BOMAW 7-9

by Mercedes Keyes

  "You think I'm a coward?" He blasted incredulous, refusing to hear anything else she said. Driving along, feeling his face burn. Too many times, he'd had those words slung at him. Making him feel like shit. "YOU think I'm a coward!" He glanced sideways at her, and suddenly hauled back with a balled fist and slammed it into her jaw. Taking Shanna so by surprise, the impact sent her head against the side window, taking her breath away. "Think I'm a coward now?" He asked, breathing hard, looking from her to the road, then pulled up to a light, it was red. "Well? Answer me…still a coward?"

  Shanna stared at him, holding her face, fear and uncertainty clear in her eyes.

  "Well, say something! Call me a coward again! Laugh again! Go on…say it again!" With his open hand, he slapped her face near to her eye, along her temple. "STOP IT! DON'T HIT ME AGAIN!" She screamed.

  "What'aya'gonna do, if I do!?" He slapped her again, and again until she was screaming and crying, shielding her face and head. By the time he was done, he was breathing hard and Shanna's nightmare had begun. Any small insult, no matter how tiny. Anything worded that could possibly be construed as labeling him less than a man, gave him fuel to attack. Coming from her or not, gave fuel to his need to prove he was a man by beating her up. Making her afraid of him. The group of men, saw her after a beating; became more aggressive towards John, especially the black guy - making things worse for her.

  "Hey, man, yo'punk ass! You beat up yo' ol'lady, man? You bruise her up like that? Punk ass sissy! You ain't shit, man! You ain't shit! What the fuck? Come bring yo'punk ass over here with that shit! Try my ass out, motha'fucka', I'ah drill yo'ass clean through to China—punk ass bitch! Hittin' a woman! I can't stand motha'fucka's like you! Man, I'aughta beat yo'ass like that! Pussy ass bitch! You hear me motha'fucka'? Yeah, rush off bitch - I aught'ah run up on yo'ass, beat the fuck out'ah you - pussy!"

  They had to move.

  Shanna had tried to leave him, but he found her. At first when he found her, he'd plead his apologies, begged for forgiveness. Promised to get help. She didn't want to go back to him, but she was afraid not to. Afraid because of an underlying threat in his manner, the way he looked at her, a silent threat that was as intimidating as a spoken one. She made him keep to his promise, to get help, he did okay for a while, and then pressures built, comments were made and once again—she was right back in the midst of it. She kept thinking about her father. Kept seeing him demand that she leave him. Kept seeing herself argue with him. Defy him. She'd gone against her parents and now, she had only herself to blame. She could not bear the shame of having them look at her and tell her, "We told you so."

  However, where at first it had been bruises, black-eyes, busted lips - now, it was moving up to another level - it became so bad, that she didn't care anymore—she couldn't take anymore. Her threats that she would tell her brothers, that she would tell her father, eventually fell on deaf ears, as he began threatening to kill them. He'd bought a gun. Because he was so twisted, she believed him when he said, if she dare run to them, he would find her, and kill her parents first, then her. He described how he would do it. Then he described what he would do to her, in graphic, horrible detail.

  Shanna stayed.

  The next attack, Shanna experienced a miscarriage and a broken rib. And then after that, another. Until the last time, that he had truly, almost killed her. She woke in the hospital and knew, she couldn't do it anymore. It was either leave or get ready, because his actions showed that he was on his way to killing her. She called for help. Kathy Ann came without hesitation. She told her everything. All that had been done to her as she sat at her hospital bed. She told her all that he'd threatened. Kathy Ann had wanted to find him, and kill him herself. Shanna had just wanted to get away. Kathy Ann made her file a report with the police, who had already been on the case. She also put in a restraining order. Because of the accumulative reports and trips to the hospital, they barred him from the property long enough for her to get her things. She took everything that she felt was rightfully hers, all but the furniture, with her sister's help. Once the boxes were loaded, they headed home. When her parents stood on the front porch to see her get out of her sister's truck, Gert had almost collapsed, and Bart wanted to drive back to Ohio, find him and kill him dead. She sobbed in her father's arms, begging his forgiveness. Telling him that he'd been right. All she wanted to do now, was divorce him and never see him again. It had taken Bart a long time to calm down and not go after him.

  Derrick had talked him out of it.

