BOMAW 7-9

by Mercedes Keyes

  Angela covered her mouth with a gasp. "I don't like pain. I'll probably never have a baby, especially if I'm young."

  "The older, the better. You see, every year up in age, brings the level of pain down. But even after all that, it still hurts like crazy, just not the worse that it could be."

  "I'm gonna remember that! How bad will it hurt if I have it at thirty, let's say?"

  "That's a good age to have it."

  "Or forty?"

  "OH! That's even better! I think forty is the number, this way, you can have as much fun during your life as possible, before you start having to raise kids."

  "You don't think that's too old?"

  "Nooo! That's perfect."

  "Hmmm, I think I may have to wait until then, I don't wanna be hurtin' like that."

  "You're so smart, Angela. You're not like other girls, you think first about all the important things, and then you act. That's the best way to be. That's the way you are."

  "Well, I am from now on, that's for sure."

  "Good girl! Now, I have to go cook, wanna come help me? You feeling okay?"

  "Yep, I'll help you, Sylvia."

  Shawn was starting to feel just a bit of pressure. He'd just received three more emails from Lowell James concerning three more book titles. Two of which, were by authors they'd signed a contract with, concerning novels they were sure would be bestsellers. They wanted immediate attention paid to them, with promotion layouts. So the ones he had, would be pushed down the list to get these forecasted bestsellers done, behind the trilogy and the new ones Mercy James was writing. All together, he had nine novels to provide covers for, the marketing brochures and bookstore media, and posters for them. With this email, Lowell James had included deadlines. Tomorrow was Friday, with little choice, he would have to start the day very early and work as much of it as possible, taking Saturday off for the barbecue. Sunday, it was back to work. He had to meet his deadlines. No sooner had he completed prepping, when he received an email from Lowell James asking him about web sites for them. Of course he could do it, but it would cost them; he replied with the prices that it would run them, and left it at that. Part of him hoped that he'd say yes, and pay him for it - it was money, after all - and part of him hoped he'd go to someone else for it. Then he thought about Sylvia. She had a website, and a nice one at that. He would have to talk to her about that, see if she would take that on for him, if that is, Lowell James agreed to the quotes he gave. He'd have to, of course, ask if she were able, and how advanced was she in building them, but something told him, she could do it. Would more than likely enjoy it.

  As for him, besides doing the work for the James' - he was in the midst of building himself a 3D graphics content store. There was money to be made utilizing that media avenue and he planned to cash in on it, he after all, had all the software, skills, and artistry to do it. He decided to create buildings, homes, structures along with props that would be needed to set up a virtual world layouts and peddle them to mass markets for 3D imagery. If that were not enough, he wanted to tap further into advertising. He had three companies in mind, and Vivian was the center of them. He would have to work on his spec presentations, the concept and pitch, and then do a shoot with her. If he were successful, if his mind's eye was right on target, one of them would snatch it up. One of them would sign her up. Were this to take place, if he played his cards right, one good contract would pay for their new home going up, and Vivian would be set up to quit the bank and work for him. There was a lot still to be done in setting it all up. The key was, he needed time to work on all of it. He was spending too much time with his siblings, getting them set up and in order. He would be more than happy when they were done with Shanna, and Jake moved in with her. He could take a break from working, to do little odd jobs along the way to complete the bed and breakfast, that would add more to supplement their income.

  With so much on his mind, he needed to focus on one thing. Had been doing that, until he'd gone out the door to see who was calling them over and over. Now, he had Benjamin on his mind again. With his elbow propped on his desk, his index, mid-finger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose, the added stress was not welcomed. He had too many distractions going on, and too much on his plate to accomplish. Yet, he could not discard Benjamin. Standing from his desk, he went out of the office again, noticing that Sylvia was nowhere in sight. He went to the phone, taking it back into the office with him, closing the door.

  He switched it back on, and dialed Lydia's number in Chicago.

  "Hello?"

  "Lydia, it's Shawn."

  "Oh, hey - how you doin'?"

