BOMAW 7-9

by Mercedes Keyes

  "I wanna go back to our room." She informed him, feeling on the verge of tears. She felt that their stopping there was making people look at them even more, to see her with him that made her feel even more out of place with him. This was the first time she'd been in the midst of a large crowd of people with Shawn. They'd been together in their small town where everyone knew them. Together with his family. Together with her friends and family. Yes, they'd dated and gone dancing in Chicago. Had gotten a room and stayed in an hotel there together, but each instance she was at her best and they weren't subjected to a broad daylight crowd of people. But this felt different. She felt insecure, exposed, not at her best and under eyes of scrutiny and disdain. She thought it could be her hormones, that she was feeling paranoid for no reason but she felt out of sorts with him in this public setting with so many people staring at them. They were surrounded by strangers, she didn't know anyone. She couldn't help but think, 'What if someone says something to him? Or to me?' Right then, right there, she truly felt like she was in an interracial relationship and that she looked what she imagined they were thinking about her. 'What are you doing with that white man? - What are you doing with that black woman? - and again, How in the hell did she get him? Look at her!'

  "Please let me go back to the hotel Shawn."

  He tilted her face up to him, she had tears in her eyes.

  "Baby? What happened? What just happened?"

  "Please?" A tear rolled, she pulled her chin from his finger tips, her face heated in embarrassment, that was enough.

  "Come on, we'll order, they can deliver it."

  He turned with her and put his arm around her, but could feel her discomfort, she was pulling away from him. With a sigh, he took his arm away and grabbed her hand instead; even then she tried to pull her hand away. He had a feeling she wanted to give the impression that they weren't together. He wouldn't let go of her hand, in fact, held it tighter.

  "Shawn, let go." She murmured softly.

  "No way, you're my wife."

  "People are staring at us Shawn."

  "I don't give a shit! Let'em stare! Think I give a damn about anyone staring at us? What? You suddenly ashamed to be seen with me in public?" He asked, she was still trying to pull her hand from his, he refused to let it go.

  "No, now stop trying to pull your hand from mine, because I'm not going to let you go. I mean that."

  They went back the way they came and had to stop at the light again before crossing. Standing there, Shawn prayed no one said anything this time, the light seemed to take forever to change as he felt his wife's small hand turning in his to be set free. His grip was firm.

  Finally the light changed so they could cross, she was walking faster than usual to get across; his pace forced her to slow down. She was quiet, face down, seeming to grow smaller and smaller with every step they took. Thankfully the hotel was right across from the mall, it only took another five minutes to get back inside and then into their room. The moment the door opened she shot inside and into the bathroom and closed the door.

  Leaning against their room door, Shawn began to realize she had a pattern when afraid, insecure, angry. The bathroom. It seemed to be her refuge. He exhaled and walked to the bedside table, found the number to the Pizza hut location by their hotel in the phonebook and ordered enough food for everyone. That done, he sat a moment in thought trying once again to figure his wife out. He ran everything through his mind from before they left their room up to where she stopped and could go no further.

  Due to thinking, he was quiet.

  She didn't know why he was quiet. She stood on the other side of the door feeling ashamed and wiping at silent tears. Looking at herself in the mirror, she pulled the scarf from her head and started crying. No particular reason, just did. She felt as if she never wanted to come out. She was embarrassed about acting as she had, making him turn around and come back with her. She hadn't wanted him to come back with her, she'd wanted to come back alone.

  "I ordered for everyone, it'll be here in about 35 minutes or so." He spoke through the bathroom door at her. She wiped at her wet cheeks, "Okay." Her answer was small, quiet, mousy.

  "Can you please come out?" He asked gently.

  "I really don't want to right now." She returned softly.

  "I really want you to."

  "Can you go, check on the kids and just, leave me for a bit?"

  "Benjamin is there, Crystal is there, Mundo is there. They're fine. You're not, I'm staying here."

  He waited for her to say something more. An entire minute passed, nothing.