  Come what may, if he'd decided to go, Jake had had every intention of going along with him. Shawn had not long returned to Wisconsin, and the family was waiting on him to come by. He was busy setting up his new home and courting the woman he called and talked to them all about, who lived across the way. He promised that he would get over to see everyone the day he could bring her with him. He'd been hesitating. Hesitating as if, he needed to gear himself back up to see everyone. To reabsorb himself back into the clan. Shanna had been glad that he hadn't come right away, she needed the time to heal. As it was, when they did drive up that morning, the only scars left that could be seen outside of her clothing, was to her eye.

  Her brother, her Shawn, had reacted as she knew he would when he saw it. She didn't need him to rescue her, she was already home, but to have him back, her safe haven and hero, made her homecoming all that much more joyful. However, to keep her father calm, under control, and not burden Shawn, who had just returned, Gert wouldn't let any of them tell him about John's attempt to see Shanna again. If Bart knew, there would be no stopping him. If Shawn found out about all that was going on, there would be no stopping him.

  Back to that night...

  Following his plan, John checked out of his hotel. Then went to the Super 8 off 12-16, getting a room towards the back of the hotel's, far back corner. There he would wait, gather all the information he needed. The only money he had left was bill money. A portion of that went to pay for that room. He thought about his rent, his bills; once again, he wouldn't be able to pay what he should; because of her.

  "You've set yourself up for a right good lesson. If you weren't such a whore, I might have just given you a little punishment, but can't do that now. I can't believe—you could be so cold Shanna—my sweet Shanna." John stood in his underwear before the sink mirror, dropping ticks into the sink. The TV played in the background. He picked up his cigarette, took a deep draw from it, and then turned, searching out more of them. So far, there were six in the sink, attempting to crawl out, only to fall back down. He found another one, and yanked it off of him, dropping it in with the others. He picked up his gun, aiming at the ticks, as if they were big enough to shoot. "Pow—pow, pow, pow—you're dead! You're dead—pow, pow, pow! Crawl on me! I'll kill you dead!" He spat in at them. Looking back at the TV, holding his gun, rolling it around in his hand. "I'm gone kill you Shanna, 'cause I can't keep going through this with you. It ain't right to keep puttin' me through it. It ain't right. Marriage is —'til—death do us part. If you gone leave this marriage, it's gone have to be, 'cause you dead. But—I'm gone have to have you—just—just one more time—just one more—remind you—what you ruined. I'm your husband, me - I told you, not to be leaving me. It ain't my fault—it ain't my fault - I told you, didn't I - what I do if you ever try it, I told you - this on you. An if that ain't enough, you gone cheat on me too - I can't let you do this to me, and you not - not, learn your lesson." He stood thinking about his beautiful wife and began rubbing himself, remembering how things were when he had her, under his full control. He freed his erection, closed his eyes, daydreaming of having her one last time as his fist pumped around his turgid length; gasping, gulping, breathing hard until holding onto the edge of the sink, he ejaculated, aiming at the ticks within the sink, breathless, laughing at them struggling through his body's release. "Hah-hah-hah - how you like that? Crawl on me! Crawl on me! Crawl outta that! Little fuckers—suckin' on me—like I was some kinda low-life scum!" He tucked hims
elf back into his underwear, picked up his cigarette, jabbed it back into his mouth and turned on the hot water, rinsing them and his semen down the drain.

  * * *

  They were all at Sylvia's now. Shawn made everyone go back to the house with him for the night, locking up Shanna's place. He and Jake had gotten into an argument, because he wanted to stay at Shanna's, reminding Shawn that he was, after all a grown man, and he was perfectly capable of taking care of Vivian and himself.

  "Jake, I need you to come across the road with me, please?" Shawn was trying to be patient.

  "SHAWN! Fuckin' hell! I'm a grown, goddamn man! What is up with you?! I can take care of myself! I don't need you guarding over me! Take Shanna across the road—we're fine."

  "Jake, I—need—you—to come—across the road—with me." Shawn ground out again.

  "Dammit, Shawn! You make people crazy! Take your ass back to California, some-goddamn-where! I am 39 fuckin' years old, I don't need you bodyguarding me anymore! Now back off, do what you gotta do for Shanna, and leave us to me!"

