With so much on her mind, and the stress of everything needed to get done, Sylvia caught a dizzy spell creeping up on her; she was shaking, because once more, she'd forgotten to eat. Careful so that no one noticed, she slipped inside and ate—she was shaking from her hunger. Her body was going nuts on her, making her feel cranky, anxious, and often depressed. Vivian came down to the basement where she was eating. "You okay?" She asked.
"Yeah, I just needed something to eat." She answered, with a heated plate of leftovers before her.
Vivian took a seat. "Why does it feel like you're keeping something to yourself? You're not even here, Sylvia, I mean…you're physically present, but miles away."
Sylvia knew that she needed to satisfy her or else she would keep asking her what was wrong. "It's just that, we have all of this going on, and Shawn's not here to see to it. Plus, I'm worried about the cost of it all."
"Sylvia, you should be so happy, you're getting ready to get a dream home built for you! I would be so excited! But a nervous wreck, too! This should be one of the happiest days of your life! You're going to have a baby, by—a wonderful man—whom is the one, I might add, responsible for what's taking place across the road right now. And he loves you so much! You have, the perfect—ideal setting—and home. Your kids, are perfect! He has a wonderful daughter who adores you, she's perfect! You have in-laws who think the world of you. Whom I think are just perfect! You're on your way to being a part of a multi-business, a bed and breakfast, a photography studio…and…and I might add, it's on a farm! You gonna be growing shit! How much better can it get than that?"
Sylvia nodded, trying to keep her food down, however the look on her face, was anything but joyful. She looked more like she'd put something bitter in her mouth, and suddenly she burst into tears, hands to her face, over her plate, a sob escaped her and she chewed her food, and tried to fight back an onslaught of weeping.
"Sylvia? What? Tell me, what's wrong?" Vivian reached across the table to rub her shoulder.
She could only shake her head, sniff and wipe at her eyes. "I'm emotional right now, and I should have…have eaten this morning, so it's got me crazy. Don't mind me. Don't tell Shanna you saw me crying, either! Don't you dare!" Sylvia swallowed it back, picked up her glass of seltzer water drinking it down. She wiped at her face again, drying her eyes, and grabbed hold of serious determination not to do that again. She exhaled and continued on eating. Vivian was staring at her, quiet, not saying a word.
"Stop staring at me like that." She asked putting a fork full of food into her mouth.
"Sylvia, why can't you—just be happy? Why do you let things get to you? Why do you torture yourself over things, whatever those things are?"
"Vivian—this is the real world…and nothing, no nothing—in this world, especially my world—is perfect! There is no such thing—okay? No such thing."
"But you can't get any closer than this."
"Maybe not…I don't know." She answered a bit irritated by the discussion.
"One day—at a time, Sylvia. "
"I guess…you know what I would like? People—people that are exactly what—they say they are! Men—men who are what they are—right from the start! No masquerades! No pretense! No façade… or… or this front—this act… that they put on…to… to make you believe they are… something… other than…than what they truly are… inside—you know? I would just like—for once, to be…presented with—EXACTLY… exactly..." She grit out, tears in her eyes again, "...with exactly what you'd be getting…if…if you were considering one! You know? They should come with a list of contents! You know what I mean?" Sylvia felt a bit crazy, Vivian was smiling, although she knew she was serious, "There should be a label! They should come with a label, with a list…of ingredients…that says—that tells you! Listen up…this is what's inside of this here man! Read the ingredients over carefully! Don't—no—DON'T look at the outer package…READ THE INGREDIENTS!" She raged, then swiped at her tears, staring at Vivian, who was trying not to laugh, which in turn brought a smile to Sylvia's face despite her tears. "Is that—too much to ask? Huh? Just so we know, right off the bat, before we go and fall in love—rearrange our lives—GET PREGNANT! Start building a home! Say—I—do." She sat back in her chair, spent. She wasn't even hungry anymore, but she was pregnant, and feeling light-headed, so—she had to eat. She resented that, too; before him, if she didn't eat—there was always tomorrow. Now, eat—or kiss the floor—hard. They sat for a moment, quiet, Sylvia looking ornery and mean, starting up again, "They start off all cute, grin-nin', fun-n-ny, talkin' all sweet and sexy and shit!"
To hear that out of Sylvia made Vivian burst with laughter.
"You think that's funny, huh? It's bullshit! They can't do enough for you! Bringin' you flowe-e-ers…take you dan-cin'…bein' all—Mr. Perfect! Starin' at your butt—turnin' you on! That's wrong! They have no right—doin' that shit!"
Vivian was trying not to laugh, but she couldn't help it.
"You know I'm right, Vivian! Why can't they just tell you right off the top, this is what I am! Right here, all about me."
"Well, they kinda do." Vivian tried to be on the men's side.
