Dancing with Eternity

by John Patrick Lowrie

  “What? When?” Jac asked, pulling a draught for a pretty waitress who had appeared from somewhere.

  “Just now,” Yuri repeated, “You know, what was I saying?”

  “Something about your officer.” Jac handed the brew to the woman and turned to get a bottle from behind him, turned back and started filling more glasses.

  “That’s right,” Yuri agreed. “My commanding officer. What’d I say? Mo should hear this.”

  Jac finished two more drinks and placed them on a tray. He sighed with the tolerance of a good bartender as he thought back, “You said, ‘Never fall in love with your commanding officer.’ ” He turned back to get another bottle.

  Yuri pointed a finger at him and winked. Then he turned to me. “Jac knows what he’s talking about. He’s a wise man. Never fall in love with your commanding officer.”

  “All right, Yuri, I’ll keep that in mind.” I tried to get him standing again. And failed.

  “No, no, no,” he wagged a finger at me. “Never. Never ever ever fall in love with your commanding officer.”

  “Who do you mean, Steel?” I asked. “Don’t worry, I’m not in love with her.”

  “Who? Steel?” He waved away the absurd notion. “No, no, no. Steel’s not an officer, she’s a socialist.” He laughed and shook his head, “A social ... social ... lite. A socialite. SociaLITE. Social light. Light of the party. Life of the party. No, no, no. Never fall in love,” he stressed the word, “with your commanding officer. Bad idea. Baad, bad idea.”

  “Okay, Yuri. I won’t. Now let’s—”

  “Hey, Jac,” he turned away again, “you ever been on Alcyone four? Alcyone eye-vee?”

  “I dunno,” Jac laughed, “maybe.” I don’t know if he was laughing at Yuri or at my attempts to get Yuri to leave.

  “No, no, man, Alcyone four, where they had the camps. The camps. Prisoner-of-war camps.”

  Jac shook his head, “I don’t know.”

  Yuri leaned into me as Jac turned away again, “You know they turned men into women there.”

  “Okay, Yuri—” I started.

  “No, no. They did. Turned ’em. Knocked ’em up. Made ’em have babies. Show ’em what it was like. What it felt like. I was there. I saw it.”

  “You were on Alcyone IV?” I asked. I remembered the holos at the Antigone Institute. Forced sex change wasn’t all that had happened there, or even the worst that had happened. “During the war?”

  “I was in the army, man! The D. E. F! I was a conscientious objector and they made me a medic. Can you believe that skag? A freakin’ MEDIC!” He spread his arms out and laughed at the ceiling. Fans cut lazy circles through the misty air. Dancers pulsed and flowed.

  “You were in the Draco Expeditionary Force? Jesus,” I said, “how old were you?” I didn’t even think of the etiquette, it just came out.

  “I was a freakin’ newbie, man! Eighteen, nineteen. Generals like ’em young and spry. You know the root word of infantry, don’t you?” I didn’t, but he was on to something else. “Alcyone IV. We were there to bust ’em out. Let ’em loose. Set ’em free.”

  “Okay, Yuri. We really gotta—“

  “You been to Alcyone IV?”

  “No, I—“

  “They got jungles there. In the tropics. Lotsa jungles. That’s where they put the camps. In the jungles. Freakin’ jungles. Fulla ... stuff.”

  “Yeah—”

  “I was a medic. A little Ranger outfit. There was only eight of us. Six rangers, our pretty, pretty lieutenant, and me. I was a medic.”

  “Okay—”

  “Lieutenant Cooper. Cooper. Cooper, Cooper, Cooper.” He smiled. “They didn’t like her. Didn’t like ’em. Women. In the army.”

  “Who didn’t like her? The rangers?”

  “NO,” he yelled, “the YIN, man, the FREAKIN’ Yin!” He waved his arm, maybe for emphasis, maybe because his arm was no longer answering to his higher brain functions. “Didn’t like ’em. Thought they were traitors. Thought they shoulda been Yinified, Yinboozled, Yinimated. Yiminated, Yiniminate—Yini—Yininimate ...” He threw his head back and yelled at the universe, “FREAKIN’ SKAG!”

  “C’mon, Yuri,” I glanced at Jac who was looking at Yuri like he might have to call the bouncer. “Sorry,” I said, “How much does he owe you?”

