother is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I know for a fact, she’s been a great mom to you so far, and she’ll continue to be forever.” He paused to catch his breath, running his hand down the back of his neck as he continued to look into the camera.
“And it’s going to sound crazy, but I just know she’s having a little boy. So, I’ve laid awake thinking about your future and how you’ll already start life at a disadvantage. You’ll never know me, but I know you. I already know the man you’re going to grow up to be. Always respect your mother. You’re going to have disagreements and arguments, but when it comes down to it, she’s the one who gave you life. There’s no other precious gift than that.”
Again, he stopped for a second, as if he was gathering his thoughts. Maybe he was trying not to cry. “I hope you one day find a woman like I’ve found in your mother. From the moment I saw her I knew she was the one for me. I knew we’d end up together. What I didn’t know was that things were going to turn out the way they have. But as you grow older, you’re going to learn that things don’t go as planned. You’ll know exactly what you want, but life will throw you curveballs. Step up to the plate. Take a swing, even if it’s not the pitch you were wanting.” Smiling, he shook his head. “Life is full of disappointments. Me getting sick is a prime example of it. Don’t let the disappointments get you down. It’ll be hard, but I know your mother will mold you into the man I know you’re capable of being.”
“You’re going to fall in love. Take it slow. Cherish it. Just like with life, things might not go how you want, but embrace it. Life is too short to dwell on the negative. Look at me. Perfect example about how life is so very short, so fragile, and that time is priceless.”
Hers for a While Page 12