  "Sylvia Lucinda McPherson, I'm your husband. No one in the world, loves you more than I do. Not like I love you. Baby, you can tell me anything, you can say anything to me, I'll listen. I'll try to understand. Whatever I did to contribute to this, I'm sorry. I'm not sure what it is but whatever it is, I'm sorry. I never want you to be-..."

  The door was snatched open and her arms wrapped around him, her face buried into his chest. She was crying.

  Shawn wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, talking at the side of her head, very softly. "Should I try to figure out what happened? Huh? You feeling self-conscience about being married to me, because I'm white?"

  "A l-lit-tle."

  "A little? Okay. You feeling a bit insecure, maybe?"

  "A l-lit-tle."

  "Okay, okay ... let's see and uh - you'r-r-re maybe feeling a bit out of sorts for whatever reasons? Kinda' emotional, maybe?"

  "A l-lit-tle, yes." She sobbed, holding him even tighter.

  "Tell me, what else are you feeling a little bit of?" He asked, holding her.

  "A - a l-lit-tle - b-bit a-ash-shamed ... I feel ug-gly. I feel f-f-fat. I feel like I sh-sh-shouldn't even b-be with you. I don't kn-know w-why you even l-l-love me."

  "Ca-ca-cause... I just - do-do-do!"

  Sylvia threw her head back and cracked up laughing. She let him go moving back wiping at her tears, "You crazy Shawn!" She sniffed, still crying while laughing.

  "C'mere, crazy about you." He took a hold of her tiny wrist, bringing her to the bed to sit her on his lap. He reached up with both hands, so large against her face, that they cupped the entire sides of her head, his large thumbs stroking away her tears as if she were his little girl instead of his wife. "You, to me, are the most beautiful creature on this planet earth. No one compares to you in my eyes. You don't need to be wearing make-up for me to know what I have. Your hair doesn't have to be looking its best for me to cherish you. As for the clothes that you're wearing, they only work to cover the body that belongs to me. So if there's a bit more of you to love as each day goes by, all the better. You are, perfect. You are exactly ... what I want. Exactly. I wouldn't change a thing, understand?"

  She sniffed nodding.

  "Believe me?" He asked pulling her head closer to kiss her lips.

  "Yes, I believe you."

  "Good, so when we're out together; it doesn't matter that people are stopping and staring; let them. Long as they don't try anything, I don't give a shit. Don't you give a shit, because you've got me baby, you can believe that, I'm not going anywhere. You have no reason to feel insecure, ever. What about me? Do I have anything to worry about?"

  "No! Of course not, I love you ... I love you with all of my heart, I just ... I don't know. It just came over me." She murmured, their fore-heads were pressed together now; her hands were on either side of his head. She kissed him then, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him with all the love she was feeling. He pulled her more securely onto his lap, his tongue filling her mouth. The kiss was wonderful, infusing, empowering, healing. She needed to get the reassuring validation of his love and passion for her and he needed to give it to her, as well the reciprocal return of what it validated for him, that his wife really did love him, needed him and believed in him. That kiss lasted to see to all of that and more. When they finally, gently broke it, they were renewed. Energized and made whole again.

  "Emmm, th
at was nice. I wish we did more of that." He murmured close to her face as she rubbed her nose against his, a bit of Eskimo kissing.

  "I wouldn't mind at all." She assured him.

  His hands were holding onto her hip and thigh, keeping her in place on his lap.

  "Oh yeah, would you say that we were more in love now, than ever before?" He asked.

  "Absolutely ... it only gets better."

  That made him smile.

  She finally moved back, her hands holding onto his shoulders with slightly extended arms to look at him.

  "I'm afraid I must apologize to you, you were talking to me, telling me about Derrick, I heard his name, something about the boys, but that's all I caught." She confessed.

  "They'll be coming here soon, I have a feeling Derrick needs to talk to me about something. So, you go on into that bathroom, doll yourself up, fix your hair, whatever you need to do, I don't want you feeling anything like you were earlier."

  "I don't feel that way with your family around, it was just being out in public with you. You were looking incredible as usual and I was looking like-..."

  "Ah ah ah, we're passed that. I don't ever want you feeling that way again. Ya'hear'n me'lass?" He finished in a thick Irish brogue, bringing a smile to Sylvia's face.