"No, no, no! Not until—they got your ass! Not until you are so in love, that you can't see straight! You can't see anything—but them! They got you daydreamin' about'em—fantasizing about sandy white beaches, sunsets and wedding bells! Then, then they start to leak. They hold it as long as they can, you better believe they do, but shit starts to leak. And it pisses me off." She sat forward and finished her food.
Vivian sat once again, staring at her, and couldn't resist saying, "Okay, Sylvia, so—it's true. Life's not perfect. Men, no matter what shade they came in: blue eyes, brown eyes, blonde hair or afro…they will never ever start off, showing us what they are. Because of that, we just have to be sure, that when we take them on, we deal with it. Because let's just face it, we can't live without them. Maybe for a while—true—some of us have gone without one for years…but—in the end, we still want that good man."
"Ain't no such thing." Sylvia muttered.
"Yes there is, Sylvia, and you've got one. You do…you know you do. And whatever it is, that has you feeling this way, you'll get through it, with him. And that's what you need to hang on to, while you're working out whatever the rest is…he's a good man. Don't, whatever you do—let go of that part."
"You don't live with him, though."
"No, but I've lucked out, and got his brother." She said matter of fact, sitting back, crossing her legs and arms, sarcasm clear in her tone.
Sylvia looked at her and smiled, "You know what, you're right, things could be worse, I could've ended up with him instead."
Vivian sat forward, mouth wide open, "Oh, no, you did not—Miss Thang—say that!"
"Em-hm, I said it! You just wait until your drama begins! Miss Thang! Even so, I'd rather have to deal with what you will, then what I may."
"Let's not go there. Let's not start judging Jake."
"I'm sorry, you forgive me?"
"Yeah, you know I do. Who else do I have, but you and Sheila."
"Who, by the way, is mad at you. Because you have not called and told her a thing!"
"When you talk to her?"
"Yesterday! And you know she gonna be talkin' some mess to you. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a child coming out of school and I have to track down who's going to get her; maybe me." Sylvia stood grabbing her plate to wash, so she could find out if Crystal was bringing Angela home.
Shanna was back at her home, loading up a few more things to take back across the road for the garage sale. She was in her small computer room, going through things that had been stored in there. She needed to clear them out so she could hook up her computer, which was sitting on the side. She heard a knock at her door and called out, "Just a minute!" Dusting off her hands, she left the room, walking down the hall to the door, which was open with the screen locked. Standing there in it, was Officer Royce Collier.
"Yes?" She asked from the other side of the screen.
He'd been looking towards all the activity down the road, and turned at her one word question. He looked sheepish and guilty about not calling her, or not coming by. "Hi…can I come in?" He asked. She opened the door and stepped outside; she preferred sitting on her deck, on the swing than being inside. She had to stop and catch her kitten, it was about to trot out behind her. "Oh no you don't, get back in there." She pushed it back, and he began meowing to come out. She stepped towards her swing and sat down. He was on duty, wearing his uniform. He came and sat next to her.
"How you doing?" He asked, nervous.
"Fine, busy."
"So, everything's okay? I mean, considering the other night?"
"Yep, everything is fine."
"No more from your husband then?"
"He has a job in Ohio. He can't linger about here forever."
"I see, think he'll be back?"
"I hope not. I hope that I never see him again. God willing, I won't."
"Hmmm, interesting body language going on here. You're upset with me?" He asked, observing her crossed arms, crossed legs pointing away from him; she was very closed.
"No…why would I be? You left the other night, said you'd be back, and didn't come back until today. That's fine."
"I just…had a lot of thinking to do. You know—about Shawn."
"Why? What thinking do you have to do about my brother? What does he have to do with me?"
"Well, for one, he's family. To be honest, I had to do some serious soul-searching about where I was going after I left here. He's a very aggressive, take charge kind of man—"
"Well, he's had to be. It's the way that he is. No preliminary bull…he deals with things as they come, and waits for no one."
"So I gathered; attitude like that can get a man into trouble."
"My brother doesn't have an attitude. He treats everyone the way they come to him. Come to him with a smile, a real one, and he'll smile right back at you, with a real one. Come to do harm, to him, or to his family? Well, then, that's another matter entirely." She answered simply.
"Hmmm, I detect a bit of aggression in you, as well."
"I'm a McPherson. No matter what name I take on in marriage, I am and will always be—a McPherson. I am loyal to my family, to my brothers, to Shawn—to the end."
"I see. Which is why I had to do some soul-searching. Whether you know it or not, the McPherson's…have a bit of a reputation. It's no secret around here, how you are. I'm speaking, collectively of the name, not anyone personally. It's a known fact, that Bart McPherson is a fierce defender of his family, of his children, sons and daughters. It's a known fact, that his sons, especially his eldest, is just as fiercely protective. As an officer of the law, sworn to uphold it, I left and needed time to really…really look deep, into what I might be getting myself into."
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Shanna asked stiffly.