  "Please, Jake, come, please…he has a gun, you don't!" Shanna had joined Shawn as well Sylvia, who was looking at Vivian. "I don't want you all over here alone, either, just for the night? Please, Jake, don't argue about it? Okay? Just come on?" She looked from one to the other.

  "They're right, under the circumstances, it would be best for all if you just stayed in one place, just for tonight." Royce added.

  Vivian turned to Jake, "Please, let's just go?"

  "No! No! I'm not a little boy! Shawn, you have to stop this shit, man! Take Shanna and go on! I mean it man!"

  "I can't just leave you here alone with Vivian, Jake—you have no way of protecting her, or yourself."

  "You're gonna have to leave me! I'm a grown man!" Jake ground out impatiently.

  "Jake, please!" Vivian pleaded. "I would feel better if we were there all together as well."

  Jake threw his hands into the air, "Fine! Go with them, then!"

  "I'm not—leaving you here alone, Jake." Shawn informed him.

  "You have no choice, you can't make me go - that's for goddamn sure!"

  "If I have to, I will!"

  "Well, we'll tear this bastard to the ground with you trying; I can tell you that right now big brother!!" Jake argued, gearing up for a fight.

  Sylvia couldn't stand anymore. "JAKE! I'm begging you—please! For peace of mind and everyone here…please—please, just for tonight, please? He will not rest unless you do! He'll be here all night - you know him, just give this one time, please!"

  With an angry jerk of his body, mad as hell, he marched off to his room, growling and grumbling under his breath every step of the way, grabbed his shirt, snatching it down over his head, next his shoes, shoving his feet into them and then plucking his jacket from the chair, he threw it to Vivian, who had followed him back to their room. He looked up at her, making the ugliest face she'd seen on him yet, jabbing his index finger through the air towards the house where everyone stood and grouched, "He gets on my goddamn nerves!" He growled low to Vivian.

  "Baby, please, come on—he don't mean no harm. Your brother loves you, he's just worried, that's all."

  "He's a fuckin' mother hen! I'm not gonna be puttin' up with this shit - before I do, I will move to fuckin' Chicago! Anywhere to get away from his shit!" He went on, ushering her out his door and back down the hall. Vivian paid him no mind, because she knew it was just aggravation; she wished it were so easy to get him to move there. "Put that jacket on you!" he ordered behind her. She slipped her arms into his jacket, not about to irritate him more. He'd grabbed her bag, and his cigarettes. With everyone spooked for the night, he gave up the fight because he was alone against the rest of them.

  "You got whatever you need?" Shawn asked.

  Jake answered by courtesy of his middle finger up to him, which he wagged for emphasis.

  Shawn didn't care how he got him across the road, as long as he was there. There was no way he would be able to rest, knowing that that man could be prowling around, and perhaps come in on them. No way. Not knowing that Jake had no weapon to defend himself. If he'd had to knock him out and drag him over, he had been willing.

  No sooner had they all gone in across the road, when Bart pulled up. Royce was still there as well, trying to talk some sense into Shawn. They, the women, Shanna, Sylvia and Vivian were sent up to Sylvia's room. All three sat in her bed, propped back against the headboard, worried, reeling in suspended disbelief. All wondering what was being said in the basement. Jake, Bart, Shawn, Mundo and Royce, all down there, talking low. Royce was the unwelcome addition in the group, and soon had to leave, departing with lawful advice to them, "I think it's a good idea that she stay here for a while. But please, if anything happens, call the police. If he tries anything, tries to get a hold of her, I'll be right here—the police will be here as quickly as we can."

  All three men had stared at him with an expectant expression, and what they expected, was for him to leave. With little choice, he did, by way of up the stairs, so he could say goodbye to Shanna. He knocked on the bedroom door and all three called out, "Come in." He opened it gazing at them with a sad smile, "I'll be heading out now. Just wanted to say goodbye for the moment, I'll be back tomorrow."

  Shanna stood from the bed and walked him to the door.

  "I'm so sorry about my brother. I don't know what to say, Shawn is…well…Shawn."

  "Considering the circumstances, I understand him, believe it or not. I can't agree with him—but I can't fault him for being that way either. My one consolation in it all, is that I can go home and know that you're in safe hands."

  "Yes…here with him, I am. So—go. Rest easy, with whatever is left of your night. It's 3:30." She gave the time.

  "Yeah, I know. I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked.