  "Fine, thank you. You two still coming up tomorrow, right?"

  "Yep, so far so good."

  "You know what the traffic is going to be like tomorrow?"

  "That's what Dennis and Sheila say, I try t'tell Lucas that, he won't listen to me."

  "Well, were I you, I'd head out of there before daylight. Otherwise, you guys could get stuck in a gridlock of traffic - sitting easily for hours."

  "Lo-o-ord! I's this man o'mine! All he thinkin' 'bout is the money he gone miss outta makin'!"

  "What if you asked him to come late tonight, instead of tomorrow, after he works today?"

  "I'ah suggest it, see what he say."

  "Yes, please - to save yourselves frustration. I really want you two here, and Sylvia wants you here. My parents are so looking forward to you."

  "Well, that's good, we gone do our best."

  "Another thing, is...uh, Benjamin still there?"

  "Yep, still here."

  "What has he been doing?"

  "Look like t'me, just - sitting down there watching TV. He go out now and then, probably for something to eat or maybe movies, not too sure. But, he down there now, he ask Lucas about his car, somethin' wrong with it, not sure what."

  "Do you have cordless telephones?"

  Lydia smiled, "You wanna speak to 'em?"

  "Yes, please."

  "I take it down to him now. If he ain't outside with Lucas, not too sure..." She explained. Shawn could hear her change in breathing, that she was going through her back kitchen door and then down the stairs, he heard her greet the woman downstairs, "Hey Eartha, that Benjamin downstairs?"

  "He down there, I took 'em some banana puddin'! Fed 'em earlier, too!" She informed Lydia, as if that was something she was forced to do, otherwise he would have starved, Lydia's answer to her was, "I'm sure they got food down there, Ms. Earthaleen, that boy ain't gone starve, he a grown man, let 'em feed hisself."

  "In other words, mind my own business!"

  Shawn heard a door slam and then, "Lord, Shawn, ain't nothin' worse than sensitive ol' folks feelin' you done insulted 'em."

  Shawn could only chuckle as he waited for her to find Benjamin. She knocked on the door and a moment later, "Yes, ma'am?" He heard Benjamin respond, answering the door.

  "Phone for you." Lydia said simply, passing him the phone.

  "For me? Who is it?"

  "Shawn. Just bring it back upstairs when you done. - See ya' tomorra', Shawn." She ended speaking to Shawn before she passed the phone, to which he answered,"Will do, thanks!"

  Benjamin took a long deep breath, gulping as he put the phone to his ear, closing the door. "Shawn?"

  "Yeah, what's going on, Benjamin?"

  Benjamin walked back through the apartment into the living room. "I don't know what you mean."

  "Sure you do, why are you there?"

  "Is there some law that says I can't be here?"

  "No, of course not. But your mother's been looking for you, she's been worried."

  Benjamin resumed his seat in front of the coffee table and TV, picking up the remote and flipping through the few channels that would come in. "Yeah, well..." He muttered and tapered off, not sure of what to say.

  "That's all? Yeah, well?"

  "Look, when I'm ready to contact my mother, I will. I'm not in the mood right now."

  "Can you at least giv
e her a ring, let her-..."

  "No! I'm not going to, I'm a grown man. I don't have to check in with her, she'll have to get over it, won't she?"

  "You sound angry." Shawn observed.

  "Yeah, well, don't worry about it."

  "That's easier said than done."

  "Yeah, right, it is."

  Shawn paused, wiping his hand over his face. He leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath. "Wanna tell me what this is all about?"

  "You know what, man, I just - I just wanted to get away from all of you - okay?"

  "Why? What have we done to you?"

  Benjamin leaned back on the sofa, feeling his eyes fill with tears, the TV images blurring. Using his fingers, he dug into his eyes to clear them, his throat was clogged, and over the line, Shawn could hear him struggling.

  "Benjamin, come on - spill it - just say what's eating at you."

