This London Love

by Clare Lydon

  “Nine months, a year, give or take.” Tanya moved her hands as if juggling time.

  “What were we just saying in the kitchen before Kate arrived?” Meg’s tone had gone a notch higher as she addressed her ex.

  “Do tell me, because I’m all ears.” Kate was loosening her shoulders like a boxer in her corner. “Was it a mutual pact to make me look like an idiot? Because it’s working really well if that was your intention.”

  “No! That’s not what we were saying,” Meg said. “I really like you, and I was telling Tanya that — and that we need to sell this house and move on. You’ve got it all wrong.” Her voice was brittle, cracking as it hit the air.

  “We’re moving on — we are,” Tanya said. “But there’s an awful lot of history to sieve through first.”

  Kate let out a bark of indignation. “You’re telling me.” She shook her head in disbelief before turning a granite gaze on Meg. “I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact you both still live here and bought this house together. It never occurred to you once to tell me this in all the time we’ve been seeing each other?” Kate’s vision blurred, her cheeks flushed scarlet. “Not once?”

  “I was going to tell you this weekend — it just never came up before.” Meg’s eyes were wide.

  Her words scratched Kate’s skin like they were an irritant. Kate laughed. “It never came up? I should put this on my checklist now, should I? Do you have a girlfriend and are you still living with her?” She almost choked on her own words. “Can you hear what you’re saying?”

  “You haven’t told her?” Tanya let out a low whistle. “You’re not still holding a torch for me, are you? Because really, we should have chatted about this before we put the house on the market and everything.”

  Meg clapped both hands over her ears as she shouted. “Shut up! Just shut up, Tanya — I’ve had just about enough of you.”

  “Me too,” Kate said. “And I only met you a few weeks ago.”

  Tanya opened her mouth to say something, but Meg’s stare was still drilling into her, so she closed it and said nothing.

  Kate shifted from one foot to the other, took a deep breath and addressed Meg. “I thought it’d be a nice surprise for you to bring this round tonight.” She held out the magazine, still in her work carrier bag. “But honestly? I wish I hadn’t bothered.”

  “What is it?” Meg grasped the carrier bag like it held a bomb.

  “The magazine.”

  “It’s already out?” Meg flicked her gaze to Kate.

  “Early copy.” Kate shook her head. “But it turns out I’ve walked into a domestic that my own — girlfriend, can I call you that? — is having with her ex. In the house they bought, that they still live in. That she never told me about.” Kate bit her lip, before glancing at Tanya, then Meg.

  “You never thought this might be something you should mention? That you were living with your ex? What else are you not telling me? Is there an ex-husband or any children waiting in the wings?” Kate sighed loudly and held up her hand as if stopping traffic. “Never mind, don’t even answer that. I think I’d better go. Leave you two… to… Whatever.” Kate moved the bottom half of her jaw one way, the top part the other way and then back again. “I need some air.”

  Kate turned and put her hand on the front door latch. However, before she had a chance to open it, Meg was beside her, a hand on Kate’s arm.

  “Don’t go.” Her voice was almost a whisper. “Please. I’d like to explain.”

  Kate looked down and shook her head. “You had plenty of chances to explain. And now I understand why you never wanted to bring me back, and why you were always herding us back to mine — because you already had a girlfriend here.”

  “Ex — she’s my ex!” Meg turned to Tanya. “Aren’t you?”

  Kate followed Meg’s gaze.

  Tanya nodded.

  Meg exhaled. “It was just… Never the right time. And I thought maybe we might sell the house before you came round, and then it wouldn’t be so awkward.”

  Kate faced Meg, their mouths just inches apart. Kate allowed her gaze to drop, before she picked it back up and shook her head with a sad laugh.

  “And it’s not awkward at all now, is it?” Kate swallowed down a lump in her throat. “I thought you were different, I thought I could trust you. Turns out, you’re just like all the others.”

  Meg recoiled as Kate’s words hit home.