  She nodded with a smile. Testing her, he leaned towards her, she tilted forward and offered him her lips. He exhaled, breathing easy with the brief kiss. He felt better already, knowing that his inability to follow Shawn hadn't swayed her feelings for him. He caressed her cheek and left. Shanna closed and locked the door behind him. She went back to the room where Sylvia and Vivian lay in bed waiting for her. She climbed right back into the middle of them.

  "Now what?" Shanna asked.

  "Chile, please, as if I know?" Sylvia answered with her palm on her forehead. "I swear to God, Shawn is nothing like I thought he was, nothing like." She commented, fretting.

  "I'm sorry, Sylvia. I really am. I didn't mean to bring all of this on you." Shanna apologized, sincere.

  "The fact that that man is out of his mind, is not your fault! I don't know what all he's done to you, but the way you were earlier—no, you don't need to be apologizing." Vivian spoke up.

  Shanna gave a small smile towards Vivian, and then turned to Sylvia, "You alright, Sylvia?"

  "Yeah, I'm okay. Vivian's right, you know. No one should have to suffer with what you had to. I told you, I've gone through it as well." Sylvia consoled her, reaching down beside her and grabbing her hand, squeezing it.

  "What do you think they're talking about down there?" Vivian asked.

  "They're probably plotting my husband's murder." Shanna commented and looked at Vivian, and then giggled. Sylvia groaned, and Vivian sucked in a stunned gasp. Shanna smiled and shrugged. There was another rap at the door. "Come in." They all called out once more, it was Mundo. He stepped into the room. "Ya'll ah'right?" He asked, closing the door, coming inside.

  "We're okay. What's going on down there?" Vivian asked.

  "You don't even wanna know. All I need to understand is, why we leave the ghetto? Did we not come here, to escape the oppressive crime and violence? Drive-by shootin'! People cussin' each other out! Got to lock yo' doors at night?! Crazy people in the street—talkin' to theyself. Why we leave…that's what I'm tryin' to understand?"

  Vivian started laughing. Sylvia lifted her hand and looked at her son, "Don't start, Mundo." Sylvia warned him.
>
  "Mama…but, mama—mama, can I say somethin', mama? Can I say somethin'? Mama…mama, how you be pickin' yo' men, mama? 'Cause you know what? I'm glad he on our side, that's all I gots to say! For once, thank the lord, that I can call that man, my papa-Shawn…'cause, mama—you know what? Straight up, can I say it? Can I go on and just put it out there?"

  Vivian was cracking up behind her hand, because she knew where he was going with it. Shanna was making faces; she also knew where he was going with it.

  "Can I, mama? Can I? Just so…we can like—just get it on out there? So we can all just agree—and then move on with trying to cope, okay, mama?"

  Sylvia gave him a dirty look and then at Vivian, who fell off the bed onto the floor laughing. She then looked at Shanna, who defended her brother right away, "He's not crazy."

  "Auntee Shanna, come on now, baby…come on. Let us not—be in denial. Let us forge onward with a new determination. That from this day forward, we will accept, that we must all—embrace—the one's within our midst…whom we know—without a shadow of a doubt—exist among us…and thus, we acknowledge—yes—acknowledge…that they…indeed…are—let us say it together … come on now—Ka-raz-zee! Okay? Everybody got one! Every family—has got one! At the very least, just one. Thanks to my mama, we—we have two."

  "Excuse me!" Sylvia sat up and stared at her son. "I beg your pardon? Two? Who?"

  "First one—I love'im, mama, I love'im so much…but, mama—my papa-Shawn—he Ka-ray-zee, mama! Mama, Auntee Shanna—he the worst kind of ka-ray-zee! Ain't nothing in the world, worse than a Ka-ray-zee white man, with a gun. Okay? Nothing…but, he ours—that's the crucial part! He belongs—thank God—to us! He on our side—yee-eah Baby! Second—yo' daughta'! She crazy, too! Yep…yep, mama! Come on, now—I'm just trying to collect it all together, lay it all out there, that way we all know and understand—that's all, mama. I know she yo' favorite—but you know what, mama, she Ka-ray-zee! An' ain't but one thing—that's right, just one thing—worse—than a ka-ray-zee white man with a gun, and that's a ka-ray-zee black woman. That's tops, right there. That's tops! Ain't nothing else after that, and they both—in this family, they belong to us."