  "YOU, MAN! YOU! YOU and -... -echm- you and your brother! You, your brother, and my mother! You guys -... man, you guys made my fucking life hell! And neither one of you, has stood up to face me and tell me what the fuck is going on! As for my mother, well - forget her, too, man! I'm just sick of it! Lies! Everybody's all hush-hush - avoiding shit! I gotta stand around like a fuckin' moron, trying to figure out where the hell I fit! While nobody gives a damn."

  "That's not true - and you know it."

  "Yeah, whatever - look, don't bother, okay? Just leave me the hell alone."

  "Look, get in your car, drive back here, and we'll talk, okay?"

  "No... I don't wanna talk. I don't wanna-..."

  "You're fucking lying and you know it! Under the circumstances, everyone has done the best that they can regarding you. If there is something bugging you, if there is something you need to -..."

  "Are you my father?!"

  The question sucked the wind right out of Shawn. Here it was. He'd known, figured at some point, he'd be at this place, now that he was there, he was scared to make his move, to declare anything. Right now, he had to decide, to either be straight up, or protect Christine's interest. She'd obviously built her life up around a lie and now he didn't know if he had the right or not to tear it down.

  "It's a simple question. Your answer will be based on one thing, whether you slept with my mom or not. If you didn't, the answer of course, would be no. Your hesitation, tells me loud and clear, you did. Otherwise the no, would have been easy. So, since I've been left most of my life to figure all of this shit out for myself, I'm gonna deduce that your further hesitation is to whether you want the responsibility of that burden, me being your son, on your-..."

  "Now, hang on just a minute here! That is not why I'm hesitating! Don't assume anything when it comes to me, okay? I'm sorry that you've had to grapple with this for most of your life, as for me, it just recently dropped into my lap. I did not - know you! I was not told - about you! So, don't come off with the aggression on me!"

  "People said you found out my mom was pregnant, and you took off!"

  "Bullshit! Fucking bullshit! I never knew!"

  "You knew you had sex with her! Did you?!"

  "Yes - okay? I did!"

  "Well, there you go!"

  "Wait a minute! See, I didn't wanna fucking go here! This is the reason why I avoided this! But - you want it, here it is - your mother slept with me, then slept with my brother! So, as far as who your father is, I don't even think she knows! I believethat - more than anything, is why she can't face it! I'd left, Jake was still here! She had no other alternatives, than to say he was your father! Now, whether he is your father, or I am - I honestly - do not know! I cannot give you - what - I do not have! Jake - cannot give you - what - he does not have! But he's given you everything else - well - what was within him to give. Whatever you've gone through because of this, we are not to blame! Well, fuck it - I'm not! Jake shouldn't have gone there to begin with, but in the end, the ball was in your mother's court, she didn't have to go to bed with either of us! And certainly not both!"

  Both of them became quiet, Shawn had a headache. He didn't have time for this, yet - he was forced. He would never walk away from his responsibility of being a father, whether he was Ben's or not.

  "Is that why you were on our road the other day?" Benjamin finally asked after the pause.

  "You saw me?"

  "Yes."

  Shawn sucked in a deep breath, and came out with it. "Sylvia saw you, took a good look at you, when you and your brothers were in Chicago. She feels, that you are mine. I joked about it, dismissed it. But then, it kept coming back. Then your father, Jake - said something that added weight to my wife's suspicion. Unable to ignore the signs, unable to discard that time you and I spent together there, in Chicago, I finally had to confront your mother. And very emphatically, she declared Jake as your father. What am I supposed to do with that, Benjamin? What am I supposed to say to her? I can't force her."

  "What do you think?" Ben asked.

  "What do I think?" Shawn asked, then blew out through his mouth.

  "Yeah ... what do you think?"

  "I think, it's possible, that I may be. Yet, it is equally possible that Jake is. Your looks, are a family trait from my mother's side. I have them, you have them, Angela has them, Shawn2 has them, as well. Jake could be your father. I could be your father. Again, I don't think your mother knows who, I really don't."

  "And I should give a damn that she's worried about me?"