  As she opened the door, Kate could still feel Meg’s hand around her arm. She shook her off, before turning and shaking out her umbrella. The mechanism jammed. There was an excruciating few seconds while Kate wrestled with it.

  “Do you want me to help?” Meg stepped forward.

  Kate’s whole body stiffened at Meg’s proximity. She turned and looked her in the eye. “I think you’ve done enough for one day.”

  She finally got the umbrella up. “You’re on page 49. You look stunning. As always.” Kate dropped her head. “See you around,” she said, before turning away, rain — and tears — misting her vision as she walked up the path.

  Kate didn’t look back.

  ***

  Meg watched the door slam shut and closed her eyes. Was she still breathing? She checked and she was. Was Tanya still breathing? Yes, unfortunately. Had the world’s roof caved in? For her, perhaps. Poor Kate, getting drenched in the rain.

  Meg opened her eyes and twisted to face Tanya. “You happy? Was that what you wanted?”

  Tanya was having none of it. She turned up a corner of her mouth before answering. “Before you blame me, I think you need to look in the mirror. Why didn’t you just tell her you were still living with me? It’s hardly the crime of the century. We haven’t sold the house, we have to live here.” Tanya stroked her chin and paused. “So really, why? I mean, you’ve made it pretty clear we’re over. I’m not standing in your way. But you are. It’s high time you stopped blaming me and started looking at yourself. You made this mess, and it’s yours to clean up.”

  Tanya pushed herself off the hallway wall and looked at Meg. “She’s worth trying to keep hold of — so you might want to start thinking of a way to salvage this. Putting the house on the market was step one. Sorting your own life out is step two.” Tanya shook her head. “Anyway, I’m going to get changed. Let me know if you want to talk about the valuation later.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure to want to talk about that tonight,” Meg spat.

  “It’s all part of sorting things out. It’s all connected.”

  Meg watched Tanya disappear upstairs to her room, forming a ton of comebacks and cutting comments in her head. But somehow, they never came out of her mouth. Because logically, she knew Tanya was right. Yes, her ex hadn’t wanted to sell originally, but if Meg had pushed, she would have. She wasn’t a terrible person.

  Meg just hoped she could sort it out with Kate before it was too late.

  28

  “So why am I coming with you again?”

  “Because you love me, and because I offered to buy you coffee and cake. And because I’m having a crisis.”

  Jess kicked the pavement and smiled as the pair wheeled Kate’s bike down the road to Bikes & Bakes. In this day and age, bike shops couldn’t simply be bike shops — they had to diversify.

  “What’s up with Beryl?”

  “Dodgy brakes,” Kate replied. “Which wasn’t so good when I was cruising down Hampstead Heath recently.”

  Jess laughed. “Cruising on the heath? What did I tell you about that?”

  “Ha ha,” Kate replied.

  Once inside, Jess nabbed the last available table, while all around her, conversation was being traded at full pelt. Kate handed over her bike and within five minutes, she was back with coffee and cake.

  Kate sat down opposite Jess, the late evening sun streaming in through the window and making her squint. The weather had bucked up today, the city now painted in autumnal sunshine.

  Jess took a sip of her cappuccino. “So come on, then — the suspense is
killing me. Your crisis. Is it a world-dooming crisis, or something that’s eminently sort-outable?” Jess took a bite of her carrot cake as she waited for Kate to answer.

  “Any good?” Kate asked, avoiding the question.

  Jess nodded, rescuing a stray crumb from her lip. “Nearly as good as mine.” She paused. “Now spill.”

  Kate took a deep breath. “You won’t believe it when I tell you.”

  Jess raised her eyebrows in response.

  “So last night, I went to Meg’s place for the first time. She’s been quite evasive about me going round there, but I didn’t really think anything of it. I mean, I had no reason to. She wasn’t exhibiting the signs of someone who was hiding anything or having an affair — and I know those signs, I’ve seen them before.”

  Jess grimaced and paused mid-chew. “But she is?”

  Kate shook her head slowly. “Not exactly.” She exhaled. “But she is still living with her ex-girlfriend, which she’d conveniently failed to mention.”