"It means, I couldn't come back here, until I made up my mind, beyond any doubt, that I could be…with—a McPherson—daughter. You. You see, I gather, that by attaching myself to any one of the McPherson's, as a man within that clan, there will be certain expectations. There will be, times…when…I may be forced to make a judgment call. I needed to go away, and think on it some."
"I see. And so, now you're back—why?" Shanna asked, her heart pounding in her chest.
He took a deep breath, reached up and took his hat off, revealing fat blond curls, that made Shanna want to smile and run her fingers through them. She resisted.
"I'm back because…well, Shanna McPherson…I—wanna be with you. I do. I wanna get to know you. I wanna…spend time with you. I wanna…drive down this here road, and see your smiling face looking for me. I wanna, talk about you—tell people, yeah…that Shanna McPherson, she's…she's my girl. I wanna…be able to…come here, sit right here on this swing and—relax. I wanna…let the McPherson men know—that well, as for her—Shanna…I got her…you all—go on about your chores, your…families and…well—I'll see about her. That's…that's why I'm back. I'm back, because that's what I wanna do. I wanna…be here…be part of…you. If that's okay…with you?"
Shanna chewed on her bottom lip to curb her enthusiasm, to quail that cheer she was feeling inside. She had to ask, "And my having a brother, like Shawn? How is that going to effect you? Effect us?"
"How about…we just…take things…one day at a time, deal with things, as they come? Truth is, I got no other solution. Got no other alternative, besides—driving off and not coming back. That just don't appeal to me. You—you, Shanna—appeal to me. I think about you all the time. Everyday, all while I'm driving around, watching for things. I think, I can't wait to have to swing by here…see you."
"I like it, too, when you come around. A smile breaks out on my face; can't hide it from no one."
"'Cause you can't block the sun…no matter how many dark clouds surround it, it's gonna soon, shine through. You—you like the sun, Shanna, and I just wanna…I just wanna, stand where you can shine on me…if you would?"
Shanna swallowed the lump in her throat, she smiled a little, then a lot. "I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."
He smiled, then leaned towards her. She came forward, their lips touching, and then, their mouths opened for their tongues to meet. The kiss didn't last as long as their first, but it was just as good. He drew away, smiling, fiddling with his hat. "Guess I better, get back out there. Can I come back later?"
"Yes, please. What time is your lunch?"
"Had it already."
"Oh. But not dinner?"
"No, not dinner."
"Well, what would I have to do to get you here…for dinner?"
"You've already done it. I'll see you tonight."
Shanna smiled, "Tonight."
He leaned forward for one more kiss, and then pulled away, winked, sighed and put his hat back on his head and stood. Shanna stood with him, looking up into his eyes. Life was looking better already, and nothing but joy did she feel, walking back to his cruiser with him. He looked down the road and commented, "I see they're getting ready to start building."
"Yep, they're getting ready to knock down the old house. I'm really excited, I can't wait to see the finished home."
"Neither can I…well, I'm off! See you later."
"Yep, see you later."
He backed out, and when he corrected, he looked up to see a pickup turn onto the road from up ahead. He pulled off, leaving Shanna standing there to see her father and brother coming down the road, Shawn heading for home. They both smiled and waved at her as they passed. Shanna waved back, she felt her stomach grip—praying for Shawn and Sylvia. She turned back to her home to finish what she'd started. Deciding that they needed to be left alone, without her presence.
Shawn's guts were tied in knots.
He and his father spoke companionably, but he was scared to death. While he had no regrets, he was afraid of what he would find when time came to face his wife. They pulled up to see a line of pickups along the edge of the field off the side of the lot that was just about to be cleared of his home. The bulldozer was just getting ready to pull out one of the side walls. Jake, Mundo, Crystal, Vivian, Angela and Sylvia were standing outside, some of the builders standing with them across the road watching, when they spotted them coming. Sylvia took one look at the truck pulling up, turned and fled into the house, heart slamming in her chest.
Shawn felt as if he'd been punched. He played it off, his ears ringing; they pulled into the yard and stepped out of the truck to join the others standing and watching the old wood frame house being torn down, wall by wall, until the roof came tumbling down. Shawn stood praying that it was not an omen of what was to come to him. He loved her. She was carrying his baby, and yet—knowing that—he still could not have stopped himself from doing what he'd needed to do. Everyone was talking
at once, he answered, smiling, but Jake was looking into his eyes, and he saw the fear there. Fear that kept him outside. Fear that wouldn't let him turn and walk into the house so that he could take his wife into his arms. Shawn felt like weeping already. He could feel it in his stomach. Sylvia McPherson—she, suddenly became larger than life, as if a mighty giant holding him in the palm of her hand. A hand that at any second, could be used to close around him, crush him. It was having her disapproval of him, that and only that, was the one and only consequence that frightened him. Nothing else did. Angela was standing by his side, speaking to him, her arms around his waist. He realized right then, that for a second, he couldn't even hear. Everyone around him, their mouths were moving, but his hearing seemed to be blocked. He felt like his ears needed to pop so that sound would penetrate again.
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