  "It doesn't matter, who the fuck - your father is! SHE - is still your mother! That's not gonna change! No matter how wrong she may be in all this, she is still your mother! Now, get your ass on the phone, and call her! Tell her - you are fine! Tell her you need some time! Tell her why!"

  "No! I'm not going to! She doesn't care about the way I feel! Why should I care about the way she feels!?"

  "Look, I can't force you. That's up to you. You need to realize that there are some things in life you cannot force! Such as her confession! If she doesn't wish to give it to you, she doesn't have to."

  "I guess she needs to face that, too! If I don't want to contact her, I don't have to - two can play that game. So basically speaking, I know no more, than I knew before we talked, because it all boils down to her! And she's sticking by that bullshit lie that you and her never slept together, when she knows the truth!"

  "Benjamin - that is her business!"

  "IF THERE WAS NO ME - IT WOULD BE HER BUSINESS! BUT THERE IS A ME! I'm done! If she calls you all again, tell her I said, stay the fuck out of my life!"

  Shawn heard the dial tone. He'd hung up.

  It took him a good fifteen minutes to pull himself out of the funk, reflecting back on the conversation. He had to snap to it to remember where he was, and get started again. In another fifteen minutes, he was totally absorbed into creating characters for one of the novels. He could hear Sylvia and Angela in the kitchen, by the smells permeating his office, she was cooking, and it smelled wonderful. His stomach growled.

  Sylvia had just put on the fresh carrots Angela had washed and peeled, followed by the stuffed chops she slid into the oven to bake. She was getting the fresh asparagus out to wash and put on as well, when they heard someone knocking on the door upstairs.

  "Rinse these like I showed you, I'll be right back." Sylvia instructed Angela.

  "Okay."

  Sylvia made it to the front door, went to her tip-toes to look out of the small high panes, to see someone she didn't recognize. A white woman about her age. She lowered her heels back to the floor, her mind working and wondering. Suddenly it occurred to her who this might be. Making a face, she shook her head, hoping to God it was not. She opened the door and asked, "Yes, may I help you?"

  Christine took a moment to answer, as she came to terms with facing Shawn's black wife. She couldn't believe it. Yes, she knew that she was, but never having seen her, it somehow didn't seem as real as it did right then and there. For the life of her, she couldn't see what he possibly saw in her. There was nothing special about her, as far as sh
e was concerned. Just your average, brown-skinned, female, negro ... with a scarf on her head.

  Sylvia felt instantly riled. Her heart started pounding in her chest as the other woman looked her up and down, taking her time to state her reasons for being there. "Excuse me! Is there something I can do for you?!" Sylvia asked belligerently.

  "Yes, you can give me a number or an address to where my son is."

  "Oh, no you did not - come to my house with your shit!"

  "Look here - all you have to do, is give me a number and an address - and I will be out of your hair!"

  "I told you on the phone, where he is!" Sylvia replied, her attitude high.

  "Well, considering how big Chicago is, that doesn't do me a helluva lot of good, does it?!"

  "Bringing your ass to my house, ain't gone do you a helluva lot of good! If you weren't so freakin' rude, maybe - just maybe, you could get some help, but as far as I'm concerned, your problem exist between you and your son! You are startin' - to piss me off!"

  "I'm not gonna talk to you - is Shawn here?"

  Sylvia stood shaking her head, closing her eyes a moment and taking a deep breath, her stomach tied up in knots. "Christine, I'm tellin' you now, your neurosis - is gone cause you more problems than it's worth, messing with me. There was a reason, Shawn had me turn the phone off - did you not get the message?"

  "When I get what I came for, I'll leave."

  Sylvia was so angry, she was shaking, she backed into the house, slammed the door as hard as she could, so hard that the pictures on the walls trembled.

  In the basement, Shawn heard it, it was so loud. "WHAT THE HELL!?" He walked out of the office and looked at Angela at the sink with the water running, "What was that?" He asked. "I don't know, Sylvia went to the front door, sounds like she slammed it."