  "Yes, I hear thee laud'n'cleh m'lord." She returned in a surprisingly authentic accent of her own, surprising Shawn so his eyes got big and he laughed.

  "Listen at you! Where'd that come from?"

  Grinning she stood from his lap, "Oh dhere'be lots o'tings 'bot me Mr. McPherson, yet t'be discove'd don'cha'know?" This time it was Jamaican. Making Shawn laugh even harder, "Careful woman, ya'turning m'own, Iye tha' for certain an'ya don't want t'be doin' that!" He laughed finishing it off with the Irish brogue again.

  Chapter 216

  In the pool...

  "Man, we gone go out tonight? We need to hit a few clubs while we here." Mundo whispered to Benjamin as they sat by the pool, watching Crystal and Angela in the water with the boys.

  "I know hot Latin clubs here too, you into Spanish?"

  "Man who you talkin' too? Part Puerto Rican, damn straight."

  "Are you really? That's cool, Crystal as well?"

  "She my goddamn sister ain't she?"

  "Don't mean you got the same father." Benjamin pointed out.

  Mundo nodded, 'getting it' the reason for his comment, "My bad, my bad, sho' you right. Yeah man, we got the same no account good for shit, better off dead ass daddy. His mother was Puerto Rican, our grandmother on his side."

  "I see, so, you didn't like him?"

  "Naw, he didn't like us. So the feeling became mutual, know what I'm sayin'? At least I never hated the man, just never understood'im. Crystal? She hates his goddamn guts."

  "What? Why, was he that bad?"

  "Put it this way, while he didn't have time for either of us, talk to us like shit, at least he acknowledged my existence, know what I'm saying? Crystal, he just didn't like her. Truth is, I don't think he like too many women, period - no way. He got kids everywhere, ain't no telling how many brothers and sisters we got out there. I heard him talking to some friends one time when we live in Chicago, he was bragging 'bout how many kids he had, sons and that he'd contributed a few more kids to the ho' population."

  "You mean whore?"

  "Yeah, in other words, he had a few daughters."

  "Wait a minute, you telling me, your father considered Crystal a whore?"

  "Or no better than. I'm telling you now man, he did not like women. My mother, he use to mess with her mind all the time man. Make her feel like shit, get drunk and act a damn fool hittin' on her and cussin' her out."

  "He - hit her? Your mother? You mean, with his hands?"

  "Hands? With his fist, shit."

  "How long were they married?"

  "'Til he wrapped his car around a tree and burned to death."

  Benjamin couldn't believe what he was hearing, even though he knew such things occurred but to be this close to it stunned him. He'd never seen a man hit a woman. Not ever in his life - it was unheard of in his world, his environment. It just wasn't the way among the men he'd grown up around. They'd always cherished, loved and honored their women, all except for his father, Jake. Yet even he, never hit one. He was a womanizer yes, there was no doubt about that. But hit, beat and treat them the way Mundo was describing, that he couldn't conceive, his mind could not compute that way. The idea of it was as foreign to him as the Chinese language.

  "I don't understand why she didn't just leave him?"

  "Man, when you poor, got no money, your options are limited. It's just the way it is for poor black women, they just got to deal. Hell, for that matter, any poor woman with no relatives available to bail you out, you in, until the end. That's why so many fight all the goddamn time, ain't no choice. It took me a long time to figure that shit out. Because like you, I would say, mama please can we just leave? Hmph, not that simple. Don't get me wrong, many o'times we would go stay by her friends house, Sheila and Dennis-..."

  "Yeah I met them, in Chicago when we drove there to move Vivian."

  "Straight, that's my mama's crew right there. Sheila, Dennis and Vivian. She got other friends, but they was her back up. We would drop off in there for a bit, but mama wouldn't stay long because he would show up there actin' a fool if she didn't come home. My mother the type of person that will not put her shit on other peoples doorstep. So she just had to deal."

  "Why couldn't she just go home? I met Mrs. Martin, she's real nice."

  "My mom and her mom didn't have it all that good back in the day. I remember one time, we walked out and was trying to figure out where to go and she finally broke down and called my grandmama-..." Mundo stopped and shook his head.