  “He’s paid up. Just get him home, all right?”

  “Yeah, good idea. C’mon—”

  “FA’izeh’s Firecats,” Yuri mumbled. He seemed to have calmed down again. “You ever hear of FA’izeh’s Firecats?”

  I managed to get one of his arms over my shoulder and lift him off the stool. He was so far gone I was afraid what he might let slip. “We need to get back to the ship, Yuri. We gotta get going.”

  “Places to go, people to see ...” He was a little more stable than a plate of overcooked pasta, but not much. I tried to keep his feet under him as I walked him toward the door.

  “Johnson’s johnson,” he said with a chuckle. “Johnson’s johnson. You ever hear of FA’izeh’s Firecats?”

  “You asked me that one already.” A pretty miner opened the door for me and we fell out into the night.

  “They were tough. They knew their skag, man. They gave us a lot of trouble. Revolutionary Guard unit. Elite all the way—” He stumbled off the curb and almost pulled me into a light pole.

  “Okay, Yuri, try to—”

  “Course, they didn’t know about me. I was a medic. I didn’t go on any raids. I was a medic.”

  “Yeah, you told me.” I continued to steer him down the alley.

  “I think I’m gonna—” An unbroken stream of clear, slightly used beer and whiskey launched out of his mouth in a high, rainbow arc and splashed a few feet in front of him. I saw a trash can and maneuvered him over to it. He folded over the lip and continued to empty himself. When he was finished he collapsed on the sidewalk. He wasn’t finished talking, however. I figured it would be easier if I just let him run down, so I sat beside him and let him talk.

  “They didn’t know about me. I was off takin’ a leak. We were way out in the bush somewhere. The guys were asleep. Johnson was on watch. He had this big ol’ johnson—that’s why we called him Johnson. His name was Andy. But he had this big ol’ johnson. They chipped him. Snuck up on him and chipped him. You could do that back then. Things were slower. Memory uploads took five, six seconds. They had to chip him or the guys would’ve woke up. Wokened up. Awakened. The guys would’ve awakened so they chipped him and cut off his johnson. They didn’t need to do that; they just did it. They had a use for it. They had a plan. They had a plan to use Johnson’s johnson.”

  “Yuri, maybe we better—”

  “No, no, this is a funny story. They had a plan. It was a good joke.” He fought off my attempts to get him standing again. “Just a second, just a second. Just— just wait a second. It’s a good story—”

  “Okay, Yuri. Tell me the story.”

  “They had a plan, see? They chipped him so the guys wouldn’t sense he was in trouble, right? The guys or the lieutenant. Over the net the guys could tell if he was in trouble so FA’izeh’s Firecats chipped Johnson and snuck on into camp with Johnson’s johnson. Get it? FA’izeh’s Firecats? Johnson’s johnson? There’s an alliterative theme thorough going— going through ... Anyway, I was coming back from takin’ a leak when I heard ’em.”

  “Yeah?”

  “They’d chipped two more of the guys. I saw ’em lyin’ there with the backs of their heads gone. They had the other three tied up on the ground and the lieutenant tied to a tree. I was just a scared skag. I didn’t have any weapons; I was a medic. I was just a scared little skag, hidin’ in the freakin’ bushes.”

  “I probably would have done the same.”

  “Just a scared little freakin’ skag hidin’ in the freakin’ bushes.”

  I put my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into me, “Yuri—” He was sweating now, and trembling.

  “They’d stripped the lieutenant. S
he had really pretty breasts. They made the guys watch while they cut ’em off. Then they sewed Johnson’s johnson onto her. You know, between her ... so she’d look like— See? That was the joke. If you were fighting the Yin you had to be evil. If you were evil you couldn’t be a woman. If you weren’t a woman you had to be a man. It was kind of a syllogism.”

  “Oh, Shiva ... “

  He started swaying back and forth. “How do I save myself, Mo? How do I save myself?”

  “Yuri, you were unarmed. You said—”

  “No, no, no, you haven’t heard the joke yet, man!” He grabbed my shoulders and shook me, “They didn’t KNOW about me! I was the freakin’ medic!”