  “Ah,” Jess replied, through a mouthful of cake.

  “Yes, ah.” Kate sipped her coffee. “But the best is yet to come. Guess who said ex-girlfriend is?”

  Jess sucked on her bottom lip before answering. “That woman from Orange Is The New Black?”

  Kate gave her a withering look.

  Jess thought for a moment, before her features filled with alarm. “Not Caroline?” she whispered.

  Kate choked on her coffee. “God, no! But perhaps worse.” Kate sat back to deliver the news with maximum impact. “Remember Lucy’s mate who you tried to set me up with and she cracked on to me at dizzying speed?”

  Jess sat upright and tapped the table. “In that bar?”

  Kate nodded. “Tanya.”

  “Tanya is Meg’s ex?”

  Kate nodded again.

  “Oh. My. God.” Jess covered her mouth with her right hand. “And she’s still living with her?”

  More nodding.

  “But I’m assuming not in the biblical sense?”

  Kate exhaled before replying. “I don’t think so. I mean, I believe her when she tells me that. I think. But the thing is, they went out for a few years, and they split up over a year ago. So just when exactly are they thinking of going their separate ways?”

  Jess looked thoughtful. “I can see what you mean about crisis. I mean, you like this girl.”

  Kate nodded sadly. “I do. I really do. But now I’m thinking, is she really available? Does she still have feelings for Tanya and she can’t make up her mind?” Kate shuddered. “And, more importantly, can I really be going out with someone who went out with someone like that in the first place?”

  Jess patted Kate’s arm. “Don’t think like that. Everyone’s allowed to fall for the wrong person at least once in their life. Whether they then stay living with them forever — well, that’s another story. But maybe they just had trouble selling — it happens.”

  “I know all that, but it still puts a spanner in the works.” Kate sighed. “I’m just not all that comfortable going out with someone who’s going home to their ex every night. I know they’re not together anymore, but it still feels weird. Why didn’t she just tell me?”

  Jess shrugged. “I don’t know, that’s something you should ask her. And if she thinks this is going somewhere, she’ll try to make the change.”

  “I know.” Kate sighed again. “But it feels wrong. And I think I’d feel this way if it were anyone, but the fact it’s Tanya makes it doubly worse. I’m just glad I didn’t drink way too much tequila and sleep with her that night.” Kate shook her head just thinking about it.

  “Never a truer word spoken,” Jess smiled. “But if you want my professional opinion—”

  “—You’re a professional now?” Kate had her elbow on the table and was leaning her cheek on her balled fist.

  “Certainly am — I listen to people’s problems all day long in the café, don’t I? And in my professional opinion, this crisis is very sort-outable.” Jess paused, wagging a finger at Kate. “If you’d slept with Tanya, it might not be, but you didn’t, so pat yourself on the back for not being a slut.”

  “Well done me. But that’s easy for you to say.”

  “Is it?”

  “Yeah,” Kate said. “Because even if I can get over the fact she went out with Tanya and is still living with her, why didn’t she just tell me? We had conversations about our lives — family, what we do, where we live. Just drop it in, then it’s not a big deal. But the fact she didn’t makes it a big deal. So now I think, can I really trust her? Look at my last relationship — Caroline cheated on me.” Kate pushed her plate to one side and slumped forward, head in hands.

  In response, Jess tapped her on the head and pointed at Kate’s slice of carrot cake. “Are you going to eat that, by the way?”

  Kate sat up. “I’m having a crisis and you’re trying to take the food off my plate?”

  “I just thought you might not feel like it in your heartbroken state.”

  Kate pushed the plate towards Jess.

  “I stand by what I said, though.” Jess took a bite of the cake. “This is sort-outable. Really. Meg is not Caroline — Caroline was just not in the same place as you. Caroline cheating on you was not your fault.” Jess leaned over and took Kate’s hand in hers. “Meg is not cheating on you.” Jess paused for added emphasis. “She’s not. She just has a housing situation, that’s all.”