  "What happened?"

  Mundo shrugged, "She told her, you made that bed, now lie in it. Don't let no man hit you upside the head, fight'im back. Times got tough for me, I didn't run home to my mama, you don't need to be running home to me, deal with'im."

  "Mrs. Martin told your mother that?"

  "Yep, I was standing in the phone booth with her, me and Crystal."

  "So what did your mother say?"

  "What was she supposed to say? She wiped the tears off her face, off Crystal's, mine - because we couldn't believe that grandmama said no, you can't come home. But she did. That's when she called Sheila and Dennis, they came and got us. No matter what, they came through. Mr. Payne, that was his name and it fit, he wouldn't too much mess with Dennis. Dennis would kick his goddamn ass and he knew it. They ain't like each other." Mundo started laughing, "I remember one time we was there and he shoved my mother into the grill and she burned her arm, Dennis told him off, tol' him man I will stop yo' ass into non-existence, motherfucka' I will kick yo'ass so bad yo' own mama won't know you." He smiled shaking his head, "Dennis is one straight ass black man. Black men like him? Ain't enough of, needs to be more, many more. I ain't never met a man I look up to as I do him, until Shawn, they a lot alike. But black men like Dennis, the world act like they don't exist, because they don't want the black man to be, what he is - but they out there, my mom's just didn't get one. Hey, no biggie, because she got Shawn."

  "He's my father you know?" Benjamin spoke up without hesitation.

  "I know. I know what's going on. He already told me the deal, about the test and stuff. Crystal and Angela already told me the deal too."

  "What do you think?" Benjamin asked.

  "I think hey, that's life you know? If he is he is, what you think about us? Him being the way he is with us?"

  "I think there is no one like him in the world. I think I want to be, just like him. And uh, I just wish ... he and I, were as close as you two are."

  "Yeah, I'm pretty lucky right now to have him. Dude, thing is, there's plenty enough of him to go around, know what I'm sayin'? We a family. There are big families, there are small families, there are growing families, we just so happen to be a growing one. I feel this way, if he can e
xtend himself to us, then we can learn to extend ourselves to him, or anyone that wants to be, what he's teaching us to be. We all inclusive; that's the way its gotta be. There is safety and power, in numbers. With my dad, Shawn Everett McPherson, once he pulls you within the fold, that's it, you in. As for you, you here ain't you?"

  "Yeah, I'm here."

  "Ah'ight then, you in."

  "Yeah but he didn't just let me in, did he? I had to grapple in the doorway."

  "Man because you the product of two brothers. Granted only one is your father, but hey, the history of that situation is the cause of that. We got brothers with a history of sibling rivalry and offenses. Shawn just trying to keep the peace, can't blame him for that. He don't wanna rush in and cause any more strife between them, he trying to build something up with his little brother."

  "Yeah I know. Who is by the way not speaking to me, well - he's mad at me."

  "Jake?"

  "Yeah. He's hurt by it all. I tried to explain but he didn't wanna hear it."

  "Jake cool man, he ain't gone be carrying that around for long. Man that cat is hot! I swear man he is the king, of cowboy cool, that ain't no lie!" Mundo was laughing. Benjamin joined him nodding, "Ahhh Mundo, the things I could tell you about my dad man, he is cool as they come, that is no lie. The things he can get women to do and the stuff he gets away with would blow your mind."

  Mundo started laughing, "Man you ain't got to tell me nothing! Shit, I tol'him, school my ass! Give somethin' back to a brotha'!" They were both laughing and in no time at all, Benjamin was telling Mundo in hushed tones some of the things he'd actually witnessed his father, "Jake" doing and getting away with concerning women. He had Mundo gasping, shouting out, "WHAT?! You lyin' man ... ahhh man, see that's what I'm talkin' bout!" They were giving high fives, laughing and bonding with guy talk.

  Having watched them from a distance, Crystal thought it was time for them, her boys and Angela, to get out of the pool, she was curious about what they were discussing that had Mundo so animated, laughing out loud along with Benjamin, having themselves a good ol'time.