  “I know—”

  “No, no, no. After they sewed Johnson’s johnson onto the lieutenant they chipped her and the last three guys, see? That was it! That was everybody. They knew we were the only unit in the area; we’d been harassing each other for months. After they chipped everybody they were safe, safe and sound all around. There was nobody left. Nobody left. They had a little victory celebration, a little party. They all got hammered and passed out.”

  “Okay—”

  Yuri was crying now, “I was in love with her, Mo. I was in love with the lieutenant. My Cooper. My Cooper. My heart squeezed in my chest every time I looked at her. When they hurt her ... I wasn’t a philosopher back then. I didn’t even know what a syllogism was. I didn’t get the joke! It just made me angry. I got so angry.” He punched the wall, left blood and skin on the wood. “After they all passed out I crawled over to my kit. I didn’t know how to use any of the weapons; I couldn’t even take the safeties off. I was just a scared little skag, but I was so angry. I could feel the blood in my veins like my body was going to explode. My heart ... my heart ... I got to my kit and got out my little surgical laser. I could pop out a chip in a nanosecond. They blew the backs off the guys’ heads, off the lieutenant’s head. They messed up her hair. Her hair ... I didn’t need to do that. I knew right where to aim. A nanosecond was all it took to pop out a chip. Just lengthen it to a millisecond and you burn right through the brain stem. No heartbeat, no blood to the brain. It just made a little pop. A little POP! One dead woman. POP! Two dead women. POP, POP, POP! Three more dead— dead—”

  Yuri looked up into my face. His eyes were pools of torment, of agony unendurable, inescapable. “I killed five women, Mo! I murdered them. I didn’t need to. They were passed out. I could have run away but ... but ... I was so angry! I shouldn’t have gotten so angry.”

  He fell into me, his head buried in my lap, his body racked with sobs. All I could do was pat him on the back and say, “There, there. There, there.”

  I remembered the rage. It was all over the net at that time, the rage of the Yin against all that was male. Rage far too powerful for any military professionalism to contain. It wasn’t bad at first, but as the war wore on, you could feel from the news reports how soldiers on both sides were becoming inured to the violence, the suffering. Mangled bodies that had been too horrific to even imagine before the war began had become all too familiar, just part of a day’s work. As each new unspeakable act led to another and another, the unthinkable became thinkable, then routine, then even desirable. Thirst for justice devolved into a lust for vengeance and finally just a habit of hurting people. I held Yuri and rocked him for a long, long time.

  He quieted after a while. I said, “Okay, Yuri, let’s get back to the ship, huh? We still have to save Alice, don’t we?” But he was passed out, his features childlike, at peace. I hopped online, “Marcus?”

  [Yes?]

  “I’ve got him.”

  [Good.]

  “But he’s, um, he’s passed out. I don’t think I can carry him back to the ship.”

  [All right. I’ll send someone to help you. Where are you?]

  “We’re sitting in the street. It’s called ‘Paradise Alley.’ I’ll stay logged on. Just home on me. You’ll find it.”

  [Very good. Jemal should be there in a few minutes.]

  I didn’t have to wait long. Jemal and I hoisted Yuri up and started dragging him back to the spaceport. I asked him, “How is everyone? Did you get everything loaded?”

  He answered, “Yeah. Yeah, it’s all ready to go.”

  He sounded a little tentative, so I pressed him further, “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said, “I guess. Tamika’s pretty, you know, she’s still pretty messed up, I guess.”

  “Yeah, that was rough at the warehouse.”

  “It was. I don’t know if she’s gonna, you know, she kept crying on and off all night. I don’t know if she’s gonna be able to ... I think she might be thinking about, you know, thinking about ...“

  “What? Leaving? The crew?”

  “Yeah, maybe. She’s just pretty messed up.”

  When we got back to the Lightdancer, the sky was getting light in the east. Everyone was waiting for us outside the ship—everyone but Steel. She was evidently on board still discussing things with Daimler. Yuri roused enough to sway on his own feet, but not enough to realize how happy everyone was to see him.

  Even Marcus was happy when he said, “Clean him up. Get him to bed. We lift in forty-five minutes.”

  I sort of steered Yuri up the gangway and we all started to file in. From behind us Jemal said, “Um, Marcus?”

  Marcus turned back. Jemal was still on the ground. “Yes?”