  Kate’s eyes clouded over with sadness. “Then why does it feel like she is?”

  There was a beat as neither of them spoke. Beside them at the end of their long table, two men in chequered shirts and big hair sat down with an iPad and started discussing gigabytes and RAM. Jess and Kate gave them the once over, then tuned them out.

  “Anyway, you will sort this out, I know you will.” Jess paused, chewing at her fingernails. “And I know this might not be the exact right time to tell you this, but I have some news.”

  “Oh?” Kate sat up straight.

  “Yeah,” Jess said. “Thing is, Lucy and I have been talking and… Well, there’s no easy way to say this, but I’m moving in with her. And so moving out from you.” Jess bit her lip as she waited for Kate’s reaction.

  Kate smiled ruefully. “Wow. I’m breaking up and you’re moving in. Congratulations.”

  Jess winced. “I know it’s not brilliant timing, but I thought I should let you know.” She scratched the top of her head. “Even though I’m sad. I’ve loved living with you — I’m really gonna miss you.”

  “Sounds like we’re never going to see each other again.”

  “Ha!” Jess said. “You don’t get rid of me that easily.”

  “Good.” Kate fiddled with her teaspoon, eyes down. At the counter, someone smashed some crockery and the café cheered as one, like they were all back in school.

  “But drinks soon to celebrate the end of a beautiful living arrangement?” Jess asked, turning her head from the commotion.

  Kate nodded. “Absolutely. And I am really pleased for you. Despite everything going on with me. It’s a big step.”

  “It is. I’ll miss my zone one postcode, though.”

  Kate held up her now empty coffee cup. “Here’s to you, then — new beginnings.”

  Jess tapped Kate’s cup with her own. “New beginnings. And to you sorting this mess out.”

  Kate raised both eyebrows up, and then down again. “We’ll see.”

  29

  The following Monday and Meg was in the shop, chin resting on her palm, staring into space. Her mum had called to say she wasn’t feeling very well this morning, so Meg had dispatched Jamie round to check up on her. If everything else in her life seemed to be stalling, at least Meg could rely on her family. Jamie had just texted to say Mum seemed fine, and he’d left her with some lunch and fresh magazines.

  She’d relayed the bad news about Kate to Jamie over the weekend, but he’d been stoic about it. Jamie’s view was she’d come round, and if she didn’t, it was never
meant to be. As far as Jamie was concerned, if Kate couldn’t get over this small bump in the road, how was she ever going to navigate anything else?

  Meg hoped it was that easy, but it’d been five days now and no contact — the text messages had dried up, the impromptu calls into the shop were no more. And now, Meg was staring at the door, willing Kate to walk through it — or at the very least collapse in front of it.

  Instead, the bell rang and in walked Mr Davis.

  “Hello,” Meg said. “Everything okay? It’s not Saturday already, is it?”

  He shook his head, but the spring was gone from his step. “It’s not. Just want some flowers for Sheila. My wife.”

  No wise cracks. No jokes. Meg walked around the desk and stood next to him, both staring at a bucket full of yellow roses.

  “For any particular occasion?” Meg asked.

  Mr Davis shook his head and smoothed down the lapel on his suit jacket. “She’s not feeling great, so just to tell her I love her. That’s all.” He turned to face Meg. “Women need to be shown, don’t they? I tell her all the time, but sometimes I feel she doesn’t take it in. So I thought, flowers midweek would do the trick. Flowers always make her smile. She loves flowers.”

  Meg smiled. “Flowers normally make most people’s days — something that says love.” Meg rested a hand on her hip. “I know you always get a seasonal bouquet every week, but is there something your wife likes?”

  Mr Davis turned and walked to the other side of the shop. “Irises.” He stood in front of a bucket. “She loves irises. Always has.”

  Meg nodded and walked over to collect a bunch of irises: purple, pink and pale yellow. She tied them with paper and a bow and gave Mr Davis a card to write to accompany them.

  “Are you okay today?”

  Meg was at the till about to register his purchase.