  “Um, I was thinking, uh ...”

  Marcus looked him up and down. He said, “It’s time to get on board, Jemal. Let’s go.”

  “Yeah, I mean, yeah, I was thinking that I might, um, um ...”

  “Whatever it is, we can discuss it on the ship.” We waited. So did Jemal.

  He finally said, “I don’t think I can.”

  “What?” asked Marcus.

  “I don’t— I don’t think I can. Get on. I don’t think I—”

  Marcus said, “Jemal, we need every one of us. Seven for the engine and a Captain. That’s what we have. That’s what we need. Now let’s get aboard.”

  “I think I’m gonna— I think I’m gonna stay here. Sir.”

  “Jemal—” Marcus closed his eyes, sighed, and hopped online, “Captain, we have a problem. I’m sorry to interrupt you but I think you need to come down here.”

  We all just stood there while we waited for Steel. She arrived at the hatch and said, “What is it?” She looked like she’d been up all night.

  Marcus looked to Jemal. Jemal, naked and alone, looked up at our Captain.

  “What is it?” Steel repeated.

  “I’m sorry, Captain,” he finally said. “I’m sorry.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “I— I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can do it. I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t understand. Do what?”

  “I don’t think I can— I mean— I think I’m gonna stay here. On New Moorea. You know, maybe get a job, or ... or something. I’m sorry.”

  I didn’t know what Steel was going to do. She stood there, expressionless, motionless, on the edge of eternity.

  “I’m sorry, Captain. I just— I just—”

  Steel walked down the gangway to him. She embraced him and said, “Thank you, Jemal, for everything. You won’t tell anyone about us, will you?”

  “No, Captain, no! I won’t— I just— I just can’t—”

  She hugged him again. “I know. I’m amazed any of us can.” She looked him in the eyes. “Goodbye, Jemal.”

  “I’m sorry, Captain.”

  “It’s all right.” She turned and walked up the gangway. As she passed Marcus, she said, “Let’s button her up.”

  Marcus turned and said, “But, Captain, Daimler is still on board—” But she had already disappeared inside.

  We all said goodbye to Jemal, hugged him, grasped his hand. He was us. He was the ‘us’ that was going to survive. Then we turned and did the bravest thing any of us ever had. We stepped aboard the Lightdancer.

  Pa
rt VII

  Brainard’s Planet

  Chapter 32

  [Marcus, take us up. I want us off of New Moorea now.] Steel was somewhere deeper in the ship, maybe the common room.

  “I’ll have to get clearance from—” Marcus started.

  [Then GET IT.]

  Marcus immediately became very efficient. “Tamika, you come with me to control. Archie, Mo, take care of Yuri—”

  [And send Ham to me.]

  “Where are you, Captain?”

  [In my quarters.]

  “Alice, would you take care of Ham?” Marcus asked.

  “Sure,” Alice replied, “C’mon, Ham. Let’s go see Mom,” and off they went.

  Marcus and Tamika looked at her strangely. “What are you calling her?” Marcus asked, but Alice was already on her way.

  “It’s a word for maternal parent,” Yuri slurred as Arch and I each hoisted an arm on our shoulders. “Our Captain was married.”

  Marcus looked sharply at Yuri, then Archie, then me. “Take care of him. Get him to bed.” Then he turned to Tamika and said, “Let’s go.”

  Whatever clearance he needed to get, it didn’t take him long. Arch and I were still showering Yuri when we felt the little thump of gravity shift that was the impellers taking us into space. As we were maneuvering him down the passageway to his cabin, we heard the hatch to Steel’s quarters open and Daimler’s voice:

  “Have you lost your mind? Where are you taking— You can’t just— This is kidnapping!”

  Steel’s voice fired back, “What do you call forcible restraint? That’s what you were going to do to me.”

  Daimler appeared around the curve of the passageway, headed for the personnel airlock, I guess. Steel was right behind him. “Estelle, I demand you set this ship—”

  “My name is Steel!”

  “All right, all right, whatever you want to call yourselves. Just put this ship— You can’t— you can’t just— I’ll bullet traffic control—”

  “No you won’t.”

  Daimler turned back, looked at her, stymied. Then a new level of anger informed his voice. “Then tell me where we’re going. If I’m trapped—”